Chapter 13
To: Book Club Group
From: Julie
Subject: Re: Food items
Please share with the group which item you will be bringing as a refreshment to our book club meeting this week, so that we don’t replicate dishes. I will be bringing mini quiches from Giorgio’s.
To: Book Club Group
From: April
Subject: Re: Food items
I was thinking about making apple pie turnovers. Does that sound good to everyone? Or if not, I could just make a tray of brownies. Whatever you guys want!
To: Book Club Group
From: Carrie
Subject: Re: Food items
I will be bringing the heart of the babysitter on a stick. Kidding! Unfortunately. I’ll probably bring chips and dip.
April, my vote is for the turnovers. The last time I ate one of your brownies, I gained five pounds.
To: Book Club Group
From: Julie
Subject: Re: Food items
Please no store-bought salsa, Carrie.
To: Book Club Group
From: Maria
Subject: Re: Food items
April, apple turnovers sound amazing! Although ever since I tasted your brownies, I’ve been craving more.
Would mini pizzas be OK to bring? We’ve got a bunch in the freezer.
To: Book Club Group
From: Julie
Subject: Re: Food items
Maria, mini pizzas? I assume you are joking.
I’ve got a tray of apple turnovers balanced in one hand as I walk over to Julie’s house for our book club. I’ve also got the book in my purse, which is weighing it down considerably since the book is about five billion pages long. It’s called Feathers of Life, and it’s about a guy raising a bird.
I tried to read it—I really did. I got about two pages in, and I was just done. I simply couldn’t go on. I think it was the part where he was at the pet store, picking out varieties of birdseed. Life is too short to read boring books.
Julie gets uppity about us not reading the book, but for starters, she’s the one who always picks the book, and they’re always terrible.
Also, we never end up actually discussing the book.
We talk about it for five minutes; then we end up discussing our husbands for another thirty minutes, then our kids for another thirty minutes, then clothing for another thirty minutes.
Really, there’s no time to discuss the book.
If I came to the book club hoping to discuss the book, I’d be pretty disappointed.
As I walk past Maria’s house, I see Sean on their front lawn, raking leaves.
Nobody on our block rakes their own leaves.
But the Coopers don’t have the kind of money that everyone else does.
And Sean doesn’t seem upset to be raking leaves.
He’s whistling to himself as he does it.
He’s making it look fun. Half of me wants to say to hell with the book club and go rake my own lawn.
I raise my hand in greeting. “Hi!”
He stops for a moment and wipes sweat off his forehead. Even though it’s a nippy fifty degrees right now, he’s wearing only a T-shirt. “Hi, April. Maria is already at the book club.”
“Oh, great!” I hesitate, not quite wanting to move on yet. “Listen, I want to thank you again for helping Bobby with soccer.”
He grins at me. “Don’t mention it. I told you, it’s more fun with more kids.”
I adjust the tray of apple turnovers. “Would you like an apple turnover? I just took them out of the oven fifteen minutes ago.”
His eyes light up. “If they’re anything like your brownies, hell yeah.”
I peel back a tiny bit of the plastic wrap, enough that Sean can pick up one of the turnovers. He takes a bite and groans.
“Jesus Christ, April.” He takes another bite. “These are really, really good. Where did you learn to bake like this?”
“My secret is that I cook the apples in my own homemade caramel.”
“Oh, right.” He points a finger at me. “You have that YouTube show where you’ve got a different secret for every recipe, right?”
I feel my face flush. “You watched my show?”
He pops the rest of the turnover in his mouth. “Yeah. Maria put it on the computer. You’re pretty good in front of the camera.”
“Well, thanks.” I smile. “Would you like another one?”
He laughs. “I would, but are you sure you’ll have enough for the book club?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I made way too many. Take two!”
He looks hesitant, so I remove the two extra turnovers myself and hold them out to him.
(My hands are clean—I have excellent hygiene when it comes to handwashing.
The secret to good food is good sanitary practices.) After a couple of beats, he takes the turnovers from me, and I feel his thumb graze my palm.
At his touch, a tingle goes through my body.
All of a sudden, I’m feeling a little breathless. Sean’s eyes are on me, and I expect him to start eating the turnovers, but he doesn’t. He’s just looking at me.
“I’ll put these inside,” he says. “Don’t want to ruin dinner.”
“Sure,” I breathe.
His blue eyes are still on my face. “Thanks, April.”
“You’re welcome,” I manage.
I tear my eyes away from him. I can’t let him know what I’m thinking.
Maria is becoming one of my best friends.
I can’t be having these thoughts about her husband.
And after that whole mess with Mark, I don’t want there to be even a hint of a scandal around me.
It’s stupid to even think about it a little bit.
That kiss with Mark was a one-time thing. I learned my lesson.
Sean heads back inside the house, and I hurry the rest of the way to Julie’s place. She’ll kill me if I’m late, and I’m already in dangerous territory. Julie cannot be charmed with delicious apple turnovers.
I’m the last one to arrive, but everyone is still standing around, so we haven’t officially begun yet. I place the tray of apple turnovers on the dining table with the other food and go around to greet my neighbors.
“April!” It’s Chelsea Buerger, who lives at the end of the block.
I haven’t seen her since the start of the school year because her nanny has been getting the kids, and she looks great.
Her forehead is so smooth. I wonder if she got Botox.
I can’t ask though. Her husband works for the Yankees, and they’re loaded.
“Hi, Chelsea.” I give her a hug. We hug a lot in the club for some reason. Hug hello and hug goodbye. “What’s up?”
“You’re doing the silent auction again this year, right?” she asks.
I nod. “That’s right.”
“Are you still taking donations?”
“Absolutely. What do you have to donate?”
Chelsea’s face is shining. “How about four box seats for a Yankees game?”
Wow. We could get thousands for that. “Chelsea, that’s amazing!”
A few of the other women are listening in, and this announcement has gotten everyone’s attention. “I’ll definitely bid on that,” Leah Morgan says. “My husband would be over the moon.”
“And I’ll outbid you,” Jean Rothenburg pipes up.
“I’ll put it up on the website as soon as I get home,” I promise.
Julie rolls her eyes, but she’s got to be secretly pleased.
Parents at the school can bid on items in the auction similar to eBay.
They know what other people are bidding, and they all try to outbid each other to get what they want.
Sports tickets are always a big item. That’s why the silent auction earns so much money for the PTA.
“All right.” Julie claps her hands together. “Let’s take a seat and start our discussion.”
We all take our seats around the dining table, and I make a point to sit down next to Maria. It will be fun to exchange meaningful expressions with her during the book club. She winks at me. “I see you went with the turnovers.”
“Yes, they came out really delicious.”
She licks her lips. “I can’t wait to try them.”
“I gave a couple to Sean on the way over, and he thought they were really good.”
Maria frowns. “You gave a couple to Sean?”
Why did I say that? It seemed innocent enough, but now that I’m hearing the words on my lips, I wish I could take them back. “He was raking leaves in the yard, so…”
“Oh.”
“I mean, just to thank him for helping Bobby with soccer. You know?”
Kathy Tanner is sitting across from us at the table, and she seems to have overheard our exchange. “April is just so generous,” she says. “She’s always got a treat for anyone who wants it.”
I cringe at the edge in her voice. She suspects something happened between me and Mark. But she doesn’t know. Not for sure.
Or maybe she does know. Maybe she’s the one who texted me that photo. To torment me.
But no. If Kathy knew for sure, she would skip the barbs and go straight to scratching my eyes out. And anyway, nothing happened between me and Mark. It was just one kiss, for God’s sake! And nobody needs to know about it. Not if that picture doesn’t get out.
Maria gives me another strange look, but she doesn’t say anything else. She can’t possibly be jealous. All I did was pass her husband on the street and offer him some pastries. And his hand brushed briefly against mine, but she doesn’t even know that part. I mean, I’m married. So…
“Maria!” Carrie is sitting across from us and looks like she’s already had a glass of the wine Julie put out. I also notice the chips and jar of salsa from the supermarket on the table. “I heard you did something amazing. The babysitter is now out on bail!”
Grateful for the change in subject, I say, “I wish you could’ve been there, Carrie. Maria is my new hero.”
Maria glances at me, then smiles at Carrie, making her dimples pop. “I didn’t do anything. We were just upholding the law.”
Carrie giggles. “Well, then I have to thank the law. Apparently, this isn’t her first offense, and she might actually go to jail. Or at least get probation. My lawyer says it will give me a great argument for getting full custody. So thank you.” She winks at Maria. “The law.”
For a moment, I feel uneasy. Of course, I loved the idea of getting revenge on this woman who stole Carrie’s husband.
But it seems wrong that she should be going to jail for something she didn’t even do.
I didn’t even think about it that way. I figured she would just get a slap on the wrist and maybe some embarrassment.
“All right,” Julie says. “It’s time to discuss the book. That is what we’re here for. You all read it, I assume?”
Everyone says yes, including me. Even though I didn’t.
“So.” Julie folds her arms across her chest. “What did you think?”
“Well, it was interminably boring as usual, Julie.” Carrie rolls her eyes. “There was literally nothing I liked about it or want to discuss.”
“But you have to admit there was an interesting symbolism with the bird,” Julie says.
“What symbolism?” Chelsea says. “I thought it was just a bird.”
Julie clucks her tongue. “The bird was clearly a symbol for the child Tom always wanted to have.”
“And what were the worms a symbol for then?” Jean asks. “His penis?”
The other women dissolve into giggles. Just as the laughter is dying down, Chelsea says, “Speaking of worms, you’re not going to believe what I found in the pocket of David’s coat yesterday when he got home from school. Beetles! Like, six of them!”
Oh, thank God. We’re done discussing the book. Julie’s lips are set in a straight line, but there isn’t much she can do about it. We don’t come here to discuss the book. We come here to drink wine and chat about our lives. The book in book club is arbitrary.
But just when I think I’m home free, Maria picks up her copy of the book and starts flipping through it. “Actually, I really liked the part of the book with Gisele. That was my favorite part.”
Julie’s eyes light up, excited that for once, somebody else wants to discuss the book. “I agree. I thought that was so moving.”
Maria pivots in her chair and rests her brown eyes on my face. “What did you think of Gisele, April?”
I freeze. I can’t believe Maria is doing this. She knows I didn’t read the book.
“Well,” I say. “I thought Tom’s relationship with Gisele was really nuanced.”
Julie is nodding. She loves it when people say things are nuanced. “Oh, I agree.”
Thank God, I somehow bullshitted my way out of that. I’m off the hook.
“Which particular nuance did you find most interesting?” Maria asks me.
I stare at her, my mouth hanging open. Why is she doing this to me? She can’t possibly think I read this horrible book. “I just thought it was very…” I’m grasping at straws here. “Romantic.”
Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say. Julie is gaping at me, and I hear a couple of giggles.
“April,” Julie says, “Gisele was Tom’s dog.”
Oh. Whoops.
“Did you even read the book?” she hisses at me.
“I read part of it. A large part of it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Gisele was introduced in the second chapter!”
Everybody in the room is looking at me. So I didn’t read the stupid book about the stupid bird guy. So what?
“The rule,” Julie says tightly, “is that you have to read the book to come to book club. This is not a social group.”
She’s looking at me pointedly. Is she throwing me out? Does she expect me to leave?
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Julie,” Carrie says. “Leave her alone.” She winks at me. “If she leaves, she might take the turnovers with her, and I don’t think I could handle that.”
Julie gives me a sharp look but doesn’t say another word about it. Still, the whole experience leaves me feeling awful. I mean, who actually reads the book for book club? Julie was acting like I was worse than Hitler. Although the amazing part was all the other women have apparently read it.
But what made me most uneasy is that Maria was the one who instigated the whole thing. I’m certain I told her I never read the book club books.
Didn’t I?