Chapter 23
It was strange how the world could carry on as though nothing had happened after everything had fallen apart.
Outside, the yard was still full of noise.
Someone was revving a bike near the garage, several of the Assholes members appeared to have found both beer and an argument that had already deteriorated into loud insults, and farther away Billy could be heard shouting at someone who had probably earned it.
Life went on exactly as it always did, but inside Reeze’s room time seemed to have slowed considerably since they came back.
Charlie sat on the bed with an ice pack pressed against her cheek while Reeze occupied the chair opposite.
The dressing above his eyebrow was fresh, and the dark bruising around one eye had become more obvious over the past hour.
Every now and then he drew a more careful breath when his ribs reminded him they were there, but either he no longer noticed or he was pretending not to.
The latter seemed considerably more likely.
Normally, Charlie would have said something about it. Teased him until she managed to coax out that rare smile she had grown far too fond of.
Now she simply sat there looking at him.
Not because he had changed.
That was exactly what made everything so difficult.
Reeze was still the same man who had held her during the night and made her laugh earlier that day. The same man who had followed her out into the car park even though they had been arguing, simply because he couldn’t bring himself to let her go alone.
None of that had disappeared.
There were simply more pieces of him now for her to understand, pieces that had always existed but that she hadn’t truly seen until today.
Eventually, he noticed her watching him.
“What?”
Charlie drew a slow breath.
“This is only the beginning, isn’t it?”
Reeze leaned his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds.
“Dennis isn’t going to let this go.”
It wasn’t an evasive answer. If anything, it was probably the most honest one he could give her, and Charlie nodded slowly before lowering her gaze to her hands.
Small grazes marked her knuckles, and as she ran her thumb over them, the memory returned of hitting someone in the car park without even knowing who it had been.
That still felt surreal. Not the fight itself, but the fact that she had been part of it.
“I thought I understood what this world was.”
A crooked smile touched Reeze’s mouth. “Not a fucking chance.”
Against all odds, he made her laugh.
“No. I’m starting to realise that.”
Charlie put the ice pack aside, stood and crossed the room towards him. When she stopped in front of the chair, he had to tilt his head back to meet her eyes.
“I can’t pretend this part doesn’t exist.”
“I never asked you to.”
“No, but you’ve tried to keep it away from me.”
This time he didn’t answer quite as quickly. She saw his jaw tighten before he finally nodded.
“Yeah.” No excuses. No attempt to make the truth easier than it was.
Charlie rested her hand against his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart beneath her palm.
“You’re not only the man who held me this morning or the one who makes me laugh when I really want to be angry with you. You’re also the man who can do that.”
The words remained between them, but Reeze didn’t look away.
“Yes.”
There was no pride in the answer, but no regret she could use to make reality easier either. Mostly, he just sounded tired.
And that made her understand something she might have missed before.
There weren’t two versions of Reeze.
There wasn’t one Reeze who belonged to her and another who belonged to the club.
There was only him.
“If I ask you the same question again one day, I already know what you’re going to say.”
Reeze looked at her for a long moment before taking her hand and threading his fingers through hers.
“Charlie…”
She shook her head.
“You don’t need to explain it again. I think I understand what you were trying to tell me.”
Something flickered in his eyes.
“Don’t.”
Charlie frowned.
“What?”
“Understand.”
She stood in front of him, trying to work out whether he was joking.
He wasn’t.
“Why?”
Reeze dragged a hand through his hair and let out a heavy breath before looking away.
“Because I’m afraid of what happens when you do.”
That was probably the last answer she had expected.
“You’re afraid?”
He gave a weak snort. “Believe it or not.”
Charlie moved closer and carefully lowered herself onto his lap. His arms closed around her automatically, although he held her more gently than usual, mindful of both his sore ribs and her bruises.
“Of what?”
Reeze was quiet for a moment before he answered.
“That you’ll see what this life really is. What the club is. What I am.”
His hand moved slowly over her back.
“And realise none of it is going to change just because I love you.”
Charlie went completely still.
It was the first time he had said it.
She wasn’t even sure he had realised until the words were already out, but Reeze noticed her reaction almost immediately. His hand stopped halfway up her back and his eyes searched hers.
“Yeah,” he muttered after a few seconds. “I do.”
Despite everything that had happened, a smile spread across Charlie’s face.
“That was romantic.”
“Shut up.”
She laughed and rested her forehead against his.
“I love you too.”
His arm tightened around her waist, and for a while they simply sat there while life carried on beyond the door.
Only then did Charlie realise what he had really been trying to tell her.
“I suppose that’s the choice.”
Reeze looked at her.
“What do you mean?”
“That it was never really about you choosing between me and the club.”
He didn’t answer.
“I’m the one who has to choose.”
Charlie let her gaze drift towards the door when a roar that sounded suspiciously like Billy made several people in the yard burst out laughing.
“Because if I choose you, I choose all of this as well.”
Reeze drew a careful breath as his ribs protested, but Charlie continued before he could interrupt.
“I choose a man who’s the father of an amazing little girl and works behind a bar. A man who makes me laugh and who followed me into the car park even though we were angry with each other.”
Her hand moved slowly up the back of his neck.
“But I also choose an officer in Wallhalla MC. A man who can do things I may never like and probably won’t always understand.”
She held his gaze.
“I can’t have one without the other, can I?”
“No.”
There was no hesitation.
Charlie nodded.
It still hurt to hear it, but not in the same way.
“And Dennis isn’t going to disappear tomorrow.”
“No.”
“There could be more days like this.”
“Yeah.”
“And I’ll probably see things I wish I hadn’t.”
Reeze closed his eyes briefly.
“I never wanted that for you.”
“I know.”
Charlie cupped his face in both hands and brushed her thumbs over the stubble along his jaw.
“But it’s still you.”
He opened his eyes again.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “I’m not going to pretend I’m not.”
“Good.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Good?”
“At least it means you’re not stupid.”
Charlie gave him a light shove on the shoulder before remembering a second too late that he was injured.
“Ow.”
“Sorry.”
“Liar.”
“A little.”
The faint smile disappeared almost as quickly as it had come, and Charlie looked at the man in front of her.
At the bruises, the dressings and the exhaustion that reached deeper than anything Billy had been able to patch up.
She could still see Dennis when she thought about the evening.
His smile and the way he had fed on her fear as though it belonged to him.
But she also saw Reeze getting back up again and again even though his body should have given in long before. Somewhere beneath all of that, she already knew what she was going to do.
“I don’t run.”
Reeze went completely still.
“Charlie…”
“No. Listen to me.” She ran her fingers through his hair.
“I’m not saying this is going to be easy. I’m not saying I’ll understand everything or that I’ll like everything you do. There are definitely going to be times when I’m furious with you and times when I wonder what the hell I’ve got myself into.”
“I can almost guarantee that.”
“I don’t doubt it.” A small smile touched her lips. “But I’m not going to try to turn you into somebody else either. I can’t demand that you become less than who you are just because parts of you scare me.”
For several seconds, Reeze simply looked at her. Then he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “This is going to cost you.”
“I know.”
“And it’ll get worse before it gets better.”
“Probably.”
“A hell of a lot worse.”
Charlie sighed. “Are you trying to get rid of me now?”
“No.”
“Good, because you’re doing a terrible job.”
This time he laughed, and she felt the sound against her chest as he pulled her closer.
“I’m still here,” she murmured. It was really the only promise she could make him.
And perhaps the only one he needed. For the first time since Dennis had stepped out of the darkness, it felt as though the ground beneath Charlie’s feet had finally stopped moving.
Not because the world had become safer or simpler, but because she had stopped trying to force it into something other than what it actually was.