Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
C hance
“That is strange,” I read from Dr. Drake’s lips as we sit across from him in his office.
Emery turns to me, a wrinkle between her eyes before she looks back at our pack’s doctor.
From the corner of my eye, I see Emery say something. I assume she’s asking Dr. Drake to elaborate on his findings because he soon starts talking.
“Your blood work…” He trails off shaking his head. “I haven’t seen anything like it. I mean, your markers are high.”
“What kind of markers?”
“Heartbeat, blood pressure, body temperature… Well, that’s a bit low. But they’re not at a normal human level, either. Take a look.”
He extends the papers he’s looking at in our direction. “I have a copy.” He holds up a paper, signaling the aforementioned copy.
“The first line shows your blood pressure, Emery.” He continues to go into detail, pointing out that the tests show Emery’s blood pressure, heart beat and other physiological statuses are more elevated than a typical wolf’s but lower than that of a human being.
“But your temperature is higher than a human being’s, but lower than a wolf’s,” he adds.
“As wolves we have higher temperatures than humans.”
Emery turns to look at me. “Yes, I’ve noticed. Every night when you—” she breaks off and looks uncomfortably at Dr. Drake.
My wolf growls.
I only realize that the sound actually came out of my mouth as well when both Dr. Drake and Emery look at me with wild eyes.
My wolf doesn’t like the idea of anyone knowing or thinking about Emery in bed. Even if it is the pack doctor who saw over my very birth.
“I’ve noticed the temperature thing,” Emery finally says before turning back to Dr. Drake.
Dr. Drake clears his throat as Emery faces him and asks another question.
“Yes, the rest,” he says, seemingly repeating the tail-end of Emery’s question. I know he does it for my benefit since I can’t read her lips when she’s facing his direction.
Hating that there has to be an intermediary between us, I sit further up in my chair, positioning myself so that I can read her lips even as she speaks directly to Dr. Drake.
Dr. Drake firms his lips, looking from the paper in his hand to Emery and then to me. “What’s most interesting is that these tests were taken when you first arrived here at the commune. I highly suspect that your tests would be more indicative of…” he trails off.
“How long has it been since you’ve taken your … iron pills did you say they were?”
Emery’s had jerks back but then she nods, glancing between Dr. Drake and me.
“Yes. I’ve taken them ever since I can remember… well, since I came to live with my adoptive parents.”
“How did you come to be diagnosed with low iron?”
“I, uh, it was about a year after we went to live in New York. I was about eleven and a half, or so. I was feeling extremely tired, sleeping almost half of the day away. And really hungry. And thirsty all of the time. My parents took me to the doctor and they told me he diagnosed me with low iron. I started the pills soon after and the symptoms disappeared.”
Dr. Drake and I exchange a look.
Emery senses the tension because she looks me directly in the eye. “What? What is it?”
The desperation in her eyes almost makes my wolf howl.
I take her hand in mine because I need to touch her. “It’s common for wolves on the verge of their first shift to sleep long hours and for their appetites to increase. You were eleven, you said?”
Her mouth opens and closes a few times. She looks anxiously between Dr. Drake and me.
“Yes.” She sits on the edge of her chair. “What are you saying?”
I swallow the anger rising inside of me. Someone’s lied to Emery for a very long time.
“Why are your eyes squinting like that? And are you… growling?”
I blink and shake my head.
Calm the fuck down . I tell my wolf. He’s restless upon learning how Emery’s been deceived. He, like me, wants to find the culprit and rip their heads off.
Whoever the hell they are.
“It’s nothing,” I say tightly, turning back to Dr. Drake. “What does all of this mean?” I ask even though I know the answer.
He hesitates before looking at Emery and slowly telling her, “I can’t be certain but these results seem to indicate that you’re one of us.”
Emery’s hand yanks from mine as she stands. She’s saying something to Dr. Drake, but I can’t make it out since her back is to me.
Neither my wolf or myself can stand for that. I rise from my chair to round her so I can see everything.
“Impossible. A-are you implying that I’m a wolf shifter?” She shakes her head and then laughs, but I would bet anything that the sound is brittle at best. “Like I told Chance when he first said such a thing, I would know if I were a wolf shifter.” She shakes her head adamantly. “I mean…” She looks at me.
Her eyes meet mine and my wolf instantly yips. I move to her and pull her in my arms. The need to take care of her, to calm her fears and concerns overwhelm me. Just like last night.
Emery shifts her gaze toward Dr. Drake. Reluctantly, I turn to him to see that he’s speaking.
“Your initial blood tests aren’t what took me so long to get the results,” he says. “The abnormalities of heart rate and temperature are one thing, but there’s something else.”
I have the urge to tell him to hurry up and spit it out, but the respect we wolves have for our elders that’s been drilled into me for decades stops me.
“There are trace elements I found in your blood as well. Elements that aren’t normal in wolf or human blood.”
“Wh-what are you saying?” Emery asks.
“I haven’t been able to trace them just yet. Some of the tests have caused me to have to dust off my ancient shaman books.”
Dr. Drake turns concerned eyes on me. On instinct, I pull Emery into me, hugging her close.
A shiver courses through her body and my wolf stills.
“I need more time,” Dr. Drake declares.
A sniff of the air ignites and every sense in my body tingles with a calling I’ve never experienced. The scent is coming from Emery. The wolf smell is even more potent than days ago when I first scented her.
Dr. Drake is now only confirming what I and my wolf sensed from the moment we met Emery.
She belongs to us.
Emery pulls back, placing her hand against her stomach. “I’m sorry.” She peers down at her abdomen with uncertainty and then back up at me. “I-I don’t know what’s happening. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”
With Emery still in my arms I turn back to Dr. Drake. Our eyes meet in a silent knowing.
“It’s time for lunch,” I tell Emery. The others should have something prepared by now.
“I can’t. Not yet. We’re not done here,” she says.
“You need to eat,” I tell her in no uncertain terms. “We’ll come back if we need to.”
“But I don’t have my prescription for the iron pills.”
She glances over my shoulder which alerts me that Dr. Drake is saying something.
“How about we hold off on that prescription for a few days. From the bloodwork it looks like your iron is above that of a normal human being’s. Thus, I think you can go a little longer without the pills.”
Emery’s lips tighten.
“Those weren’t iron pills,” I blurt out. My anger gets the better of me.
“What?”
“Whatever it is you’ve been taking for years now, it wasn’t iron.”
She blinks, her mouth ajar. I can see the wheels of her mind turning as she pieces things together in the silence.
“That can’t be…”
She peers up at me. “What were they then?”
“Some sort of drug to keep you from being what you truly are.”
Emery
From what I truly am…
I can’t get those words out of my mind. Even as my stomach rumbles and growls incessantly. I swear it feels as if it’s been weeks since I’ve last eaten. Although I had a very hefty breakfast.
I ate the entire stack of pancakes, ham and vegetable omelet and three sausage links that Ms. Elsie put on my plate. Only minutes after telling her I didn’t need such a large serving for breakfast.
Now, only a few hours later, I’m hungering for more.
“I remember being this hungry,” I say as I stare into the distance from the passenger seat of Chance’s truck.
“It was right before I started taking the pills. I sometimes was so hungry that I woke up in the middle of the night. The hunger wouldn’t let me sleep. A few times I snuck downstairs to find something in the refrigerator.
“One night my mother caught me eating a turkey leg that was left over from dinner.”
I push out a heavy breath.
“She looked mortified as I stood there with a half-eaten turkey leg in my hand and grease all around my lips. ‘A young woman should never eat like a pig!’ she insisted.”
I sit up and turn to Chance who I expect to be facing the road.
But his eyes are on me. The concentration on his face is apparent. He’s looking at me as if I’m the only thing that exists.
“What did she do?” There’s a strain in his voice.
A wrestling inside of my chest stirs, urging me to reach out to him. I do so and stroke his arm in a soothing manner.
“I apologized, but told her I was so hungry I couldn’t help it. After she told me that was unacceptable behavior, she made an appointment with my doctor the next day. That’s when I started taking the pills.”
Chance’s hands tighten around the steering wheel. He’s clasping it so hard that his knuckles turn red then a shade of almost white.
“Chance?”
The truck comes to a stop before he responds. “We’re here.”
“Wait,” I say as he goes to get out of the truck in front of the alpha’s house. “We’ll talk more once you’ve eaten lunch.”
I want to insist that we talk now, but my stomach rumbles again. I’m so hungry that it’s to the point of pain. I need to eat.
Within minutes I’m seated, once again, at the long wooden table, surrounded by lively pack members who’re coming in and out. However, this time instead of Ms. Elsie placing a full plate in front of me, it’s Chance who does the deed.
A huge bowl of delicious smelling chili with a large slice of cornbread next to it. A slab of butter melts and drizzles down the sides of the cornbread. My mouth waters.
I greedily break off a piece of the cornbread and dip it in the chili before putting it in my mouth.
A moan that I can’t hold back escapes as my eyes close in pure satisfaction. My entire body sighs in relief. The cornbread is moist and its sweetness gives the perfect balance to the savory taste of the chili.
In an instant, I dive in, spooning healthy amounts of chili into my mouth in one go. It’s not until my third bite that I finally realize the room around me has gone silent.
I peek to my left and my right before raising my head all of the way. Embarrassed, I grab the cloth napkin beside my plate and wipe my face. I must look terrible, eating this way.
If she were present my mother would be scolding me until no end. I just know it.
I force myself to sit back in my chair as I slowly look around. To my surprise, however, most of the people in the room aren’t looking at me.
They’re staring at the man seated next to me.
Chance’s eyes are on me. He’s watching me eat, while everyone else is watching him.
“Do you want more?” he asks as if he doesn’t even notice the others in the room.
“I—” I look around before my eyes land on my half-full bowel. “I’m not done with this one yet.”
“There’s an entire pot left once you finish this bowl.”
My eyes bulge. “A pot?”
I wipe my mouth as I look around. They’re still staring.
“Did you notice you’re being watched?” I lean in and ask.
Chance peers around as if noticing his packmates for the first time.
“It’s because our lead beta rarely ever sits and eats with us. Most of the time he stays for five minutes and then he’s out of the door,” a woman, holding a young baby, says with a smile.
“And never does he speak as much,” a man at the far end of the table says with a laugh in his voice.
I look over at Chance whose gaze is still firmly on me. He doesn’t seem fazed at all by the commentary of his packmates.
Or like he hears it at all.
I’m the center of his attention.
I immediately go back to dabbing the napkin at my face. There must be something on my cheek. I run my hand over my top lip to cover my mouth. Given the way I was eating, I likely have some food stuck between my teeth.
My mother’s recriminations about eating ‘like a lady’ creep up in the back of my mind. But my stomach rumbles, reminding me that I’m still very hungry.
This time, though, when I lift my spoon, I do so with intention. I do my best not to attack the remaining chili in my bowl like a ravenous bear that hasn’t eaten in ages. I only barely manage to not lick the remnants of my lunch from the bowl, or pick at the crumbs of the cornbread I demolished.
Chance doesn’t buy my act however, because as soon as I place my spoon down, he picks up my bowl and empty plate to head to the stove. I watch him ladle more chili into the bowl and slices another steaming piece of cornbread.
I don’t realize the smile that’s spread my lips until I say, “Thank you,” as he places my second helping of lunch in front of me.
Embarrassment falls by the wayside as I scoop a spoonful of chili into my mouth. It’s not until I’m halfway through the second serving that my hunger subsides.
It fades away almost as quickly as it came on.
Despite how much I ate, I don’t feel stuffed. I’m content and no longer feeling famished, but I don’t feel as if I need to be rolled out of the door because I’ve eaten so much. As would happen many other times when I overate.
“Some sort of drug to keep you from who you truly are.”
Chance’s words from Dr. Drake’s office come back to me in an instant. I look up at him and again that odd sensation that’s been kicking around in my stomach happens. It’s not hunger, this time.
It’s some sort of longing that I can’t answer because I don’t know what it’s asking for. All I can see is Chance’s beautiful face.
I suddenly hate the fact that we’re surrounded by people. I open and close my mouth a few times trying to ask a question that I don’t even know the words to.
I’m smarter than this. I should be able to formulate a coherent sentence, but the private school education my parents sent me to from elementary school through college is failing me.
A helplessness I can’t explain claws its way up my chest. Just when it feels like a scream or worse is about to burst out of my mouth, a warm cloak envelops me.
Glancing down, I spot a large hand covering mine. Chance squeezes my hand and then rises to his feet, pulling me to stand as well.
“We’re leaving,” he says as a statement of fact.
I don’t even ask why or bother to tell him how rude it is to abruptly leave the table in this manner. All I know is that I want, maybe even need, to follow him. To be alone with him. I ache for his comfort in a way that stalls my breath.
“Breathe, Emery.” His deep and reassuring voice is the balm I need to soothe whatever this ache is.
Chance wraps a long arm around my waist and walks me past his truck down the road. We pass the beautiful houses of his pack, many lined with gardens of flowers or planted crops that are often shared among the pack.
The mountains that surround us provide a modicum of safety from the outside world that brings a slight feeling of peace. But what’s more reassuring is when Chance tightens his arm around me, holding me to his body.
“I’m sorry,” I say when we arrive at his house. I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for. The words just spill from me like the trained good girl I was raised to be.
“You were having lunch with your pack and because of… whatever’s happening with me you had to leave. I…we should go back. Or maybe you should go alone?—”
My incoherent rant is cut off by Chance’s kiss.
It’s not soft or sweet.
I’m grateful it isn’t.
He kisses me like he’s a man running out of time. The kiss is insistent. As if he’s savoring every second of it.
I throw my arms around his shoulders, surrendering to everything he’s pouring into this kiss. I receive it all.
Too soon, though, he pulls back.
My breathing comes out in pants, but stops completely when he peers down at me with glowing eyes.
I stare into those eyes. The first time I saw him sitting in the corner of my motel room with his eyes glowing I believed it was a figment of my imagination. This, however, I know is real.
The intensity of his stare frightens the hell out of me.
I release my arms from around him and take a step back. We’re inside of his living room, and I feel almost suffocated. Though I’m not looking at him, I can feel his eyes on me.
That glow, it’s as if I could reach out and touch it. That’s how real it is.
I turn my back as I smooth down the side of the bun, I put my hair in. Then I smooth out any wrinkles in my clothing, making sure my clothing and presentation is in order.
“You look perfect.”
Chance’s words cause me to spin around to once again meet his eyes. They’re no longer glowing but the burning intensity remains.
“I’m far from perfect,” I mumble.
His mouth tightens and a look of anger passes over his face.
“I was done with lunch,” he finally says once he’s schooled his features. He approaches me, a massive hand cupping the side of my face.
Something inside of me that I can’t control forces me to run my cheek against his roughened palm. His coarse skin against the softness of my face soothes the restlessness inside of me.
“How could you believe you’re anything but perfect?”
His question causes my eyes to pop open. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them.
Dangerous.
The one word runs through my mind, making me step back and away from him. Chance’s shoulders fall in an expression of disappointment. He drops his hand to his side, the fierce look in his eyes withering away until a look of…rejection, appears.
Did I do that?
“I probably should get back to New York soon. To see Ashley.” Though my sister’s been home for over a week now, I haven’t been able to get her on the phone.
Chance peers down at me, a wrinkle appearing between his brows. “We discussed you staying,” he says.
I nod. “Yes. Until after my results came back from Dr. Drake. Which they have.”
“He needs more time,” Chance instantly replies. It feels as if he’s saying that he needs more time. A deep yearning swells inside of my chest.
Why does it suddenly feel like I need more time as well?
“No.”
His voice is harsh, deep and unrelenting. Yet, not scary.
“No?” I repeat.
He shakes his head.
“I want to see Ashley. I need her to explain to me why she hasn’t called me in so long. And to ask her if anything strange happened while she was in Florida.”
My gaze shifts around the room because, for some reason, I can’t look at Chance as I tell him I’m leaving. “Did she encounter wolf shifters too? I know she wouldn’t have said anything to our parents. They wouldn’t believe her.”
“The supermoon is in a few weeks.” His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he pauses and swallows.
I know he wants me to deduce what he’s trying to tell me, but I need him to spell it out.
“What about it?”
“If what Dr. Drake and I suspect is going on with you is true, there’s a chance that come the next supermoon, you’ll have your first shift.”
I wrap my hand around his wrist in an attempt to pull away. But he only tightens his hand around the back of my neck. It’s not painful but it does stop me from moving.
“You can’t be alone for your first shift.”
I shake my head and best I can with his hand trapping me. “I’m not?—”
“You are,” he insists. “Your hunger, that restlessness you feel—have always felt, it’s growing, isn’t it?”
“How-how…”
“That twisting in the pit of your stomach like there’s another presence. You feel it. The pull you feel for…”
He clamps his mouth shut, but his eyes meet mine. They spark with that intenseness. While they’re not quite glowing like before, they might as well.
“Your wolf is fighting to get out. For you to discover it. I don’t know what the fuck those pills were that you’ve been taking for years, but they kept her trapped inside of you.”
I close my eyes because what he’s saying makes sense, but it’s too much to process right now.
“My mother gave me those pills,” I finally say as I slowly open my eyes.
He nods slowly. “Maybe the doctor she took you to was up to something. There was a doctor last year who…” He trails off.
“What did he do?”
He pushes out a breath. “He tried to harm my pack. There’s a chance he could’ve been working with the doctor who gave you those pills.”
“And my mother?” I shake my head. “She thought she was just giving me iron pills.”
“We’ll figure it out. But for now, you have to remain here,” he insists. “A shifter cannot be alone on their first shift.”
“Why?” I need to know.
“It’s not our way. We’re pack animals. More than ninety-nine percent of us live in pack communities. A solo first shift can be extremely dangerous.”
“A-are you saying I could die if I shift?” Fear starts to claw at my chest.
“I won’t let that happen.” He places his forehead against mine. “I swear by Mother Moon and the sky above that I’ll never let that become your fate.”
His hold around my neck loosens, and he slips his hand down my back to my waist, pulling me into him.
I collapse my head against his chest.
“I’ll stay,” I say in almost a whisper.
The tightening of his arms around me is his only response.
“Until the supermoon,” I add.
I don’t fully believe what Chance and Dr. Drake think is going on with me. They could be wrong about all of this. A few blood tests and some intense hunger aren’t enough to indicate that I’m an entirely different species than I’ve been led to believe my whole life.
“I’ll stay,” I repeat.
Chance pulls me impossibly tighter into his hard body as if silently conveying that he has no plans of letting me go.
Ever.