34. Amber
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
amber
T he natural light in my apartment isn’t great since I only have one window facing the front street and a small one in the kitchen facing the alley, but on mornings like this, I’m grateful for it.
Despite the rising sun, Jake is sleeping soundly, stretched out beneath me, his warm body taking up most of my bed.
I don’t even mind because snuggling up next to him brings me a sense of peace and safety.
It’s probably the last thing I should be feeling around him since he confessed to harming a man last night.
If I read him right, he didn’t kill him, but I don’t doubt he wishes he was dead.
I’m glad he hurt Isaac, he deserved it. I also think he would have killed him if that’s what Clara had wanted, and that wouldn’t have changed my opinion of him.
He bared his soul last night and let me see the dark and broken pieces of him.
They are beautiful in their own way, like him.
What you see is what you get. His love for those he cares about is beyond what most people realize.
Jake is his own avenging dark knight, silently fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves.
It’s commendable and hot, and most people don’t even see it.
They don’t take the time to look beyond the scowl and the tattoos to the man beneath.
It must have killed him to have been thought of as Clara’s attacker, even if it was only for a few days.
To have people believing he could be capable of such a thing.
Lauren said he came home from college a changed man, and between that and his dad’s accident, I don’t doubt it.
Those things change you down to your very soul.
To come home and have women throw themselves at him, the same ones who didn’t show up for his dad, probably shut him down even more.
Yet here he is, still looking out for others.
The camera and light he installed for me in the alleyway, the way he gets angry when I don’t take extra safety precautions like checking who is at my door, the visceral rage toward Kyle when he put his hands on me.
It all makes sense. He’s seen the worst that can happen and wants to do what he can to prevent it.
The look of horror on his face when he realized he took my virginity flashes through my mind, and it all starts piecing together.
No wonder he was so angry at me. What we did was one hundred percent consensual, but I can see where the fear came from.
This broken side of Jake makes me realize two things.
One, he will never balk at my trauma or the things I went through.
And two, I like everything about the stupid man.
Our pasts, our hurt, our broken souls could either mend so beautifully together or tear each other apart.
Hurt people, hurt people. There are no two greater hurting people than him and me.
It’s a recipe for disaster, as our tumultuous relationship so far has shown.
He is the best man I have ever known, even with his stubborn attitude and desire to dole out punishment.
It would be so easy to give him my heart.
The first time we were in bed together, he caught me tracing the tattoos on his arms, but now I get to study the ones on his chest. There’s a skull on one side surrounded by a snake with flowers growing from its eyes, and on the other is the face of a bear with its teeth bared, and intricate designs connect the two.
They’re beautiful, if not a little terrifying. Perfect symbols of him.
The tinkling of Socks’s collar sounds from the couch as Jake’s eyes flutter open. He takes a moment to take in his surroundings before glancing at me. The smile that spreads over his face warms me down to my toes.
“You’re still here.”
“Well, it’s my bed. So …”
He chuckles, running a hand over his hair and sitting up a little. “I meant you’re still here in bed with me. After last night …” The silence lingers a moment, then he adds, “And last time, you tried to sneak out and leave me for the gym.”
“I did not,” I say, trying to sit up and move off the bed, but he grabs my wrist and hauls me back to him. He leans down, placing an achingly soft kiss on my lips. “I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
“I don’t care.” He deepens the kiss, sweeping his tongue against mine. “Good morning.”
My body melts for him, and I know this whole resisting him thing will be the death of me.
It would be so much easier to give in, but how do I reconcile our head-butting with the moments that make me feel like he’s the only one who truly sees me.
As soon as he lets me go, I slip out of bed.
It would be so easy to sink into his embrace and let him hold me.
To feel protected and cared for, like I’m not so alone in the world.
“Thank you for trusting me with your secrets last night. You know I will keep them safe. I’m just scared, Jake.
We’re good at the sex stuff, but neither of us know what to do in a relationship.
” I keep my back to him while rummaging through my dresser so I don’t have to see the hurt that I know is on his face.
I’m so busy trying to distract myself I don’t hear him slip out of bed, and his warm breath on my neck sends shivers down my spine as his hand slips around my waist and straight into my panties.
“If you needed to get off, all you had to do was ask,” he says, his rough fingers circling my clit, then they slide lower and plunge into me.
I’m embarrassingly wet already from tracing the lines of his body this morning.
“Is all this for me? We both know this pussy is mine, but you need to start admitting that heart of yours belongs to me too.”
Keeping himself at my back, he pulses one finger in and out of me, dropping kisses along my neck.
His other hand wraps around my waist, slowly moving to cup my breasts through the flimsy night shirt I have on.
A moan escapes when he swirls around my clit again before adding a second finger.
He curls his fingers and strokes while his other hand pinches and plucks at my nipples.
Whimpers fall from my lips as he gives just enough pressure.
His kisses on my neck turn to little bites and hot open-mouthed kisses, adding to the sensations.
Jake’s experience speaks for itself as he drives me higher, picking up the pace with his fingers while using his palm to rub my clit.
“Such pretty noises, baby,” he growls in my ear, tweaking my nipples and grinding his thick cock against my ass.
My hands fall to the dresser in front of me, holding me up as my knees go weak.
My eyes lift, taking in the sight of him in the mirror in front of me.
His large body plays mine like a puppet all while his stormy-blue eyes stay locked on me.
All the position does is make it easier for him to grind on me.
The hand on my breasts leaves, then I hear him rustle behind me.
He shucks his boxers down and lifts my shirt while continuing to finger me.
I’m so close, and his corded muscles exposed behind me in the mirror are only driving me closer.
Jake ruts his cock faster against my ass, the barbells no doubt leaving red marks.
His fingers match the pace his hips set, and before I know it, I’m coming.
My muscles clench around him, holding him in place as he grunts behind me.
Hot spurts of cum spray over my back when Jake finds his own release.
His breath is hot on my neck as he recovers. There’s a rasp in his voice when he stands back up and rubs his cum into my skin. “You can keep pushing me away all you want, but you’re mine, Amber. I’ll make you see that. I told you I’d take over your fight, and I meant every word.”
With his fingers covered in his release, he rubs my clit again, combining our cum before spinning me around to look at him.
He sucks those fingers into his mouth, then places a light kiss on my lips.
Without saying a word, he moves to pull his clothes from my dryer, gets dressed, and heads to the door.
“I’m not leaving, Whiskey. I’ll be right here waiting,” he says with a wink and his signature cocky smirk before leaving my apartment.
I feel the loss of him the minute the front door shuts.
My back is sticky with his cum, and a sick part of me doesn’t want to wash it off.
I like being marked as his. I stare at myself long and hard in the mirror.
Why does this keep happening like that? I know he doesn’t want to leave, yet he always does, for me.
Every morning I wake up with him here, I have an internal freakout that we’re getting too close.
Nothing I’m doing is fair to him, but I don’t know how to fix it.
He agreed to sex only, but that’s not the case anymore and hasn’t been for a while.
There are real emotions involved, and damn it, I can say this won’t work until I’m blue in the face.
The truth of the matter is, it works. It’s been working between us for weeks now.
We show up for each other, we’ve been opening our hearts and our past, and have been building this steady foundation.
After hopping in the shower, I scrub myself down and get ready for the day.
Natasha is opening, and I have no idea what state Jake left the store in last night in the downpour.
Maybe he left some tools in there that will need to be returned.
I wonder if he went home or straight to work.
Did he get to eat breakfast? The least I can do is feed the man or make him coffee after he gives me an orgasm, yet here I am freaking out and chasing him off.
He’s been doing so much for me, little things like moving boxes in my storage room, to big things like making planter boxes and keeping me safe.
It’s time I start doing the same for him.
I need to get off this crazy carousel I put myself on and give Jake a fighting chance.
Giving him a real chance means opening myself up to him.
With his scars, I know he would accept all of mine, but maybe that’s what scares me the most. That someone will truly see me and accept me, but I’ll still get hurt in the end. I can’t take another loss.