Wanting You (How to Marry a Billionaire #5)

Episode 191

Brett

Twenty Years Earlier

A stodgy hymn at the community parish. I can’t hear the words, can’t sing the tune.

Jake never went to church, but there sits Lisa Patterson in the front pew, crying into her hanky as if she belongs there.

He was her son. All she had. Of course she’s upset.

But why the fuck didn’t she teach her kid how to swim?

Jake knew how to swim. But he wasn’t strong enough when the river’s current went crazy. He knew that.

He knew that, and he went in anyway.

Damn you, Jake!

Damn you!

I would have helped you. I would have done anything for you.

Riv sits next to me, and Seb and Alex are on his other side. We’re in the pew behind Lisa, and our families are behind us.

We should be sitting with Lisa. We were more of a family to Jake than she ever was.

Marnie has disappeared.

So has Old Man Larson.

And then Jake goes and takes his own life.

It’s all related. I’d be an idiot to think otherwise, but I can’t string two and two together right now.

I’m so damned heartbroken, and at the same time so damned angry. Angry enough to kick down a fucking wall.

You could have come to me, Jake.

Then again, he didn’t know.

None of them knew.

None of them knew how much I loved that dumbass kid.

But you left, and I—I never got to tell you.

I never got to tell you that when you laughed, I felt like my whole world had light.

That when you looked at me, really looked at me, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could be enough.

That when you touched my arm, even for a second, my skin burned in a way I didn’t understand until it was too late.

I was in love with you. I am in love with you.

And now, you're gone, and I— What the hell am I supposed to do with that? What am I supposed to do with the piece of you that you left behind? With the piece of me that you took with you?

God, I hate you for this. I hate that you left me in this empty, hollow place where your laugh doesn’t exist anymore. I hate that you didn’t give me a chance to love you out loud. And I hate that I can’t even be angry because all I can think about is how much pain you must have been in.

I would have carried it for you.

I would have carried you.

But you drowned yourself. No one found your body. It’s bear bait by now. God, the thought of it…

And now I’m the one drowning, and you… You’re just gone.

Present Day

“What the goddamned fuck!” I launch myself at River, grabbing his collar and slamming him into the wall.

I told you that you’d both love me and hate me for what I was going to do.

River’s words.

River’s fucking words.

“Easy.”

Sienna’s voice.

“Brett, easy.”

Again, Sienna.

Sienna. My love.

I finally found love again. Her vibrant fire. Her beauty. Her sweet soul.

And now…

“You fucking son of a bitch,” I say through clenched teeth.

River doesn't fight back, just looks me in the eye, his expression unreadable. “Yeah. I feel that. I deserve that.” His words are slow and measured, the voice of reason that, under normal circumstances, I would rely on.

Sienna is pulling at my arm, but I won’t let go of River, not until I've gotten some answers.

“What did you do?” I demand. "What the fuck did you do?”

With a sharp tug, Sienna manages to pry my fingers from River's collar. She steps between us, her eyes pleading with me to calm down, but anger pulses through my veins like a living thing, blinding me to everything else.

I push her away.

She gasps. “Brett!”

I love her.

And I love the man standing in the foyer, a mask of confusion on his fine features.

Jake.

Damn. Jake.

Jake who is very much alive. I should be rejoicing.

But right now, my hate for River—River, who’s been my closest friend for as long as I can remember—overpowers everything.

“I didn’t know,” River whispers.

“Didn’t know what?” I grit out.

“That you… That you felt…”

True. He didn’t know. Not until several days ago. I never trusted anyone with my most guarded secret.

Not until now.

I trusted River. My closest friend.

“All this time…” I mutter.

Sienna is still standing between us, her body tense, her gaze bouncing between mine and River’s as if she’s trying to piece together a puzzle she wasn’t meant to solve.

Hell, she doesn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this mess. She’s breathing hard, her chest rising and falling, her hands shaking.

But she isn’t the one drowning.

I am.

The past slams into me like a freight train. Twenty fucking years of pain, of questions, of a hole in my chest that never fully closed. Twenty fucking years believing he was gone, that he was dead, that I would never see his face again except in my nightmares.

But he’s here. He’s standing right in front of me. And it doesn’t make any damned sense.

I clench my fists at my sides. I can’t breathe. I can’t think.

I take a step forward.

Then another.

Jake stiffens. He looks like a ghost. Like he doesn't know how to exist in this room, in this moment, with me staring at him like I’m trying to decide whether to hug him or kill him.

My jaw tightens. “Say something,” I rasp.

Nothing.

He parts his lips, but no words come.

His eyes—fuck, his eyes—aren’t the same. They used to be full of fire, full of life. Now they’re guarded, unreadable. And that terrifies me more than anything.

Sienna swallows hard and turns to face me fully. “Brett, who is he?”

That question hits harder than a bullet.

Who is he?

Do I even know anymore?

I stare at Jake, my chest caving in, the weight of the last two decades pressing down on me. My stomach clenches so tight I think I might be sick.

My hands shake. My throat tightens. My pulse is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears.

I force the words out, my voice barely more than a whisper.

“He’s Jake,” I say. “And he’s supposed to be dead.”