40. Amber
CHAPTER FORTY
amber
W ednesday morning, when I was supposed to be doing inventory in the storage room, I was sitting on a stool in Jake’s shop instead.
Colby is covering for Sonja in the store today, so I’m taking advantage and watching him work.
It’s not often I see him in his leather apron, and I don’t know why it’s so sexy, but it is.
“I think I’m going to take Michele some lunch and check on her before I have to work in the store today.”
Jake looks up from where he’s leaning over his workstation measuring things. Soulful blue eyes travel down my body in a heated caress before meeting me head-on. “Funny you should say that, because I talked to Ethan yesterday.”
That has my interest piqued. “Really? What did you talk about?”
“This doesn’t get relayed to Michele,” he says with a stern look, and I hold up my pinky in a promise. Chuckling, he shakes his head and returns to measuring while talking. “I asked him if he ever got over Michele.”
“Aaaand?” I drag out.
“He said no, and that his answer will always be no. Based on past conversations, I can safely assume Michele feels the same. I told him that if he intends to find a way to come back here, he needs to make sure it’s for good, and if he intends to pursue her, he better mean it for a lifetime.
” Jake leans against the table, crossing his arms, and I have a feeling he used intimidation tactics, even through the phone.
“So what did he say to that?”
He shrugs, his piercing gaze locked on me.
“That’s his exact intention, but it will take time.
He needs more experience under his belt and to find an open position.
You can’t tell Michele. I have no idea how long he means, and worse, he’s broken her before.
If she holds out hope and he never comes back … you can’t tell her.”
I nod. I can’t knowingly put my friend in any more pain. Two hours later, I pick up lunch and drive to Michele’s office. I’m relieved to see her car parked out front because she’s always busy with something.
She’s behind the desk in her office when I walk through the french doors. Her whole face lights up when she sees me, and I hold up the bag of takeout. “I brought lunch.”
I realize this is the first time I’ve ever shown up unannounced for her, and I feel like a terrible friend.
From the first dinner out with her and Lily, they have consistently checked up on me, stopping by randomly, often with food in tow.
It’s then I vow to be better, to be the friend her and Lily have been for me.
She rounds her desk and pulls me in for a hug. “I see that. What are you doing here?” We move to the couch and chairs in the corner, and I unload the burgers and fries onto the coffee table.
“I missed you and wanted to see how you’re doing.
There was a small bomb dropped on you at breakfast this weekend.
” Everyone seemed to know more about Ethan and Michele than me.
She’s made little comments about him here or there, but I didn’t know the story until I asked Jake about it later that day.
I get the feeling the only people who know the full story are Michele and Ethan.
Michele steals a fry, taking her time to chew it.
Her lower lip wobbles as she turns to me, tears rimming her eyes.
“I’m crushed.” A shuddered inhale heaves her chest before she continues.
“They say your first love is an idealistic love, the one that seems like a fairy tale until we learn what we really want in life. But what if all I learned was that he really was what I wanted for my life. My mom thinks I’m romanticizing what we had, but I know I’m not. ”
I scoot closer to her on the couch and use the back of my knuckles to wipe her falling tears, feeling a burn in my throat. Loving and losing so early in life had to have been excruciating.
“I can’t even tell you what it is about him, except when we were together, all felt right in the world. The sun felt warm, the rain felt cold, and my heart was whole. Nothing has been the same since.” Her words come out choked and full of hurt.
An errant tear escapes, and realization dawns on me that she’s been living with ghosts as long as I have.
She hid her pain and her quiet suffering from all of us, mourning the man she thought would be her forever.
How awful it must have been to have the hope he was coming back, maybe even coming back for her, only to have that hope crushed again.
My chest squeezes at the knowledge that could happen again.
“I’m so sorry, Michele” is all I can manage.
“I was lucky enough to get that love at all. I’ve accepted that the only choices from here are to settle for less or to be alone.
I’m coming to terms with the latter.” She is filled with defeat, but what can I say to that?
A once-in-a-lifetime love can be out there a second time?
Give it time because he told Jake he was still trying to come back for you?
I know better than that. So instead, I unwrap our burgers and slide hers closer to her .
“I have those same five minutes anytime you need to talk about him, okay? Five minutes to not feel that pain alone and then I won’t bring it up again.” She places her hand on mine, giving it a grateful squeeze before we dig into our lunch.
When the air around us feels less heavy, we talk about my upcoming date with Jake, and she talks about the garden she’s planting for her latest clients.
It’s so clear now, the family and love that surround me.
These people mean everything to me, and I will be better at showing them how much that love is appreciated.