Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Clara
My heart thundered in my chest. Beckett’s palm lay open a few inches from me.
I stared at it for a heartbeat. Two.
Five heartbeats. Then ten.
There were so many reasons to trust him – the most compelling was our decade-long friendship during which he’d never once wavered.
The callouses on his palm were rough against my skin, familiar and comforting.
I met his gaze. “I want to find out what more we could be, too.” His shoulders sagged in relief. “But I’m scared.”
Beckett didn’t move except to squeeze my hand. “Me, too. Tell me, and we’ll figure it out together.”
I knew I could trust him with my heart, knew that it was safe in his hands.
My fears, my vulnerability, was … harder.
Not because of him, no. The only people I’d ever been truly vulnerable with were my parents.
They did their best, and I never doubted that they loved me, but they also let me down more than once, until I learned to rely on myself.
“It’s irrational, but I’m scared you’re settling for me because you haven’t met anyone else.
I’m scared that people will talk and somehow come between us.
My brain is messy and even though I know none of these worries make sense, I can’t help worrying about them.
Plus, oh my god, what if your parents decide they hate me dating their son and then I lose all of you?
” I shook my head. “I don’t want to lose any of you. ”
Beckett let me spill all of it in one go, and squeezed my hand to stop me only when I started rambling about losing his family.
“You will never lose us. Ever. You’re like a sister to Thatch and Noah, and they’ll kick my ass if they even suspect I wouldn’t let you near them if something goes wrong. They’d pick you over me in a heartbeat, trust me.”
I choked out a laugh. I considered them my brothers, and I knew logically they wouldn’t just disappear on me. But fear wasn’t usually rational.
Beckett continued, his voice softer. “You are not, never have been, and never will be, a placeholder to me. Clara, you are the center of my world, the axis around which I exist. Without you, I would drift into nothingness.” He took a breath, and I noticed the catch in his voice when he continued.
“I never said anything before because I was afraid. You would come to me and talk about the guys you dated and complain about them, and I secretly liked being the one guy in your life you didn’t need to worry about.
I liked being the one you came to for help and comfort.
I didn’t tell you how I felt because I didn’t want you to think I’d been playing some game or ploy in order to get in your pants.
I couldn’t risk losing you.” His voice broke on the last few words.
Oh.
“But then you showed up at the barn that morning, demanding answers about what I’d muttered under my breath, if I meant it, and you were wearing that damn sundress. You were so … you, in that moment – fearless and stubborn and beautiful – I couldn’t hold myself back anymore.”
I blushed at his words, at the compliment. My body heated at the memory of that first kiss, and what had followed after.
“Beckett, I – I don’t know what to say.” His eyes were on me, and I couldn’t look away. “I had no idea, about any of it.”
He pulled me closer –to the cushion next to where he sat. Close enough that our bodies touched, his warmth seeping into me. He still held my hand, and whispered, “Say you still want this. Say you understand I’ll never leave, you’ll always be mine and I’ll always be yours.”
Yes. Yes, to all of it. I wanted all of whatever life would throw at us. As long as I had Beckett, would come home to him every day and wake up to him every morning, everything would be okay.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I settled into the surety of my decision. Beckett noticed and pulled me onto his lap. His fingers were gentle as he brushed away the few drops that had escaped down my cheeks.
“Clara, my love. Don’t cry,” he whispered.
“I want this,” I whispered back, dropping my forehead to press against his. I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart. The unsteady beat somehow calmed me. At least I wasn’t the only one affected by this. I continued with the words he’d given me.
“I understand you’ll never leave me. I’ll always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.”
Beckett used a finger to tip my chin up until our eyes met. There were tears in his eyes, too. “My fierce little wren. I love you.”
“I love you, Beckett.”
“Clara,” he whispered. “My Clara.” He kissed my lips softly, almost reverently. “You’re mine.” His grip tightened on my hips. Beckett kissed his way down my neck and nipped at the sensitive spot where it meets my shoulder.
I gasped and pulled his mouth back to mine.
Beckett’s grip on my hips tightened as he kissed me again.
It was slow and deep, unhurried – as if he could spend all day doing only this.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and slid my fingers into his hair.
Beckett groaned and the rumble of it reverberated against me.
I slid my tongue across his lips, desperate for more. He answered my unspoken request and slid his tongue against mine.
He pulled away after a few seconds, breathing heavily.
“We don’t – Clara, I don’t want you to think I came here expecting you to fall into bed with me – we can take it slow if you want to.”
Absolutely not. I wanted him – all of him.
I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him, a gentle expression of understanding and gratitude. Then I extricated myself from his arms and lap and held out a hand.
He eyed me warily, but he stood and grasped my hand. I walked backwards, leading him to my bedroom.
“Beckett Ashland, you had better take me to bed and ease this ache.”
A grin of wicked delight appeared on Beckett’s face. He clicked the bedroom door shut behind him, but I kept walking backwards until my legs bumped the bed.
Beckett stalked toward me. “You ache for me?” His voice was low and rough as he neared enough that our chests almost touched. He played with the hem of my long tee.
I could only nod in response, hyperaware of his fingers grazing my thighs.
Beckett licked his lips before he said, “Let me help with that.” He lifted the shirt over my head and tossed it to the corner of the bed.
The cool air was a shock against my heated skin, but it was the need in Beckett’s green eyes that made me shiver.
He traced the outside of my breasts with his knuckles and whispered, “Beautiful.”
I trembled under his gaze, my entire body now molten with desire. Beckett knelt in front of me and snuck his fingers into the waistband of my sleep shorts.
He looked up at me when he kissed my bare belly before he slid the shorts down my legs. I ran my fingers through his hair, my nails gently scratching, and reveled in the way he closed his eyes and growled.
I didn’t have time to be embarrassed about the unsexy pair of cotton underwear before they disappeared, too.
“I can’t wait to taste you again, beautiful. Get on the bed.”
Eager and giggling, I followed his directions. It didn’t take Beckett long to have me writhing and calling out his name as his fingers and tongue worked magic on my body.
Beckett kissed his way up my abdomen, paid particular care and attention to each of my breasts, until I tugged at him to kiss my mouth. “I need you, Beckett.”
“What do you need, beautiful?”
I slid my hand between our bodies until I felt his hard length through his jeans. He groaned and bucked his hips. It was a crime that he was still wearing anything at all.
“This, Beckett. I need all of you.”
His eyes darkened. “Don’t. Move.” He kissed the tip of my nose before he stood and pulled his shirt off.
I stayed where I was and admired the view.
Beckett’s shoulders were broad, his arms toned and thick, his skin tanned from years spent outside.
The smattering of hair across his chest lessened a bit down his thick abdomen, the thickness evidence of strength earned from manual labor instead of gym machines.
He undid his belt, one hand braced as he slid it off in a smooth motion.
Damn, that was hot.
Beckett shucked off his jeans, and wearing nothing but his boxer briefs he stared at me for a moment. “Do … I didn’t bring condoms.”
“Bathroom, second drawer down.”
I watched as he turned and disappeared. His thighs were massive, a strength I’d never really noticed before. But I sure as hell appreciated it now.
It was only a few seconds before he was back, multiple foil packets in his hand.
I raised a brow at him. “Optimistic, are we?” I’d never known a man who could go more than one round in a night.
“Oh, little wren. I plan to have you several times over tonight, until you beg me to stop.”
I had no response to that, except to crave him even more. Beckett grinned wickedly as he removed the last piece of clothing. His cock was just as large and thick as I remembered from when I found him in the shower. I needed to lick and suck him again.
“Wait,” I blurted before he could open the foil packet. He hesitated only until I motioned him closer. “Get up here.”
I got to my knees as he joined me on the bed. I bent in front of him, my ass in the air, and wrapped my mouth around just the tip of him.
“Fuck,” he whispered, threading his fingers in my hair. “Clara, oh god.”
I licked and sucked the length of him until he pulled me away. “If you keep that up, I’m not going to last and I want to be inside of you when that happens.”
I grinned and kissed him as he lay me back. He tore open the foil packet and rolled the condom on. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss, opening my legs so he could settle between them. The sheer size of him was incredible and I reveled in the weight of him on top of me.
Beckett kissed my neck and whispered, “You’re mine, little wren,” as he lined himself up with my entrance and pushed in, ever so slowly. “Tell me if I hurt you,” his voice firm but quiet, as he nuzzled my neck.