22 MADDY
MADDY
I miss you more every day
It’s been nine years since my mother passed away. Every year I think it might hurt a little less, and every year I’m wrong.
I’m sitting on the couch with a picture frame balanced in my hands, my thumb tracing the worn gold edge without really thinking about it.
It’s one of my favourite photos. Mom is holding me against her chest, her arms wrapped around me like she never planned on letting go.
I’m sticking my tongue out at the camera, clearly proud of myself.
Dad stands beside her with Noah on his shoulders, gripping Noah’s legs while Noah clutches a melting ice cream cone, little sunglasses pushed into his curls.
Dad is looking at Mom like she hung the moon. I swear you can see it in his eyes.
“That’s my favourite one.”
I look up to find Noah leaning over the back of the couch. He studies the picture for a moment before dropping down beside me.
“Mine too,” I say. “Mostly because it’s about two seconds before you drop your ice cream on Dad’s neck.”
Noah snorts. “Mom laughed for ten minutes straight.”
“Dad was so mad.”
“Pretending to be,” Noah corrects. “He loved it.”
I set the picture back on the windowsill before we head out.
The cemetery is quiet when we arrive. I hold the bouquet of lilies against my chest as we walk down the gravel path together, the sound of our steps the only thing breaking the stillness.
Mom’s name is carved into the stone in that familiar way that still makes my chest tighten.
Hazel Gracelyn. Wife of Luke Gracelyn. Mother of Madelyn Hazel Gracelyn and Noah Luke Gracelyn. A sunshine in soul form. Loved and remembered.
There are already flowers resting at the base. I add the lilies beside them, straightening the ribbon before stepping back between Noah and Dad.
We stay there for a while, talking the way we always do. Updating her on the café. On school. On small town gossip. On the things she missed and the things we still wish we could tell her in person.
“Oh,” Noah says casually, glancing down at the stone. “She’s dating Ryan now. Can you believe it, Mom?”
Heat rushes to my face. I rub my hands on my jeans. “Yeah,” I mutter. “Kind of unexpected.”
Dad bumps my shoulder gently. “She probably would’ve known about your feelings before you did.”
I laugh, but it comes out a little thin.
We talk about some more old memories.
Noah, of course, tells the story about me almost burning the kitchen down trying to make pancakes when I was eight. And mom walked in, just as I was about to set off the fire extinguisher. Her entire face was fully covered in white. We all laughed so hard.
And Dad tells the one we all know by heart.
How he used to work at the café when it belonged to my grandmother.
How Mom came in every morning before her work and ordered a chai latte with extra cinnamon.
How he dropped milk cans, mixed up orders, or pretended he wasn’t staring.
And how he eventually asked her out. And how years later, when he took over the café, he named it Hazel & Bean.
When it’s finally time to leave, we hug each other tightly, holding on a little longer than usual. And the drive home is quiet. “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac hums softly through the speakers while the road rolls past outside the window.
I pull out my phone, and there are already some messages waiting for me.
DAWN: love you Mads
TESS: we are thinking about you today
DAPHNE: your Mom would be proud of you
I stare at the screen for a moment. I feel my eyes burning slightly. They always adored my Mom, and she adored them right back. It always feels good to talk to them on this day.
A couple more messages are waiting.
KIARA: thinking about you today
MEL: be gentle with yourself
LIAM: hope you’re doing okay :)
RYAN: good luck today
My eyes linger on Ryan’s message a second longer than the others.
Later that night, I head upstairs. Noah pauses at the top of the stairs and opens his arms. “Think you can handle one more hug today?”
I laugh softly and step into it. He holds on tight, while I disappear into his chest, and he ruffles my hair when we pull apart.
“That was a very big-brother hug,” I say.
“Special occasion,” he replies. “Don’t get used to it.”
I nudge him with my elbow before heading to my room. As I close the door behind me, I reach for my phone to put on some music. Before I can, a notification lights up the screen.
RYAN: hey, how are you holding up?
I feel something flutter in my chest.
ME: I’m okay
He starts typing.
RYAN: u sure?
I don’t answer right away, because of course I’m not really fine. But I don’t want to bother him.
I watch the typing dots appear again.
RYAN: wanna call?
Before I can even type a reply, his name suddenly lights up my screen. I let out a small breath and sit down on the edge of my bed before tapping the screen and bringing the phone to my ear.
“Hey.” His voice is low and soft through the speaker.
“Hey,” I answer quietly.
“How was it today?”
I shift a little and lean back against the wall behind my bed. “Uh… long.”
He hums softly on the other end of the line. “Yeah,” he says after a moment. “I get that.”
A small silence settles between us, but it doesn’t feel awkward. Then I hear him chuckle faintly. “Do you want to hear something funny?”
I push myself up from the bed, pacing a step across the room. “Sure.”
“I took Bailey to the gym for the first time today,” he says, a hint of amusement already in his voice. “And guess what she did.”
I laugh quietly. “What?”
“She walked straight up to the biggest guy in the gym and started lecturing him about putting his weights back.”
I stand up a little straighter. “No, she did not.”
“Oh, she absolutely did. You should’ve seen that guy’s face.”
A laugh escapes me. “He probably had no idea what just happened.”
“I know,” Ryan says, clearly still entertained by it. “He was just standing there looking at her like—did this tiny human really just start telling me what to do?”
I shake my head, still laughing. “That’s insane. I wish I’d been there.”
“Yeah,” he says warmly. “You would’ve loved it.”
I wander slowly across my room, pacing near the window. “Okay, but the real question is… did she win the argument?”
Ryan lets out a quiet, teasing chuckle. “What do you think?”
I grin. “Alright, how exactly did that go down?”
“Well,” he begins, “she gave him this whole speech about how if he’s strong enough to lift the weights, he should definitely be strong enough to put them back.”
I snort softly.
“And then,” he continues, clearly trying not to laugh again, “she added that his calves were tiny and his dick probably was too.”
I freeze. “Shut. The. Front. Door.”
“She did,” he confirms. “Well, she actually said wiener, but the message was pretty clear.”
“She’s insane. I love her.”
“Right?” he says. “And the best part is, the guy didn’t even argue. He just quietly started putting the weights back like she’d completely humbled him.”
I lean against the window, still grinning. “Are you sure she’s your sister? Or is she secretly sharing DNA with Kiara?”
Ryan laughs softly. “Honestly? Wouldn’t surprise me.”
We both laugh softly, and it feels surprisingly good after the kind of day I’ve had. I lie back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling while the phone rests against my ear.
“You’re weirdly good at this, you know,” I murmur after a moment.
“At what?”
“Showing up when people need you.”
The words slip out before I can stop them and for a second there’s only quiet on the other end of the line.
“Good to know,” he says finally, his voice light. Then he clears his throat. “You know my mom and Bailey were looking at wedding magazines earlier.”
I blink. “I’m sorry—what?”
“Yeah,” he says, and I can practically hear the dry expression on his face. “I walked past the kitchen and they were standing there giggling like they’d already planned the whole thing.”
“Oh my god.”
“Mm,” he hums. “Pretty sure we’re getting married next week. Thought you should know.”
I grin into the quiet. “Wow. And here I was thinking this was a very low-commitment situation.”
“Yeah,” he says easily. “Guess you’re stuck with me now.”
There’s a small pause and then his voice lowers slightly. “Can I tell you something?”
My stomach flips. “Sure.”
“This whole fake dating thing,” he says slowly, like he’s thinking through the words as he says them, “you’ve made it pretty easy.”
For a second I go completely still.
“Yeah,” I manage after a moment. “You too.”
He chuckles softly. “Good.”
I stare up at the ceiling, a smile slowly spreading across my face while my heart starts beating a little faster.
Then he speaks again. “Do you wanna take a walk? Clear your head?”
“A walk?”
“Well,” he says, like he’s thinking it through, “the birds need to be convinced we’re a couple too. They spread rumours fast.”
I blink. “Birds?”
“Yeah,” he says easily. “Who do you think delivered gossip mail before phones?”
I huff out a small laugh despite myself, shaking my head.
“Okay, fine,” he adds after a second, voice a little more real now. “I’m just trying to find an excuse. I’d like to take a walk with you.”
I feel myself smile. And a walk actually does sound really good after today.
“Okay,” I say, a little softer. “Do you want me to go to your house?”
“That won’t be necessary.”
A second after the words leave his mouth, I hear a small tick on my window.
No way.
I immediately sit up, and walk straight over to the window to see him standing on the driveway. I lift the frame, leaning my hands on the windowsill.
“Did you seriously just throw a stone at my window?” I whisper, but loud enough that he can hear me.
“Do you want me to demonstrate it again?” With a smirk on his face, he leans down and grabs a little stone off the driveway.
“Okay, okay, I get it.” A laugh escapes me. “Why are you even here already?”
“Well, like I said,” he says, standing up again. “I want to take a walk with you.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Just give me a sec, I’ll come down.”
“Okay,” Ryan whisper-shouts. “I’ll wait outside.”