Chapter 25 #2
“Both versions of him.” Tears well up and spill over.
“I’m in love with the intense, patient man who remembers every animal’s name here.
And I’m in love with the primal, dominant force who knows my body better than I know it myself now.
” I look up at her, and desperation claws its way up my throat.
“What does that say about me? That I can love someone who deceived me so completely?”
“It says you’re human.” Maren reaches across the space between us and grabs my hand, her grip tight. “It means your heart knows something your head hasn’t caught up to yet.” Her fingers squeeze harder. “But let me be crystal fucking clear about something, Luna Marie.”
Oh, shit. My middle name again.
“If you want me to end him, I will. I don’t give a shit that he’s the hottest thing to walk this planet since they invented fire. You’re my best friend. You’re my sister. Say the word, and I’ll castrate him with the dullest knife I can find and make him choke on his balls.”
A laugh bursts out before I can stop it. Small and broken, but real. “Violence isn’t the answer, Mar.”
Her grin turns feral. “Maybe not, but it’d feel damn good.” The smile fades, and her expression softens again. “So what now? Have you talked to him since you figured it out? What actually happened when you realized”
My stomach twists at the memory.
“When I recognized his kiss, I pulled away from him and said his name. He had the fucking audacity to growl at me, accusing me of calling out another man’s name while he was inside me.
When I just stared at him, when he saw the truth all over my face, he pulled out of me and walked out the back door. Completely naked.”
“Wait a goddamn minute.” Maren half-laughs, half-chokes. “You were fucking, and he just got up and walked out of the bedroom?”
“No. We were in the kitchen. I was on the table.”
Maren’s gaze shoots to the doorway and to the kitchen table visible beyond it. Her face cycles through at least five different expressions. “How often do you two have sex on that table?”
“Uh... A lot.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her eyes snap back to mine. “I am never eating at that table again. Ever.” Then her expression shifts, eyebrows shooting up. “Hold on, it was snowing last night. He really walked out? Naked? Into the snow?”
“As the day he was born. He left all his clothes behind.”
Maren doubles over, arms wrapping around her stomach as laughter pours out of her. It comes in waves, each one louder than the last, shaking her whole body. I cross my arms and scowl at her. It’s not that funny.
“You know what?” She forces herself upright, still gasping with laughter.
“I’m really torn right now because I hate him.
I hate him with every fiber of my being for what he’s done to you.
But I also kinda fucking love him too, because walking out naked into a snowstorm because you got caught in your own web of lies?
That’s some melodramatic bullshit right there. ”
“What do I do, Mar?”
She wipes beneath her eyes and studies me. Then her expression shifts, the humor draining from her features.
“Holy shit. That’s how he got past your security. He installed the whole system himself. That takes serious balls.”
“You’re spending an awful lot of time bringing his balls into this conversation.”
“That’s because he’s got some huge cojones, Lu. You’re the woman who’d know. And it’s brilliant, if you think about it. Completely fucked up, but brilliant.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours. Always fucking yours. And the next time I see him, he’ll be lucky if I don’t kick him in those apparently impressive balls of his. But you’ve got to give credit where it’s due, Lu. The man went to great lengths to be with you.”
I shove both hands through my hair and pull at the roots. “He waited for darkness. Every single time. Gave me the day to myself, like he was keeping his two lives in separate boxes. Until recently, when he started showing up as Damien.”
“Getting greedy. Or maybe he just wanted to be with you outside the bedroom.” Her gaze darts to the doorway, and her nose wrinkles. “Or kitchen.”
“I don’t know if he’ll come back after last night.” The thought has haunted me all morning. “I don’t even know if I want him to. Or what I’ll say if he does. I don’t know if I want to scream at him or let him fuck my brains out.”
“You can do both.” Maren’s wicked grin returns. “In fact, I highly recommend it. Angry sex is hot as fuck.”
“Maren!” But I’m almost smiling now, which I suspect was her intent.
“What?” She shrugs. “I’m just saying, you’ve got options here. And as much as it pains me to say this, because I really do want to castrate him with garden shears, I think you need answers more than anything else right now.”
“What if his explanations are worse? What if there’s no coming back from this?”
“Then you’ll survive it. You’re the strongest person I know, Lu. You save animals that everyone else has given up on. You survived a bridge collapse that should have killed you. You survived losing a baby you didn’t even know you wanted until it was gone. You can survive this, whatever happens.”
Willow jumps from the back of the sofa to sit on Maren’s lap. She must sense my mood leveling out and wants to say hello to her second favorite human.
“And if all else fails…” A dark smirk curves her lips as she strokes Willow. “We kill him and hide the body. I know some seriously remote spots in these mountains.”
Oh, Jesus. The last thing these mountains need is more bodies.
“Do you want me to stay tonight? I can be your backup. Hide in the closet with a baseball bat or something. Maybe a tranquilizer gun. Yes.” Her eyes light up. “We can tranq him, lock him in the recovery den, and torture him.”
“Maren, dial back the kidnapping fantasies.”
“Hey, kidnapping fantasies can be very hot with the right person, but I digress. We’re talking about torturing your wolf.”
“You’re freaking me out a little. And I appreciate the offer, but this is something I need to handle myself.” I pull in a deep breath, searching for courage somewhere in my chest. “Thank you, though. For listening. For not making me feel like a complete idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot for falling in love.
And you’re definitely not an idiot for having kinks that make you happy.
If you want to get zip-tied, bent over, railed, and choked out until you forget your own name, I’m definitely not one to judge.
As long as you have a safe word and he respects it. And you make him wrap it the fuck up.”
“Jesus Christ, Mar. Tell me how you really feel about my sex life.”
“Bitch, please, I’ve known you’re a kinky slut since I walked in on Brad Worthington railing your ass after the CSU Thanksgiving bowl.”
“I saw more of your ass than I ever wanted to during college too, you know.”
“So you know how fabulous it is.” She grins, then the smile fades. “You wanna know what I think?”
“Always.”
“I think there’s more to this story than you know yet. You need to hear him out before you decide anything.” She leans forward again, holding my gaze. “And deep down, you already know what you want.”
“Do I?”
“Luna, you soaked my shirt with snot and tears when you lost that baby. You never thought you wanted kids until you were pregnant with his. You weren’t just destroyed by the miscarriage, but because the baby was his.
Even if you couldn’t say it then, you wanted a future with him.
” Maren’s voice stays soft but steady. “Now you know who he is. The only things standing between you and that future are anger, hurt feelings, and maybe a healthy dose of torture for good measure.”
“You’re oversimplifying it.”
“Am I? Seems to me you’ve stumbled into something rare.
Someone who sees all of you. The parts you show everyone and the parts you only let out in the dark.
” She pushes to her feet and stretches, her spine cracking.
“Just think about it, okay? Before you torch everything because you’re scared, hurt, and pissed off.
That’s my go-to move, and we both know how well that’s worked out for me. ”
I nod, unable to push words past the knot in my throat. Sometimes I hate how well she knows me.
“Come on.” She moves toward the kitchen door. “Let’s get some food in you. But not at that table. You should burn it.”
A smile pulls at my mouth even through the ache twisting in my chest. If she only knew how many times she’s eaten breakfast at that exact table the morning after he’d had me sprawled across it the night before.
I scrub it down every time, but the knowledge would freak her out, so I keep my mouth shut.
“Actually—” She stops in the doorway. “Maybe you should stay here today. Let me handle the sanctuary. I’ll come get you if anything urgent comes up, but I think you need time to figure out what you’re going to say to him tonight.”
I push to my feet, moving Shadow’s giant head and dispersing the cats. “No. I’ll lose my mind sitting here obsessing. Besides, Ricky needs a final ultrasound to make sure there aren’t any leftover kidney stone fragments.”
She nods. “Okay. Maybe a little boob action from your favorite raccoon might just be what the doctor ordered.”
I step forward and wrap my arms around her, crushing her in a hug until she makes a squeaking sound. She squeezes back just as hard until the air leaves my lungs.
“Thanks, Mar. I love you so much.”
“Yeah, you do. I’m fucking awesome.” She tries for flip, but her voice comes out thick with emotion.
We head into the kitchen together. She insists on cooking while I perch at the counter, deliberately not looking at the table.
Bacon sizzles in the pan while she fills the silence with complaints about JT being an ass and how they might be done.
I knew he was the reason for her mood when she showed up.
I can see the hurt she’s trying to hide behind the irritation.
Men are the worst.
When the food’s ready, she demands we take it back to the porch, and I go along with her need to avoid the scene of the crime. I watch her slip pieces of bacon to Shadow and the cats when she thinks I’m not paying attention.
My thoughts drift away from the food. Beyond all the lying, the manipulation, and the total implosion of my reality. I keep circling back to his kiss, to finally feeling his bare skin under my hands, tasting his mouth, and having him look at me like I was his entire world.
Before I said his name and shattered the illusion.