Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Oliver
Parking on the street in front of Devin’s house, I rush out of the car as quickly as I dare, given the slippery ice and snow. My heart races, my thoughts even faster. Devin wants to see me. She misses me.
Leaving her at the resort was one of the dumbest decisions of my life, tied only with breaking up with her five years ago. If she’ll have me back, I’ll never make such an idiotic mistake again. I’ll—
“Hey.”
It’s Maya, sitting on Devin’s front porch. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice her there.
She gets up and walks through the porch light’s glow, stopping at the top step. I stay on the walkway, a lump in my throat. The cold air burns in my lungs.
“Hey,” I croak.
It’s the first time we’ve ever spoken, but I’ve seen pictures of her and spotted her from a distance in town. Every time I see one of Devin’s friends, I can’t help but wonder what they think of me. Do they hold the same opinion as Devin’s mom and sister?
I brace myself, ready for a lecture that I fully deserve.
“She’s in the bedroom.” Maya nods at the house behind her. “We all came over to help her get comfy.”
“Is she okay?”
“As well as she can be while flaring.” She pauses, and in that pause I hear everything she’s not saying—the nights Devin has suffered, the times she’s needed support. “I like you, Oliver. You’re cool.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just laugh. She doesn’t even know me.
“Devin has told me a lot about your history… and I can tell that you’re a good guy. I’m happy she has you.”
I blink at her, more shocked than anything else. “She… You… are?”
Maya nods. “I’d like to get to know you better. If you’re going to be in Devin’s life, you’re going to be in mine.” Her smile is easy and friendly. “And all the chronic pain crafters’,” she adds with a playful eye roll.
I grin. “That doesn’t sound bad at all. I’d welcome that. I might even like to learn how to knit.”
“Be careful.” She walks down the steps, her boots finding purchase on each one. “It’s addictive.”
She hands me a sticky note with a number on it. The ink is slightly smudged, like she wrote it in a hurry. “Call me if you two need anything. Or if you have any questions.”
Warmth rushes through me, and I realize how off the mark my assumptions about her were. She’s the opposite of judgmental. It sounds like she’s been rooting for me and Devin all along. “Thank you,” I say, meaning it wholeheartedly.
“You’re welcome. The door is open.” She walks past me, the salt on the walkway crunching beneath her feet. “Really, text or call if you need anything.”
“I will. Get home safe.”
Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step into the house.
The familiar smells of Devin’s home—vanilla candles and old wood—make my stomach twist in longing. It’s almost hard to believe that I’m here, back at her place. I haven’t completely blown my chances with her after all.
Leaving my boots at the door, I step softly through the house. The floorboards creak under my socked feet. “Hello?”
There’s no answer, though her bedroom door is open. Creeping up to it, I lean against the doorframe. She’s on her side in bed, turned away from me. The blankets are pulled up to her shoulders. Realizing I’m here, she slowly rolls over.
“Hey.” Her voice is so weak it nearly brings me to my knees.
In an instant, I’m crouching on the floor next to her bed, brushing hair from her face. The strands are soft between my fingers. “God, Devin, I’m sorry. How are you feeling? What can I do for you?”
She doesn’t look any different than she did during any flare while we were together. They always brought dark bags under her eyes and made her shoulders slump forward. She would turn into the walking dead… and I would turn my back.
Too caught up in my own drama, I always saw her health issues as an excuse to not do things. Remembering those times, when I might as well have been blind as a bat, fills my eyes with tears.
“What’s wrong?” Her eyebrows pinch together.
“I’m sorry. For everything.” My palm slides down to her cheek, and she presses her hand over top of it, holding me there. Her skin is warm against mine.
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything at the resort. I—”
“You didn’t have to.” I shake my head furiously. “That was all me. My fault.”
“I froze.”
I close my eyes, savoring her touch. The weight of her hand grounds me. “I figured you agreed with me.”
“That you’re not good enough for me? Never.”
Opening my eyes, I drink in the sincerity in her face. It’s the elixir I’ve been searching for this whole time, the confirmation that there’s always a better path to take.
And she’s here to take it with me.
“God, Devin,” I groan. “I’ve been so afraid that I fucked it up too badly this time. That… that…” The words congeal in my throat.
“No.” She shakes her head and sniffles, and I get into the bed next to her so that we’re lying side by side. The mattress dips under my weight.
“Ever since we met…” I choose my words carefully. It’s my chance to right the past—maybe the last chance I’ll ever get. “I’ve tried to keep from you how broken I am. I haven’t wanted to show you any weakness. I thought that if I did, you would leave.”
“Oliver, I’ve never expected you to be perfect.”
“I know. That was all on me. I expected myself to be perfect.”
“You know, I feel the same way sometimes,” she whispers. “Broken. Like I’m just not working right. I think a lot of people feel that way.”
“Yeah.” I run my hand up and down her side, my heart and body aching. Now that I’ve walked through her front door and returned to her, I never want to leave again. This is where I belong: right at her side.
“We need to see those parts of each other. It’s too hard to hide them. They always come out eventually.”
“I know,” I breathe.
“Also…” She presses her hand against my chest, brown eyes imploring. “You’re not broken. You just have a lot of stuff that’s coming up. Things that have been repressed over the years. It’s normal, and I want to be here for you every step of the way… If that’s okay.”
I open my mouth to tell her “yes” but something holds me back. Fear still clutches at my heart, a reminder of what has gone wrong and could go wrong again.
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” I murmur.
But she doesn’t look fazed at all. “We’ll hurt each other here and there. That’s inevitable, a part of relationships. I’m worried about hurting you too, but we—we can’t use it as an excuse to not try.” Her eyes fill with tears.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Cupping her face, I gently kiss her lips. Their satin touch sends waves of relaxation through me. “What do you need? How can I help with the flare?”
“I just need to be allowed to lie here for as long as I need to. That could be a day. It could be two. Or more.” She cringes at that last possibility.
I nod. “I understand. I swear, Devin, this won’t be like it was before.”
Her fingers lovingly close over my wrist, her smile bright and full of hope. “I know.”
Just then she notices the marks on my arm and cheek from being tackled. Her eyes widen. “Are you okay?” She gasps.
“I am now,” I say sincerely, before explaining everything that happened with Mark Bailey. I tell her about my run, him jumping me out of nowhere. His confession that he didn’t know I got. The police taking him away in handcuffs.
“I knew it was him!” She exclaims when I’m done. “I’m so glad he was caught.”
“Me too,” I say, kissing her forehead. The gesture feels natural, like muscle memory. “Are you hungry? Tell me what I can do for you.”
“I’m okay right now. The girls set me up.” Her eyes are still on me, searching my face. “I’m sorry for my family.”
“It’s okay.” I force a grin, trying to make light of it all. “It’s not your whole family, anyway. Just half of them.”
Her lips pull thin. “I told my mom and Jemma off after you left.”
“Really?” I can’t hide how pleased that makes me. Even after I was an ass and broke up with Devin, she still stood up for me.
“Yeah, and then I forgave them.” She sighs. “They’re just looking out for me, you know? Like your parents, but in a different way.”
“Hmm.” My parents and I haven’t talked since our last big conversation, where they explained why they’re so hard on me, and I’m fine with that. The ball is in their court, and it feels good to have the situation out of my hands.
“I told them they can’t treat you that way.” Her brow furrows. “Ever.”
“I’m going to work on not getting so triggered by it.”
“It’s not going to happen anymore,” she insists.
I kiss her forehead. “We’ll see,” I chuckle. “Anyway, I’m not worried about our families anymore. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. What’s important is this. Us.”
“Yeah,” she coos happily, snuggling against my chest.
Burying my face in her hair, I inhale deeply. The feel, the smell, it transcends time and space. She’s been the biggest constant in my life, even in the years when we didn’t speak but I thought about her every day. I guess it only makes sense that we made our way back to each other eventually.
“Oliver?” she says against my chest.
I draw back to look at her. “I promise to do the best I can. I’m committed to this relationship.”
My heart melting, I kiss her hand. “I am, too. I also promise to do the best I can.”
That’s the most we can do, and for the first time in my life, I realize that it’s enough.