Episode 211
ALWAYS
River
I deserve everything that Brett has thrown at me. Totally I do. I feel for him. He’s in love with two people. As much as I’d like to relieve him of that burden, I can’t. It’s his to bear.
And I’m in love too.
I’m in love with Emily, and I need to tell her.
I should have returned the words when she said them to me.
I didn’t. Not because I didn’t feel them, but because I was too overwhelmed with everything else going on. With the memories of twenty years ago, with Larson’s old leather watch fob in my safe. With the break-in at my parents’ place.
Someone knows.
Someone knows everything.
But who? A blond woman is our only clue.
The longer I let the question hover, the more I realize that it’s not just about what someone knows. It’s why they’re surfacing now.
Why stir up ghosts after all this time?
I close my eyes and see Emily’s face. The way she looked at me when she said it—I love you. Like it hurt to admit it, like she was handing me something breakable and hoping I wouldn’t drop it.
And what did I do?
I stood there. Silent. Like a coward.
I love her. But love comes with a cost. With risk. And if whoever broke into my parents’ house is trying to get to me, Emily could be next.
I can’t let that happen.
Which is part of the reason why I didn’t say the words.
I can’t make her my Achilles’ heel.
The other reason is that my mind was too fucked up with everything else going on.
So what did I do? I stirred everything anyway by bringing Jake here. By showing the others that he’s alive.
The dam has already burst, so I’ll tell Emily. I’ll tell her that I return her love.
I reach the house and enter through the front.
“Oh!” Emily gasps.
She and Sienna are in the large living room right off the foyer.
“River, where’s Brett?” Sienna asks.
“He’s still on the beach.” I look to Emily. “Can we talk?”
“What about?” she asks dryly.
“Of course you can,” Sienna says with a smile that looks forced. “I think I’ll see if there’s anything left over from lunch.”
“Sienna…” Emily says.
“We’ll talk later,” Sienna says over her shoulder.
Emily turns back to me.
My God, she’s beautiful, her blond hair falling around her shoulders, her sparkling blue eyes full of life.
And full of anger.
Angry Emily is still beautiful. Perhaps even more so.
But she’s also dangerous. Not in the way that hurts. In the way that makes you want to drop to your knees and beg for a second chance—even if you know you don’t deserve it.
“Emily,” I start, but she lifts a hand.
“No,” she says. “You don’t get to call me that in that tone. Not after ignoring me.”
“I wasn’t—”
“And then just showing up with Jake like he’s a casual plus-one for vacation? Do you have any idea what kind of emotional chaos you’ve unleashed?”
“I do,” I say, and I mean it. God, I mean it. “Which is why I’m here. To tell you everything. To tell you why I didn’t say I love you back when you said it.”
Her eyes narrow. “Because you didn’t mean it.”
“No,” I say quickly, moving toward her.
She takes half a step back, and it kills me.
“Because I meant it too much.”
She lets out a sarcastic laugh. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“I was scared,” I admit. “Not of how I feel. Of what happens if I let myself feel it fully.”
“Try again.”
I nod. “Okay. Here’s the truth. There was a break-in at my parents’ house.”
That gets her attention. Her posture straightens. “When?”
“A few days ago. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
Her expression shifts, warping from defensive to alert. “And I gave you more to deal with. That bloody blackmailer of mine. Are your parents all right?”
“They’re fine,” I say. “The criminals didn’t take anything. Just went through drawers. Tore my old bedroom to pieces.”
Emily crosses her arms, all that fire still crackling in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
“River, don’t worry about me and my issues—”
I stop her with a gesture. “That’s already taken care of. Your designs have been returned.”
“What? I haven’t heard— Of course I haven’t heard. I don’t have my phone or computer here. Bloody stupid rule, if you ask me.”
I sigh. “It’s a good rule. Rather, it would have been a good rule if this event had gone as planned. Instead it went off the rails the very first night.”
She’s quiet a moment, but I can see that she’s ready to explode.
Then, “Damn it, River. Why won’t you let me help? I wanted to help you desperately. Then you gave me some garbage about my being a mirror. That you wanted to be who you think I see when I look at you. Next thing I know, you take off and return a day later with Jake in tow.”
“I had to,” I say. “It was eating me alive.”
“And I was part of that?”
“Yes. You made me want to do the right thing.” I sigh. “But there was more to it. Walls are closing in, and I…”
“You what, River?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “If you have any sense, you’ll run away from me screaming.”
She reaches forward tentatively and scrapes her fingers over my stubbled cheek. “Is that what you want?”
I cover her hand with my own. “Of course not.”
“You must not think much of me if you believe I’d run at the first sign of trouble.”
Lord.
She has no idea what she’s saying.
There’s trouble. Like the trouble she was in with her blackmailer. Like the financial trouble Seb and Jake grew up with. Like the many times Brett has been sued over his tech grants and patents.
That’s the kind of trouble she’s talking about.
It’s nothing.
She has no idea what I mean when I say trouble.
“I don’t think that of you,” I say. “I said you should run.”
“Fuck off, then.” She moves her hand and steps away from me.
And I can’t hold it in any longer.
“I love you,” I say, the words finally crashing out of me. “I should’ve said it when you did, and I didn’t. But I’m saying it now. And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. Even if you hate me.”
Silence stretches.
Emily’s breath catches, her chest rising and falling. Until finally—
“I love you too,” she whispers. “Always.”
She meets my gaze, and I see it. The love. My world is still a fucked-up mess, but Emily loves me. I can breathe again.
Until—
“But River, there’s something I have to tell you.”