Chapter 9
I didn’t see Will at all the next week. I stayed out as much as possible, and when I was home, he wasn’t. I didn’t ask my aunt or uncle about his whereabouts. Maybe he’d flown back to the Bahamas, or gone to frolic in Ibiza, or drowned in the Bermuda Triangle.
His robe hung in my room. I wasn’t inclined to return it. One night, after talking on the phone to my parents — separately — I couldn’t sleep. Everyone had been very busy reassuring everyone else that we were all doing fine. Pulling my nightshirt off, I wrapped myself in the thick robe, much too big for me, the velvety blue terrycloth soft, rough and scented on my bare skin. I didn’t hold back the tears that trickled onto my pillow before I drifted off to sleep.
Mid-week after work, in a little club with no cover, I perched on a wooden chair with Emily, the friend who’d set me up with her friend’s friend.
“Ladies. Can I get you another drink?” The waitress raised her voice over the music, smiling at us significantly.
I shook my head.
“We’re sharing a chair, so we’re sharing a drink,” Emily chirped, holding up our cosmo. One drink between the two of us was all we could afford.
The waitress wrinkled her nose in an Isn’t that cute but not really expression, and left.
“I googled your rich relatives.” Meg, on her own chair with a drink to herself, poked me. “And by rich, I mean moneyed as fuck,” she added to Emily. I’d told them the basics, nothing more. “You remember when her uncle and cousin showed up at the office? Andie, your cousin’s dreamy.”
“He’s insane.” I shifted on the chair, bumping Emily, who laughed.
“Even better. Rich, handsome, and twisted — now that’s hot.”
“My whole family’s insane,” I muttered.
“Oh, I know,” Emily said. “I’m the only normal person in my family too. It’s a burden, right?”
My phone buzzed. Andrea. My aunt’s number. I’d like you to accompany me to a luncheon on Saturday. We haven’t had nearly enough time together. Dress nicely.
I held up the phone. Meg shook her head. “Who texts the word ‘luncheon?’”
* * *
On Saturday, I stood next to Aunt Rose on the wide front porch, waiting for the car. The sun shone brilliantly. The leaves on the solid old trees whispered secrets. Her floral perfume wafted toward me as she turned abruptly and reached into her leather handbag.
“Here.” She pressed a stack of folded bills into my hand and closed my fingers around them with a little pat. “Will told me we should be giving you an allowance.”
Irritation surged through my body. “Really, it’s fine, Aunt Rose. It’s very kind of you, but I told him it wasn’t necessary.”
“Well, he clearly thought it was, so there we are. The car’s ready.”
“Aunt Rose.” I toyed with the zipper on my handbag, the bills soft and heavy in my palm. “Why’d you and Uncle Richard invite me here this summer?”
“It seemed like you could use a little care at this point in your life, Andrea.” Aunt Rose pursed her lips, pausing on the steps. “Care that your parents are not equipped to give you.” I can take care of myself, I muttered in my head. “And it’s nice for Will to have his cousin around.”
“Right, because he’s home so frequently,” I couldn’t help saying, and why did I give a damn?
“As are you.” My aunt arched one delicate eyebrow. “I’d thought you might be out together. I’m sure Will would be happy to arrange for some cousin time. In fact, he was the one who suggested we bring you here this summer.” She smiled at me blandly. “You know we can’t deny that boy anything.”
A chill clenched my stomach. She knows.
I nodded and followed her down the broad steps to the car.
* * *
Lunch was endless. An endless parade of conversation about everyone’s children, but mostly about Will, because my aunt could dominate any discussion. He was the most talented, the most charming, the most handsome and intelligent creature who had ever walked the earth.
I sipped my coke and chased ice with my straw, happy to be ignored after the initial pleasantries from the other women. Oh, YOU’RE Rose’s niece…we’ve heard about you…we can see the family resemblance, while their eyes took in my black knit dress and scuffed ballet flats. The shoes were my favorite. I’d wear them until the soles fell off.
Was there a family resemblance? I’d never looked past Rose’s perfect makeup, shaped and highlighted hair, and smoothed-out skin. But I saw it now, as the sunlight hit her face in the elegant restaurant. The little nose, the petite frame, the faint smattering of freckles under her powder. The large, teardrop-shaped eyes.
Will’s eyes were the same shape.
A hard curl of uncomfortable excitement wound through my body. I’d seen one picture of my mother and Rose together when they were young, in their late teens or early twenties, and Rose’s long, wavy hair had the same burnished glow as mine.
“Will is just having one success after another,” my aunt gushed. “All we can do is sit back and watch. It gives us so much pride.”
“We should see about him getting together with my Maddie,” another woman cooed, stroking the handle of her coffee cup. Mrs. Platt, who’d commented on the family resemblance. “They’d make a very attractive couple. They were talking for quite a while at the garden party you gave a couple of weeks ago.”
I stiffened. Will had been talking to a girl? I hadn’t seen him hold a long conversation with anyone that night. Unless you counted forcing his kisses on me as a conversation. It must have happened after I slipped away and retreated to my room.
“Oh, yes,” the woman sitting across from my aunt piped up. “Maddie certainly goes after what she wants. I’d call her unstoppable.”
Mrs. Platt raised her eyebrows, and I wondered if it was a barb.
“Well, he has his choice of girls.” Aunt Rose smiled. “Andrea can attest to that.”
My fingers tightened around my coke glass, and I crossed my legs, managing a polite smile. My crotch was throbbing. Juices trickled into my underwear. Since the night of that garden party, when my cousin had first put his hands on me, I’d been wet. All the time.
“But I think he and Madeleine would enjoy each other,” my aunt continued. “They’d go far together. They certainly both know what they want. They’re cut from the same cloth.”
Manipulative, entitled, creepy cloth. Gorgeous, angry cloth. Selfish cloth. Heartless cloth, incapable of love. I’d hated this Maddie as soon as she was mentioned, but suddenly I felt a flash of pity. And I’d never met the girl.
“What do you think, Andrea?”
“As long as they make each other happy.” Excusing myself, I pushed back my chair to visit the opulent bathroom. As I leaned my forehead against the cool stall wall, breathing the softly perfumed air, I slipped a hand in my sopping underwear. I stroked my clit, feeling Will’s sure fingers inside me and his dirty whispers in my ears, until I convulsed in pleasure.
* * *
Aunt Rose insisted on taking me shopping after lunch. I let her. At the boutique, she informed me that my colors were blue, green, and white, and I should avoid everything else at all costs.
Back at the house, I changed into one of the dresses she bought me, a pale blue sheath, to appease her, and kept my face fixed in an expression of polite gratitude when she told me over dinner that I finally looked presentable.
The meal over, I slipped out to the empty back patio and curled up in the glider. Lanterns dangled, unlit. Fireflies zipped through the humid air. My hair, thick and heavy, clung to my neck and shoulders. The sky darkened until I squinted at the words in my book. The leaves and grasses, rustling, got louder.
I looked up. A tall, lean figure stood a distance away in the trees. The house was a large faint outline in the background, against the velvet dusk.
Green eyes met mine. Will began to walk toward me.
I knew what would happen.
I ran.
Footsteps pounded after me. Gravel crunched underfoot. I darted into the trees, away from the house and its posted security, taking advantage of the shadows. My breath came in shallow bursts. I heard low pants behind me.
I was desperate to evade him.
I was desperate for him to catch me.
I wanted to show him he meant nothing to me.
For him to prove I meant something to him.
The woods held secrets, and I didn’t know who we’d be in there.
Will was fast, but I was quick-footed, leaping over logs that rolled under his feet. The polished cotton of my new dress bunched around my legs. I pulled up the snug skirt. I didn’t care what Will saw. At some point I lost my shoes. My bare feet gripped the ground, moss and leaves underfoot. Cracking branches followed me.
I kicked a log in his path. He cursed when he tripped over it. Zigzagging through dark murmuring trees, I aimed to throw him off, constantly switching direction, my throat dry, my heart pounding.
Leading him deeper into the woods.
In a clearing, as I gasped for breath, a hard arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me up tight against my cousin’s body. A hand gripped my hair. A hot tongue thrust against my neck.
I hadn’t fought Will before this, not hard, but I did now. I kicked, gripped, yanked. I wanted to rough up his perfect hair, scratch his sun-drenched skin, get him messy and dirty like he deserved. I wanted him to work for everything he got from me.
“You little bitch,” he grunted.
“Bastard.” Twisting in his arms, I raked my nails over his cheek, shocked at the scratch I left there and his sudden roar. A hard bulge thrust against my stomach. “I hate you.”
I bit his lip hard when he kissed me. When I didn’t taste blood, I bit again. I licked the metallic drop that welled up. Will jerked against me.
“Jesus fucking christ,” he groaned. “You little animal.”
A large palm pulled my crumpled skirt around my waist. The same palm squeezed my mound, then slid inside my underwear, hot and invasive against my tender skin. Fingers plunged into my wet folds.
My knees turned to liquid. I wanted to snarl with fury and cry with relief. I grasped Will’s arms, wrapped tight around me, as he ran his hand all over my swollen pussy. Every crevice, every secret place needed his touch. I whimpered, my slick juices soaking his hand and my nub hardening into a pearl. When fingers sank inside me, my head went light.
Will groaned into my hair as I struggled against his sleek body. The insistent fingers between my legs were forcing me to the edge. Sensations swirled, tightened, and snapped in a long, fiery burst of desire.
With every contraction, I sobbed into Will’s shoulder, biting skin through fabric. My cousin was taking private things from me. Making me come. What he had of me — I’d never get it back.
His relentless touch on my clit pushed me to new peaks of painful pleasure. Each spasm rushed up to my sensitive nipples. That light expensive cologne was lost in his natural scent. He was soaked in sweat and male musk, his shirt damp. I buried my face in the crevice of his arm, moaning when a fresh wave of desire rolled over me.
“Stop it,” I hissed.
“Nuh-uh,” he grunted. “Keep coming for me, slut.”
His finger slid over my sensitive clit again, and my growl ended in a gasp.
“Go be with Madeleine Platt. Leave me alone.”
I felt the start of surprise in his body.
“I don’t want Madeleine fucking Platt.”
I spat on his cheek. Shock showed in his eyes. The glistening saliva dripped down the scratch I’d left. “Say that again. Don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t want her, you bitch!” he roared.
Hot hands wrestled me down onto the ground, grasping at my neckline. Soft moss pressed against my back. Will ripped hard, furiously, the smooth fabric of my new dress tearing under each yank of his hands. I grabbed at whatever I could, fistfuls of his shirt, trying to ruin the expensive cotton, trying to breathe. A button came off in my hand.
Swift fingers pulled down my soaked underwear, yanking the lace off my thrashing legs and tossing it aside. I squeezed Will’s shoulders, digging my nails in. I heard a zipper coming down.
“Where have you been all week?” I snarled.
“Where have you been?” he shot back.
“Why do you care?”
Lips enveloped mine, a warm tongue licking and licking and licking until my mouth opened to take it in. Palms captured my breasts, squeezing the soft little swells through my bra, then impatiently tearing off the lacy fabric. Sticky night air closed over my naked curves. I sobbed with need at the greedy sucks on my nipples, arching my body to Will’s hungry mouth. Will ignored my hard scratches down his back, covering my breasts completely with his mouth and hands.
Dark trees surrounded us. Through the branches above Will’s head, half a moon lit the scrape I’d left on his cheek. His perfect hair was a mess. I grabbed the brown waves and pulled, hard. I was shaking under Will’s hands and kisses. My thighs were slick. Pushing them open, he sank down, his body sleek and powerful and soaked with sweat. Hot flesh nudged my tender skin and lodged at my opening.
“No,” I rasped. My whole body cried out yes.
“Yes.”
“Don’t you dare.” I clutched his shoulders, pulling him down to me, giving the lie to my words. If he entered me, I’d be lost. If he didn’t…I’d still be lost.
“Uh,” Will grunted. He flexed his hips and pushed.
Roundness, hard roundness, thrust against my soaked entrance. Slowly, my pussy opened. When his head slipped into my tight wetness, I gasped.
My pussy stung, quivering on his thick flesh. I moaned around Will’s tongue in my mouth, clutching his head, stunned at being pierced so intimately.
“Will,” I whimpered. He just kissed me harder. His body was heavy on top of mine.
He felt huge, so huge, growling with desire as I writhed beneath his weight. His cock kept twitching inside me, and each twist of my hips urged it a little deeper. My pussy convulsed around the swollen head, bathing it with cream. His long kisses weren’t letting me breathe. My hands were still in his hair, pulling as hard as I could. My tender nipples ached with every brush against his chest.
Green eyes, locked on mine, glittered with lust. Will eased back, then sank deeper into my quivering pussy, groaning softly with each slow movement. Everything was slow now. His handsome features were contorted with animal need, unrecognizable.
With a sudden twist, I wrenched my lips from his.
“I know why you want me.” I gasped when his cock jerked, halfway inside. “I look the way your mom used to. Am I right? Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out?”
Will stared at me in the dim light. I could barely see the stunned expression on his beautiful face.
“No,” he said finally. I didn’t feel like asking which question he was saying “no” to.
“You disgust me,” I spat. Will stopped moving. My pussy throbbed uncomfortably, eagerly, around his cock. “You’ve had everything handed to you. You just take and take. You don’t know what it’s like to lose things. You don’t care, you don’t care about anyone except yourself. You’re just a golden boy in a golden bubble, and nothing you do ever means anything. It’s like you’re not even a real person.”
Fireflies flew by. Will’s face flickered in and out.
“You think so?” he said in a low voice.
Suddenly, I couldn’t speak.
“Why do you keep saying no, Andie,” he said in that same low voice, “when you’re so hot and so wet and so fucking wanting every time I touch you?”
“Because…” I took a shuddering breath. Because you’re my cousin. Because you get everything you want, and what you don’t get, you take. Because you’re capable of shattering me into a thousand pieces and walking away.
“Because you’ve never given me the chance to say yes.”
Smoky green eyes opened wide. The hips pressing mine slowly, slowly eased up. The thick cock invading my entrance dragged back. A low moan left my lips as hot flesh rubbed mine. Will withdrew from me inch by agonizing inch, until I was empty. He stopped with the silken tip just outside my pussy.
An eternity passed. The trees watched. My cousin’s breath was warm on my face. His arms were beginning to shake with the effort of holding himself up.
The space between us, room enough to crawl out from under his body, throbbed with waiting. I bit back moan after moan at each twitch of his cock, coming to rest against my wet, aching opening as his arms trembled.
Finally, I arched my back, then pushed up with my hips. Just enough for Will’s cock to open me again, painfully pleasurable.
“Please, Will,” I whispered, need heating my skin.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Andie.”
He plunged in. I cried out, my voice echoing through the woods at the sudden sharpness. His firm cock, sinking into me without mercy, made me impossibly full. But he pulled back, then pushed into my soaked core again, deeper. Again. And again, until he’d filled me.
I buried my face in his warm neck, gasping from too much sensation. He was so hard, I was so wet, juices trickling down my ass, my pussy spasming and fluttering on the thick cock buried inside me. It hurt, it burned with pleasure, I couldn’t take it, I wanted more, and there was no escaping. Will’s skin was warm and salty and scented under my tongue. When I bit down, he roared and thrust hard into my clasping flesh, flexing his hips to move in and out of me in a way I was only beginning to understand.
“Ugh.” His hands were all over me, squeezing my breasts, cupping my cheeks, pulling my hair. A thumb pressed against my lips insistently, and I opened my mouth to suck on it. “Sweet little baby. Fuck, you’re tight.”
“Will, it hurts,” I whimpered. My whole body shook from excitement.
“I know,” he whispered. “I know, Andie. Just stay with me.” His face was contorted with arousal. He stroked his thumb in and out of my mouth, letting me eagerly suck. Then hot lips closed over mine, and I groaned when thick flesh jerked inside me. “First time always hurts.”
“What about later?” I couldn’t keep back a moan. My legs opened and wrapped around his back. I squeezed his shoulders, feeling the sculpted muscles work. Sobs left my mouth as Will thrust rhythmically into my clinging tightness.
“You tell me, Andie,” he whispered. “Will it hurt later?”
“Will…” I groaned.
“Uhhh,” he grunted. His eyes were locked on mine. His thrusts were longer, smoother, stretching my soaked pussy wide. “Oh yeah. Sweet girl. Take me, Andie.” I buried my face in his shoulder again, caught between pleasure and pain. “Look at me,” he hissed in my ear.
I looked at him. Narrowed green eyes lanced right into me. Hot tears trickled down my cheeks as his thick cock sank into my core, faster on each stroke. I hung onto his rippling back, lifting my hips to meet him. Will was pushing against something firm and resisting deep inside me, and a sheer wash of pleasure and discomfort made my wet pussy clutch his cock.
“That’s it,” he groaned. “Just like that. Fuck!”
His sudden hard thrusts forced gasps from my lips. His face was soaked with lust. His hand closed over my breast, and the dam broke.
I started shaking, kissing him hungrily, devouring his hot mouth. A tidal wave swept over my body. The tears flowed hard now. Slow, deep contractions radiated out from Will’s cock. I moaned into his mouth, holding him tightly, as he grunted with pleasure through each spurt inside me.
Finally, we collapsed together and rolled to our sides on the mossy ground, kissing. I heard Will’s whispers asking if I was okay, felt him smoothing tears off my cheeks. I nodded and tasted his lips again.
“Are you okay?” I whispered back.
He gave me a half-smile and ran a finger over my torn dress, gaping open at the front. Silently, I worked my arms out of the shredded fabric and eased it down my body. I sighed when Will’s hands moved over my breasts and back, soothing my skin. Unbuttoning his shirt, I pulled his undershirt off. I watched in the near-darkness, trees whispering, as he slid down his pants. Naked, we curled up on soft moss.
His hand closed over mine with warm pressure. Stroking his hair back from his face, I rubbed my thumb across his cheek and felt his shuddering sigh. When he wound his fingers through my hair, brushing it off my shoulders, my eyes fluttered closed.
I rested my head on his chest, feeling his thudding heartbeat slow, as the crickets made their sounds and the lights from the big house went out one by one.
* * *
On the last sticky day of August, I waited at the station for the train to arrive. My patched-together duffel bag dangled from my hand. The driver waited discreetly in a black town car, parked nearby until I boarded the train.
In my phone was the address for the city apartment I’d share with Meg and Emily, a tiny fourth-floor walkup. The publishing house had offered me a full-time job, and I didn’t ask if my uncle had anything to do with it.
I hadn’t wanted to say goodbyes, so I’d said them all the night before. Rose — frosty, Richard — hearty and hollow, Will — in the middle of the night, outside.
I still didn’t know if it would hurt later. I hadn’t done a lot of thinking. I only knew the past three months had been a patchwork: slipping into Will’s bed at night, sighing when he climbed on top of me in mine, meeting outside and running into the woods. Sinking my teeth into his shoulder when he speared me outside on the grass. Running my hands through his hair while his tongue worked between my legs; lapping up the pearly drops of liquid from his beautiful cock while he groaned with need. Laughing like kids when we went for a ride in his car, enjoying it. Letting him take me out to places I’d longed to go in the city. Teaching him to play chess, while his foot stroked my calf, driving me to complete distraction. Talking through halting conversations late at night, when one or the other of us got too angry to speak — not with each other, but with the rest.
His number was in my phone. He’d whispered “call me” in my ear last night, right before we brushed grass off our skin and avoided security to slip back into the house.
I knew the guards looked the other way. I knew my aunt and uncle looked the other way, too. I knew Will and I would meet again, but I didn’t know when, or how, or if our bodies would find each other after this summer.
I’d said yes a hundred times, but I didn’t know what I wanted yet, not really.