Chapter 21
I hadn’t meant to get into what had descended into a borderline row with James, and with my heart weighing heavier in my chest than it had for a long time, I headed around the side of the house and quietly slipped through the gate then locked it behind me.
Constance was asleep in the sunroom, so I crept along to the garden apartment, unpacked my shopping, then pulled on my swimming gear and walked down to the river.
The water felt cooler than before, but whether that was because I was feeling tired or the result of the change in the weather, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t much care.
I swam slowly along with the flow and then put in more of an effort to return.
As I drifted along and powered back, I mulled over everything that had occurred during the last twenty-four hours.
My heart was breaking, not only for the potential loss of my new business, but also for the loss of the relationship I had so speedily become caught up in.
I had never given love at first sight much thought, and admittedly some of that spark with James had also included a fair amount of lust, but there was something special there, too.
It felt like a deeper connection, and it always had. Was it all now lost?
As I swam, I thought in more detail about some of the things James and I had talked about on our various dates.
It had taken my brain until this moment in the river to properly process the shock of who he was and for me to be able to think a little deeper.
That was often the case I found with swimming.
The physical exercise and repetitive movement freed up some space in my brain and something James had said during our car park picnic was playing over in my head and turning some previously jammed cogs…
There’s something precious that belongs in my family and by topping up the collective coffers, I’m helping to keep it there.
The ‘something precious’ was doubtless the much-loved Willowell Woods and James was chivalrously prepared to tether himself to a full-time and full-on job that didn’t satisfy him to keep them in his family.
Knowing he wasn’t following his heart in order to keep hold of the place his mum had loved, especially when he’d been offered the chance to make his heart very happy indeed, further fractured mine.
‘Good grief,’ Constance tutted, once I’d bathed, changed and joined her in the sunroom. ‘You look about as tired as I feel.’
‘I didn’t sleep well,’ I told her. ‘Do you fancy an éclair?’ I was keen to divert her before she mentioned James, and cream cakes were her biggest weakness. ‘I cleared Melody out and she had some arnica for your bruises, too.’
‘Yes please, to the éclairs,’ Constance said and stifled a yawn. ‘Stick a few on a plate and I’ll apply the arnica later.’
‘And I’ve got a couple of other bits for your fridge, too, so I’ll sort those now.’
‘You’re too kind to me,’ she smiled, and I forced myself not to shed a tear.
James might have filled one spot in my heart, but his aunt had already bagged another.
‘No notebook today,’ she commented, once we’d both devoured an early and equal share of the cakes and washed them down with an entire pot of tea.
‘No,’ I said, as I wiped my fingers on a crumpled piece of kitchen towel. ‘Not today.’
My hands felt empty without it, but since James’s pronouncement, I couldn’t bear to look at it, let alone flick through the pages I’d excitedly added to every time inspiration struck.
‘You know, Tilly, what James said—’
‘Yes,’ I interrupted. ‘I do. I haven’t forgotten and, even though we haven’t yet had the opportunity to talk properly about it, I’m also certain that he must have a good reason for not wanting to sell—’
It was impossible to tell her what I’d started to understand during my swim, because as far as she knew, we’d only talked for a few minutes in the Fernside sitting room and got no further than our initial argument.
‘There’s also an excellent reason for wanting to,’ she interrupted me back. ‘And at the end of the day, the woods belong to me and therefore so does the final decision about what to do with them.’
‘Does that mean you aren’t even going to listen to what has prompted him to ask you not to sell?’ I questioned.
‘I’ve already guessed what’s prompted him,’ she fired back, ‘but more importantly, are you going to listen to him?’
‘Of course I am.’
She looked surprised by my vehement response and then became suspicious.
‘You aren’t going to back out of buying the woods are you, Tilly?’ she asked and narrowed her eyes.
‘I’m sorry, Constance,’ I said tiredly, ‘but I don’t think we should discuss this now. Personally, I feel I need to be in receipt of all the facts from James before we discuss it further. Is that all right?’
‘I suppose it will have to be, won’t it?’ she said, rather belligerently.
She wasn’t impressed that I was shutting the conversation down, but I wasn’t going to keep it going, not when I’d promised James I wouldn’t get into it. If Rick, of all people, could keep a promise, then I certainly could, too.
‘Let’s think of happier things,’ I suggested, trying to sound brighter than I felt. ‘Let’s see if we can get you into a lovely bubble bath and feeling more comfortable, shall we?’
She sulked for a couple of minutes while I did some tidying up, then picked up the conversation as if we hadn’t almost had crossed words and I was pleased about that.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before,’ she said. ‘Probably because I never go in there, but we had a walk-in bath installed in Grace’s bathroom when she got sick.’
‘Do you think it will still be okay?’
I knew it was a long time since Grace had died and therefore the set-up would be old.
‘I don’t see why not,’ she said. ‘It cost enough to have it put in. It’s not like those fancy ones that you see on afternoon TV now, but it’ll do.’
‘I didn’t think you had a television.’
‘There’s one in the hairdressers.’ She smiled. ‘I watch it while I’m waiting for my appointment. I rather like the look of that Downton Abbey.’
I smiled at that.
‘Shall we go and suss it out then?’ I suggested.
‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘Let’s do that.’
Despite how tired I was feeling, I was still excited to finally see more of the house, though I did wish it was under different and happier circumstances.
It was then that the penny dropped, and I realised that the upstairs room Kaya hadn’t cleaned was most likely James’s bedroom.
Had the situation been different, I might have taunted her about that.
‘Help me up then,’ Constance requested and held out her hands. ‘Then you can go and check the bathroom while I make my way up there in the wretched stairlift.’
‘No, it’s okay,’ I said as we made for the door to the hall. ‘I’ll go up with you.’
She was hobbling a bit, but eventually she reached the chair, which was parked at the bottom of the stairs.
‘This confounded contraption takes so long,’ she objected, giving it a whack with the end of her stick. ‘Glaciers move faster.’
Personally, I thought she should have been grateful for it. Without it, following her fall, she might have struggled to access the whole of the house she loved for a while.
‘You could have the bath ready in the time it’ll take me to get up there,’ she moaned.
Clearly her temporary loss of independence and mobility didn’t sit well with her.
‘There’s no need,’ I said as I pulled down the seat and helped her onto it.
‘We’re not in a rush, are we? And the slow progress will give me the chance to have a proper look at the hallway.
This is the furthest I’ve been inside the house, and I must admit I’m full of curiosity to see what it’s like. ’
‘Clean is what it’s like.’ Constance grinned, and I felt proud that my idea that she should take Kaya on had worked out so well. ‘So, fill your boots, as they say.’
‘I am.’ I smiled as I looked around at the faded, but still beautiful, opulence.
‘Feel free to have a look all over,’ Constance offered kindly. ‘Though don’t go in James’s room. That’s the last door on the right at the top of the landing.’
‘Right, I’ll stay out of there,’ I told her, but I was interested to see what the room was like.
Had it been updated since he’d lived full-time at Fernside?
I don’t suppose I’d ever find out now and perhaps I shouldn’t explore any of the place unchaperoned, in case James thought I was trying to get my feet under the table.
Suddenly everything had a subtext, and I hated it.
My carefree summer had left before the swallows.
‘Let’s get you upstairs then, shall we?’ I said and focused on the task at hand.
‘We can try.’
The large circular mahogany table in the hall which I’d previously seen was now polished to perfection, and it had an arrangement of fresh flowers at its centre.
The strong scent of lavender and beeswax was wonderful and the whole space felt far fresher and lighter than it had the day I’d peeked through the door from the kitchen when Miss Lyons barged in.
I guessed Kaya used the natural cleaning range that Melody carried in the store.
The Fernside hallway was a fabulous testament to it.
‘Here we go,’ I said, as Constance began her regal ascent.
‘Don’t hold your breath,’ was her sardonic response as she rose merely an inch. ‘Blast,’ she swore and I bit my lip. ‘I think you have to keep the button pressed down.’
‘It really is just as well we haven’t got plans for the rest of the day, isn’t it?’ I laughed.
‘I told you to go ahead of me,’ she tutted. ‘But as you’re stuck here now, look at that painting.’ She pointed with her stick. ‘What do you make of that fella there?’