Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Devin
Finally through the airport’s security, I drop onto a chair and let go of my suitcase. The exhaustion that’s been tickling at the corners of my consciousness all morning finally spreads through my whole body, a result of not sleeping well last night. Or the night before that.
I haven’t been able to really rest since Oliver left. Once I do fall asleep, I inevitably wake up and reach for him, only to be reminded that he’s not there. He’s gone for good.
Familiar voices catch my ear, and I look over my shoulder just in time to see my mom and Jemma breeze right past me, acting like they don’t even know me.
Or, I guess, returning the sentiment. I’m the one who started giving them the cold shoulder after Oliver left the second night of our trip. Whether they were trying to convince me I’m better off without Oliver or asking for me to pass the salt, I kept my attention removed from them.
They got off lucky. What I really want to do is shake their shoulders and scream at them, to demand if they have any idea about what they’ve done.
The memory of Oliver’s eyes in the hallway, full of tears and defeat, makes me want to start crying all over again.
Blinking hastily, I pull the strings on my hoodie so that it’s covering more of my face.
So far, I’ve only cried in private since he left.
Curled up in the bed that smelled of his aftershave, I let loose that first night, sobs wracking my body until I fell asleep.
He hasn’t texted. Hasn’t called. We’re officially over once again, and once again my heart is broken.
“Hey.” My dad sits down next to me, his presence steady and warm. “How are you holding up?”
I glance at my mom and sister, browsing paperbacks at the bookstore across the concourse. “Fine.”
“I know enough about women by now to understand that ‘fine’ means anything but.”
That makes me smile, my first smile since Oliver left.
The expression feels foreign on my face, like I’ve forgotten how my mouth is supposed to move.
“I don’t understand. I thought things could work between us this time.
We both made so much progress. I mean, I thought we had.
We were working on ourselves, working on communicating better.
And then… Mom and Jemma had to treat him that way. ”
“You think he left just because of them?”
I press the tip of my tongue against my teeth. The question hangs between us, and I know the answer even though I don’t want to admit it. “No. The way they acted towards him, it hit a nerve. I guess if it wasn’t them, it would have been something else eventually.”
Not that it makes me any less angry at the two of them.
I fiddle with my hoodie strings, wrapping them around my fingers until the tips turn white. “When he told me that he’s not good enough for me, I don’t know. I froze. I didn’t know what to say. How can I convince him that he is?”
This time, I can’t hold the tears back. They spill from my eyes, making hot tracks down my cheeks. My vision blurs, and I’m grateful for the hood hiding most of my face from the other travelers passing by. “I love him.”
“Are you going to tell him that?”
I sigh and wipe away the tears with the heels of my hands. “What’s the point? I can’t convince him that our relationship is worth it. I made him come here because it’s important to me that you all know him.”
“Can’t you be with Oliver even if everyone in your life doesn’t like him?”
I stretch my legs out and stare at my shoes. The laces are loose on one side, but I can’t bring myself to care. “Yeah.”
That’s been my biggest mistake. I should have just let things be. Not cared that my mom and Jemma don’t like Oliver and think that I’ve made a mistake getting back together with him. Things would have probably smoothed themselves out eventually. Even if it took years.
I felt like I had to push, though, and I pushed Oliver to his breaking point. Now I’ve lost him forever.
“When Henry and I first met, things weren’t smooth sailing.” My dad’s eyes soften as he gazes off into space, past the crowds of people rushing to their gates. “He’d just lost his husband, remember?”
I nod, my throat sore from holding back a sob.
He continues. “He didn’t think he was ready for something serious, even though I was crazy about him and wanted to get married in Vegas right then and there. That was hard… Also, he had a lot of hang-ups from his marriage. It was complicated even before I was involved.”
“But you still ended up together. It worked out.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “And the first two years were rocky as hell.”
“I didn’t know that.” The revelation catches me off guard. I’ve always thought of Dad and Henry as the perfect couple, the ones who had it all figured out.
“You were a kid. It wouldn’t have been right for you to see all of that. I also didn’t know if things would work out between us. We were always right on the edge, teetering on the brink of disaster.”
“So what changed?” I hold my breath, waiting for the magic cure-all that I still have some faith in.
“Nothing.”
I frown. “What?”
“Really.” He shrugs, and there’s something matter-of-fact in his expression that makes me believe him. “Nothing. We kept going. Kept putting one foot in front of the other. Rode the waves together. Learned from the challenges that came up. Got to know each other better every day.”
“That’s what Oliver and I were doing,” I whisper. The words feel hollow in my mouth. “And it wasn’t enough. He still threw in the towel.”
“Things are hardly ever final. You can still talk to him. Remind him that just because a relationship is hard it doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”
Hope flickers through me, small and fragile like a candle flame. Is that true? Will Oliver even listen to me?
“What about them?” I nod at Jemma and Mom, standing in the checkout line at the bookstore.
Even from this distance, I can see the tension in their shoulders, the way they’re not quite looking at each other.
“They’ve been so awful to Oliver. I only brought him here because of them, and they treated him like shit.
I don’t know… I don’t know if I can forgive them. ”
It’s a harsh statement I never could have imagined I’d make about my own family. It kills me to even think it, let alone say it, but I can’t deny the truth. They’re the ones who pushed Oliver away.
“Here’s the thing,” my dad slowly says. “They were trying to protect you.”
“That doesn’t—” I close my mouth, remembering what Oliver told me about his family. About how his parents’ rude remarks, as terrible as they can be, come from a place of wanting him to be better. Which is exactly what he used to do with me.
It’s similar to what’s happening now with my mom and Jemma. Their intentions are in the right place. The execution is what’s off.
Am I really willing to burn a bridge with my mother and my twin before I tell them all of this? Before I do everything in my power to reconnect?
“I need to talk to them.” I stand and grab my suitcase, the wheels squeaking as I pull it to my side.
“Good.” He smiles in satisfaction.
“Want me to grab you anything?”
“No, thanks.” He pulls out his phone. “Henry is getting me something from the sushi spot.”
I nod and set off, shaking in my boots as I march up to the bookstore. My heart hammers against my ribs with each step. The timing is perfect. They’re leaving the checkout counter as I step through the large doorway.
“Hey.” I lick my lips, which have gone dry. “Um, wanna get coffee?”
My mom’s shoulders melt, and I can tell she’s been waiting for me to extend the first olive branch. Relief washes over her features. “Sure.”
Jemma doesn’t say anything, but she follows us to the coffee kiosk, where we order all our usuals.
The two of us had some choice words after Oliver left, before I started giving her the cold shoulder, and while I can’t remember everything I said I’m pretty sure I threw the words “betrayal” and “all your fault” at her.
Since then, our interactions have been kept to restrained conversations about things that aren’t one bit important.
My oat milk latte in hand, I take a seat at one of the small wooden tables by the windows. The surface is sticky beneath my palms. Jemma and my mom arrange themselves across from me, another reminder of the distance between us.
“I hate this,” I sigh.
Jemma’s lower lip trembles, but she quickly bites it, trying to hide any emotion. “Hate what?”
“This.” I gesture between the three of us. “I know you were trying to protect me. I see that, and… thank you.”
Her eyes shine with tears. “You were a mess after dating him, Dev.”
“And while dating him.” Mom sniffs, wrapping both hands around her cup like she needs something to hold onto.
“You were always trying to please him.” Jemma shakes her head at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “Then after you broke up, you were a shadow of yourself.”
Her words press against my lungs, forcing the air out.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I was. I realized something, though… I could have left at any time, and I didn’t.
I also could have spoken up and told Oliver that he shouldn’t talk to me the way he did, but not once did I do that.
I didn’t tell him about my boundaries whatsoever, and then I got upset when he didn’t respect them, like he was supposed to read my mind. ”
My mom looks like she doesn’t know what to say, her mouth opening and closing. But Jemma is shaking her head before I’m even done talking. “It’s common human decency that he lacks,” she says. “If someone—”
“I’m sorry, Jem, but it’s not that simple.
People aren’t black and white, good or bad.
We make mistakes.” I pin her with my gaze, and she quickly closes her mouth.
“I appreciate you for looking out for me. Thank you. Please, trust me when I say that Oliver and I have both grown. We’ve been working on our relationship together.
I know it must have been hard to see how things were before, and if it all starts to go sideways again with him, I’ll leave.
I have no qualms about that anymore. But I’m going to go home and I’m going to get him back, because I love him. ”
The monologue I hadn’t even planned on giving finished, I slump back in my seat and draw a breath. My hands are trembling slightly, adrenaline coursing through me.
Mom reaches across the table for my hand, her fingers warm and familiar. “That’s what I wanted to hear. I needed to know that you’re keeping your wits about you.”
I nod eagerly. “I am.”
Jemma twists her lips, her expression caught somewhere between stubborn and apologetic. “Damn it.”
“What?” I ask.
“I’m sorry, that’s what.” Her eyes are red and misty, and a single tear escapes down her cheek. “I guess I’ve been a little overprotective.”
“You’re my sister.”
“Twin,” she adds, and there’s the smallest hint of a smile on her face now.
I grin. “You should be protective. I’d be the same about you.”
She wipes away a tear with the back of her hand. “Come ’ere.”
Relief flooding my chest, I go around the table and hug her tight. She holds me just as fiercely, and I can feel her heartbeat against mine. It’s right on time, too, because a voice comes over the speakers announcing boarding for my flight.
“I hate to go now.” I release her and hug my mom, breathing in her familiar perfume.
“You need to.” Jemma pokes me in the side, right where she knows I’m ticklish. “You have to get your guy back.”
“Yeah.” I draw a deep breath, but my ribs feel compressed. The weight of what I’m about to attempt settles over me. “I’m going to try.”
It’s the best I can do, but I’ll do my best at it.