42. Amber
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
amber
“ T ell me something, then. What did you want to be when you were a kid?”
He chuckles, grabbing my hips and bringing me closer to his side.
“I wanted to be a logger. Thoren and I have always loved the woods. Everything about it. The sights, the smells, the animals, the activities. One weekend, David took the three of us boys to a Seattle Rainiers game. On the drive over, we passed a huge chunk of land that had been completely stripped of trees, and I hated it. I wanted to learn how to do that without ruining the forest.”
That is totally something I could picture him doing. His powerful arms swinging as he chops down trees while wearing tight suspenders. “What changed your mind?”
“My dad. One Spring, we had to cut down a tree in our yard because its branches were getting too close to the house. He asked if we should cut it down for firewood or send it to get stripped into planks to use to build something. I chose to build and found my passion.” The whole time he talks, he finds a way to touch me.
His rough, calloused fingers playing with mine or moving a piece of hair behind my ear .
Every touch makes me feel special. Cherished. Not liking the little space between us, I climb into his lap, settling my butt between his thighs and leaning against his chest. He lets out a contented sigh that soothes my cracked soul.
“What did you want to be?”
“I didn’t really have any idea when I was little. I just knew I wanted to be proud of what I had.”
His chest vibrates as he hums. “Are you proud now?”
That was an easy question. It’s why I worked so hard, not only for Jana’s legacy but to expand on it and make it my own. To feel like I could do something for myself and for others. “I am.”
“Good. I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of everyone around you. When I look at you, I see strength personified. I’ve seen the bins filled with orders you send out every week and the growth you’ve brought to that store.
You bring joy to those around you and help others when it isn’t asked.
I’m so damn proud of you, Amber, and I’m so glad you feel it for yourself. ”
His words are an echo of what the girls said last weekend.
Letting people in, allowing them to see who I am and being a part of their lives is such a new concept to me.
Being surrounded by them and seeing I can bring something other than pain and heartache into their lives is the greatest blessing.
People who look below the surface and see what I hope to portray and not what I’ve been fighting to leave behind.
I don’t want to say thank you because it doesn’t seem like enough.
Nothing I can do or say feels like it’s enough after all the things he’s done for me.
“Are we dating?” I ask instead.
“It feels like more than that.”
His hand runs up and down my arm, and I see the a-l-l written across his fingers.
I know the tattoo means a lot more than that, but that one word represents him so well.
He has it all. The protector, the nurturer, the lover, and fighter.
He has a heart of gold, the body of a god, a humble take on his success, and a deep love for those in his circle.
Jacob Anderson is the type of man a girl like me could only ever dream of loving one day.
And here he is, holding me in the most romantic of settings and telling me I feel like more to him.
“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. It seems like more to me too.
I might have thought I hated him a few weeks ago, but I never did.
I hated the way he could make me feel. Hated the fear and longing that came along with it.
Hate and love have such a fine line, and I can feel myself tipping over the other side.
“Okay,” he repeats.
Jake pulls out some containers of fruit, nuts, cut-up meats, and edamame. When I raise a brow, he shrugs, placing them in front of me. “I’m a big boy, I need protein.”
“Big boy indeed,” I say, rubbing my butt further into his lap before moving off him so we can snack. I don’t make it far before he grabs my hips, grinding me over his lap, and a moan slips from his lips. I try to keep it going, but he places me next to him, settling my legs over his lap.
“This is supposed to be a proper first date,” he grumbles, adjusting his hard length, then grabs a handful of nuts and throws them in his mouth.
I try to stifle a chuckle as he aggressively chews while looking out over the town below.
As if he hasn’t commanded my body how he pleases many times before this date.
I grab some blueberries, plopping one at a time in my mouth, and he groans, shaking his head. “Stop it, Whiskey. Everything you do is sexy, and I’m trying to be good.”
I chuckle again, leaning on his shoulder. “I’ve never been good on dates. Probably why they never go past the first one. I revert to manager mode and ask questions like, where do you see yourself in five years?”
“That’s a valid question.” He’s quiet for a minute, then answers, voice full of gravel.
“I see myself here, still taking you on dates like this. Finding moments where we can reset and unwind together between the craziness of our schedules. I see Socks still batting at our toes from under the couch, and waking you with my tongue between your thighs before we head to the gym. Dinners on our back porch on the nights we have off together and in our shops on the nights we don’t.
I see exhausting days as we push to expand our businesses and epic fights when we get overwhelmed, followed by an explosion of feelings as I fuck the fight right out of you.
It doesn’t matter if it’s five days, five years, or five decades, all I see is you. ”
The tears are falling before I can stop them, but Jake is there, scooping me back into his arms. My safe space, my harbor from the dark waters. By his side feels exactly where I’m meant to be.
“I want to build that life with you.” I cry into his chest, and he caresses my back.
“I’m really good at building, baby. I can take all our hurt and ugly pieces and make something beautiful with them. We can have whatever life you want, just build it with me.”
This whole time I’ve been trying to resist Jake, I’ve been doing it with the thought that broken people shouldn’t be together.
I was wrong. I see it so clearly now, the most broken people are actually the best ones to repair.
They know what’s important to save and how to hold things together when everything seems to be falling apart.
My tears slow, and I sink further into him, into his heady scent that calms me.
His hands never leave me, soothing and comforting in the way only he can.
He lies down, bringing me with him, and places soft, sweet kisses on my lips, and I feel it.
The love Jana swore I would find is right here, with him.
We stay like that, kissing, cuddling, and talking about our hopes and dreams. Dreams that suddenly don’t seem so out of reach for either of us.
And when the sun sinks down, painting the sky in an array of pinks and purples before draping us in the darkness that I’ve grown accustomed to, Jake lowers his lips to my ear and whispers how I’m everything to him.
How I’m the best thing to walk into his life; and for the first time in forever, I shut out the words of the past and believe him.