Chapter 11 Rowan
CHAPTER ELEVEN
rowan
My eyes begin watering against my will as I watch my baby sister trek down the aisle in a white linen dress, a crown of flowers adorning the veil on her head. But I’m not surprised. I always knew I’d cry the day I watched my favorite sibling get married.
What I didn’t expect, however, was a view from this side of the altar.
If anyone had told me six months ago that I’d be serving as the best man at her wedding to Landry Reed, I’d have laughed and asked for a sobriety check.
Never would I have imagined the grumpy pessimist falling so hard that he’d marry a cheerful ray of sunshine like Daisy not once but twice within the same year.
And even more unlikely than the two of them ending up together is the sound of Landry’s quiet sniffles beside me.
I turn to glare at him incredulously while he swipes at his cheeks and flashes Daisy a sheepish smile. “You all right, Lan?” I whisper.
He clears his throat but keeps his eyes glued on Daisy as she beams back at him. “Never been better.”
As if this whole scene isn’t already weird enough, I glance over to find Loren watching her brother’s open adoration of the bride with equal parts pride and amusement, and I realize I probably shouldn’t look so surprised by Landry’s affection, as uncharacteristic as it seems. I am supposed to know him better than his own family, after all.
I force a smile for Daisy as she reaches the end of the aisle, and she pauses to direct her seizure response dog to join the matron of honor.
Our dad turns to embrace Daisy before pulling Landry in for a hug, one that lasts much, much longer than I would have guessed my friend would ever allow.
Dad shoots me a wink when he backs away from Landry and places Daisy’s hand within his, and I stifle a huff when Landry brings her knuckles up to his lips.
“Why are you crying, you big baby?” I hear Daisy whisper, reaching out blindly to hand her bouquet off to Loren before tossing her long hair over her shoulder.
“Because my heart has never felt so full, Blondie,” he replies matter-of-factly.
I guess I’ve always assumed Landry was capable of this depth of unconditional love, but it’s still surreal to hear him express it so freely.
He surprises me again by leaning in to add something that leaves Daisy blushing and simpering back at him while he attempts to flatten his silly grin into a hard line.
Even Juniper snorts at their over-the-top display this time, and I realize a second too late that I’m still wearing my uncertainty on my face.
As happy as I am for both of them—and I honestly couldn’t be more thrilled—I’m not sure I’m cool with watching my best friend whisper a non-church-appropriate proposition into my baby sister’s ear, at least not yet.
If I’m being honest, though, most of my objections are just a reflection of my jealousy. Because I want this so badly—love and marriage and romantic companionship. Yet, here I am, the last of the LaFleurs … always a groomsman, never a groom.
Sighing, I take a second to wallow in my loneliness before I garner a sympathetic look from Loren.
I fidget uncomfortably as I rearrange my expression again, and she flashes me a polite smile in return.
But it only reminds me of our epic failure of a blind date last year, which makes me feel even worse.
I turn away, my gaze catching on a familiar face in the pews. An audible gasp escapes my lips when I lock eyes with the one woman I never thought I’d see again, in the last place I thought I’d ever see her.
Claire smirks and lifts her brow in recognition, and I swallow hard and tug at the collar of my shirt before I manage a halfhearted smile in return.
What the heck is she doing here?
It’s not that I haven’t been secretly hoping to run into her again. And she looks just as beautiful and sexy as ever—that much I can tell from across the church. The problem is that we’re in church, and I don’t usually have this much trouble not thinking of anyone as sexy here.
My pulse quickens as I recall the night we spent together a few weeks ago, when I bent my self-imposed vow to remain celibate until marriage as far as I could without actually breaking it—with a married woman, no less.
And while I may not have been fully culpable for that last bit, since I wasn’t aware that her divorce wouldn’t be finalized for a few more days, I’m still at fault for jumping into bed with someone I barely knew, ready and willing to surrender to my lust and take another soul down with me.
Maybe I’m being overly scrupulous by refusing to forgive myself for what I’ve done. But I’m supposed to be overwrought with guilt after breaking the rules and cutting myself off from God’s grace. Yet, most of my remorse stems from simply hurting Claire.
No matter how many times I replay the events of that night in my mind, my biggest regret remains leaving her in tears, especially after everything she’d confided in me.
It’s also a reminder that I’m a hypocrite, because I know I’d still give in to temptation if I could do it all over again, except I wouldn’t have the strength to walk out on her the second time around.
I blow out a careful exhale, suppressing the surge of emotions courtesy of Claire’s presence, and I notice Loren eying me curiously.
I force another fake smile and do my best to focus on the rest of the Convalidation ceremony, but I’m a total mess now that I know Claire could be watching.
I end up fumbling Daisy’s ring as I hand it over to Landry, then dropping it again and having to chase it down after it rolls away from the altar.
Great. I’ve managed to garner the attention of the entire congregation now, because the way my family looked at me as if I had two heads when I skipped Holy Communion earlier wasn’t enough.
I couldn’t bring myself to go up, though, despite having already confessed my sins.
I know my imperfect contrition is sufficient, but I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve absolution this time, not with everything that’s been swimming around in my head lately.
I’m practically crawling out of my own skin by the time we’re reintroduced to “Dr. and Mrs. Reed.” I’ve got to get out of this church before everyone sees the sweat stains forming under my armpits.
Even Juniper senses my agitation, moving closer to Daisy and glaring at me with distrust. We finally get the signal to start the recessional, and Loren struggles to keep up when I nearly drag her down the aisle.
“Hey, you okay?” she stretches up to whisper as we reach the atrium.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reassure Loren, though my voice cracks the second I spot Claire again.
Someone tries to usher us back inside for pictures, but I pause to watch as Claire makes her way out to the parking lot, stopping to chat with Tenley, my new coworker, and her husband, JD.
Daisy mentioned before that he was the assistant principal of their school, so it tracks that Claire would know him.
Because Claire must teach here, in Camellia, which means she and Daisy are coworkers. That’s why she’s here, at my sister’s wedding. Because they’re friends. I think Daisy’s even mentioned her before, but I’ve been too stupid to put it all together.
Shit.
The entire bridal party turns to glare at me in shock when I inadvertently let the curse fly.
“Rowan?” Daisy’s concern is certainly warranted this time. I rarely use that kind of language, and I’m still in church.
“Sorry,” I mumble awkwardly. “I was just … thinking out loud. Sorry.”
Landry eyes me suspiciously before turning back to face the camera, and I let out another loud exhale before I follow suit. It’s going to be a long night.