32. Amber
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
amber
Jake:
Your shelves are done, and your tables will be finished by Friday. Install this weekend?
Amber:
Could you do Friday after closing?
Jake:
Trying to get me alone?
Amber:
No, I just anticipate a busy weekend. Plus I have Natasha working Saturday morning, and she’s great with the displays.
Jake:
…but we will be alone, right?
Amber:
Yes.
Jake:
I need you to spell it out for me. You trying to smash?
Amber:
You’re annoying.
Jake:
I’ll see you Friday at seven with dinner in hand. Wear something red, it’s my new favorite color.
T his week has been surprisingly amazing.
Evelyn’s freezer meals have kept me from having to make dinner, I hit a new PR for deadlifts yesterday, and Madison has been the greatest addition to the store.
Lauren and Natasha love her as much as I do, which is great for being able to schedule anyone together.
Natasha is hoping to take online business classes and asked for more responsibility to prepare herself.
I had her take over displays and helping to pack and ship online orders.
Those two things alone have taken so much off my plate, and I was able to give her a small raise for her help.
I’m finally feeling like the death grip my depression has had on me is slowly loosening.
On Monday, I actually enjoyed the smell and color of the vibrant pink rose before I placed it on Jana’s headstone.
Wednesday, I enjoyed a book before bed, thanks to Lily’s vast collection, and found myself feeling the emotions of the characters.
Neither thing would have happened even a few weeks ago.
If I were to really look into it, I can see the correlation to those being the days I had the most contact with Jake.
The store is quiet tonight, but it always seems to be on rainy evenings.
Socks has a new hammock perch that suctions to the front window which he refused to sit in until the rain started.
He’s been in love with the shelves Jake made him, especially the one that acts as a little house.
When I lock the front door for closing, he rolls his head over the side of the little hammock to watch me.
I give his little chin a scratch and tell him his best friend will be here soon.
Right on cue, the buzzer for the back door rings, and I rush to let Jake in. His hands are full as he shakes off his hood and drops all the shelves near the register.
When he turns to me, I see he’s soaked from head to toe, and he looks defeated.
“I’m so sorry, my mom’s car was having trouble, so I had to take her home, and my dad was in a lot of pain, so I helped get him in bed.
My mom was having a rough go of it, so I stayed with her for a bit and then I forgot to pick up dinner, and I don’t know how I’ll get the tables over here without help. ”
He looks to be falling apart at the seams, and I can’t stand it.
With a reassuring touch, I give his arm a light squeeze.
“Hey, take a breath.” When he does, I encourage him to take another.
“Good. Now, first, I have a frozen lasagna from Evelyn upstairs I can throw in the oven. Second, your parents should always be a priority, and I would have understood if you couldn’t have made it. Third, I can help move the tables.”
He stares at me, and there’s a struggle to read the look in his eyes. His heavy shoulders deflate, and I get the feeling there’s more going on. “Is that all?”
Jake takes an unsteady inhale, his gaze fixed on the floor, before shaking his head no. I’ve had hard days and days that start hard but by the end of it feel impossible because things keep piling on. It seems like he’s having one of those days.
“I’m going to run upstairs and turn on the oven. Are there more shelves?”
“Yeah, I have another two trips, at least.”
“Well, good thing you’re already soaked,” I joke, and he placates me with a halfhearted laugh.
I threw him a softball with that one, and he just let it fall flat.
Trying to ignore his missing spark, I grab my keys, prop the back door open, and rush around to my apartment to turn on the oven and throw the frozen lasagna in.
Normal people might make smaller portions for someone living alone, but not Evelyn. It’s a full nine-by-thirteen pan of cheesy, saucy goodness. I set a timer on my phone, grab a towel from the bathroom, and rush back downstairs in time to see Jake run across the alley into my shop.
“This is the last of the shelves. Do you want to do the tables now or later?”
I look at the downpour outside and Jake dripping wet in front of me.
“We can get those another time.” Shutting the back door, I edge around him and pull one of the men’s tees off a back shelf.
“We just started venturing into men’s clothes, so all I have is a shirt.
I grabbed a towel from upstairs, though, that might help a little. ”
He takes both from me with a small smirk. “Trying to get me to strip for you?”
I shrug, not taking my eyes off him. “Well, I’m not going to turn around if that’s what you’re asking.”
His laugh is deep and sends a chill down my spine. “Would you be offended if I worked in my boxers? Wet jeans are the worst.”
Raising an eyebrow, I trail my gaze down him, then slowly back up.
“Be my guest.” If he needs this flirty banter to get back to the Jake I know, I’m all but happy to give it to him.
Without hesitation, he undoes his button and zipper, then yanks his pants down.
He kicks them off with his boots, then pulls his shirt over his head.
Using the towel, he dries his arms and stomach, his heated gaze locked on mine.
He finally breaks our stare down when he throws the towel over his shaggy hair and rubs it vigorously.
It’s sticking up in all directions when he takes the towel off, causing a giggle to escape me.
Him standing in my store in boxers and socks with his hair a mess makes him look ridiculous and so stupidly attractive I can’t stand it.
He chucks the towel at me, then drags the fresh shirt over his head.
“Thanks. Now, let’s get to work, I’m starving.”
We work in tandem, me removing everything from the old shelves, and him taking them down and putting up the new ones. We make quick work of it, and I put things back as he finishes. Natasha will help make them pretty in the morning.
“I’ll come fill all the holes next week when I get Colby to help me bring the tables over.”
I’ve heard them working in the shop while I was working on inventory out there, and they seem like the perfect duo.
Jake is softer with him, always taking the time to educate and never yelling when he makes a mistake.
He calmly explains how it can be avoided next time and has him try again.
I don’t want to admit how often I’ve listened through the doorway instead of doing my actual work.
Colby seems like a really good kid too, and I know he has to have his head on straight after being raised by Frank.
“You guys should come Tuesday morning. Natasha will be here again, and they seem to have hit it off.”
“You playing matchmaker, Whiskey?” There’s a lightness to him that wasn’t there earlier, but shadows of pain still linger in his eyes.
The timer on my phone dings, startling me. Shit, I forgot about the food. “I’m going to go turn the oven off. Want me to run to your parents while you finish up and drop some off for them?”
His head whips up, surprise written all over his face. “You know where my parents live?”
I run my hands down my thighs. “Yeah. I’ll just call your mom.
I’ll be right back down.” Grabbing my keys, I run into the rain and back over to my apartment.
I dial Sonja on speaker as I pull the pan from the oven.
She ensures me they don’t need dinner but thanks me for checking.
Before hanging up, she asks if I can run some food over to Jake because he seemed off when he was there.
He told her he was heading back to work for a bit, clearly lying for my benefit.
It must be a true mother’s intuition to be able to tell when something is wrong with your kid even when you’re in crisis mode yourself.
I promise to check on him and make sure he eats.
Before I can make my way downstairs, footsteps sound from the stairwell.
With the realization Socks is still down in my store, I fling the door open to see Jake standing on my doorstep.
He has Socks wrapped in the towel in one arm, and his jeans and soaked shirt in the other.
My shoulders slump in relief, but Jake scowls at me. “Did you open this door without checking if it was me? I could have been anyone.”
“You’re the only other one with keys to the downstairs door.
Do you really want to have this argument while you’re standing in boots and boxers?
” I raise an eyebrow at him, and he lightly shoves me out of the way, kicking off his boots as he steps inside.
He sets Socks down first, then opens my small laundry closet and throws his clothes in the dryer.
When he turns around, he stalks toward me, and I step back until my back hits the island. He twirls a rogue strand of hair around his finger and tugs. “I will spank your ass for your blatant disregard for your safety. But after dinner, I’m starving.”
He’s quick to push off me, but when I think he’s going to take a seat at the island, he surprises me and moves to my small pantry to feed Socks.
As he refills his bowl, he talks to him in hushed tones and pets his furry butt.
Everything he’s doing tonight is getting to me: the way he walks around my spaces like he knows them well, how he cares for my cat, the way his boxers cling to his thighs and the bulge in front.
Turning from the temptation, I grab plates and silverware and serve us. “What would you like to drink? ”
“Water’s fine. Mind if we eat on your couch?”
I shake my head, so he gets our plates, and I fill two cups with water for us. He settles on one side of the couch, so I take the other, tucking one leg underneath me and facing him. A groan escapes when he takes his first bite. “Evelyn makes the best lasagna.”
Chuckling, I nod. “She said she’s famous for it. You can take some home, otherwise I’ll be eating it for days.”
Jake hums around his next bite, staring around my space and avoiding eye contact. “Or we could eat dinner together sometimes. We’re both here in the evenings, eating alone. I wouldn’t mind coming over for leftovers.”
This tender version of him is what’s making me fall.
He’s too raw underneath it all, too kind, too willing to fight for himself.
He is the exact person I strive to be, hardened to the things that don’t matter but willing and open to love and protect those that do.
I’m not to that point yet. I’m fighting every day to try and let love in, even though all it has ever brought me is pain.
I can’t fall for a man who will push me to face my demons before I’m ready.
I’m still trying to reconcile falling for a man who sees my demons.
Jana would smack me upside the head for thinking that, but if she was still here, maybe I wouldn’t be so broken.
She would tell me if love isn’t soul-wrenching, heart-mending, and doesn’t have the power to break you with a simple word, it isn’t a love worth fighting for. So, for her, I will try to fight.
“I think that’s something we can do.”
He hums again, his eyes boring into my soul, but I can’t pull my gaze away.
The hardened edge of him fades, and a tender look takes over his face.
I can’t blink, I can’t breathe, all I can do is let him see every fear he’s searching for in my gaze.
We stay locked in on each other for so long a knot forms in my chest and my eyes burn.
Every emotion floats through his gaze as he lets me truly see him.
A single hot tear escapes, and I finally break the trance to brush it away.
I take another bite of lasagna when Jake breaks the silence again. “Did you call my mom?”
“I did. She assured me she didn’t need dinner but asked me to feed you instead. For what it’s worth, she sounded okay when I talked to her.”
He rests his fork on the edge of his plate, watching it balance. “How do you know where they live?”
“I’ve brought your mom breakfast a time or two. Evelyn used to bring me coffee when we crossed paths visiting Jana at the rehab facility, and that small act made all the difference on the hard days. I wanted to do the same for your mom.”
Jake stares at me blankly, setting down his plate, then takes mine and places it on the coffee table next to his. I’m hauled into his arms, and he holds me like I’m his most-prized possession.