9. Nyah
NYAH
Dear Diary,
I need coffee, therapy, and possibly a flow chart for my love life.
Ifinally got my shower, and by the time I walked out of the bathroom, I was glad the main room of the clubhouse had filled up a bit. Dax had come out of our bedroom and sat at the bar, drinking coffee from a mug that said This Might Be Whiskey.
One of the prospects, Chirp, I think, passed a coffee mug over to Amber, who perched on the edge of the couch in her workout gear. Judging from her perfect ponytail and neatly made-up face, she hadn’t started exercising yet.
She looked up. “Morning, Nyah. I didn’t get to tell you with all the chaos last night, but I’m glad you’re here and safe.”
I smiled back at her, surprised, though grateful for the warmth in her voice. I’d thought club bunnies were supposed to hate all newcomers, but Amber seemed genuine. “Thanks. I’m really grateful to be here.”
Reaper and Lynx came in from outside, and though Reaper was freshly showered, his hair slicked back and still wet, Lynx was sweaty, like he’d gone a few rounds in a boxing ring. He practically limped inside, wincing with every step.
Concerned filled me, and I crossed the room to grab his arm. “Hey. What happened? Are you okay?”
Amber sniggered. “He’s fine. He just did a hard workout.”
I looked over at her and then back at Reaper. He couldn’t meet my eyes. A blush crept up his neck, and he turned away. I stared at Lynx, who seemed utterly exhausted. He had dirt on his hands and knees and forearms, and a light sheen of sweat covered his body.
Had he and Amber…
Oh my God. Well, that probably explained why she wasn’t at all bothered by my presence. She already had a man to entertain her beneath this roof.
I dropped my hand. “Sorry. Not my business. If you guys are…” I shook my head and walked away.
But Lynx caught my arm. “It’s not like that. I literally was working out.” He glared at Amber. “Solo.”
I bit my lip and could tell by his expression he was telling the truth. The images my brain conjured up of him and Amber rolling around in the dirt, his big body covering hers as he pounded into her perfectly sculpted, muscle-tightened body, were unwarranted.
But the jealousy remained, even though he’d done nothing, and despite the fact I had absolutely no right to it. I was all messed up with Dax and Luca, I had no business being jealous over who Lynx was or wasn’t fooling around with.
And yet part of me selfishly wanted to keep him for myself.
I liked Lynx. A lot. He was fun and easy to talk to, and I liked that he’d protected me.
I liked how I felt when I was around him.
I hadn’t forgotten the sweet way he’d brought me baby books and vitamins when he’d first found out I was pregnant.
But I also couldn’t forget he’d watched Luca and I fuck on that plane. Or that Luca had asked him to stay, and I hadn’t complained.
He’d watched me writhing and panting and he’d been there to see Luca drive into me, taking what he wanted, giving me what I’d needed.
Lynx had watched me fall apart. He’d watched an orgasm rip through my body and he’d heard me scream Luca’s name as I came. He’d seen my naked tits, pussy, and ass. He’d heard me moan.
I wasn’t really sure we could ever go back to being just friends after that.
Something had changed. But my heart clenched now at the fact he couldn’t even look at me.
I hated that he went and sat on the same couch as Amber, instead of wrapping his arms around me in the same protective way he had after he’d killed that man in MacGregor’s castle.
Despite watching him murder a man, I’d never felt safer than when I’d been in Lynx’s arms.
I swallowed hard. I needed Violet. Needed her to tell me what the hell I was supposed to do here, because somehow my life had become a hot mess, and the happy, normal existence I’d once envisioned for me and Dax now seemed messier and murkier than ever.
“Is Violet coming round today?” I asked Reaper through a choked-up throat.
He forced himself to face me. “Yeah. She’ll be here soon. Whip and X too, for a meeting. They just have to take the kids to school first.”
I nodded. The quicker she got here, the better. There had been too much testosterone around me for months now. I needed my best friend.
“Heads-up. Violet, X, and Whip are incoming.” The message from the prospect on the gates crackled through the walkie-talkie sitting on the Slayers’ bar.
I snapped my head up to peer at the security camera footage playing on the screens, confirming a car slow rolling down the hill toward the parking lot outside the clubhouse doors.
I was standing outside her door by the time she opened it, and while I had planned on giving her the hugest hug and asking her about the kids and her pregnancy and catching up on everything I’d missed, what I actually did was fall into her arms as a sob racked my chest.
To Violet’s credit, she knew exactly what to do. She wrapped her arms around me so tight, squeezing me until my body regulated against hers and the panicked urge to cry faded away.
X and Whip glanced at me, both of them giving me a “You good?” look, but when I nodded, they walked away, clearly satisfied I just needed Violet and they didn’t need to go murder someone on my behalf.
Violet’s men were murderers. Straight-up, cold-blooded killers who made no apologies about it. She was exactly who I needed to talk to.
“How do you do this?” I asked.
She pulled back, holding me at arm’s length. “Do what? Drive a car littered with crumbs and McDonald’s Happy Meal toys in the back seat?”
I smiled but shook my head. “How do you manage having feelings for three men?”
Her eyebrows rose in unison but quickly came back down. “Why do you ask? Are you…”
“Messed up in attraction and sex and friendship with three men? Yes.”
A smile flickered at the corner of her mouth. “Really? Okay, I’ve clearly missed some things. But Ny, I’m not sure that actually sounds like a bad thing…”
I couldn’t help but laugh either. “Yes, really! And yes, it’s a bad thing! I was with Dax. We were happy and maybe now we can be together again, but…”
Violet didn’t seem bothered that we’d skipped all the pleasantries and the catching up on what had been going on in our lives since we’d been separated. “But what? You love Dax. He loves you.”
“I know. And we’re having this baby…” I put my hand over my belly.
Violet’s eyes instantly filled with tears. “You’re still pregnant.”
I nodded as she peppered me with questions. “How was I feeling? When did I find out I hadn’t lost it? Did I know if it was a boy or a girl?”
I put my hand on her stomach, knowing she wouldn’t mind because I knew her that well. “We’re bump buddies.”
Though Violet’s bump was a lot more noticeable than mine, despite the fact we had to be only weeks apart and I might have even been farther along than she was.
She covered my hand with hers and smiled while her eyes watered. “Our babies are going to grow up together.”
I wanted that. So much. And yet I couldn’t even see what that might look like. I was under no delusions that Carlos Guerra, and my father, and even MacGregor were just suddenly going to leave me alone to live happily ever after.
There would be retribution for what I’d done. What I’d caused. I might be safe behind the Slayers’ gates for now, but I couldn’t hide here forever. And the moment I stepped outside them, things would change.
I didn’t have the energy or strength to deal with that yet. I needed to talk to Dax about what he wanted, and to Luca without taking my clothes off for him.
So for now, I was no longer the Mafia princess.
While I was behind these gates, I’d just have to be a biker queen.