Prologue #2
Really, I’m doing us both a favor by shutting this down now.
I know I could only disappoint him. There’s no use in drawing this out, getting his hopes up for a happy future that could never exist between us.
Chad deserves that future. It’s obvious he wants to live out his happily ever after with someone.
I want him to find that person too. He deserves a partner who can build something real with him.
Not one who’s stuck in the past, hung up on the idea of a life with someone who died nine years ago.
Last night, when I was drunk at the altar, Chad was encouraging me to have fun, teasing me the way Luke used to.
I was distracted by how attractive he is with his defined muscles, perfectly styled light brown hair, and big blue eyes shining at me as though I was someone important, as if I were someone worthy of being at his side.
I was weak and selfish, so I gave in to the fantasy he was spinning of us making each other happier.
I was able to convince myself for a couple of hours that maybe things could be different for me, that I could have more.
That my life could have things like joy and fun in it again.
But that isn’t me, and it isn’t fair for me to pretend to be someone I’m not when Chad is talking about forever.
I need to shut this down.
“I need coffee…” I start, quickly trailing off.
Fuck, why is this so hard? I take a deep breath and force myself to say what needs to happen.
“And a lawyer. This can be annulled. Probably easily around here. I’ll find someone at the front desk.
There’s always paperwork for this shit. We’re probably not even the first people staying here to make this mistake this weekend.
” I try to sound casual and confident, even if I don’t feel that way at all as I look at the devastation clearly written all over Chad’s perfect features.
“But I don’t want to pretend our wedding didn’t happen,” he attempts to reassure me.
No matter how desperate he looks, I know I need to stay strong. He might be upset now, but I know I’m doing the right thing. One day, when he’s married for real to someone he loves, he’ll thank me for this. Or, more likely, he’ll forget all about our drunk wedding. He’ll be fine without me.
And I’ll be fine without him.
I’m better off alone anyway.
“Chad, we’ve been over this, you’re stra—”
“No! No, just, no, John. I’m not straight; everything clicked last night. I told you that. Our time together has opened my eyes to the possibilities I hadn’t considered before. How can I prove it to you? Oh! Let me suck your dick, please,” he begs.
Fuck, that’s a tempting offer. My dick twitches at the thought, just like last night when he was kneeling in front of me in that club bathroom.
I’d agreed to show him my dick piercings, convinced it would be a clinical experience that would remind both of us that he’s straight so we could move beyond his flirting.
I’d never expected him to offer to help when I started getting hard, or that he’d also end up with an erection while looking at mine.
The whole situation made no sense, and I stormed out before I could give in to temptation.
Like I need to do right now.
If I let myself touch him, it’ll be so much harder to say goodbye later today when we’re back in New York. So much harder to stop my imagination from running wild with scenarios and excuses of when it could happen again.
Chad is an indulgence I can’t afford.
“Chad, just stop,” I attempt to say firmly.
“If you’re truly questioning yourself or having a bi-awakening, then good for you.
I’m happy for you, really, but that doesn’t mean you should be throwing yourself at me.
You have no idea what you’re actually into, and you have no idea what I’m into either.
I mean, shit, you barely know me at all. ”
For a moment, I think my reminder might have actually gotten through to him. But then he looks at me hesitantly. “You can tie me up and have your way with me, Daddy.”
Where the fuck did that come from? The words sound so sensual falling from his lips, even if that’s a ridiculous title.
I let out a loud, frustrated groan as I yank out the hair tie that’s doing a shit job of keeping my hair in a bun.
I attempt to secure the loose strands away from my face and tie it back up.
I need to have some small semblance of control in this moment or I’m going to give in to this ridiculously attractive man who’s throwing himself at me.
I am too hungover to have to be this responsible. “Stop, Chad. That’s not what I fucking meant. Let’s just pretend you didn’t say that.”
He doesn’t seem deterred. “You can—”
“No, I don’t want to do any of that with you,” I insist, cutting him off. There’s no way I’ll be strong enough to shut him down again if he continues to offer to let me have my way with him.
I need to get him to drop this, to understand that I’m not what he wants.
“Chad, you’re clearly going through something.
Last night, you were sad about Blake living at the farm now that he’s with Liam.
I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but you referred to us as them.
That isn’t the foundation of a good relationship, even if you have figured out you’re bi or whatever other label you land on.
We are our own people. I can’t be your Liam because I will never be Liam. Just like you’ll never be Blake.”
He smiles at me, full of hope. “I don’t want us to be them, and I don’t want you to be Liam. But I want us to have a chance. I already told you I’d move to your house last night when we exchanged vows. I meant that. I’m serious about us.”
“How can you be serious about us when you don’t even know me?” I demand, hating how desperate I sound. Desperate for him to listen to me, obviously. There’s no way he could convince me that what he’s saying is true.
“I think I do know you, and what I don’t know, I’m excited to find out.
We have so much fun together, John,” he insists, sticking his bottom lip out.
Jesus Christ, there might even be tears in his eyes as he continues.
“I think we’d be great for each other. Let me prove it to you.
Please don’t annul our marriage, please. ”
I stare at him for a long moment. Clearly, what I’ve already said isn’t working, and I don’t want him crying. Maybe he just needs some time for the situation to sink in, to realize this whole thing was a mistake and whatever future he’s imagining won’t be happening.
I can do that. I can give him time.
“Fuck. Fine, whatever. The legal shit doesn’t even matter. It’s not like I’m ever going to get married again,” I grunt, ignoring the relief I feel as his expression morphs back into his signature giant smile and he wraps his arms around my neck.
“I promise to be the best husband ever,” he whispers into my ear.
Nope. Too much. I step back, forcing myself to keep distance between us. I need to set clear boundaries and expectations so neither of us gets hurt.
“You’re not going to be anything to me, Chad,” I remind him.
“Some piece of paper saying we made a drunk mistake doesn’t mean you’ll actually be in my life.
If you’re going to freak out about annulling it, fine, we can skip that part.
But nothing is going to change. And remember what I said: No one else ever needs to know.
Don’t tell anyone, especially not Blake. ”
I don’t need Liam, or worse, Blake, weighing in on this and making me feel guilty that I took advantage of Chad while he was drinking, or fuck, trying to convince me to see if there could actually be something between us. Nope. Much safer if we don’t involve anyone else.
“You’re wrong,” he insists. “I don’t think this was a mistake at all.
Maybe you just need some time for it to sink in.
But you’re right, we shouldn’t ruin Blake and Liam’s bachelor party by telling everyone and making this weekend about us, anyway.
We can wait and tell them after their wedding.
Unless they’re suspicious before then since I’ll be living with you.
But I can just say I wanted to be closer to Blake during the planning without overstepping and living in their house with them. ”
“You aren’t living with me,” I remind him.
Chad shrugs. “If you need some time to get your house ready, that’s fine. But I think sooner is better than waiting too long. I can’t wait to discover all the things you’re into, you kinky minx.”
“Jesus, help me.” Why does he keep bringing up kinky shit? Is it that obvious that I’m into it?
He turns to me with an earnest expression. “Are you religious? It’s probably something I should know about my husband.”
“Not your husband, and definitely not religious.” Why did he ask that? He’s so fucking strange.
He nods. “The great state of Nevada says differently, and so do our matching rings. I think we could build a really beautiful life together, John. As soon as you’re ready, I am. Just imagine all the fun we’ll have. I’m going to make you so happy.”
I scoff. If only it were that easy.
Chad must really believe it, though, because he continues as if this whole situation between us was meant to be. “Do you want to shower with me, Hubby?”
What the fuck is even happening?
Is he seriously refusing to accept that we aren’t going to act like we’re married?
It really does seem like no one has denied him anything his entire life.
It’s actually absurd that someone could be so fucking spoiled.
I squint at him, looking for any sign of hesitation or doubt.
But there’s none. He really wants me to shower with him, so I let out a deep sigh. “Go shower, alone, Princess. Now.”
“Ohhh, yes, sir,” he responds suggestively, and damn it, he’s infuriating, but it also takes every ounce of self-control I have not to give in just for the rest of our time here.
But I can’t.
It wouldn’t be fair to get his hopes up higher than they already are. Chad is clearly going through something, and I could never be what he needs.
Until he realizes that, I need to stay far away from him.