20. Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
Ash
S he finds herself on the road before she can think too much about it. She makes the long drive to the lodge, pulling into the parking lot and gazing at the big building. She hadn’t texted Raif that she was coming, and doesn't even know if he’s at the lodge today. Just knows she has to see him.
She starts towards the side of the lodge, not going inside. Around the bend towards the stables. Maybe Roscoe is there so that she can pet and spoil him with sugar cubes. She just needs some more time to work up the courage to speak to him.
Letting herself into the stable, she spots Roscoe easily. He’s in the same stall as before and sticks his head out as soon as he sees her. She smiles, running her hand down his neck and flank.
“That’s a good boy. Did you miss me?” she murmurs at him.
“Can I help you?”
She jumps at the close voice and turns to see a man she’s never seen before. He must be one of the brothers. Dark long brown hair, golden brown eyes, trimmed full beard. She can see the resemblance between this man and Raif.
“I was just looking for Raif.”
“Something I can help you with? Did you book an activity?”
“Activity?”
“A horseback ride? I don’t have anything booked for right now, but I can double-check.”
He turns to walk away.
“No, sorry. I’m a friend of Raif’s.”
He turns back with a smile on his face, “Ash.”
“Yup, that’s me.”
She goes back to stroking Roscoe.
“I’m Gunner, Raif’s brother. I...ugh...I’m not too sure where he is right now. Did you try calling him?”
“No, I kinda came down on a whim.”
“I see.”
He pets the horse near Roscoe and looks at her with calculating eyes.
“You know, Raif’s not good with words. Even worse than me,” he chuckles. “But he has a big heart, feels things deeply. He’s a closet romantic.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. He’d kill me for saying any of this, but he cares about you. A lot.”
“I care about him, too.” It’s almost a whisper when she says it, but she knows Gunner can hear her. They don’t say anything else. He pulls out his phone, and she goes back to petting Roscoe.
“He’s at his cabin, want me to take you there?”
“No thanks, I know the way. And thanks, Gunner, I appreciate it.”
He gives her a small smile and a nod, and she walks through the stables.
The path to Raif’s is clear. She sees other cabins and people walking about.
They seem to be guests, and she pays them no mind.
Swinging her hands and taking in the sunshine.
It’s a little chilly out. She’s in a t-shirt, jeans, and a flannel, but if she walks in the path where the sunlight peaks through the trees, she’s warm enough.
She sees Raif’s cabin ahead, and when she gets closer, the front door opens, and he comes out with a rag in his hand.
“What are you doing here?” he asks when she gets closer.
“I wanted to see you. Is that okay?”
“That’s great, come in. I was just cleaning up.”
She follows him inside and takes off her boots. It looks the same as before, but it’s clear he was doing dishes. He goes back over to the sink, and she steps in next to him.
“I’ll dry, you wash.” She takes the rag from him and starts drying the dishes on the rack. He just looks at her and goes back to scrubbing a pot.
“So, why the surprise visit? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice surprise. I just didn’t expect to see you today.
‘After what happened last time’ is left unsaid. She takes a moment to dry the plate, not sure where to begin.
“I’m sorry about what happened at the lake.”
“Which part, hugging me or…”
“The second part. I ran away.” She stops drying and sets both the plate and the rag down, looking at her hands.
“Hey, Ash. It’s okay. Look at me.”
He rests his hands on her shoulder and turns her towards him.
“It’s okay if things were moving too fast. Or if you don’t want to be anything more than friends.”
“Do you want that? To be more than friends?”
His face is blank as she looks up at him. His eyes flit between hers as if searching her.
“I do, Ash. I care about you, a lot. I know we didn’t get off to the best start. And I know we haven't known each other that long. But I think you are an amazing woman. I’d be the luckiest man in the world just to be your friend.” He ends with gentle squeezes on her shoulders.
She turns and walks away, looking out the big picture window in the family room before dropping herself into the couch. She rests her elbows on her knees, head in her hands, and sighs. She can feel him sit down gingerly next to her.
“Did I fuck this up? Say the wrong thing?”
“No. Never. I...I don’t know how to do this.” She drops her hands and looks over at him. He’s bent over his knees as well, but looking at her face earnestly.
“I’ve only had two relationships. And I was friends with both of those people first.”
He nods in understanding.
“I...things work differently for me. I don’t just fall for people. It’s hard to explain.”
“Can you try?”
He reaches out his hand and touches her fingers gently. She lets him pull her hand to his and lace their fingers together. It feels nice, comfortable. Like they do it all the time. Like it’s not a big deal.
“Michelle was the first person I ever dated, first person I was ever with...sexually. We were friends first. I’m demisexual, which means I don’t feel attraction to someone without knowing them first. I don’t feel that sexual desire till feelings are already there.
So with Michelle, she was my best friend until one day I knew I wanted more.
Then I wanted to kiss her and be her girlfriend and everything. ”
She looks at him, gauging his reaction. It’s hard for her to talk about this.
How she feels attraction differently than the people around her.
And the fact that she’s bisexual. In a small town like this, being different can be bad.
But he runs his thumb along the back of her hand and is quiet, waiting for her to continue, she guesses.
“The second person was James, whom I’ve told you about. He was my friend first, too, and then I realized he’d been flirting for a while and that I wanted to kiss him and found him attractive. That’s all the people I’ve ever been attracted to, until now.”
He smiles that soft private smile at her. There are no questions, no need for her to defend or explain further, just a warm smile.
And she is attracted to him. It sprang itself on her.
The thought that she wanted him as more than a friend.
That she wanted to kiss him and have him touch her body.
That she wanted to run her fingers across that muscular, hairy chest, feel his cock between her legs.
It’s all new, scary. And she doesn’t know what to do next.
“I’ve never,” he huffs out a big breath and looks at her, face set firm and brows furrowed. “I’m a virgin.”
She’s shocked. He is by far the most handsome man she’s ever seen, and that includes her dead boyfriend.
She sees the way women, and men, look at Raif when they’re out on call.
When the women touch his biceps and toss back their hair, flirting with him.
He never seems to spare them a second glance, but they definitely flirt with him. He could have anyone.
“How? I mean, why? Is it by choice or?”
“I only want to be with someone that I love. And I hadn’t fallen in love before.”
‘Now?’ is on the tip of her tongue. It would be so easy to ask, but she’s not sure she wants to know the answer, at least yet.