Chapter 4 #2
“Bae, I understand that that wasn’t my secret to tell, and I’m sorry about that.
I only said something to my grandma, and I told her not to say shit to anyone else about it, and I know she won’t.
She not even like that. The only reason why I told her is because I had just finished beating that nigga’s ass, and she was just trying to make sense of the situation.
I ain’t going to tell that shit to nobody else.
I promise, aight?” he asked, and I could hear it in his voice that he was sincere.
I hated how emotional this shit was making me. I stood in front of him, face leaking in tears, as I used my hands to try and wipe the tears away as best as I could.
Tank scooted closer to the edge of the chair that he was sitting in, and his hands wrapped around my waist, allowing me to have my moment.
It took a few minutes for me to calm down, and once I was somewhat calm, he pulled me down onto his lap, sitting me on his right thigh, and he pulled my plate over, putting it in front of me, so that I could eat something.
My appetite was non- existent, as I leaned my head on him, putting it on his chest.
“At least eat one of the bacon’s, baby. Come on. I slaved in the kitchen for you this morning,” he joked, and I fought to keep my laugh to myself, but I ended up releasing it anyways.
He picked up one of the turkey bacon’s that was on my plate, and as if I was a child, he fed it to me.
I forced myself to eat it, not wanting to seem ungrateful of the fact that he’d cooked for me.
He fed me a couple of bites of the eggs, and poured syrup on the French toast, where I only ate one fork full of it.
I couldn’t even tell you the last time that I’ve eaten a full meal.
I was still mourning the loss of Bagel, so with that, I haven’t eaten in days, and with this secret being revealed, that was going to weigh heavy on me some more, moving me away from my appetite all over again.
“Run the streets with me today. I don’t want you staying in the house by yourself all day. I have a few things to take care of at the stores, and then I’ll be free. What you want to do when I’m done with that?” he asked me.
“Can you take me shopping?” I lifted my head up and looked him in his eyes. The fact that he smiled only proved to me that he’s never been shopping with me before. I could tear a mall down, especially when I was feeling depressed.
“We can do that. Let me blow a fuckin bag on you, baby. I told you that I trick, so I gotta prove to you that I’m not all talk, and that I really meant what I said to you,” he voiced, and then he leaned his head down, so that he could kiss me on my lips.
I lifted my hand, putting it on the side of his face, and I went back in for the kiss. I could taste the syrup on his lips, so I swiped my tongue across both his top, and bottom lip, and then I parted my lips a little bit, closing my eyes, and we started slowly, sensually kissing.
Because I was in his lap, I could feel his dick jumping in his briefs.
A couple of times, I tried to reach down with my free hand, so that I could put my hand inside of his briefs, wanting to pull it out, but he kept stopping me.
I went in for the third, and final time, wanting to pull it out, but he stopped me again, and that’s when I broke the kiss, looking at him with annoyance all over my face.
“Tank, what the fuck!” I snapped at him.
“Chill out. I got you when we get back,” he said, and that was the first time ever in my life that I’d gotten turned down sexually, and I really didn’t know how to handle that.
My temper set in quick, forcing me to shove him, and I stood up from his lap. Mind you, his dick was pointing towards the damn ceiling, yet he was pushing me away when I was trying to have sex with him.
“Why do we have to wait until we get back? How come we can’t just do it right now? I don’t like this. Why should I have to beg you to have sex with me?” I asked, out of my seat, hands crossed, really wanting to know what the hell was going on.
My eyes kept going from the look on his face, and then down to his dick, and I watched his dick in real time slowly go down.
“You ain’t begging. It ain’t nothing, baby.
I was just saying let’s wait until tonight, so that it can be more special.
I got shit to handle at the store, and as soon as we finished eating, I was going to get ready.
I don’t want anything to slow us down,” he couldn’t even look me in my eyes as he was saying this to me, so I knew that he was lying.
So many thoughts started flooding through my mind.
I started thinking if this nigga might have went out last night, while he was already gone, and fucked another bitch.
Right after he left here last night, I tried to stay up, but I ended up passing out not long after.
I went into a deep sleep because these days, I haven’t been able to get that much sleep, so last night, my body was playing catch up.
I didn’t hear him when he got back last night.
Because of that, I really didn’t have a clue what all he did last night while he was out.
“What time did you get back over here last night?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Shit, I don’t know. Probably like two something. After I left my grandma crib, I swung by my house right quick, so that I could bring some clothes, and shit over here. Why?” he wanted to know.
“And during that, you didn’t stop and fuck another bitch?” I just went ahead and asked what I was thinking.
When I asked him that, he looked at me like I was crazy, tilted his head to the side, as if he was trying to figure out how I’d come up with this shit, and then he stood up from the stool.
“Ay, I don’t know what kind of marks them other niggas left on you that you dealt with before me, but don’t do that.
Don’t sit here and accuse me of some shit that I know I ain’t out here doing.
I’m standing in front of million-dollar pussy.
Why the fuck would I stray and fuck something of a lesser value?
What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked, and you could hear it all in his voice that he was annoyed with me.
“So, if it’s million-dollar pussy standing in front of you, why won’t you fuck me then?” I asked.
“Because I’m mentally fucked up from that shit that you dropped on me last night, Dionne!
Give me time to process that. I didn’t want to have to say that to you, but you standing here, accusing me of pulling up on another bitch, and fuckin her, so I had to tell you the truth.
You been fuckin me for a few weeks now. You know how I get down by now when it comes to getting pussy.
The second you reached in my briefs, I would have been had you on top of this counter, fuckin you senselessly, but that bomb that you dropped on me is weighing heavy on me.
I can’t fuck you right now,” his words hurt me.
I fully understood what he was trying to say to me, and I knew that he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings, but he did. He made me feel like I was damaged goods. He made me feel like he was disgusted with me from some shit that was done to me, and that hurt me badly.
I felt like I’ve broken down too many times in front of him in the last 24 hours, and I didn’t want to continue doing it, so with a heavy heart, I quickly rushed out of the kitchen, and I barely got to the hallway before Tank came over me, grabbing me up from behind, putting me in a bearhug, as I fought for him to get off me.
“Tank, let me go. Just let me go. Break up with me, while you’re at it. That hurts what you just told me. That fuckin hurts,” I was screaming, crying, and fighting to get his arms from around me, but he wouldn’t let me.
Tank was much bigger than me, much stronger, and much faster, so everything that I tried to do to get out of his hold, he wasn’t allowing me to do it.
“A nigga could put a gun to my head, and tell me to break up with you, and I still wouldn’t do it.
I hate that I even had to just say that shit to you, but baby, that’s just how I’m feeling right now.
Bae, I feel fuckin bad that a nigga did that shit to you, man.
It happened already, and it angers me that I can’t do shit to reverse it from happening.
That motha fucka took something from you, and the very thing that he took from you, I just ain’t got it in me right now to fuck you.
Shit going to make me feel guilty, you know?
I ain’t saying that we won’t ever fuck again.
I crave you too fuckin much to never want to have sex again.
Bae, all I’m saying is give a nigga some time.
Can you do that? Can you not make me feel like a fuckin monster because of this one time that I’m probably going to turn you down out of the million other times that we’ll have in the future?
Don’t do this shit, baby. You making a nigga feel bad,” he was in my ear talking to me.
When he finished, he placed kisses all on the side of my neck, my face, just anywhere that he was able to land them. I’d calmed down by this point, but his words were still playing in my head.
“What if your never ready again though? What I told you was heavy. How do I know that you’ll get to a point where you’ll forget about it, and you’re able to be intimate again with me?
And if you don’t, what are you going to do?
Leave me? Tavion, I love you. I ran away from you for as long as I could, but I finally let my guard down, allowed you into my life, and now my feelings are way too deep for you.
That’ll break my heart if you wake up one day and decide that you don’t want to continue doing this with me,” I was super vulnerable right now with him, telling him how I really felt.