Episode 223
YOU’RE IN MY HEART
Brett
A Few Moments Earlier…
“I don’t regret loving you,” I say. “But I have to know. If I’d said something back then, would it have made a difference?”
Jake doesn’t answer right away. He just stands there, the ocean wind catching strands of his hair.
“Yeah,” he finally says. “It would’ve mattered.”
His words slice through me. I feel his confession everywhere. In the ache behind my ribs. In the heat that rises in my throat. In the sudden and unwelcome feeling of relief.
“You sure about that?” I ask, voice tight.
He rubs the back of his neck. “I was a fucking mess back then, but…yeah. I had…feelings. I didn’t understand them at the time. Thought it was just growing pains.”
I search his eyes for hesitation, for doubt. I find neither.
“So it wasn’t just me,” I say.
Jake’s mouth twists into something like a smile. “No. I never imagined you felt love for me—that kind of love. But once in a while I caught a vibe.”
“Did you?”
He nods. “You wore that cocky smirk like armor. No one could see past it unless they already knew what to look for.” He pauses. “I did.”
I swallow. My throat feels thick. “I kept thinking it wasn’t real. That I was just lonely or confused.”
“You weren’t.” His voice drops low. “And neither was I.”
“But Marnie…”
He nods. “I loved her. Part of me still does. It’s a long fucking story. Plus…you know. The pregnancy.”
The silence stretches between us again, but this time it’s different. Not cold. Not empty. It’s alive with things unsaid, with years of buried ache. None of it makes sense. Maybe it never did.
As much as I loved—still love—Jake, I love Sienna too. Maybe even more.
“I’m with Sienna now,” I say again. “I love her.”
“I have a woman back in Miami,” Jake says. “Felicity. I mean, we’re not serious or anything, but she has this kid. Tammy. I adore her.”
A kid. The kid Jake never got to have with Marnie.
I don’t ask why Jake left. If he knows what happened to Marnie. I’ve already done that, and he’ll talk when he’s ready.
“Why did you come with River?” I ask. “I mean, you left for a reason—”
“Partly because he told me about Misty,” he interrupts. “But the rest? I’ll tell you all together.”
“Yeah, I get that. I’m not asking. At least not now.” I sigh. “It’s just… Seeing you. It’s got me fucked up.”
I do love Sienna, but there’s this gnawing part of me that never stopped wondering about Jake. The what-ifs.
Jake steps closer, just enough that one more breath would close the space between us.
“I thought I’d buried this,” I say. “When you died, I tried so damned hard to bury it.”
“I did too,” he says. “But it never stayed buried.”
I clench my jaw. “I’m not the same kid.”
“Neither am I.”
We’re too close now. My pulse races, my head spinning with guilt and longing and every rule I ever broke.
But then Jake looks at me.
Really looks at me.
And I don’t see the years anymore. I don’t see Sienna. I don’t see the man I’m supposed to be.
I see the teenaged boy who suppressed his unwanted feelings all those years ago, sweaty and stupid and desiring the impossible.
Jake brushes his hand against mine.
Barely.
But it’s enough.
I don’t remember moving, only that in a flash I’m touching his jaw, my fingers grazing his blond stubble.
His breath hitches.
And I kiss him.
I kiss Jake.
It’s not soft. It’s not gentle.
It’s desperation. Nostalgia. Years of denial pouring out in one reckless and perfect moment. His lips are firm, familiar and foreign all at once. He grips my shirt like he needs something to hold onto before he shatters.
I forget the island.
Forget everything except the heat of Jake, the way he tastes of warmth and spice, the way some broken piece of me stitches itself back together under the weight of this kiss.
He kisses like a man—or the way I’ve always imagined a man would kiss, as I’ve never actually kissed one until now. We battle for control, and it’s…
It’s fucking exciting, exhilarating.
And then—
A sound.
A breath.
Something shifts.
I pull back, dizzy and dazed, and turn toward the movement.
And I see her.
Sienna.
Standing in the sand, barefoot, her expression frozen. Eyes wide. Arms limp at her sides.
She’s so fucking beautiful, my Sienna.
Her heartbreak is a quiet thing. No screaming, no gasping. Just that look.
That look guts me more than anything Jake ever did.
She sees us.
Me.
Jake’s hands still tangled in my shirt.
“Sienna—”
But she’s already moving.
Not running. Just walking away. Like she’s made peace with whatever she just saw. Like she’s letting go without asking for an explanation.
And that’s worse than rage.
That’s worse than tears.
That’s done.
Jake steps back. “You should go after her,” he says softly.
“I can’t,” I whisper, shame clawing up my spine.
I should have known better.
I’ve unearthed the past.
And I have no idea how to put it back in the ground.
Everything has shifted. The air feels heavier. Guilt clings to my skin.
Sienna’s face won’t leave my mind. Not her eyes, not the way her shoulders dropped.
She went through so much with Leroy, and now I’ve done the same thing to her.
“You love her,” Jake says.
“I do.” My voice is low. “But there’s always been this…thing. With you.”
Jake nods. “Yeah.”
We stand there for another beat, facing the waves. Neither of us reaching for the other. Neither of us backing away.
He exhales. “I don’t want to ruin what you have, Brett.”
“You didn’t ruin anything.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I did that myself.”
“You didn’t kiss me out of betrayal.”
“No.” I shake my head. “It was history. Closure, maybe.”
“Or honesty,” he says. “Something we never gave ourselves back then.”
My throat tightens. “Maybe it’s both.”
Sienna’s face is still burned into my brain.
I turn to him. “I have to fix this.”
Jake doesn’t argue. “I know.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“You start with the truth. All of it.”
“She might hate me for it.”
“Then she deserves that choice.”
I run both hands through my hair. “Fuck.”
“You’re not the same guy you were back then,” Jake says. “You were reckless and brilliant and impossible to pin down.”
“And now?”
“Now you’re trying to be good.”
That hits harder than it should.
Because I am trying. For Sienna. For myself. For all the mistakes I made when I was younger.
But maybe not enough.
We stand there for a few more seconds, two men bound by years, loss, and a single kiss that I never dreamed would happen.
Then Jake claps me once on the back—just like old times—and turns away, heading back toward the house like he didn’t just blow my world apart and walk off with the pieces.
I stay behind, staring out at the sea.
The breeze picks up.
I did love Jake.
Part of me still does.
But I can’t—won’t—sacrifice the future I started building with Sienna just to resurrect a past I barely survived.
Still…
That kiss.
It wasn’t just reminiscence.
It meant something.
I have to face the cost of that meaning.
I turn back toward the path that leads to the mansion.
Somewhere in that house is a woman I’ve hurt. A woman I might lose.
And if she never forgives me?
I’ll deserve it.
But I’ll tell her anyway.
Every word.
Every truth.
Even the one I wished so profoundly to forget.
I sigh.
How do you love two people at once?
What does that say about me?
Easy answer.
I’m totally fucked.