22. Amber
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
amber
“ S o, did you decide to hire her?” Lauren asks after Madison walks out.
I wasn’t lying to Jake this morning, I did have an interview.
It just happened to align nicely since I couldn’t stand staying there a moment longer without begging him for a repeat.
My body physically revolting to all the hours I’ve been working and hell I’ve been putting it through was a wake-up call.
While recovering in bed on Friday, I posted about an open position on the town’s Facebook page.
It was my first time posting anything on there, but I had three applications by the end of the day.
“Yep. She’s going to start training on Wednesday.
” Madison is in her mid-thirties and a self-proclaimed bored housewife.
She seems ridiculously sweet and has near open availability, which is amazing.
Once she’s trained, I could actually have whole days off.
In the last year, I’ve had three days off.
The day Jana died, the day after, and the day of her funeral.
And that was only because I closed the boutique for all those days.
“You could actually take a day off,” Lauren says, like she can read my mind .
“I was just thinking that. What would I even do with my free time?” I joke.
“Sleep, go to the spa. Oh, I don’t know, maybe go on a date. I heard Jake left your apartment the other morning.” Her smirk gives away her casual inquisition.
I don’t need people knowing about that. We aren’t together.
I’m not sure what we are, but I don’t want to be part of the rumor mill until I figure it out.
There’s no denying that he’s the perfect male specimen: rugged, pure muscle, good with his hands …
and other things. He still gets on my nerves, though, with everything that comes out of his mouth.
He probably thinks the same of me since he brings out this need in me to fight.
It’s not even that he brings out my worst, more so I feel safe to be my worst around him without fear of judgment.
Holy shit. I feel safe around Jake. The man who took my virginity and can claim every sexual experience since then.
The one who spits my cutting words right back at me every time. He makes me feel like I can be myself.
If that’s not the most terrifying thought in the world, I don’t know what is.
Jake isn’t a safe bet, even if he is my type.
Jana never married; I hardly even saw her date.
She always told me that her satisfaction in life came from running the store and helping to raise me.
So the only positive relationship role models I have are Lily and Thoren, and Thoren’s parents.
Neither of them fight the way Jake and I do.
They have a tender love, a quiet love that is felt and not heard.
I refuse to repeat the cycle of my mother’s toxic relationships. There was a lot of yelling and fighting growing up. My mom was always upset, drowning her feelings in booze or drugs. No part of me wants that life, so I will wait for someone who is a safe choice.
“Jake and I are friends,” I state, not willing to explain that complicated mess .
“Mm-hm,” Lauren hums. “You’re seeing the good in him finally. Good luck not falling for him now.”
Yeah, that is definitely already a problem.
Maybe I’ll ask Lily about frenemies in her romance books.
I’m sure she has good recommendations for me to learn about how to navigate my feelings.
Feelings that revolve around his delicious body that sets mine on fire with one look.
The bells over the front door jingle as Evelyn sashays through them.
She navigates straight to me and wraps me in a hug.
“I’m sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been in. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing better. Congratulations, grandma-to-be!”
She squeals in delight, holding me even tighter.
“Isn’t it the best news? Lily’s little baby bump makes my day every time I see it.
But I came here to talk about you, dear.
” Stepping out of the hug, she keeps a grip on my shoulders.
“I heard you were sick last week, so I thought I would bring you some casseroles for your freezer to take something off your plate.”
A lump forms in my throat at her kindness.
From the day she walked into Jana’s room at the rehab facility and asked if she could spend some time with her, she’s been a pillar of strength and love in my life.
I don’t have words to express my thanks to her, but she gives my shoulders a tight squeeze in acknowledgment.
“Lauren, honey. Can I snag your boss for a quick lunch?”
With mischief written all over her face, she gives me a wink. “Of course, but only if you get her to spill what’s happening with her and Jake.”
My cheeks heat at the callout, especially in front of Evelyn. She doesn’t seem at all surprised, linking her arm with mine and pulling me toward the front door. “Well, isn’t that perfect. We’re having lunch next door with his mom.”
After a trip up to my apartment to drop off the frozen meals she made, we walk over to Jake’s store.
As much as I love Sonja, this is the last place I want to be.
Her son had me tied to his bed last night, and the image of his round ass in those tight boxers he was flaunting around in this morning hasn’t left my mind.
I know he intentionally didn’t get dressed, and damn, I couldn’t even be mad at it. He should never be dressed.
“I’m so glad you could join us,” Sonja calls when we walk in the store.
“I ordered sausages from Munchen Garten.” She sets up to-go boxes by the couch in the corner, and we settle in.
Sonja has been nothing but kind since we met and has been so helpful at getting Jake’s website and marketing set up.
Yet in all those times, we never once talked about her son.
I can only hope that my luck hasn’t run out.
“Good choice.” Evelyn nods, taking a seat on the blue velvet couch. “Amber was just talking about them with her coworker.”
I choke on air, spluttering and coughing as Evelyn stares sweetly at me, not an ounce of remorse on her face. When I’ve gotten myself under control, we all have a seat and dig into the food.
“I stopped by Jana’s grave the other day,” Evelyn says. “The headstone is finally put in, and it looks beautiful. You did a wonderful job picking it out.”
I haven’t seen it yet. I received the email Wednesday notifying me of its placement.
That was the first time I deviated from my Monday/Thursday schedule of visiting her.
I started feeling ill at the gym Thursday morning, so I went straight home after.
What I’m not willing to admit to myself is I think the anxiety made me much worse.
The thought of seeing her name in stone, seeing the permanence in the reminder that she’s gone, makes my stomach roll.
My overly exhausted body can’t handle more grief on top of it.
“I plan to see it tomorrow morning,” I mutter.
She picks up on the shift in my mood and changes the subject quickly. “How was dinner with everyone last night? And when are you coming back to Sunday dinner at the house?”
Evelyn has extended an open invitation to her family Sunday dinners.
Thoren and Lily try to make it as often as possible, and I’ve gone once, but it’s been a while.
She and David are incredible people, but seeing the love between them and their love for their children and anyone who enters their home is hard.
It’s a stark reminder of things I never had with my own mother, and things I will always be on the outside of.
“You do Sunday dinner too? We need to have one together. Jake almost never misses one, and I know it’s the highlight of Henry’s week.”
That makes me smile. I love how the big grumbly man cares for his parents.
After this last week with him, it doesn’t surprise me in the least. He’s not always sure in his actions, but it’s clear he’s a nurturer.
The tender way he brushed my hair and the way he snuggles Socks and sticks him in his apron pockets are at odds with his dark hulking frame and intense scowls.
I’m so lost in thoughts of him that I space out on the conversation until Evelyn looks at me. “It’s settled, then. Next Sunday, everyone is coming to family dinner for the holiday. You never told us how dinner was last night.”
Sonja pipes up with a questioning raise of her eyebrows. “Amber’s car wasn’t out back when I opened the store this morning.”
Evelyn turns to me, and they both stare expectantly. “Does this have anything to do with what Lauren mentioned?”
While I would love to have Jana to talk to about this, sweet Evelyn and Sonja are the last people I’m willing to open up to about where I was last night.
Thankfully, Jake walks in the back door of the store.
His steps falter as he glances between the three of us finishing our lunch.
He raises a brow identical to his mother’s .
“Hey, Jake.” Evelyn waves him over. She gives me a devious smirk before turning back to him. “Come have a seat. Amber was about to tell us where she was last night.”
I choke on my water, trying to cover it with a cough.
Jake’s cheeks turn pink, which is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and does nothing to help this situation.
What did I say about her being sweet? I take it all back.
She’s a mother through and through, meddling with her kids for her own enjoyment.
She pats my back, winking when she catches my eye.
Thankfully, Jake is quicker to recover. “Actually, Amber promised she would finish showing me how to manage and make changes on my website.”
I could kiss the man for his clever thinking. Plus, it’s a legitimate excuse because I do need to do that. Standing, I thank Sonja for lunch and give the women hugs, promising to show up to dinner next Sunday.
As Jake and I head toward the back door, Evelyn not so quietly states we would make the cutest couple. The back of my neck heats with embarrassment as I whisper to Jake that I was not going to tell them anything because there was nothing to tell.
“Nothing to tell? Not even how you whimper when I suck on your clit, or how my beard still smells like your sweet pussy and it’s kept me half hard for the last few hours?” he asks as soon as we get outside.
“Jacob!”
“Ew, only my parents call me that. Can we do this at your place, I miss my little buddy.”
I shake my head at his antics. Lauren was right, I am in trouble with him.
There’s no way I can trust myself alone in my apartment with him, so I head to my store’s back door instead.
“Socks is hanging out in here today, and I’m supposed to be working.
Bring over your laptop, and I can walk you through it all in between customers. ”
He leans in too close, gripping the back of my neck in a domineering hold. “Yes, Amber,” he practically purrs, with a wink.
Oh, fuck. My panties are so screwed.