Chapter 1 #2
“The usual.” We trudge across the low foothill that leads to the backyard. “Claimed he’s changed, been in therapy, wanted to apologize in person. He even brought flowers because apparently that’s what passes for accountability these days.”
“And you told him to fuck right the hell off, right?”
“I tried. I heard him out. Let him in the door like I shouldn’t have.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“I know.”
“Restraining orders don’t work if you let the assholes in your house.”
“I said I know, Maren.” She opens her mouth, then closes it when I glare at her. “Anyway, after I shut him down, that angry, violent side reared its ugly head, and he got grabby.”
“Shit! Did he hurt you?”
“No, he didn’t get a chance. Shadow lunged at him, and then Damien showed up.
” I can’t suppress the small smile that curves my lips at the memory, even though something about it still doesn’t feel quite right.
“You should have seen it, Mar. He took one look at the situation and threw Caleb out. Grabbed him by the throat. I’ve never seen Caleb back down so fast.”
“Good. Fucker. I can’t believe he tried to put his hands on you again.”
“Yeah, but I’m not surprised. I never should’ve let him in the house.”
“Damn right, you shouldn’t have. But I’ve gotta say I’m liking Mr. Sexy Silver Fox Superhero even more now.”
A smile tugs at my mouth. Maren’s collection of absurd nicknames for Damien seems to multiply by the day, each one more elaborate than the last.
“The way Damien handled him was pretty impressive.”
But did I mean “impressive” in a positive or negative way? I shiver as I think about how he grabbed Caleb's neck and shoved him against the wall with little effort.
“Sexy and protective? Girl, you better lock that down before some other woman does. I still can’t believe he’s single. I wonder if he has a curved dick or something.”
If only it were that simple. But how can I even consider starting something with Damien when every night I’m claimed by someone else, a man I want more than my next breath? A man who kills without even the barest hint of remorse.
The moral conflict tears at me. My wolf hunts animal abusers, monsters who torture the innocent animals I heal.
Part of me thinks they deserve what they get.
The other part of me, the doctor who took an oath to do no harm, recoils from the violence.
How can I crave his touch when I know what those hands have done?
Shadow and Ghost lope ahead across the open meadow, their pace easy and relaxed. A deer lifts its head from grazing about thirty yards out, ears swiveling toward us.
I stop, grabbing Maren’s arm. “Look.”
The deer watches us for a moment, then goes back to nibbling grass. Shadow and Ghost glance at it with zero interest and keep moving toward the slope that leads down to my backyard.
Maren starts walking again. “Your animals are so chill about everything.”
“They see wildlife every day. It’s background noise at this point.
” I match her stride as we cross toward the low foothill.
“Damien’s response kind of reminded me of Elk Fest. I think he might have some underlying anger issues.
I don’t need another man like that in my life. Caleb was more than enough.”
“Yeah, you don’t need that shit, for sure. But it was kinda hot when he flattened Pearson without breaking a sweat. A woman should be able to protect herself, but having a man who turns into the Incredible Hulk when his woman is threatened gets my panties wet any day of the week.”
“Is there anything that doesn’t get your panties wet?”
Maren shields her eyes against the morning sun. “The thought of your ex showing up here unannounced last night dries me right the fuck up. I’m glad Damien showed up when he did, possible anger issues or not.”
“Me too. Just as long as he doesn’t turn on me. But I don’t think Damien’s like that. He has this quiet intensity about him. Intense but mellow. If that makes any sense.”
“Yeah, quiet intensity beats explosive rage any day. And there’s nothing wrong with mellow. It can be okay with the right guy. Look at JT. He’s a big teddy bear. A teddy bear with some hot-as-fuck kinks, but did you ever think I’d last almost two years with someone like him?”
I hip-check her as we start down the last slope into the backyard. “Never in a million years.”
“Seriously, Lu, I’m just glad you’re at least considering something with someone. You’ve been alone too long. You deserve to be happy.”
“I am happy.” The words sound hollow even as they leave my mouth.
Maren ducks under a low branch that crosses the path, holding it up so it doesn’t snap back at me.
“Content isn’t the same as happy. When’s the last time someone made your heart race? Made you laugh until your sides hurt? Or made you feel like you’re the most important person in their world? Besides me.”
My wolf makes my heart race in a way that leaves me breathless. There’s no laughter in our encounters, just raw, consuming need and satisfaction. In those moments, I do feel like the most important person in his world. But is that love or obsession? Is there even a difference with him?
It was different with Damien. Conversation that challenged and intrigued me. The security of his protection when he’d defended me against Caleb. He could offer me a real relationship, a normal life. Everything my wolf can’t give me, no matter how much I’m starting to wish he could.
“Maybe you’re right.”
As we crest the final dip before the house, that familiar sensation washes over me.
I’m being watched. Again.
Awareness prickles my skin, and I scan the treeline. It feels different today, more intense than usual. Like last night on the porch.
Not at all like my wolf.
“Of course I’m right. You heard her say that, Shadow. You’re my witness.” Maren rubs her hands over Shadow’s back, and he wriggles with delight. Ghost stands nearby, watching. Maren turns to him, her energy shifting, her voice dropping, and her movements gentling as she holds out her hand.
I watch with bated breath as he inches closer, one slow step at a time.
He ducks his head, and her hand finds the spot behind his ears, tracing her fingers along his neck.
The tight coil of his posture unwinds. He leans into her touch the way he always does, the way every creature seems to when she works her Maren magic on them.
I try to shake off the feeling of being watched as we approach the back of the house, but my gaze keeps drifting to the shadows between the trees to the west.
The back door of the sanctuary building bursts open, and Tate comes running out, chasing after a blur of gray and black fur.
“Ricky, get back here!”
But the raccoon is already bounding toward us with surprising speed.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Maren mutters as Ricky makes a beeline straight for her.
He launches himself at her, scrambling up her body like she’s a tree. His hands make a grab for her boobs, and she blocks him while trying to maintain her balance.
She holds him at arm’s length as he chitters. “Why are his paws covered in peanut butter?”
“Sorry!” Tate pants as he reaches us, his glasses askew. “I gave him a frozen pop while I cleaned their enclosure. The door must not have latched.”
“Why can’t you be a normal raccoon?” Maren sighs as Ricky wriggles in her grasp, his paws flailing.
“Here, let me take him.” I laugh, and she hands him over.
The moment Ricky is in my arms, his sticky paws move toward my breasts. I grab them before he can make contact, holding them against his body with a stern look. He meets my eyes with a challenging gaze of his own before letting out a small sigh and resting his head on my chest.
“Nice try, buddy.” He looks up at me with those dark, mischievous eyes that get me every time.
Maren heads toward the house. “I’m going to take a shower. I hope you have eggs because I’m in the mood for an omelet.”
“Hey, Shadow. Hey, Ghost.” Tate crouches to greet the wolves.
Shadow goes to him for pets, while Ghost maintains his cautious distance but doesn’t retreat.
Shadow’s aggressive with most men, except for a handful.
He’s never forgotten the men who killed his mother in front of him when he was just a pup.
And before coming here, Ghost had only known cruelty at the hands of humans.
I look down at Ricky in my arms, his body warm against mine. The conflicting feelings I’ve been wrestling with all morning come rushing back.
Back to the incredible feeling of my wolf’s partial weight on me last night.
And then to Damien’s kiss. Both men spark wild, forbidden feelings within me.
But how do I reconcile my burgeoning feelings for someone who represents safety and normalcy with my craving for someone who embodies danger and darkness?
I don’t understand how I’m developing feelings for Damien when all I want is more from my wolf.
Then again, maybe that’s why.