36. Roan
Roan
D amn that demon for being right. I thought as I lay on the surface of the pond he’d mentioned.
The pond was spacious enough for me to swim in, you know if I could still swim. I snorted at myself as I willed myself to sink beneath the surface. This was the closest I could get to what was probably my greatest passion in life now. I had to focus as I sank to make sure I stopped at the floor of the pond and did not keep dropping lower, but just the appearance of being underwater again soothed my weary soul.
What am I doing following around the living like this? It’s not as though I’m of any use to anyone. My thoughts tore at my ragged spirit as I shifted my position so I could pace. Then again, I was actually able to hold down a real demon the other night.
Could it have been wishful thinking that my power was growing? Or was there some truth in what Locke had been trying to teach me about the power of will? What would it hurt if I tried an exercise of my own? It’s not like there’s anyone here who would be able to see if I failed.
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths before I turned all of my attention inward. With all distractions blocked from sight and mind, I focused like I did whenever I had wielded my stick in training with Locke. However, this time I thought about how the water used to feel as it rushed over my feet when I stood on the beach staring out at the ocean. The scent of the salt spray that was everywhere when I sailed over from England. The peace that being immersed in the water had always brought me in life.
Finally, I just let go. Let go of everything. Let go of the beliefs that I had held onto all my afterlife that since I was dead I had lost everything that once mattered to me. Let go of the voice in my head that always told me I would forever be alone. Let go of anything that held me back.
My eyes shot open as the pressure around me crashed down before I was lifted from my cross-legged position on the ground. I was floating in the middle of the water now and being pushed around by its gentle current as the soft breeze from above brushed at the surface. Laughter bubbled in me as I pushed against the familiar weight of water to make my way to the surface.
I finally let myself throw my head back and roared with laughter as I broke the surface and bobbed there. Droplets fell from my hair as I laughed and I lifted a shaky hand to move them from my eyes.
Strange. The water is so much warmer than I remembered. My thoughts only lasted a few more seconds before my shoulders shuddered and I realized the hot rivulets racing down my cheeks were tears. When was the last time I’d cried? When was the last time I even had a reason to?
I stayed in that pond for a couple of hours, simply swimming laps back and forth until my limbs didn’t want to move anymore. It was then that I figured I should return to my friends before Fare got worried and sent Locke after me.
As I paddled to the shore closest to where the thread in my heart that was connected to Fare pulled, I was surprised to find my clothes were completely sodden and I had a hard time moving. I shrugged and pulled off most of my clothing, leaving myself in just my undergarment before walking back to the cabin where the love of my afterlife was waiting for me.