Chapter 17
Chapter seventeen
Lottie
I woke up to the smell of coffee and something sweet, and for a second, I thought I was dreaming. Sunlight everywhere, dappled on the sheets. Warm arms around me, his shirtless chest under my cheek. I was wrapped up so tightly I couldn’t even move, but I didn’t want to—not ever.
Walker shifted when I blinked awake, one hand smoothing my hair, the other already holding out the meter for my sugar. I didn’t even think, just let him prick my finger. The number must’ve been good because he smiled slowly and kissed the top of my head.
“Morning, princess. Happy birthday.”
My brain fuzzed out. “You know?”
Walker huffed, but his face was so soft it almost hurt to look at him, and guilt slammed into me.
He helped me to the bathroom and turned his back while I peed, and to be honest it didn’t feel that weird.
He’d seen all of me, and I loved it when he took me to the sink and gently soaped my hands and dried them.
He got me settled back in bed with the pillows fluffed, gave me my insulin, and then promised he would be back in a moment.
He came back with a tray loaded with avocado toast on rye, plain yogurt with blueberries in a smiley face, and coffee that smelled wonderful.
I sniffed, then legit started crying.
It wrecked me. I didn’t even try to hide it.
The second he set the tray down, the tears just started and I couldn’t stop them.
I wanted to. I wanted to smile and say thank you and tell him it was the best birthday ever, but all I could do was sit there in his stupid soft t-shirt he must have put on me last night and cry like a little kid who’d ruined everything.
He didn’t flinch. Didn’t tease. Just braced a warm hand on my back, thumb moving in slow, patient circles, like he’d already known I was going to break.
“Hey.” His voice was so soft I could barely hear it. “You’re allowed to cry, princess. You had a hell of a day yesterday.”
I made a noise, ugly and wet, and tried to wipe my face. It didn’t help. The tears just kept coming. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m really, really sorry. I messed up. I was supposed to listen, and I didn’t, and now it’s all…bad again.”
I stared at the food. My stomach twisted. He’d made me birthday breakfast and all I could do was cry.
“Hey, hey,” he soothed, voice low, thumb wiping at my cheeks before I could get my hands up. “None of that. It’s your job to be spoiled today.”
“No,” I burst out, hating myself. “I’ve ruined everything.”
He looked at me, all the way through, and I think that was the worst part—I could see how much he cared, and it still wasn’t enough to stop the shame burning through me. It was spoiled. My first proper birthday in years and it was ruined.
I cried even harder. He just waited, not impatient, just…steady. Like a mountain nobody could move.
“You think you ruined your birthday?” The question was soft. Not a hint of judgment.
My throat closed up. “I just…can’t seem to get it right,” I muttered. “You look after me all the time and I promised I’d listen, but I didn’t. I didn’t mean to not listen, but I never get it right, and I just want…” Words knotted up. I gave up.
Walker’s hand landed on my knee. Calm, warm, impossible to move if he didn’t want you to.
“I think,” he said, voice so low it nearly rumbled. “Naughty Little girls need to be spanked, and then they know afterwards they’re forgiven.”
I stared at him. Tears on my cheeks. Couldn’t find words. Spanked? But then I was forgiven? It seemed so simple.
He saw it. Of course he did. “All you gotta do is ask, princess.”
My stomach clenched. Everything in me wanted to hide but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to ask. But he didn’t make me say it, not really.
“You want Daddy to take care of it?” Soft, but iron underneath.
I nodded, face burning, and his eyes gentled even more.
“After, it’s over. You start fresh. That’s the rule.”
“…Okay.” I wanted that so badly.
He didn’t waste time. He just slid the tray aside, careful of the coffee, and pulled me into his lap. The blanket fell somewhere. Didn’t matter. He guided me, gentle but firm, across his thighs, one big hand bracing my hips.
I buried my face in the sheet. Couldn’t look. I hated that I wanted it, but I did.
“You know you’re not in trouble for being hurt, right?” His voice was right by my ear. “You’re never in trouble for that. This is just for not listening when you promised to stay inside. That’s all.”
I nodded. Felt the air shift as he pulled the tee up and out of the way, baring the soft shorts and my legs underneath.
“Color?”
I blinked. “What?”
He smoothed his hand down my back. “Your safe words. You remember?”
“Green is go. Yellow means pause. Red is stop. I'm green.”
He made a pleased sound. “You’re already doing perfect. You ready?”
My whole body went weak. But I nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”
He didn’t draw it out. Just eased my shorts and panties down to my knees, leaving the fuzzy socks. The cool air hit my skin and I flinched, but then his palm was there, warm and big and steady. Holding me in place.
It was a real spanking. Not the kind people joked about. Walker’s palm cracked down once, and it stung. I gasped, fingers curling, but before I could breathe he did it again, and again. It built quickly. Heat and humiliation, but not in a bad way. It was awful and beautiful all at once.
I whimpered. My face was wet, and I didn’t even realize I was still crying till it dripped onto my hands. He didn’t slow down. Not rough, not mean, but relentless. Like he knew I needed to feel it, needed to know he was in control, and I could just let go.
I lost count. My legs kicked once or twice, but he just held me tighter, one big hand bracing my hips so I couldn’t squirm away. I sobbed his name, didn’t care how pathetic it sounded. He was never going to let me go. Not ever.
Then suddenly it stopped.
Walker cupped my burning skin, his thumb rubbing gentle circles. “It’s over, princess. All done. You’re forgiven.” The relief was instant. I shook, wrecked, clinging to him, but the shame was gone. Just gone. Like he’d wiped it out of me with his hands.
When I could finally move, he helped me up, bundled me into his lap, and wrapped a blanket around both of us. I hid my face in his neck, still hiccupping, but it was okay now. Really okay. My body was all floaty, warm, soft everywhere, and the bad feeling was just…gone. Like magic.
He wiped my cheeks with his fingers, so careful. “That’s my good girl. You did perfect.”
The ache in my chest melted. I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t in trouble. Not anymore. I was just…me. Just Lottie. And he still wanted me, even like this.
I sniffled and tried to look at him. His eyes were so dark, but not angry. Not even a little. Just proud.
“You want to eat your breakfast or cuddle a while?”
I didn’t even have to think. “Cuddle. Please.”
He smiled, slow and real, and pulled me tighter against him, rocking a little like I was the only thing in the world that mattered. I let him. I let myself be held. The sting on my skin faded into this soft, glowy warmth. I never wanted to move again.
Walker kept saying quiet things, told me I was forgiven, told me how proud he was.
I didn’t know why it made me cry again, but this time it was the good kind.
I grinned through the tears, and he kissed my hair, my temple, the tip of my nose.
Then he got up and came back from the bathroom with some cream he rubbed all over my bottom until I gasped because of a completely different feeling.
A while later, he fed me bites of fruit and yogurt, and I ate every bite.
“Did I ever tell you about my grandmother?”
I shook my head, startled at the abrupt change in conversation.
“Mom died of colon cancer when I was thirteen, and my dad just fell apart. Started drinking. I was basically missing more school than I attended, and I was losing so much weight because I didn’t have food.
It came to a head when I got caught shoplifting some damn bananas of all things.
” He laughed but I could see the pain in his eyes.
I moved and kissed his jaw, and he tightened his arms around me.
“My grandparents—Dad’s parents—lived up by Nashville.
We never visited much as my grandfather was a real piece of work.
Gran was nice but Dad said she was a bit of a klutz, and they weren’t close.
Anyway, I got shipped off to them. Grandfather was still a piece of work, but Gran wasn’t a klutz.
She didn’t trip or walk into doors like she claimed, but much to my shame it took me another year until I worked it out. ”
“You were a child,” I said, heart heavy.
“It made no difference. She refused to report anything. I told her the next bruise I saw I’d make sure he had a matching one, and I’ve never seen her so distraught.
She made me promise to keep her secret.” I pressed my lips together to stop any sound because this wasn’t about me, and I doubted if Walker had told this story to anyone.
“About the same time that I worked out what was going on, we heard Dad had died in a car wreck.
Thankfully no one else was hurt, because he was drunk.
I stuck it out for another two years and I made it clear I knew what Grandfather was doing so he backed off.
" He held me tighter and I let him, loving being what he needed to hold on to.
"I was always going to go in the army. I’d wanted that since before Mom died and at eighteen, I got a lump sum my parents had left to me.
I begged Gran to let me set her up in her own apartment, but she refused to leave him.
The crazy thing is, by this time he’d started forgetting things, getting confused.
First time I went home on leave, he’d been diagnosed with dementia, and I knew there was no way she’d leave him then. ” He reached for his coffee.