Wandering in the Dark (Wanderland #2)

1. Amber

CHAPTER ONE

amber

I trace my fingers over the front row again, ensuring they’re perfectly aligned and every label is evenly displayed.

None of this needs to be done. It looked okay fifteen minutes ago when I started, but I’ve never been great at sitting still when I’m anxious.

The candle display looks tacky no matter how many times I rearrange it, but I can’t afford to buy fancy displays.

The crates I have stacked on their sides only do so much on the foldout table.

The bell above the door chimes with Michele’s arrival into Cedar and Sage. “I know, I’m late, but my Keurig chose today to give out, so I had to stop and get coffee. I got one for all of us, though.”

“Please take her,” Natasha quips from behind the counter. She’s nineteen, and I only hired her a month ago, but she’s been the best addition to the store, even if she’s as snarky as me. “She’s been redoing all the perfectly fine displays since she walked in here. ”

Michele gives me a sympathetic look, which I hate. “Do you want to step in the back for this?”

“Nope.” I walk to the checkout counter and snag a pen from the mug there. “I’m ready, let’s do this so we can go get Lily.”

I swallow back the bile trying to make its way up, and Michele hesitantly draws a folder from her purse.

It’s a few signatures, no big deal. Despite knowing this is a necessity, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Jana, my aunt, has been my best friend and surrogate mother since mine died when I was eleven.

She came into my life when I needed it most and quickly became my rock, no matter how much I tried pushing her away in the beginning.

She’s been a better mother than mine ever was, and created a safe space for me I didn’t have before.

When she had her stroke in July, it felt like the rug was pulled out from under me, and my world crumbled.

Her house was the first and only real home I’ve ever known.

Letting it go feels like I’m letting go of the first good thing in my life. The only good thing in my life.

“I marked the spots that need your signature.”

Flipping through the pages, I sign all the necessary lines before gathering the papers and handing them back to her.

Just like that, Jana’s house is no longer hers.

The money will go toward her medical bills that are stacking up, but that doesn’t ease the ache in my chest. Even with her permission and being her power of attorney, letting the home go tears at my insides.

For fifteen years that house has been a source of comfort, love, and understanding, and just like that, it’s gone.

“Let’s go. Natasha, please call if you need anything.”

“I’ve got this, boss. Go have fun and let loose a little. You deserve it.”

Michele shoves the folder back in her purse and grabs my arm, leading me out the door to her car.

The cold winter air, smelling faintly of pine and snow, snatches the breath from my lungs, a grounding presence I desperately need.

This day is about Lily, and for the time being, I can shove down the pain and focus on the amazing accomplishments of my friend.

We cruise through the downtown streets and out to the cabin to pick up our friend to celebrate the release of her newest novel.

Lily’s an incredible romance author, and Michele and I are treating her to a spa day to celebrate, but she doesn’t know Thoren, her boyfriend, set the whole thing up in preparation for a surprise party later. Thoren is everything she deserves after the hell she went through before moving here.

I spin the sleeve around the coffee Michele bought, trying to muster up a smile. She side-eyes me as we pull up to Lily’s cabin, and I already know what she will say, so I beat her to it. “Let’s just focus on our girl, okay? I’m okay. This is her big day, and she doesn’t need to know.”

After a quiet moment, she nods and grips my knee. “Okay. You have us. Please don’t forget that.”

I won’t. I could never forget that I have them.

Aside from Jana, they’re all I have. Lily waltzed into my life earlier this summer, refusing to leave, and between Michele and her, they are the only reasons I keep going most days.

Friends like them were a pipe dream as a kid.

No one wanted to hang out with the drug addict’s kid with dirty clothes.

Secretly, finding out I had an aunt with a clothing store was as cool as finding out I had an aunt because I’d never had new clothes before.

Now I have access to all the clothes a girl could dream of, and best friends who love me.

After a beat, Lily hops in the back seat as Michele passes her back a coffee. “Congratulations, bestie! Let’s go celebrate!”

The drive to the spa in the town over is filled with laughter, but I don’t register most of it.

My mind is too busy thinking about how Jana is doing today.

Yesterday was a rough day for her, and she’s been tired more often than not.

I still see her most mornings, but it’s often spent holding her hand while she rests.

“You okay up there?” Lily’s soft voice breaks through my spiral.

I wipe my hands down my thighs, clearing my thoughts. “Yeah, sorry, just spacing out.” Turning to the back, I paste a beaming smile on my face. “I’m so proud of you. How does it feel to have this book out in the world?”

“So good! I’ve loved writing all my books, but this one holds a special place in my heart. Look at all of us being girl bosses. Michele sold another house this week, you started your online store, and I published another book.”

I try to hide my wince at the mention of the home sale that Lily doesn’t know was Jana’s, but Michele catches it and shoots me a sympathetic smile as we all head into the spa.

Massages are lined up first, and by the time the three of us are sitting in cozy pedicure chairs, we’re relaxed and happy—the stress of this morning not weighing so heavily anymore.

We decided on a vibrant Christmas red while sipping on the complimentary champagne.

“Thank you, guys, this is everything I needed today,” Lily says, leaning over to cheers our glasses.

“You deserve every good thing coming your way. We all do. Now Amber and I just need our own Thoren. Or at least a good fuck.”

“If you get your own Thoren, then you will get that last part. Every. Single. Night.”

Michele and I chuckle, but my mouth remains shut. They have no idea I’m still a virgin, and it’s not exactly something I go around advertising. It wasn’t a conscious choice, there just weren’t any guys knocking down my door who enticed me, and before I knew it, I was a twenty-five-year-old virgin .

“Did you get all the new inventory yet?” Michele asks.

They’ve been helping with the boutique Jana owns since her stroke.

With the hospital bills and rehab facility, I had to do something to make up the difference.

I’ve been wanting to make a website for a while, and Lily convinced me this was the perfect time.

I ordered double the usual inventory last month to accommodate the website sales, and sold out of half of it already.

“Most of the new things came in last week, but there are still accessories and shoes that I’m waiting on. I need a better storage and display system because they’re all in boxes in the space behind the store.”

“Ask Jake to make you something. I’m sure we can find you some racks online, but he can make nice display tables in the store so you can move those foldup tables to the storage area,” Lily suggests.

“That’s a great idea, and he’ll do it for a good price. He’s made a good chunk of Lily’s and my furniture. I’m sure you’ve seen him around. Can’t miss the only six-foot-four hot biker covered in tattoos around town.” Michele fans herself while the girl painting her toes chuckles under her breath.

I’ve seen him around town, and he’s exactly the type of man I fantasize over.

If I still had a therapist, she would probably shake her head at the obvious daddy issues I have, but I can’t help it.

Growing up surrounded by darkness has made it hard to trust men.

My soul has been tainted in a way few understand, and I have yet to find a man who can handle that.