Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
E mery
I’m sorry. I speak to my mate through our bond for the first time in days.
The soapy washcloth he’s running up and down my arm stops moving.
I’m sorry I’m not the mate you deserve, I tell him as I stare at him on his knees on the side of the bathtub while he bathes me.
Unable to stop myself, I reach out to him to run my fingers through a few pieces of the hair that’s escaped his braided ponytail.
Do you think Mother Moon makes mistakes? he asks at the same time he takes my hand in his.
I can’t meet his eyes, so instead I focus on the way the water drips from my arm, dampening his light-blue T-shirt, the wet spots turning a navy blue.
Maybe , I reply.
Do you think I was a mistake?
His question makes me gasp.
My gaze flies to meet his. The sadness in his eyes caves my chest.
With a shake of my head, I respond. You aren’t the mistake. You could never be a mistake. It’s me. I…I should be better for you, but for the past week I’ve done nothing but lie around in bed, cry and refuse the food you’ve offered. And now…
I look around the bathroom before gesturing to the bathtub with my head. You’re bathing me and asking for nothing in return. You always say I’m perfect, but that’s not true. You’re the one who’s perfect.
His beautiful pink lips spread slightly, one corner rising. I run my finger across his lip. Chance kisses my finger before he takes my hand in his.
I spent years, years of my life not wanting anything, he says. I was born to be the beta of my pack. That’s it. After I lost my hearing, it wasn’t my job to want for anything or anyone. The idea of a mate was out of the question.
My heart squeezes with every word.
While my father was the alpha of our pack. He was far from a perfect leader. And, honestly, an even less than perfect father. He convinced me that wants, a mate, a life of my own was for everyone else. Not a broken wolf like me.
Tears spring to my eyes. For the first time in days, they have nothing to do with my own pain. My heart hurts for the little boy who had already lost his hearing and because of it was made to feel as if he didn’t deserve to be loved as others.
Then I found you . He continues. And I was reminded of what it was to want something of my own again. The desire never left me, but it was suppressed from years of convincing myself otherwise. You made me want again. Most importantly, you made me want you. My wolf knew long before I did what was best for us.
And it’s you.
When I say I want you, it means all of you. All of your grief, your pain, your tears. Just as much as I want your smiles, your laughter and your voice in my head. I want all of it. So don’t you dare apologize for giving me exactly what I want.
All I ask is to allow me to be here for you because I’m not going anywhere.
He stares into my eyes as if imploring an answer. But my throat is too clogged with emotion to speak and my thoughts are too jumbled to respond through our bond. So, I chose to nod.
Chance leans in and lightly brushes his lips across mine. The warmth from his touch reaches beyond my grief and pain to the part of me only he can touch.
After I finish bathing you, I want to show you something. If you’re up for it.
I nod because there is no saying no to him.
Half an hour later, I’m dressed in a simple pair of black denims and a V-neck as I follow Chance out of the house for the first time in days. He holds firmly to my hand.
We’re not going far . He assures me for the second time.
I give him a small smile as I climb into the passenger seat of his truck while he holds the door open for me.
We drive over to the next street, not even two minutes in the truck and he stops in front of one of the commune’s current builds. The unfinished home is a beautiful rust-orange color while the entire left side of the building slopes into the ground that’s been built up around it.
I know this is one of the building techniques utilized as a natural cooling mechanism for many of the houses in the commune. Though incomplete, I can tell once finished the home will be a beauty.
I give Chance an inquisitive look as he takes me by the hand to help me out of the truck.
My house isn’t suitable for my mate.
I cock my head to the side, confused. I think back, trying to remember if I ever gave him the impression that I don’t like or appreciate his home.
You deserve more space. And… He trails off but doesn’t release my hand as he shows me around toward the back of the property.
I’ve been working on this space for the past week while Ms. Elsie stayed with you. It’s not quite finished, like the rest of the property, though.
The apology in his voice tugs at my heartstrings. I squeeze his hand in reassurance.
I follow as he enters the door of the non-attached room. As soon as I step inside, my breath hitches. The far wall is completed around what appears to be glass bottles of different colors. The angle of the wall with the bottles and the light shining from the sun shrouds the entire room in a mosaic of colors.
At the center of the room, a stream of light somehow creates a rainbow.
What is this?
Chance turns to me in the far corner of the room.
Your sister loved rainbows. His gaze circles the room. I thought once this house was completed, this space could be your office. Or your own room for whatever you want. You use it for your own purpose, even if it’s just to look at the rainbow and remember Ashley.
I don’t even bother trying to stop the tear that falls first. Nor the second or the third, as I shift my gaze from one side of the room to the other. The rainbow stretches all the way from one end of the room to the other, casting its beauty on the far wall.
Every night around sunset, the bottles in the wall will create this same effect. Chance continues. But…
He pauses and turns flickering on a lamp behind him. No, not a lamp. A nightlight that also shrouds the room in rainbows.
You can use this light whenever it’s not sunset.
He looks at me expectantly, as if he’s waiting to see if I like it or not, just so he can take his next breath.
I don’t have the words because ‘thank you’ isn’t sufficient. Instead of talking, I throw my arms around and laugh-cry into the crook of his neck.
Too many emotions overcome me at once and it’s as if my body doesn’t know which one is correct. So, I both cry as I laugh and smile.
Chance’s strong arms envelop me once more, holding me to him. There’s no expectation to tell him what I’m feeling or thinking. He doesn’t expect anything in return. All he wants is for me to let him be here for me.
That thought spurs me to hug him tighter.