Chapter 5
Dionne Henry
Unexpected Comfort
Istood up with everyone in the room, snaping my fingers, and trying my hardest to fight back tears, after I just witnessed the performance done on stage by Tank’s cousin, Seren.
That feeling that you get in your throat, when your trying to fight back tears, was such an annoying, throbbing pain.
I had this shit talking ass man sitting next to me, and I wouldn’t dare shed a tear in front of him, but damn, it was so hard not to.
The poem that Seren just recited was out of this world.
I love poetry. Poetry has been my thing since I was a little girl.
I still had my journal back at home that was filled with a bunch of poems that I’ve written over the years.
I’ve never recited any of my poems to anyone though.
I’ve listened to so many poems throughout my life, I’ve gone to so many open mic events, but man, no one has ever moved me with their words the way Seren just did.
She recited a poem that was titled, “Black Woman… Figure that shit out”.
Seren was a young girl. Only 20 years old, and in her poem, she talked about being in a space where she was trying to find herself.
She talked about the different career paths that she’s taken since high school, and how nothing seemed to be the best fit for her.
She talked about the pressures that she felt to be perfect, and to make her parents proud.
I loved the stance that Seren took when she spoke about black women.
She was brutally honest. When she spoke about little black girls growing up, becoming women, and not getting the luxury to ever fall apart, that was the part that almost broke me.
Growing up, my mom was so tough with us, and as a kid, I used to question if she ever wanted kids for real.
I went through something in my childhood that I was never strong enough to tell my mom about.
Not because I didn’t think she would believe me because I had the kind of mom where her kids could tell her that someone hit us, and by the time that we could get the full story out and let her know that we were hit by an accident, she would be ready to find the person, pull up, and beat their ass.
That was just one of those things where I didn’t have the strength to tell her.
I knew she would blame herself for it too, especially since it was a man that she’d brought into our home because she had been dating him for a little minute.
Seren talked about how women can lose themselves, lose people, lose what was once the norm for them, and still have to move through life pretending that everything was okay.
It made me think about my daddy. The pain that I went through growing up, not having him next to me.
Only getting to see him once a month when my mom would drive us to the prison, or those times when I would go with my grandmother.
It made me think about my relationship with men over the years, and how I never seemed to choose the right one.
Seren brought so much insight to how black women carry so much hurt, never talking about it with anyone, so the shit that we’re walking around carrying is heavy.
In the end, we were forced to figure that shit out, and that’s what had me emotional.
I was still a little on edge about what transpired in my condo last weekend between Garrus and I, as well.
More baggage that I was carrying on me, making my load even heavier because of course I didn’t tell anyone about that.
“I already know the lounge we’re going to. It’s not too far of a walk, so you should be good in those heels,” Tank’s deep voice said from behind me.
His warm, minty breath whispering in my ear, caused every hair on my body to rise. If he would have touched me… I’m talking just the slightest touch of putting his hand on my waist, or the small of my back, mixed with him whispering in my ear like that, I probably would have passed out.
It was so loud in the room because everyone was still applauding for Seren, so he had to walk up on me, and whisper in my ear.
Knowing what it felt like for hands to touch me that I didn’t agree on being there or knowing how anal I was when it came to someone entering into my personal space, a natural reaction would have been me telling him to back his ass up, but I didn’t.
His closeness didn’t bother me. It didn’t annoy me.
Just like the constant talking that he’s been doing with me all night didn’t annoy me.
I hated that it didn’t though. Tank was so good to look at, so I couldn’t tell him to shut up because it’s not what I wanted.
The event ended, and if I hadn’t made the bet with Tank, I would have left out, just like everyone else was doing, but I stuck around, standing next to him, as the rest of his family were standing up as well, waiting for Seren to come from the back.
“Tank, who is your friend?” an older woman asked, coming over, and she stood right in front of Tank, and I. She was a beautiful black woman. Seren’s features resembled hers, so I was going to assume that this was her mother.
“This Dionne. Dionne, this is my auntie Shawn. She’s Seren’s mother,” Tank did the introductions, and I smiled, as I tried to stick my hand out for her to shake it, but she looked at my hand like I was crazy, and she pulled me into her, so that she could give me a hug.
I was weird when it came to personal touch. I would tense up, but in this moment, I was in the arms of someone where I felt somewhat safe. The hug had gentleness, and a genuineness about it, so I was able to wrap my arms around her as well, hugging her back.
“Girl, you are so beautiful. Are you and my nephew dating?” she asked me. I wanted to scoff, and blurt out ‘hell no’ to her, but I just laughed her question off, while shaking my head, letting her know that we weren’t dating.
Before she even had the chance to respond, we could hear applause happening around us, and that’s when I turned around, and I saw that Seren had made her way from the back, and here her family was, showering her with love.
Seeing her go for her father first, who hugged her, kissed her on her forehead, and then handed her the beautiful flower arrangements, it made my heart smile, and that was that little girl that still lived in me, that prayed to have a father on the outside.
I didn’t know what moments of affection like that felt like coming from my father.
Any time that I would visit my dad in prison, our hugs always had to be rushed because there would be a guard there, threatening him that he couldn’t touch his visitors for too long.
It just always amazed me that people had different stories to tell, you know?
Some people, these kind of father/ daughter moments were normal.
I stood back, watching as Seren went around the room, and all her family gave her hugs.
She eventually made her way to Tank, who was standing right on the side of me, and she reached her arms out to hug her big cousin, who was looking down at her, with a smile on his face.
When she pulled away from him, her eyes locked with mine, and even though she was looking at me with a smile, I could see the confusion in her eyes, more than likely wondering who the hell I was.
That’s when I walked a little closer to her, and cleared my throat, so that I could introduce myself.
“I’m Dionne. I just happened to be sitting at the same table as your family.
I really did enjoy your poem. The things that you spoke about, it really did resonate with my life.
You did a really good job,” I shared with her, and she beamed, as she moved away from Tank, so that she could stand in front of me.
Looking at her, I couldn’t help but to take in just how beautiful she was. The genes in this family were so strong because everyone here looked alike in some kind of way. What I loved most about all of them was their milk chocolate skin.
“Aww. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Your into poetry like that?” she asked me.
“I am, actually. I used to write poems of my own when I was younger, but I never did anything with them. Just something that I would keep stored in a journal. I like to go out though, and witness other people share their gift with the world, which is why I came out tonight,” I let her know, and she nodded.
“Cool. I have something in West Palm beach next month. You should come, and check me out,” she let me know, and I assured her that I would come, and support.
Tank went around, doing final hugs with his family, and everyone was asking him the same question, wanting to know if I was his girl, and he was telling them that we were just friends. His ass wasn’t even telling the truth about that because we weren’t even friends.
He did introduce me to everyone, and it wasn’t long before we were all spilling out of the spot together.
They all went their own separate ways, leaving just Tank, and I standing outside, and I stood in front of him, looking him in his eyes, trying to see what lie I could come up with on why I should go home.
“The lounge that I’m talking about is down this way. Come on,” he suggested, but I didn’t move my feet. That’s when he looked down at me.
“You lost the bet, love. You owe me,” he said.
“I have very bad PTSD when it comes to going out with men. You know that I was shot on my birthday, and since then, I haven’t been out with another man.
You’re saying that the woman that I saw you with isn’t your girl, but I don’t know you to trust you when it comes to that.
How I know that bitch don’t have your location, and she won’t pull up to where we’re going, and try to kill me? ” I asked him.
To some, I might be coming off as a little dramatic, but until you’ve been through something as traumatic as I did when I got shot, then you wouldn’t possibly understand.