26. Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ash
A sh spends the day at the station trading smiles with Raif. They catch each other's eyes and blush till the Chief calls them out and tells them to quit it. When Ash catches Raif in the dorms putting sheets on the beds, she comes up behind him and throws her arms around his waist.
“Guess who?”
“Umm, Chief?”
She giggles and slides around to the front of him. His hands coming to rest on her back.
“Hey,” she says softly, looking into his eyes.
“Hey yourself,” he says quietly back with that small smile of his.
She leans up and kisses him. It’s becoming one of her favorite things to do.
It’s easy, fun. Makes her heart swell, and a flush of arousal goes through her body.
It’s not like kissing James was, or Michelle.
Each kiss she shares with Raif feels like a promise.
Like something more that they're working towards. Like it’s special.
She can’t help the smile on her face till he’s smiling back at her with their lips touching.
He leans back and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, then bends down to kiss her cheek, then her neck.
He’s breathing her in, and a shiver races down her spine.
He makes a low growling noise as he buries his nose in her neck, and she squeezes her arms around him a little more.
It’s definitely turning her on, and she never thought growling would do it for her.
“You like the way I smell?” she says in his ear.
He pulls back, looking sheepish, and his cheeks turn red.
“Yeah. Is that okay?”
“Yeah. It is.”
He pulls her back in for a kiss, and she goes willingly. They kiss for what feels like hours, but could be mere minutes till there’s a clearing of a throat.
Ben is standing there with his pillow in hand, staring at them.
“As much as I appreciate the free show, can y'all not do that here? I’m going to take a nap.”
Ash blushes hard.
“Sure thing, Ben. We’ll get out of here.”
She pulls Raif’s hand and leads him to the kitchen. Lucas is in there stirring a pot of something that smells deliciously like chili. They separate, hands dropping, and she wishes she could hold his hand everywhere.
When his shift ends, she walks him outside to his truck.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” she asks shyly.
“Ash, we need to talk.”
She feels her throat close up, and she steps back a little. He must sense her apprehension because he steps forward and puts his hand on her arm.
“Hey, not like that. I just mean that we should sit down and have a discussion about all this. We haven’t really talked, you know?”
Raif is right, she knows he is. They are making out but still don’t know where they stand. Raif is being the responsible one by saying they should have the conversation, even if it’s a hard one.
“Yeah, okay. How about I come over tomorrow? To your cabin?”
“Sounds good,” he says with a smile.
The trip to Raif’s is long, like always.
That’s another fact to consider when deciding whether or not to pursue this thing with him.
He lives far away. It’s twenty minutes for her to get to Silver Lake, then another forty down the lodge road to his cabin.
Does she really want to make that trip every time she wants to see him?
She can feel the anxiety building up. All the reasons why it can’t work and won’t work between them are bubbling up.
They work together, she doesn’t really know him, she’s not ready for a new relationship, James just died for goodness sake.
But that’s not true, not really. James has been dead for five years.
It doesn’t seem that long. It just seems like yesterday she was with him in the barn on her parents’ farm.
But that was before firefighting. Before her parents sold their farm and moved. Before she met Raif.
Pulling into his cabin, she takes a deep breath. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to him. She likes kissing him. Likes feeling wanted. Likes him. But she doesn’t know if she can be with him, and that might not be enough.
He comes out to stand on the porch, drying his hands on a towel and throwing it over his shoulder.
They look at each other for a while as she sits in the car till he goes inside.
She stays in the car, nervous as all get out, and watches as he comes outside and sits down on the rocking chair on the porch.
He rocks and picks up some things from the small table next to him.
He’s whittling, she realizes after a minute.
He looks peaceful, calm, as he waits her out.
He doesn’t come to the car, doesn’t waive her over, or stare her down. He just whittles and rocks.
After a while, she takes a deep breath and gets out. She still doesn’t know what she’s going to say to him and figures she’ll just wing it.
It’s only when she’s coming up the porch that he sets his whittling down and smiles at her. He’s so patient with her, so damn kind.
“You want to come in?” he asks. She knows he’s giving her an opening. She can say no, she wants to stay outside. Or no to a discussion right now. He’s putting the ball in her court.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
As they make their way into his cabin, she toes off her shoes like always. She’s got a jacket on today because it’s a little cooler out, but his cabin is warm, and she sees there’s a fire lit. She shrugs off her jacket, and he takes it and hangs it on the hook.
“You want some lemonade? I just made it.”
“Sure, sounds good.”
She doesn’t know where to sit or stand, so she stays where she is by the door till he comes back from the kitchen, motioning towards the couch.
The couch where they had kissed and confessed that she’s demisexual and he’s a virgin, that couch.
Ash sits and rubs her hands on her thighs to get the sweat off before taking the glass from Raif. He sits next to her, clearly allowing her to have some space.
“So,” she begins.
“Can I say something first?” she nods, and he continues. “Whatever happens, whatever you decide, I want you to know that I will be in your life as much or as little as you want. I want to do what’s best for you, Ash, always.”
Her breath catches in her throat. She can’t believe she thought he was an ass to begin with. Yes, he comes off as gruff and grumpy, but that’s not how he is with her. It’s obvious he cares about her a lot.