7. Octavia
OCTAVIA
It was almost unnerving how he seemed to see right into her head. Like he knew what she was going to say before she had a chance to say it.
“I never wanted to be anything else. My—” she stopped herself before admitting that both parents had been lawyers too. Admitting that would offer up too much information. “My dream was always to be in court taking down the bad guys.”
“Admit it, you like a power suit,” he said. “And you look good in it.”
“But—” they said in unison. He gestured for her to continue. “But, it would look way fucking better on your floor or at the end of your bed. Maybe tossed over your couch. Even tossed around your car?”
Nathan smirked, tilting his head. “I was going to say you should get one in royal blue, you look good in blue.”
Octavia stared back, about to ask how he knew before remembering that she’d been wearing the blue dress that first night. She refused to admit she liked that he remembered.
Their food arrived and they thanked the server before falling back into comfortable silence as they started to eat, taking first bites, glancing at one another as if checking that the food was good before quickly looking away again.
While they ate she thought of all the things she’d like to ask him but refused to.
Was he closer to his brother or sister? Did he always want to play hockey?
What was his favourite colour? What food did he love most?
Where was his favourite place to travel to?
Did he vote? Who did he vote for in the last election? God? What’s his go-to movie snack?
She found herself wondering about most of the things she already knew about Blaze.
Octavia insisted on paying for herself because dinner was not a date, but she let him take her hand to lead her to the waiting Uber.
And she let him rest his hand possessively on her thigh in the back seat the entire way to his condo.
The heat from his palm burning through the thick fabric of her pants, distracting her from all the reasons she should be on her way home and not letting this thing between them continue.
At the end of the night, she collected pieces of her outfit from the entryway, the back of the couch, and the dining room table. She dressed quietly while he slept, on his stomach, arm stretched across the bed where she’d just been.
In the car on the way home she ignored the driver’s terrible music and thought about the way Nathan nipped at her neck.
She bit her lip, nearly drawing blood when she remembered how hard he’d driven into her from behind, her forearms resting on the back of the couch, his hands squeezing her tits—enthusiastically fulfilling the promise he’d made earlier via text.
She didn’t know his favourite colour, but she knew what his cum tasted like on his own tongue after he licked it off her chest and fed it to her, and somehow that felt far more intimate than knowing any of his favourites.
“Ma’am?” Octavia’s eyes snapped open to see the driver staring back at her, his brow furrowed in concern. She felt her pulse everywhere, especially where Nathan touched her, where he had been inside her.
“Sorry,” she stammered, grabbing her bag off the seat and pushing the door open. “Thanks, have a good night.” She slammed the door and ran up the front stairs of her townhouse, fumbling with the keys.
Her phone buzzed after she let herself into her home, and when she looked down she saw his name glowing back at her.
Nathan
Where’d you go?
It’s just sex, Nathan.
I wasn’t done with you.
You were passed out.
Power nap.
She locked her phone and plugged it in, leaving it on the kitchen counter before running to her bathroom, stripping her clothes as she went and jumping in a scalding hot shower, washing the night from her body.
But when she reached to wash between her legs, she felt him still, his fingers, his tongue, his cock.
Part of her wished she was still there, wished it was his hand between her legs, whispering what a good girl she was for taking him so fucking well.
She made herself come in the shower, with his name on her lips, his taste still on her tongue, shivers spreading deliciously across her skin as her heart raced and she slumped against the tile wall.
The guilt hit when she climbed into bed, pulled out her laptop, and opened her browser.
It was still on the MeetUp message tab from eight days earlier.
Her last two messages to Blaze sitting there unanswered, and she couldn’t help herself as she scrolled to the top of the box.
He’d messaged for the first time almost a month ago to the day.
BLAZE94
If you could meet three people dead or alive, who would they be?
It was so different than the usual bland “Hey” or incredibly forward “I bet that mouth would look good around my cock” messages she was used to.
LAWGIRL
Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Amelia Earhart and Meryl Streep. You?
BLAZE94
Alan Turing, Sydney Crosby and John McCrae.
LAWGIRL
McCrae as in the In Flanders Fields guy?
BLAZE94
The very one!
LAWGIRL
I don’t think I’ve ever heard his name outside of Remembrance Day.
BLAZE94
I’m very unique.
LAWGIRL
What else makes you unique?
BLAZE94
I’ve been on this site for a year and you’re the first woman I’ve messaged. And I sent the uncoolest one possible.
LAWGIRL
Hardly uncool, I’m just relieved you didn’t solicit me.
BLAZE94
I’ve heard that happens quite a bit from my sister. I didn’t want to be that guy.
I don’t want to be that guy.
LAWGIRL
Good, that guy sucks.
LAWGIRL
So, Blaze94, what guy are you?
BLAZE94
I don’t know, the guy who runs his own company and can make sense of codes and numbers but not how to talk to people I’m not related to, especially women.
Also the kind of guy who doesn’t live in his mother’s basement. I haven’t lived with her in years.
LAWGIRL
Well, you’re doing fairly well so far.
LAWGIRL
Ask whatever it is you’re trying to ask, I can see you typing and stopping. If I don’t want to answer, I won’t.
BLAZE94
Based on your profile you’re smart, accomplished, and have great taste in books, what are you doing on this site? Surely you don’t need it.
Octavia double clicked on his profile picture.
She remembered how she’d done it that first time too.
Studying the picture that revealed his hand holding a book, resting on outstretched legs.
The book was one she’d finished two months earlier.
The site was like that British show Naked Attraction, except nudes weren’t allowed.
Users couldn’t share pictures of their faces.
They could share lifestyle images, clothed body parts, and pets.
He had nice hands and he was considerate enough to be wearing socks.
Octavia had seen far too many gnarly feet for her liking on this site.
How men didn’t seem to think twice about it baffled her.
LAWGIRL
Maybe I’m not great at talking to people I’m not related to either. Or maybe I’m just tired of meeting people the old fashioned way and wanted to throw my net a little further.
BLAZE94
Have you had much luck?
LAWGIRL
I’m still here aren’t I?
BLAZE94
Am I allowed to say I’m glad about that?
She smiled to herself again, the warmth she’d felt during the initial interaction returning. She scrolled further down, picking up the week before they were supposed to meet.
LAWGIRL
I don’t know why anyone would vote for him. Especially people who aren’t making six figures.
BLAZE94
People get stuck in their ideologies and want to believe that the person saying the stuff that aligns with them, means it. They rarely do though. I’m endlessly bored of politics but I can’t seem to look away.
LAWGIRL
Same. Some of the smartest people I know are totally lost when it comes to this stuff and it’s frustrating.
BLAZE94
Smart people are experts in convincing themselves of bullshit. Look at all the brainiacs that get sucked into various schemes.
LAWGIRL
That may be the most factual thing I’ve ever read.
BLAZE94
Thanks!
LAWGIRL
Can I ask you something?
BLAZE94
Always!
LAWGIRL
Are you any closer to being comfortable with meeting in person?
His next message was right there, but on the day, she remembered having to wait a while.
She’d gotten up at one point and made herself a cup of tea, pacing back and forth in front of the kettle until it whistled and made her jump.
She’d never spent this long just talking to someone before.
At most, she’d lasted a week before agreeing to meet with them, but Blaze94 had been very resistant to the idea at first and she’d decided not to push.
But three weeks of chatting all day, every day, had her anxious to meet him.
Her hopes were already high. They hadn’t traded images of their faces, something Octavia had considered asking about, but they exchanged pictures that showed off pieces of who they were.
He’d shown her his living room and kitchen, the two spaces he spent most of his time while they chatted after work.
She sent him a picture of the book she was reading, laying open across her legs, her thick socks peeking out at the end, nearly identical to the one that was still his profile image.
BLAZE94
Remember the picture you sent me? In your living room?
LAWGIRL
Yes…
BLAZE94
I want to sit in there and read with you.
It had been the most forward thing he’d said so far. In all their chats, he’d never said anything remotely sexual. It was as refreshing as it was frustrating. She’d typed seven different replies before he’d told her to just say whatever it was she was trying to say.
LAWGIRL
Just sit and read?
BLAZE94
I want to do EVERYTHING in there with you. I’m out of the city this week but maybe next week if you’re available?
BLAZE94
Please be available.
She read those words over and over again, her vision blurring as the tears came. She knew that they could meet and the fantasy she’d crafted could implode, but fuck she still wanted to see if this had been real. If this still could be real.
Octavia slammed the laptop shut and tossed it to the unoccupied side of her bed before curling up on her side. All the euphoria from earlier completely gone from her body, an endless pit of emptiness left in its wake as she drifted off to sleep on her tear-stained pillow.