Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Shaun woke from a heavy sleep, gradually becoming aware of someone sitting on the bed next to her.
As realization crept in, her heart pounded in fear and she froze.
What should she do? She was in a strange place with strange people, vulnerable.
Leeza and Ayaan were in different rooms and in no position to help Shaun.
Oh god, was she going to survive the Congolese rainforest only to die in her bed?
Before she could decide whether to run or fight, she caught the familiar scent of her husband.
“Jozef!” She flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m so happy to see you.”
And she was. She knew she was in trouble, knew he’d be furious, but she was still beyond thrilled that he’d found her. Even better, he appeared to be unharmed. She’d thought Radik would have to use an elephant tranquilizer to stop Jozef from attacking the compound.
It took her a moment to realize he wasn’t hugging her back. She felt the chill emanating from him. He was angry, probably beyond angry. Maybe somewhere in the apoplectic region of rage.
He was turned away from her so she couldn’t make out his expression.
“I know you’re mad at me,” she started, but he slashed his hand through the air, stopping her. She bit her lip, then tried again. “We came because we felt it would be better – ”
He turned swiftly, tearing a gasp from her as he gripped her arms. The look in his eyes shook her. It was bottomless, soulless, without love. He was staring at her the way he had the day she met him; the day he held a gun to her head and nearly pulled the trigger. Without mercy.
Only he’d had mercy that day.
She had to find that part of him, remind him he loved her.
“Jozef, I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
He touched his fingers to the edge of her eye, capturing the tears, then crushing them in his hand. He signed, You lie to me with these words and these tears. You pretend remorse where there is none.
“That’s not true,” she defended, a shiver snaking through her. There was no warmth to him, no love.
If you were sorry, then you wouldn’t have come. You would have stayed in Prague where you belong.
She wanted to tell him that she belonged wherever she chose to put herself, but the edge to his sign language, his stony face, told her to tread carefully. “It was important to me that I kept looking for Saskia. You sidelined me when I could have been useful.”
When she put her hand on his leg, he surged to his feet breaking contact. Turning to face her, he signed, You’re useful in one way only, and that is in the position of my wife. Beyond that you have no use to me.
She gasped. “You’re being deliberately cruel. I understand you’re angry with me, and perhaps justified.” She fingered the bandage under her eye. “But I came here with good intentions and I’m fine as you can see.”
He continued his rant, I have allowed you the freedom to work and to choose your own schedule, and yet still you take more.
It has gone against every instinct to allow you to leave the house almost daily to go to that fucking hospital, and what do I get in return?
A wife who betrays me the moment my back is turned.
“You’re making it sound like I’m cheating on you!
” She shoved the blankets off her legs and stood.
She was only a few inches shorter than him, and right now, she needed every bit of height she could get.
“I came here to help your family, to help keep the peace. Maybe the execution is flawed, but the intent was noble.”
He grabbed her arms in a painful hold. She could feel the desire in him to punish her physically.
He shook with it. The leash on his patience was stretched to the breaking point.
His eyes burned with vicious intent. Aside from the day he almost killed her, this was the most terrified she’d ever felt.
Sorrow hammered at her and she said the only thing she could think of to snap him out of it. “Jozef, you can’t hurt me. I’m… I’m pregnant.” Oh god, please don’t do anything we’ll both regret, she silently begged.
It took him several long seconds to process what she’d said, then he abruptly let her go. She backed away from him, rubbing the flesh where his hands had been.
As his rage began to ebb, myriad expressions crossed his face. Expressions she knew he would never show to anyone but her. Fear, pain, despair, and finally acceptance.
She was shaking so hard, she could barely sign, but she decided in this instance, using his language was her best bet for peace between them. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you this way. I found out the day we flew to Pretoria.
He stared at her for a moment, as if turning her words over in his mind before replying. It was a good sign. If he was calm enough to think, then he wouldn’t hurt her. And you chose not to tell me.
Though he was clearly still angry, his murderous rage had drained. She looked him over, noting his exhaustion. She wondered when he’d last slept. Probably not since finding out his wife had gone missing. A few days at least.
Yes, she admitted, I deliberately kept it from you.
I knew if I said anything, you would have had me on the first flight back to Prague.
She lifted her chin, challenging him to contradict her.
I was useful in Pretoria, and you know it.
I was also useful here, in the DRC. Okay, that was a stretch, but she had flirted with their terrible guide, which allowed Ayaan and Leeza to do what they needed to do.
You came to the DRC knowing you’re pregnant. Are you insane? Do you have a death wish? Even if you don’t care about yourself, what about the life of our unborn child?
Shame washed over her and she stared down at her toes, trying to come up with a good explanation.
She couldn’t. Or at least not an explanation that would be good enough.
She could’ve helped Leeza and Ayaan from the safety of Prague.
There was no need for her to accompany them on their trek.
Both were medically trained. They didn’t really need a doctor with them.
And if they’d known she was pregnant, especially as she was high risk, they would never have allowed her to come along.
“I don’t know,” she whispered, then switched to signing.
I don’t know why I did it. It was reckless and stupid, and you’re right to be angry with me.
Before she could stop them, the tears came thick and fast. She could barely see him as she signed, I don’t feel anything.
I don’t feel like I’m pregnant. No morning sickness, no flutters of kicking feet, nothing.
I know it’s too early, but I don’t believe… I can’t bring myself… what if…
A sob cracked from her throat and she dropped her face into her hands. Arms enveloped her in warmth, cradling her while she cried, urging her to release her tension and fear.
She couldn’t bring herself to care about her pregnancy because she believed it would end the way the other had. It didn’t matter how careful she was, she still suffered a miscarriage. If she lost this one… it would destroy her.
She didn’t deserve his compassion, but she knew he couldn’t withhold it. Not in the face of her misery. Which told her their marriage would be fine, despite what she’d done.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed and his arms tightened.
When the bulk of the storm had passed, he urged her to sit on the bed with him, dragging the blanket around her, cocooning her.
His expression was serious when he signed, You’re an idiot and I don’t know what to do with you. How do I keep you, and now our unborn child, safe if you won’t do the same?
“I won’t do anything this reckless again,” she whispered. “I promise.”
He shook his head, his lips lifting in a weary smile. You can’t promise that, my love. Eventually, you will find yourself in another situation where you have to choose your safety over the life of another, and I know what you will choose.
He was right. She could think of half a dozen situations where she wouldn’t think twice about her own safety.
Car accident on the side of the highway.
One of their people getting shot during a mafia war.
A child starving to death in a warzone. She would always run toward the danger instead of away. It was who she was.
He caressed her cheek, wiping the remnants of her tears, before signing, I love all of you, even the part of you that insists on saving the world. I will continue to stand between you and that world, even if it kills me. I will protect you until the end.
“Thank you for loving me.” She knew how special it was to have someone as devoted as Jozef in her life.
He dropped his hand to her arm, touching the spot where he’d grabbed her. I’m sorry I hurt you.
She nodded, accepting his apology. It wasn’t okay and she wasn’t going to tell him it was okay. He should never lay hands on her in anger, but she understood why he’d done it. Fear. For her.
“What do we do now?” she whispered.
We sleep. And tomorrow we get the fuck out of here and go home. Radik can have this part of the world to himself.
“Home,” Shaun said, pushing herself down in the bed until she was laying flat. “That sounds nice.”
Jozef joined her, pulling the blanket over them. He took her lips in a kiss that spoke of his deep love for her, his fear of losing her, and his joy in learning of the pregnancy.
When she fell asleep in his arms, she was in no doubt of his utter and complete devotion.