19. Nyah #2
By the time I took a few deep breaths of cooling night air and got myself under control, the clubhouse party had started to heat up.
Kiki and Amber and the prospects had clearly all bonded during their time away, and Kiki sat with her perfect, peach-shaped ass on the bar, while Kyle worked behind it, pouring drinks for the members and other prospects who weren’t working that night.
Whenever he got a break between serving, he beelined for the spot between her legs, grinning and pulling her closer to kiss her red lips.
They were cute as fuck, and I couldn’t help smiling at the way they were so enamored. They were so familiar with each other, I got the impression they’d been together for a while, and yet every time he was near her, Kyle’s face was so sweetly pure it was clear he had eyes for no one else.
It left Amber and a few of her friends wandering amongst the other men, all of the women cute as hell in little skirts that showed off long legs, and cropped shirts showing off their toned stomachs.
I remembered what it felt like, to look cute and confident like that. Now I just felt pregnant and frumpy.
I sat next to Dax and tried not to notice Luca sitting across from us, Lynx beside him on the cracked leather couches.
Dax immediately put his arm around me, and I snuggled against his side.
But that insidious voice in my head, I knew most women suffered from, questioned whether things with Luca might have been different if I wasn’t noticeably pregnant now.
I hated I still wanted him to find me attractive. It was so stupidly shallow when I logically knew my body was just doing what it needed to do, and that was a miracle in itself.
But this body also came with hormones, and it had been cooped up in the clubhouse for weeks, and Christ, was it too much to want to put on some pretty clothes and go out somewhere?
I didn’t want to be a woman who moped and felt badly about her changing body. And maybe I couldn’t go anywhere right now, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a good time tonight.
I didn’t want to just sit here on this couch snuggling with Dax while Kiki had Kyle between her thighs and Amber gave Chirp a lap dance.
Hell, even Queenie had come out of hers and Aloha’s room in a pretty dress that hugged her plus-size figure.
She only ever had eyes for her man, and Aloha worshipped the ground she walked on.
It had taken him approximately three minutes to pull her into a darkened corner and kiss her so stupid I’d had to turn away before my jealousy consumed me.
I looked ridiculous in the sweats and hoodie I’d been wearing all day.
I kissed Dax’s cheek. “I’ll be back.”
He nodded but didn’t really pay that much attention. He was more focused on Lynx and Luca and the very in-depth hockey conversation that floated between them.
At least he no longer wanted to kill Lynx.
It was the only way Dax could even be here.
War had made it very clear that nobody would be killing anyone else within his fences, and since I was kinda stuck here for fear Carlos or my father would try grabbing me off the streets and doing to me what someone had done to Virginia, Dax had been forced to give Lynx the benefit of the doubt. Or not see me at all.
A fate I would have once said was worse than death for both of us.
Only Dax had really not touched me much at all in the last few weeks either. It wasn’t surprising. My sweats had a stain on the leg and I had barely brushed my hair. I wouldn’t want to touch me either.
I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom I now thought of as mine.
It was the room Dax slept in when he stayed here, but since I was the one here every night, it was my things spread out everywhere, taking up all the room.
I surveyed the space, realizing I’d become a bit of a slob and hadn’t even noticed.
“Jesus, Nyah,” I whispered to my reflection. “Get it together.”
Those three men out there were gorgeous, and I hadn’t missed the way Amber’s friends kept darting glances in our direction, clearly all wondering what the three of them were doing hanging around with the pregnant chick who couldn’t even be bothered to put on mascara.
Pre-pregnancy, I’d loved getting dressed up and going out. Having a few drinks with friends and dancing until my feet hurt. There was a party literally happening right now, right outside my bedroom doors. I could show up for it like I wasn’t just the swamp troll who lived beneath the bridge.
I showered fast, dried off, then rubbed a pretty-smelling lotion all over my body, instead of the stretchmark cream I’d been using lately.
I put on my underwear and twisted my hair up off my neck into a messy bun, letting loose tendrils frame my face, a quick twirl of my curling iron setting them into place nicely.
Makeup and earrings came next, a bracelet, and I started to get excited about turning this “sweats and pizza” sort of night into something more fun.
I rifled through my meager closet, searching for something to wear, knowing there wasn’t much, since most of my clothes were still at the Guerra mansion and completely off-limits to me unless I wanted to walk into the lion’s den.
But I’d taken some pretty dresses to Scotland with me, knowing I’d be expected to dress up for events Carlos would drag me to. I’d stashed them in the back of the tiny closet because I had no need for them here.
But excitement trilled through me now at the thought of putting them on and feeling human again.
That lasted all of thirty seconds, until I tried to pull the first dress up over my ass.
Nope.
The second got farther but wouldn’t do up at the back thanks to my belly.
The third went over my head, and my tits spilled over the cups, which I could have lived with for a Slayers’ party. The other women were all showing off plenty of cleavage.
But unfortunately, that was as far as the dress got. I couldn’t get it down over my bump, and then when I tried to get it off, I found I was very much stuck in it.
The bedroom door opened, and I quickly kicked the bathroom door shut. “Do not come in here.”
Dax rapped his knuckles across the wood. “I’ll stay on this side, but are you okay? You’ve been in here for ages. Do you need anything? More toilet paper? Maybe some TUMS? Queenie might have some.”
I yanked open the door and stared at him in horror. “You think I’m in here because I have diarrhea?”
Dax blinked at me, and I couldn’t blame him. I had my dress all rucked up around my boobs, the rest of me standing only in underwear, and the bathroom a disaster of my discarded clothes, makeup, and shower steam that hadn’t quite completely dissipated, thanks to the barely working exhaust fan.
He screwed up his face. “I…”
He didn’t get to finish. Because I burst into tears.
To Dax’s credit, my tears didn’t scare him one iota like they would have if it had been Luca or even Lynx who’d found me in this predicament. He instantly reacted, enclosing me in his arms, tangled-up dress and all, holding me close.
“Hey,” he murmured. “What’s going on with you?”
The truth rolled off my tongue like I’d been desperate to say it for weeks. “Luca thinks I’m disgusting. Lynx refuses to be anywhere near me. And you only put up with me because I’m having your baby.”
Dax leaned back and squinted at me. “What?”
I slapped his chest. “You heard me! I’m the swampiest swamp troll who ever trolled! Look at me! I can’t even fit into anything other than my sweats!”
His brows furrowed in the middle. “Yeah, because you’re pregnant, Nyah. You aren’t supposed to fit into your regular clothes.”