Chapter 9 #2
It felt a little too soon to be thrown into another life-threatening situation, and based on the dark aura surrounding the Horrads, this would be an undeniably dangerous excursion. But I couldn’t deny the anticipation welling inside of me.
To enter the Domus—to see the city that’d been isolated from our world for twenty-five years, the resources and greenery that thrived there—was something I’d never let myself imagine for most of my life.
“He said we were going after the Conquering Day celebration. How soon is it?”
“Three days from now,” Callen answered. He frowned. “I’m surprised Ana didn’t give you the details yet.”
I bit my lip, guilt creeping in. “I don’t think she’s particularly fond of me at the moment.”
I really should have kept my mouth shut back in the bedroom. Sure, I’d been on the verge of an emotional breakdown, but it’d been a blatantly irresponsible thing to say.
Callen’s brows slanted in. “I doubt that. You should hear the things she says to North when he tries to insult you.”
The guilt just thickened. “It was something I said.”
When Callen didn’t respond, I turned to see him waiting with an expectant expression. “Are you going to tell me?”
“No.” Because I was ashamed of it, and because I didn’t need Callen to know I even cared about Harthon’s past relationships.
“I know her better than you. If you tell me, I can help you fix it.”
“And what if I don’t want to fix it?”
“Then you’re a liar, because your eyes are all sad.”
I sighed and stared out at the garden, wishing I was better at hiding my emotions.
“There’s probably a simple solution, but I can only give it to you if you tell me,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m a vault. Whatever you say stays with me.”
“You are not a vault.”
His head drew back, face twisting. “When have I ever ratted you out?”
“You told everyone about our training bet,” I pointed out.
He lifted a dignified finger. “That wasn’t a secret. If you wanted it to stay a secret, all you had to do was say so. I was simply forewarning everyone that they should prepare to call you Fish Eyes when you inevitably lost.”
I shook my head, searching the sky for patience. “If I tell you this, you cannot breathe a word to anyone. It’s bad enough I said it once.”
I couldn’t believe I was actually considering this. But what I’d said to Ana had been hurtful, and I needed to make things right.
“A word of what?” he asked innocently. “I know not what you speak of.”
Well, okay then.
Twisting my fingers, I quietly said, “I pointed out how Harthon refused to commit to her, and that she, more than anyone, should know he can’t feel anything close to love.”
Callen released a low whistle. “Any context?”
“Is context necessary?”
“Very.”
I’d already committed too far to back out now. “We were talking about Harthon.” Skies, this was embarrassing. “She was implying things, and Koerlyn had told me about their past relationship, and I was just overwhelmed and talked out of my ass.”
“Implying things like…”
He wasn’t making this easy. “That Harthon didn’t really view me as a prisoner, and that he was scared when I was with Koerlyn for reasons beyond my magvis purpose.” The heat in my cheeks had nothing to do with the kernel beneath my ribs.
With a big, dramatic nod, he said, “Ah, I see. So your time with Koerlyn was a little more eventful than you told us.”
“No. It was a stupid comment he made. It’s not of any importance.”
“It’s coming up now, so it seems like it’s sort of important,” he very annoyingly pointed out.
“It isn’t.”
“Do you think Ana’s wrong?”
I ran a hand down my face, wondering why I’d even chosen to rehash this whole situation. I could end it right there. Just get up and walk away, so Callen couldn’t force answers out of me.
But I didn’t. And maybe it had something to do with the fact that I’d already reached an emotional breaking point a few days ago, and it wasn’t worth holding this in my head alone.
“I…we betrayed one another in different ways.” He’d held the dark secret of his past and my parents’ deaths, and I’d run away.
“And knowing his past with Ana—which must be true, because she didn’t deny it—it seems he isn’t one to care for another person in that way.
He’s a warrior, through and through. Vulnerability has no place with him. ”
Callen’s mouth thinned as he considered this. “You speak like he isn’t human.”
“Aren’t you the one who told me he’s essentially a bear?”
“That was just a comparison for that particular situation, though I’m pleased to know you recall my great teachings.” As if his ego needed to be further inflated. “The reality is that Harthon is just a man, Fish Eyes. And men have feelings.”
He framed it so simply. Like it was a fact of life. Sure, Harthon was technically a man, but he was so much…more than that. Larger than life.
“I mean, you’ve seen Ana, right?” I argued. “You know her. She’s strong, beautiful, and powerful. How could he not love her if the opportunity was there?” For Domus’ sake, I sounded like a jealous child.
But Callen didn’t tease me for it. “She is all of those things and then some.” He studied me pensively. “I’m going to tell you something, and if you breathe a word of it to anyone, I will give you the silent treatment for a very, very long time.”
From anyone else, it wouldn’t sound like a threat. But a passive aggressive Callen would be a nightmare to handle.
I nodded.
“Ana is the daughter of a major Fifth Territory lord.”
Skies. She was essentially royalty. It was no wonder she carried herself with such natural grace.
“As I’ve told you before, I met Harthon when I tried to kill him.
His father, Cornelius, took everything from me, and I was out for revenge.
Rumor had it that Harthon was worse than his father, so I confronted him.
Thought I’d drive a blade right through his heart.
” He laughed a little. “When I realized Harthon hated his father as much as me, I joined his campaign to find and kill the old man. We soon found out about Cornelius’ ties to some Lords in Fifth.
We decided to take Ana as leverage to force her father to reveal his location. ”
“Does Harthon always resort to kidnapping?”
Callen grinned. “It’s a rather effective strategy.”
“It’s brutish.”
He waved a hand dismissively. “Brutish is effective. Though in this case, it wasn’t necessary.
Ana hated Harthon’s father and her own, too.
She came willingly, then stayed with us when it was all over.
She was the only woman with us, and she and Harthon got…
close. She saw him as a hero, sort of doted on him.
He cared for her, but the motherly stuff, the adoration—I don’t think it was for him. ”
That didn’t exactly sound like the Ana I knew today. She didn’t idolize him. Outwardly, anyway. “She stayed, even after that?”
“She did. She supports him. I think a small part of her still loves him, but she grew up. Matured. Figured out she wasn’t what he needed,” Callen replied.
I toyed with my hands as I digested all this. “So basically, when I said what I said to Ana, I re-opened a recent wound like an insensitive fool.”
“I mean, probably.” Great. “But like I said, she’s matured. It’s been over two years. She’s not going to hold it against you. And the fact that she even brought up your relationship with Harthon suggests she’s accepted how things are. Supports it, even.”
“Why didn’t you just say that? Why tell me everything else?”
“First, because a list of facts doesn’t make a person perfect for another.
Context matters. And second, because you’ve been making a mighty amount of assumptions about Harthon, and while the business between you two is your own, it’s my job as your trainer to pull your head out of your ass.
You can’t see your opponents from up there. ”
He chuckled at his own joke, and I might have too, if I wasn’t so uncomfortable with his answer.
And I was only uncomfortable because he was right. I was making assumptions. Lots of them. But assumptions were a natural instinct, something that’d helped me survive in this dying world, so much that they’d become truths to me.
Maybe, this time, I’d been wrong.
Trying to ease the discomfort, I joked, “With all those insights, you should consider becoming a philosopher.”
“I don’t have the beard for it.”
“I don’t have the eerie voice to be a pretend-mystical being, but here I am.”
“You’ve got the weird-ass eyes and the strange capacity for staying alive, though. That’s for sure.”