Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
“I’m going to her,” Radik stated, his tone urgent. “She was targeted by an attacker at the hospital where she should have been safe. She needs me to review her security.”
“You’re not going and that’s final,” Ayaan snapped. “You aren’t decent company for anyone at the moment, let alone your pregnant ex-girlfriend.”
“She’s not my ex,” he snarled.
Ayaan smirked. “Finally, a reaction other than cold acceptance.”
“What do you want from me?” he demanded. “Why did you come here?”
Ayaan had arrived two days earlier, declaring she needed an extended vacation from her high-stress job as a security specialist.
Radik had allowed the visit, having missed her fiercely while she was in Prague, but now she was beginning to cross his boundaries, a word he’d learned from Dr. Vanhooven. It turned out, he had many boundaries and his biggest one was Saskia.
“I came to see you.” She sat in the chair opposite his desk.
“Saskia doesn’t need you, brother, she needs her people and they’re doing a good job of keeping her safe.
” Her words cut him, but he didn’t interrupt.
“The potential attacker at the hospital didn’t get anywhere near her.
She was perfectly safe the entire time and continues to be so. ”
He breathed a little easier at her assurance that Saskia was safe.
“You’re not needed there.” She softened her tone. “You’re needed here.”
He shook his head. “I’m not needed here. Nuani can do my job better than I can, and most days he does. With the efficiency surrounding me, I’m mostly retired now. I can go anywhere I want.”
She smiled, but it was a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“I’m glad to hear this but not surprised.
You’ve always surrounded yourself with the best and the brightest, never jealous that someone may be better than you.
It’s probably your biggest strength and is what sets you above other warlords in this part of the world.
You don’t make stupid, costly mistakes, until now. ”
“Until now,” he repeated, pacing away from his desk. “One stupid mistake after another and it has cost me the woman I love.”
Ayaan stood and stepped in his way, stopping him in his tracks. “No, it hasn’t. She still loves you and from what I’ve heard, considers her presence in Prague to be temporary.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible. She was so angry with me when she left. She hung up on me this morning when she called.”
“Of course she’s angry, anyone would be in her situation.
No woman wants to give birth alone and you’ve sent her away to do just that, but her love is stronger than one disagreement.
Give the woman some credit, she knows her heart and her mind.
” Ayaan’s eyes followed him as he continued to pace. “It’s part of what makes her special.”
“I know what makes her special,” he snapped, “and none of this is convincing me I shouldn’t get on the jet now and go to her.”
“If you do, you’ll break her heart and you probably won’t get it back.”
He stopped pacing to look at her, to listen to her words. She was maturing, becoming calmer and more thoughtful. Her insight could be useful to him. “Explain,” he demanded.
She seemed to gather her thoughts. “You would fly to her, arrange her security to your specifications, then you would leave. She understands why you need this time to yourself, why you fear for her and the baby if they stay here with you. But she will not understand if you go to her now because you are going for the wrong reasons. You think your protectiveness is a way of showing how much she matters to you, but she’ll interpret it as you prioritizing her security over your love for her.
Which, by the way, brother, are not the same thing.
And then you will leave again without her, which doesn’t matter because she’ll be done with you.
She will choose herself, she will move on and you will lose her forever. ”
Her words sent ice through his veins, but turning them over in his mind, he couldn’t deny them.
He was still a work in progress. He still woke up with nightmares, occasionally wandering the house, sometimes clutching his gun.
He was in therapy weekly with Dr. Vanhooven, and had been for months, but his progress felt agonizingly slow.
“This is what you mean when you say I’m needed here,” he said in a heavy tone. “Not that I’m actually needed, but that I must stay in isolation where I can get better without putting those I love at risk.”
Ayaan looked stricken. “No, that’s not what I mean at all.
” She wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him.
“What I mean is that I need you.” Her voice broke a little as she spoke.
“We’ve been separated for years. I’ve grown up while you’ve grown into a different man.
We’re each other’s only family, my brother. We need each other.”
He held her, cradling her the way he had when she was a child. Their mother died when Ayaan was five and he’d had to become both mother and father to her. When she’d passed into womanhood and he’d opened his eyes to the violence he was surrounding her with, he’d sent her away.
She’d then joined a mercenary group, but at least it was her choice, not his. She was right, they were family and they were the last two in theirs. At least until the baby was born.
“I’ve missed you too,” he admitted.
She pulled away from him, sniffling. “I’m right though, you do need to stay here. Hang out with me and get better. Then we’ll go back to Prague and get the girl. Okay?”
“It might not be that easy,” he said, returning to his desk.
“While I understand what this therapy is supposed to accomplish, I can’t feel it doing much of anything.
” He hesitated to continue, but the earnest expression on his sister’s face convinced him he could talk to her.
“My therapist has suggested I take medication to help with the PTSD episodes.” His lip curled in disgust at the idea.
“Let me guess,” Ayyan said with a smile. “You refused.”
“Of course.” In his line of work, he had to have a clear mind, one that wasn’t under the influence of drugs.
She could see his thoughts though and countered them.
“You’re already under the influence of these PTSD episodes.
If one might help the other, then perhaps you should try it.
I doubt you would be on the medication forever.
” She was making sense, but he was still leery.
“Have you tried speaking to your doctor friend, Zander Smith?”
“No,” Radik said shortly. “He’s a physician, not a psychologist. This is none of his business.”
She rolled her eyes. “You do know your body and your mind are attached, right? You should trust him, he’s always been a good friend to us. I’m sure he’ll be able to suggest a drug that you can live with. One without side effects, perhaps. You won’t know unless you talk to him.”
Why hadn’t he thought of that? “I’ll call him.”
Zander did more than just recommend a medication. With Radik’s permission, he contacted Radik’s therapist to discuss medications, then he flew to the compound to oversee Radik’s recovery himself.
“My old friend,” Radik said as they met on the airstrip outside the compound. “You do me a great honour by coming so quickly, but am I not taking you away from your practice?”
Zander chuckled, heaving a suitcase into the back of Radik’s truck. “You didn’t seem all that concerned about infringing on my time when Saskia was in trouble.”
“This is different.”
Zander’s lips curved in a smile. “Of course you would say that. You’ve always downplayed injury and illness. Well, from my perspective, you have finally asked for the one thing I’ve wanted to give you for many years. A sense of peace.”
“Perhaps I don’t deserve peace,” Radik said, in an echo of a previous conversation with Saskia. Remembering that conversation, he added, “But I will attempt to achieve it, for Saskia.”
Radik started the truck and pulled it off the runway, bouncing them as he took the dirt road back to the compound.
“I’m no therapist, but even I know you must get better for yourself before you can think of others.” Zander looked at him seriously. “If Saskia loves you, it’s what she would want too.”
“She loves me,” Radik said automatically. He was extremely defensive when it came to Saskia. “But I will try it your way. I will do this for myself. Make peace, or whatever I must do.”
“Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page. I’m going to start you off with Prazosin, a common drug that is often used to treat high blood pressure.
It can also be used to treat PTSD episodes.
In your case, we’re going to use it to lessen the frequency and severity of your nightmares.
It acts by reducing sympathetic nervous system activity during sleep. ”
“You’ve brought this drug with you?”
Zander nodded, tapping the leather bag on his lap. “I brought a three month’s supply.” He looked at Radik, his eyes holding compassion. “You should be able to sleep undisturbed.”
The emotion building inside him felt like a fist to the chest, but not a bad one. Sleep. He would finally sleep.
He hadn’t realized how much he longed for a good night’s sleep until Zander put it within his reach. Maybe he could do this for himself. Maybe he could get better. He was starting to believe it. “Thank you for coming.”
“Always,” Zander said.