27. Jake
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
jake
L ast time I was here and watched Amber sleep, it was under very different circumstances.
I very much prefer this time around where I’m lying in bed with her tucked into one side of me with Socks sleeping in the crook of my neck on the other.
It’s the cutest combination, but now I can’t move for fear of waking either of them.
While being snuggled in her bed is much better than the couch like before, I still can’t seem to fall asleep.
My mind is racing from the events of today.
My dad stayed pain free most the day, which in of itself was a gift.
Finding out I’m getting a nephew was the greatest news.
I can’t wait to teach the little man how to build things and buy him his first real tool kit.
I may not be a real uncle, but I will be one in every way that counts.
Getting to end the night with Amber is the cherry on top.
The minute everyone celebrated tonight, I watched the light drain from her eyes.
She tried so hard to keep that smile plastered on her face, but I saw the pain she tried to hide.
It bothered me for hours, watching her shut down while everyone else stayed engaged.
I thought she was rethinking her stance on having children or maybe thinking about how her mother felt when she found out she was having a little girl.
Hearing her admit she felt she had no family made me irrationally angry.
Did she not see the group of people gathered today?
That family is as much hers as they are mine.
Evelyn and David love her like a daughter, my parents think she’s an absolute sweetheart, and Michele and Lily love her like a sister.
I understand they aren’t blood, but can’t she see she has a family right here if she wants it?
I guess I can understand why she felt that, but it still took everything in me to not bend her back over and spank her ass raw.
I don’t want to have to fuck her into submission to get her to open up to me, but I will if that’s what it takes.
When she asked me to be her secret tonight, that stung.
The pain struck deep in my chest, bleeding me out as she kept on explaining why I wasn’t the man for her outside of a good fuck.
What’s so wrong with me that women don’t want to be with me?
Maybe a few years ago I could have believed the he-sleeps-around-too-much excuse, but that’s not the case anymore.
I know I can be an ass, but I thought that was part of our charm.
Can’t she see that I care for her? Without even trying, she’s burrowed herself under my skin, and at first, I wanted to get her out, but now I hate the idea of her not being a part of me.
She’s beautiful, funny, and feisty but also stubborn, hurting, and stuck in fight-or-flight mode.
Amber is everything I didn’t know I needed and everything I see for myself.
Her fire and drive match mine. I don’t see her past trauma and darkness as shameful things that need to be hidden, only beauty that shows her strength and perseverance.
I’ve always worn my anger and hurt in the palm of my hands, unafraid of the judgments of the world.
My parents didn’t love the fact I fought so much, but I see it as passion.
They instilled good morals in me and showed me how to treat others and how not to.
When I saw kids get bullied or guys getting aggressive with girls, I put a stop to it.
That behavior shouldn’t be tolerated, and I had no problem enforcing that when the school didn’t.
I silently carried that burden because it was the right thing to do.
Thoren once asked why I stuck up for others but never fought people when they bullied me.
The answer was simple: his parents gave me the same walnut speech they gave to him and Riv.
Be hard on the outside, creating that barrier where actions and words bounce off us, especially while standing up for others who are missing a hard shell of their own.
Like a walnut, we need a soft inside with empathy, compassion, and love.
I have that soft center, but very few have seen it.
It didn’t use to be that way. I had no problem letting people in, even with that hard shell, but over time, my outside hardened and closed off.
Every time a “friend” made fun of my mom, every time a girl flirted with me to turn around and laugh at my hand-me-down clothes, when not one of my “friends” back home checked on me after my dad’s accident, even though it was the talk of the town.
The final nail in the coffin was when someone I considered a good friend in college assaulted one of my favorite customers and tried to blame it on me.
No one knows that story though, not even Thoren and River.
At some point in the night, I must have drifted off, because I wake to an empty bed.
Well, almost empty. There’s a black furball sleeping above my head that sounds like a mini motorcycle with all his racket.
Amber slips out of the bathroom and slinks around her kitchen, grabbing a shaker bottle and tub from her cabinets.
She looks more relaxed than last night, the shadows in her eyes hidden behind her walls again.
“You sneaking off to the gym without me?” My voice is gruff with sleep as I sit up in bed, careful not to disturb Socks.
Her hand flies to her chest, and she jumps. “What is it with you and scaring me? I wasn’t sneaking, I always go to the gym on weekdays.”
I run a hand over my hair with a yawn. Pretty sure I was only asleep for three hours, but it’ll have to do.
Slipping from the bed, I head into the bathroom, all while my morning wood bobs between my legs.
“Will you make me one of those? I’ll be ready in five.
” I point to the pre-workout she’s shaking before closing myself in the bathroom.
Thankfully, I always keep a bag of workout clothes in my truck.
Honestly, I kind of forgot today was Monday, so I’ll have to run home after the gym to change.
I had hopes of talking to Amber this morning about what she said last night, but it’ll have to be put on hold.
Maybe I can finally figure out where she goes after the gym sometimes.
With a quick rinse of her mouthwash and taking care of business, I step from the bathroom in search of my clothes.
Part of me expected Amber to be gone already, but she’s waiting at the counter with a second shaker for me.
Her gaze lingers on my body, so I take my time pulling on my outfit from yesterday.
After a quick pet to the still-sleeping cat, I stalk into her space, brushing against her.
I love the full body shivers she gets whenever I’m near.
“You ready?”
“Oh, I’m driving myself,” she says, grabbing up her shaker, keys, and a single pink rose.
“No, I’ll drive us.” I pluck her car keys from her and grab everything else I need before heading for the door.
“Jacob.” She full-names me, which she never does.
“Amber.”
She hesitates only a second before following me out the door.
I lock her apartment and the main door at the bottom, then click the locks on my truck.
She stops between our cars, looking nervously between them, then down at her rose.
The pink hue of the beginnings of sunrise gives her an ethereal glow as she chews on her bottom lip.
“Can I please drive myself?”
Instead of going to the driver’s side, I stop in front of her and release her lip from her teeth. “Tell me why.”
“It’s Jana’s day. Every Monday and Thursday, I stop by her grave on my way home.” Her eyes stay glued to the ground even when I lift her chin. This is something she clearly wants to do alone, and I can respect that. At least it’s not her wanting to hide our little thing from Kyle like I suspected.
“Okay, baby.” Her lips look soft, so I lean down, placing a gentle kiss on them.
She melts into the kiss, leaning against my chest, and opens for me.
My tongue sweeps in her mouth, tasting a mix of minty toothpaste and cherry pre-workout.
When I pull back, she lets out a soft whimper that shoots straight to my dick.
I’m so gone for this girl; how the hell did I not see it before?
“Let’s go.” I spank her ass and plop her keys into her hands. “You aren’t too sore, are you?” She winces a little as she unlocks her car and lowers herself into it.
“Just say the word, and I’ll lick it better.” With a wink, I shut her door and jog around my truck to get in and follow her there.
After we parted ways on Monday, I’ve only sporadically seen her.
She’s in her little section of my shop most mornings, and it takes everything in me not to sneak over and kiss her pouty lips.
Kissing has never really been my thing. I kissed women before we fucked for foreplay but never during sex and certainly not after—until Amber.
I could kiss her soft lips for hours and still not have enough.
Instead of acting on my desires, I’ve been a good boy and stayed in my side of the shop.
Colby has been amazing and asked if he could come in earlier when he realized I was starting a few hours before him.
I was hesitant at first because that was my catch-up time, but he’s been doing more helping than learning this week.
He picks things up after one demonstration, making him invaluable.
That’s the only thing keeping me from firing him for being too damn helpful and ruining my chances of getting some alone time with Amber.
Her stupid rule of keeping us a secret is killing me, but I respect her enough to follow it. I doubt Colby would care or say anything to anyone except his dad. Hell, maybe I could teach the kid a thing or two about women … Although, then again, maybe I’m not the best to be teaching him.
I want to know if she’s still sore or if she thinks of me at night too. Seeing her in the gym every morning though, I would say she’s still sore. It hits me with a sense of pride but also regret that I wasn’t gentler.
When I see her chatting with Kyle on Friday talking about what time they’re meeting this weekend, my blood boils. I thought when she asked to fuck me in private that at least meant we were exclusive. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her go on that date. If she wants to date, it’ll be with me.
Fuck. I can’t be here. I’m going to demand Amber cancel her stupid excuse of a date, or I will deck that guy.
Walking away from her is hard, but I need to clear my head.
After a quick stop at the locker room to change and grab my helmet, I head out of there.
Starting up my Harley, I feel eyes on me and catch Amber’s gaze as she watches me from the front stoop of the gym.
With a shake of my head, I flip down my visor and speed off.
I need a moment to not feel. The early morning breeze flows through my sweatshirt as I change gears and turn to go farther up the mountain.
The rumble of my engine reverberates through the thick forest with the early morning sun peeking through, lighting my way.
There’s no wrong time to ride, but I love early mornings when the weather is mild, the roads are empty, and my thoughts can fly right out of my head with the wind.
I’ve never felt this way about a woman before.
It’s terrifying, falling knowing she barely has one foot on the ledge.
There’s no guide on how to navigate this.
Amber’s beauty goes beyond her soft hair, golden eyes that sparkle like the little diamond in her nose, and thighs strong enough to crush my head.
She’s beautiful in the way she fights for every good day, her dedication to everything she loves, in her stubborn ways, and how she encourages and supports everyone even though she won’t accept it in return.
In a world colored by shadows and echoes of pain, she stands out with her dark past, a tapestry woven with threads of anger and sadness that seem to envelop her like a shroud.
Despite the weight of her emotions, there is a magnetic pull in the way she expresses herself, drawing me into the depths of her being, begging for understanding and connection.
I’m captivated by the challenge of unraveling her past. I can make her see that her pain isn’t something to hide.
The very depths of our hearts have been dancing around each other, we’ve shared experiences of hurt and desire for love.
Beneath the surface, we both carry scars and wounds that have shaped us into who we are today.
By allowing ourselves to truly see each other, we open the door to a deeper connection, where empathy and understanding pave the way for healing and growth.
I want to unravel our black souls and make her see the beauty in her darkness, just as I have. Together, we can navigate the shadows and the light, learning to embrace it all.
After an hour of riding around, the grip on my chest loosens as I work through all my feelings, so on the next inlet, I turn around and head back home. I make a quick stop at my house to shower, then set out for the shop to figure out how I’m going to stop Amber’s date tomorrow.