Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Julius
I drank.
And I was never much of a drinker, but it was seriously the only way I was dealing with this fucking birthday party. She literally turned the downstairs into Jurassic Land. It was decked out from floor to ceiling. If I saw one more balloon, I was going to lose my shit more than I already craved to.
I couldn’t believe she was pulling this card. This was Kraven’s favorite birthday theme when he was eleven. It was her last one with him. He rode her ass for a Jurassic party for a whole year, and it was also the biggest party we ever had.
As much as I hated admitting it, it was a good memory.
One of the few.
Which was why I was gulping down another shot of tequila, needing to feel the burn down my chest as I watched Melody dance around the room full of guests.
This was always her favorite role to play, and she was good at it.
Catering to all the people, the house was packed with them.
Everyone was happy now that Melody Knightly was back.
Home…
Praising her for her return, as if she was being held captive or something. As if it wasn’t a personal choice she made.
It was complete and utter bullshit. Everyone was betraying me.
Kraven was even loosening up, not nearly as angry as he should be.
Though it was probably the booze he was slamming down, too.
He reeked of weed, so he was definitely partaking in that.
I’d guess there were some drugs in his system by the way he was acting.
The life of the party.
Kraven was the baby, and she treated him as such. She knew how to manipulate everyone. It’d make sense that Kraven would be the one who’d have a soft spot for her. She was playing into his insecurities, buying all the things she knew he loved.
Melody was smart. Most addicts and alcoholics were. It came with having to get their next fix. They learned what buttons to push to get what they wanted. It was why I was steering clear of her. I wouldn’t get caught in her web of lies. I’d come too far.
If she didn’t leave, if she refused, where did that leave us?
If she moved back into the house, I’d have to move out.
Will Isla come with me? Will Kraven stay?
My head pounded from the unknown questions. It didn’t matter if I demanded answers from her. I’d get whatever benefited her at the time as a response. I couldn’t tell you how much I loathed that Isla was falling for her performance. She had her eating out of the palm of her hand.
It was obvious Isla saw her as a mother figure, and there wasn’t anything I could do to prevent it. She wasn’t going to listen. As much as I wanted to stay mad at Isla for it, I also understood. From an outsider looking in, Melody appeared to have her shit together.
She always had the power to make people like her.
It was one of her many gifts. I was surprised Joe hadn’t shown up yet.
He was still madly in love with her. He must not have heard about her imploding arrival.
If he did make his presence known, I was a goner.
There’d be no fighting it out with them.
I’d take off, never to be seen again by them.
Will Isla come with me?
Every thought I had ended with that same inevitable question. I felt like I was losing her, and I despised that more than anything.
Another shot.
Another drink.
Now I was smoking weed in the kitchen, watching Isla dance around. She was loving every second of this birthday party charade, this mockery we were letting her perform in hopes that she would actually leave us alone.
They were dancing in the middle of the room. Isla wore a white dress, twirling in a circle, enjoying the song, the atmosphere, and the vibes. I continued to watch her until Kraven approached her with a beer in his grasp.
He grabbed her hand, twirling her that time. I watched from afar as they all danced without a care in the world. Rage quickly tried to take over, and I shoved it back down. Melody made their way over to them, grabbing their hands before Kraven spun them both, smiling ear to ear.
My blood boiled.
Hot.
Searing.
Scarring its way into my skin.
“You need to hit that blunt again and chill the fuck out,” Roland demanded, inhaling a hit himself. “It’s a party,” he breathed out through smoke.
“I’m doing my best.”
He nodded to them. “You should go dance with them.”
“I don’t dance.”
“Julius—”
“If you’re about to take her side, Roland, I suggest you don’t try me. I can’t deal with another person taking her side in this whole ordeal.”
“Isla and Kraven are not taking her side, Julius.”
I gestured to them. “What is that then?”
“It’s them having a good time and living in the moment. A moment that may never happen again, and you should be taking advantage of it too.”
“I don’t need you to Sesame Street me.”
He held his hands up in the air in surrender. “Listen, I come in peace.” After passing me the blunt, he made his way over to them. Proving his opinion on living in the present.
Melody shrieked in excitement, grabbing Roland to dance with him.
She looked so happy, reminding me of all the times I’d seen her exactly like this, but what goes up must come down. It was the law of physics.
When she noticed I was staring at them, she shouted, “Julius! It’s time!”
She wouldn’t…
She couldn’t…
“Right, everyone? Let’s hear my boys play!”
Of course she is.
The crowd cheered, clapping and hooting. The nerve to put us on the spot. Kraven’s glossy gaze shifted to meet mine. I waited for him to object, to tell her to eat shit, and that we weren’t her little wind-up monkeys to perform for her at her beck and call.
Except he didn’t. Instead, he shrugged it off and mouthed, “Why not?”
It was Isla’s expression of it’s your brother’s birthday, and if he was good with it, then you should be too that felt like it was me against the entire party. I moved in autopilot while I allowed the booze and weed to consume me.
No longer seeing red.
No longer feeling the blazing heat on my skin.
I moved in a haze, and before I knew it, we were in the living room putting on a concert.
I remembered the first time she put a violin in my hands.
The first time she taught me a note.
A string.
A song.
I remembered how we’d play, and sometimes she’d cry in the same way she was right then.
I remembered the happiness it gave me. That I was able to move her so deeply.
I remembered the sadness she caused.
The despair.
The loneliness.
I remember it all.
They said time healed all wounds. At that moment, playing with Kraven—with our mother and Isla watching, listening, and cheering—it was a symphony of past, present, and future.
A broken record of memories, creating a crescendo that blurred time into one aching note, which evolved into a composition of what was, what may never be, and everything unfinished.
Everything unsaid.
Everything that mattered was all the chorus.
It was only a matter of time until the melody we were playing turned into be back in ten, then seven years of silence...
And still, we performed it so perfectly, our memories bleeding into every last note.
Kraven
I played the piano for her.
Isla.
I played it for the guests.
For myself.
For my demons.
For the little boy abandoned by his mother.
For the seven years I could never get to shut up, regardless of how much trouble I got into.
For the version of me I see when I’m with Kitty.
For the memories.
The trauma.
The tears.
The fights.
For the music that completed me.
The notes that consumed me.
For the nights when all I had was my piano.
When I tasted tears.
Fear.
Unhappiness.
I played for all of that and more.
Last, I played for her.
My mom.
Because if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be playing at all, and that was the hardest note to hit.
It carried the sharpest key.
Except there was no harmony.
Not for me.
I never experienced that unless I was playing through a wall for my black cat.