Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“You look beautiful,” Priya tells me earnestly.
I reach out my hand for hers and squeeze. “You’re fantastic. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“I know,” she says, squeezing back. “Mum tells me every day.”
“And maybe now you’ll listen, hmm.” Lila grabs her daughter in a bear hug and pulls her back onto the sofa. “When I tell you that you’re the most amazing, stupendous perfect child there ever is. My wunderkind.”
“Mum! You PROMISED.”
“I think we established that is a lie, and I have no control when it comes to praising my daughter.”
Ewan reaches over and plucks the controller from Priya’s hand. “This is, like, cute and whatever, but can we play the game now?”
“Oh, you’re going down.” Ross leans forward, eyes intent on the screen. “Scotland for the win.”
“We’ll see about that.”
My spine relaxes inch by inch as Lila and Priya bicker quietly on the big sofa, and Ross and Ewan trade insults as they drive their brightly coloured cars around the screen.
This is what I need. Gentle company. No one shouting at me, or telling me off.
Only the calm background of other people having fun.
“Didn’t fancy talking to another Oxford arsehole?” Mason asks quietly from beside me, his eyes also fixed on the TV.
I shoot him a glance. “You noticed that?”
“Hard to miss when they’ve got their noses so high in the air they’d walk into a canyon without noticing.”
I laugh. He isn’t wrong. Henry’s friends are some of the poshest people I’ve ever met, and Sophie went to Cambridge, so I’ve been introduced to more than my fair share of her wealthy friends.
“It’s… family, you know?”
“Oh, aye?”
Mason fixes me with a level stare, as if daring me to go on.
He’s quieter than his twin, and I feel calm around him.
I bet he’s the kind of guy who hears all his friends’ confessions, the ones that come out late at night when the pub is taking last orders.
And I also bet he keeps them secret. A locked vault, safe to confide in.
“My sister’s pretty pissed at me. My mum too.”
“For shagging my brother?”
I hear Lila sigh in exasperation and laugh. “Does everyone know?”
“Ross might as well have hired a skywriter. Word gets around fast here.”
“Fantastic.” I sigh, settling in deeper to the cushions.
“Yeah, on the surface. But really she’s mad at me for not being there for her, for not supporting her through this.
I crapped out. I blamed it on Ethan, but I’m the one who made that decision.
I think I’m jealous of her, having all this, and ashamed of myself for not.
And instead of talking to her, I shut her out. ”
“Sounds to me like you’ve got some apologising to do.”
Any anger I’m still holding towards Sophie drains away. I’ve been a shitty sister, and a worse maid of honour. The only person I’m really pissed at is myself.
“You’re right. I do.”
I’ll find Sophie in the morning. She might not want to see me, but it’s the least I can do. I owe her that.
“And your mum? Is she upset for the same reasons?”
“For breaking up with my boyfriend, actually.”
“Didn’t he cheat on you?” Lila asks.
“More embarrassing if you hadn’t broken up with him, if you ask me,” Ewan chimes in, sliding his whole body right as his character turns a corner, tongue sticking out between his teeth.
I think about trying to explain, but I can’t find the energy. Yes, Ethan cheated on me. Yes, I’m right to break up with him. Yes, he should have said how he was feeling instead of losing himself in someone else.
But don’t I know a little bit about that?
The door opens and we all look up guiltily, as if we’ve been caught eating sweets before dinner.
A handsome older man with silver threaded through his hair, wearing a painfully fashionable rose-pink suit, regards us sternly.
“So this is where you’ve all got to.” He glances behind him. “Babe, they’re in here.”
Another beautifully maintained head of hair peers around the door, attached to a man closer to my age, who has sharp, grey eyes and wire-frame glasses, which he blinks through like an owl.
“I see how it is. Leave us to do the hard labour while you spend the night playing games, eh?”
“We’ve only been here an hour,” Ross protests. “Besides, we’re entertaining, same as you.”
“The difference is that this lot aren’t paying you, are they?”
“Yeah, but they’re more fun than those out there.” Ross shoots me a look. “Sorry. No offence.”
“None taken.” It isn’t my wedding anyway, and besides, it isn’t like I’m willing to brave the shark tank outside.
“Alright, budge up.” The bespectacled man shoos Ross down the sofa, while the older man settles on the floor, long legs stretched in front of him. He doesn’t suit the room at all: elegantly polished amid the shabby surroundings, and yet he looks perfectly at home. “What are we playing?”
“What happened to doing all the hard labour?”
“Ah, they’re pretty pissed now. There’s not much to do until clean up except make sure they’re supplied with booze. Angus doesn’t need our finer talents for that.”
“Is it only Angus out there?” I ask, feeling bad for him having to fend against the whole wedding party.
The bespectacled man notices me for the first time. “Angus and Milly and Ruth. He’s not without help, don’t worry.” His gaze sweeps me up and down, taking in my figure-hugging dress, my bare feet, the strands of hair that are already starting to escape Mum’s careful updo. “You must be Rowan.”
I make a noise of affirmation. “I’m guessing you’re Stuart? And… Jonathan?” I pray I’ve got their names right, and from the surprise on Stuart’s face, it seems I have. “Angus talked about you on the walk,” I say in response to his unanswered question.
“Did he now?”
He’s suspicious of me, although I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it, beyond fall for his best friend.
Wait. Where has that come from?
But when I take it out and look at it again, the thought doesn’t change. It feels true. Mad as it is for the little time we’ve known each other, I’m falling for Angus.
And I’m falling hard.
“Um, yeah…” I feel flustered. “He said you were the one who helped him do all of this.” I gesture loosely at the farm. “That it was your investment that kept him afloat. That’s really…” I don’t have the words, so I settle on. “You must be an incredible friend.”
The sharp look doesn’t falter, but I let myself imagine there is some softness there.
“He told you that, did he?”
“Yes. Shouldn’t he have? It’s amazing what you’ve done.”
“Don’t make him out to be such a martyr,” Jonathan says from the floor. “His ego barely fits in the room as it is.”
Stuart kicks him gently. “And yours is a mere speck, is it?”
“Running an events space has always been his dream,” Jonathan cuts in over him. “It’s all he’s talked about for the last ten years, so this is really the kick up the arse he needed to finally do it.”
Stuart has the grace to look a little chastened. “I did want to help Angus out. But” – he sighs – “I may have been looking for an excuse to finally quit the hell that is the City.”
“And?” I’m curious now. “How is it?”
“Stressful. But also… magical.”
Priya perks up, looking at Jonathan. “You made the cake, right? Are you a baker?”
“We had a bit of a nosy around earlier,” Lila explains. “What you’ve done with this place is nothing short of extraordinary. And the cake is a work of art.”
Jonathan laughs. “Thank you, but no, I’m not a baker. Making cakes is a hobby of mine. Something I do to relax. Besides, one of us has to make money.”
“Jonathan pretends to be high and mighty, but he’s really addicted to his work.”
“You work in London, yeah?” Ewan asks from the other sofa.
“Yes. I’m a Responsible Investment Lead at an independent partnership.”
“Huh. And it pays well?”
“Well enough.” Jonathan cocks his head. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” But I can see the gears in Ewan’s brain turning as he looks between the two men.
“I’m due another beer,” Ross says, levering himself up. “Anyone want one?”
There are murmurs of assent across the room.
“Alright, make that six beers. I’ll be back.” He points at Ewan. “And I’m coming for you when I do.”
“You’re on, old man.”
“I'm going to get changed.” I’m more than over the dress now. And if we’re settling in for another hour then I want to be comfortable.
“You’re a smarter woman than me, if you thought to pack pyjamas,” Lila says, looking down at herself.
“I did not.”
“Wait. What are you going to change into then?” Mason asks.
“My leggings, I guess?” Muddy as they are, they’re still better than the dress I’m wearing, and my only other options are jeans or my wedding outfit, which are hardly better.
“Absolutely not.” Stuart gets to his feet. “There are some pyjamas you can borrow upstairs.” He shoots Lila a pitying look. “All of you. Come on, Rowan. You can help me carry.”
“Er, okay.” I follow him out of the room, and upstairs, where he turns right instead of left, which is the way to the room I’m staying in, and takes us up another set of stairs into a wood-panelled loft conversion.
There are two doors, and Stuart leads us through the right, into a small but beautifully formed room, with sloping ceilings, polished wooden floors and a rustic iron-framed bed, covered in layers of woollen blankets.
It’s tidy, but lived-in: a rack of neatly hung clothes against one wall, a tangled pile of rope and wood tucked into a basket next to it.
It smells like Angus, and I pause on the threshold.
“Is this where the interrogation begins?” I ask.
“Angus is my best friend.”
“I take that as a yes.”
“I have nothing against you personally, Rowan. You seem nice enough.”
Stuart opens a cupboard, revealing carefully stacked piles of clothes. I can make out an entire shelf of plaid shirts, and another of grey trousers. There’s no doubt. This is Angus’ room. I want to explore, to touch everything, but I restrain myself under Stuart’s scrutiny.
“But?”
He throws me a pair of dark-blue jogging bottoms, and an over-sized grey T-shirt, fraying at the hem. “Look, I’m sure Angus hasn’t told you about it, but he’s been through a lot these last years. I don’t want to see him hurt again.”
“And you think I might hurt him?”
“I think that from the outside, you don’t seem like you’re in a place to offer him an equal partnership.
Angus needs stability. Everything is changing for him, everything he’s ever known – he can’t be spending his time traipsing up and down the country, chasing after a woman using him as a rebound.
He’s not going to leave the farm. Not right now. Maybe not ever.”
“I—”
“He’d kill me if he knew I was saying any of this, but, for his sake, let this stay as what it is: a one-night stand. He’s too stubborn and too honourable for his own damn good, so unless you can commit to him, and I mean really be there for him, don’t lead him on, okay?”
“Look, I get it. You care about him – I’d do the same for my best friend.”
I drunkenly had a similar conversation with Brian when I first met him.
Thankfully, Marnie wasn’t too annoyed: she mostly thought it was funny that I decided to have a go at him at 2am outside McDonalds, waving a packet of chicken nuggets to emphasise my point.
Somehow, I don’t think Angus would feel the same.
“And with what happened with his mum, and his dad… You’re right. He’s been through a lot. But, at the end of the day, anything between Angus and I is between us. Not you. Also, no offence, but we’ve slept together once. That’s it! I think it’s a little too early for this kind of talk, don’t you?”
Stuart’s hands still on the pile of clothes he’s picked out of the cupboard. “He told you about his dad?”
“Um… yes?”
“Huh.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I— Look, I stand by what I said. Don’t hurt him. Don’t lead him on – not unless this is really what you want. Not unless you can be there for him, thick and thin.” He looks me up and down. “All set?”
I nod. I don’t know what else to say: it feels like everything is suddenly going at one-hundred miles an hour, when we’ve barely touched the gas.
“Do you mind if I get changed here?”
Stuart smiles, the friendliness back in his eyes, as if he hasn’t warned me off. “Go ahead. I’ll see you downstairs?”
“Sure.”