Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Funny how a shift in perspective changed everything. Leaving Victoria in God’s hands and leaving the choice of their future up to Him and Victoria unexpectedly made Cillian feel lighter.
For the first time in months—years, actually—his brain didn’t need to work on plotting how he was going to force her father to let her go. And how he was going to charm her into leaving Chicago to spend her life with him.
Cillian stood at the edge of the emergency department waiting room where the open space met the wide corridor. He could see better from there, keeping watch for a doctor or nurse who might have an update about Victoria.
But the lightness, the restfulness that seemed to emanate from his soul stayed throughout the long hours of waiting after the nurses had reported Victoria would need emergency surgery.
Instead of his usual restlessness and need to do something, take some action, he wasn’t anxious as the Weston siblings arrived at the hospital to wait the long hours together with intermittent hushed tones and silence.
When Torin, Hank, and Spring took turns praying out loud, Cillian grew even calmer, their prayers soothing the anxiety about Victoria’s condition.
Cillian had never waited so well in his life.
Victoria would laugh if she could see him now.
“I can be patient.”
What a cute look she’d given him when he’d said that. And when she’d quipped, “That would be the first time.”
He’d responded by saying maybe it was worth waiting for, meaning she was worth waiting for.
No maybe about it.
Movement in the hallway caught his attention. Could be another false alarm. He’d gotten his hopes up every time one of the nurses or doctors passed by.
But this man was pulling a surgical cap off his head. Maybe a surgeon? He angled directly toward the waiting room.
“Guys.” Hank signaled to his siblings as he rose from the chairs to join Cillian.
The short man stopped in front of them, surveying the crowd. “Are you all the family of Victoria Weston?”
“Yes, sir.” Hank nodded.
“I’m Dr. Britton, the surgeon who operated on Victoria. She’s out of surgery, and I expect a full recovery. The damage wasn’t as severe as we’d feared.”
The words shot deep into Cillian’s heart, flooding him with more happiness than he’d ever felt in his life.
He didn’t hear much else, only that she wouldn’t be able to see visitors until tomorrow.
“Praise the Lord.” Spring’s words echoed the gratitude that threatened to bust through Cillian’s ribs.
He would see Victoria again. Get to hold her, tell her how much he loved her.
If she let him. The reminder curbed his enthusiasm. She could still say they couldn’t be together. Still reject him. After all, her father still didn’t approve of Cillian and never would.
If Victoria chose to part ways once again, if she asked Cillian to leave her life forever, he would do it. Even though the idea sucked the air from his lungs and left him with a hollow pain.
But either way, he would be grateful that God had saved her life. And that he’d get to see her again, even if it was for the last time.
He and Victoria’s siblings lingered at the hospital for a while longer until they were told they should go home and return the next day.
But Cillian couldn’t leave. Not even when Spring mentioned that he might want to change and shower before seeing Victoria. She had a point. He probably looked more than a little scruffy.
But he couldn’t leave. He had to know. Had to find out what their fate would be. What his fate would be. He had to see her before her father could forbid it or have her moved somewhere Cillian wasn’t allowed to go.
So he waited. Slept a little in the hard chairs. Stretched and walked when the growing anticipation of Victoria’s decision messed with the calm relief he’d felt before.
“Are you Cillian Doherty?” A female voice jerked him to a halt in the middle of pacing. He spun toward the woman, apparently a nurse, judging from her garb and nametag. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Thought you must be.” She smiled. “Victoria’s awake, and she asked to see you.”
Cillian’s chest swelled. She’d asked for him before anyone else? That had to be a good sign.
“Take this hallway, then turn right and look for Room 212. It’ll be on your left.”
“Thank you.” He forced himself to stay at a quick walking pace as he started in the direction she’d pointed. But his feet, his heart, had other ideas. He sped up, reaching a jog as he turned right into another hallway. He scanned the room numbers that counted up to…
212.
He hurried to the closed door. Rapped on it. Probably way too hard.
A muffled voice said something from inside. Victoria?
She’d better have said he could come in because nothing could stop him right now.
He pushed open the door and walked inside, frantically taking in the room until—
There. Victoria lay in a bed around the corner to the left, her upper body propped partially upright, allowing him to see her face.
Gorgeous, incredible Victoria. Her auburn hair fell free to her shoulders, making her look more beautiful than ever.
“You look worse than I feel.” Sarcastic humor laced her comment, matching the slight curve of her mouth.
He walked to the bed, a grin stretching across his face as his heart thumped against his ribs. “I thought I was the one who was supposed to be the thrill-seeking risk-taker. And here you go, getting shot.”
She started to chuckle, then winced, her hand closing on the sheet by her side.
IV cords connected to a needle that entered the top of her hand. All humor seeped away as the memory of the worry, the anguish of thinking she might die, came back to grip his chest.
He had to touch her, had to know she was really there, alive and well. He carefully reached for her fingers, scooping his hand under them. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
She tightened her fingers around his. “I know. I thought I might lose you, too.”
Did that mean she didn’t want to lose him? That she wanted him to stick around? His breathing shallowed. But he was getting ahead of himself. There was something else he had to say first. “Vicks, I have to apologize.”
She lifted her eyebrows, apparently too tired to cock one like she usually did. “If I recall correctly, you were apologizing the last time we spoke, out in the blizzard.”
He gave her a shaky smile. “I guess I have a lot to apologize for. But here’s one of the biggest ones.” He took in more air and met her gaze. “I’m sorry I convinced you to leave your mom and go out with me that night. It was wrong.”
She watched him, her expression not easy to read under her heavy lids that hid part of her eyes. “You saw I was hurting and tired. You wanted to help. I know that.”
“But I should’ve helped by sitting with you at your mom’s bedside.
I should’ve taken a shift, watching her so you could get some rest. There were a lot of things I could’ve done to help instead of adding to your burdens in the worst way possible.
Instead of only doing what I wanted.” He dropped his gaze to her fingers as he brushed his thumb across her knuckles.
“And because of me, you’ve had to carry the burden of that night alone for sixteen years. ”
“No. Not in the way you might think.” Her surprising response jerked his eyes to hers. “I rarely thought about that night until you came back.”
He winced. Another problem he’d caused her with his abrupt return.
“I repented for what I’d done, and I knew the Lord forgave me. I thought I’d left it behind. But when you returned, it all came back.”
“Vicks, I’m—”
“No,” the skin bunched between her eyebrows, “you made me realize I hadn’t left it behind. I apparently had a harder time believing my mom could forgive me. I wanted to fix what I’d done by stepping into her shoes and carrying on her legacy.”
“She was a wonderful woman. She even liked me.” His remark earned a small smile. “Not a bad example to follow.”
“True. But she wasn’t perfect. I put her on a pedestal and followed everything she’d done. I emulated her example of what I thought was peacemaking instead of seeking God’s truth about peace. You helped me see that.”
“I did?”
“Yes. You helped me see how wrong my father was. That night when he said those awful things about you…” She turned her head an inch to look away.
“I didn’t stop him. I didn’t confront him and tell him how wrong he was.
” She slowly brought her tired gaze back to Cillian.
“Like you would have done for me. Or for anyone who was being wronged.” She blinked, slowly.
For a moment, he wasn’t sure her eyes would open again.
Then they did and fastened on him. “I’m sorry, Cillian. Will you forgive me?”
He squeezed her fingers as he leaned toward her. “Of course. As long as you forgive me, too.”
Her lids drifted shut again.
“Victoria, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Her eyes stayed closed. Her breathing slowed, evening out like she had gone to sleep.
Pulling up a chair, he sat beside her bed and gently cradled her hand in his.
What he needed to say could wait. As long as he could stay with the love of his life, he would wait forever.