25. Lynx
LYNX
Dear Diary,
Some words are hard to say. And I don’t
just mean antidisestablishmentarianism.
Ilay there in a bed that smelled of sex, while the shower ran, Luca filling the little room with so much steam it seeped out from the crack between the door and floor.
Nyah’s lips and tongue traced patterns on my skin, and I wanted to memorize every one. Every feel of her against me, on me, in me.
“You said you loved me,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said softly back.
“Did you mean it? Or were you just trying to hurt your parents?”
She lifted her head to look at me. “I think I meant it, Lynx. I think I love you.”
My breath hitched at the honesty in her expression.
And in the moment, I was sure she meant it. But she had big feelings for Luca. That was constantly evident in the way they sparred. And even a blind man would be able to see she was in love with Dax.
I didn’t know how I fit.
And until I did, I couldn’t say it back. Couldn’t tell her I was in love with her, as so much more than a friend, and had been for a long time.
I couldn’t break my own heart by admitting the truth.
So I just kissed her mouth.
And swallowed down all the words I’d wanted to say ever since I’d first laid eyes on her.