Chapter 17 – Hannah
Chapter Seventeen
HANNAH
“ T here was so much there. You would have loved it,” Flick gushes. “Look at this one.”
She pulls another yarn sample from her bag, and I run my fingers over the silky coil. “Beautiful,” I murmur.
“Next year.” She smiles at me across Knit Happens’s counter.
“Next year,” I confirm, though I’m really not that disappointed I had to miss the yarn convention. Even though I couldn’t take off from the shop, there’s so much good happening in my life—my classes taking off, my relationship with Michael blooming—that I haven’t even been thinking about what I’ve been missing out on.
“Did anything happen while I was gone?” Flick sets her folded arms on the counter and leans into them.
“Not much. The new classes went well…and I went out for pizza the other night with Michael and Katie.”
Her eyes go round. “You did? Hannah, that’s huge!”
“Is it?” I ask, though I’ve suspected it is, and I’m relieved to hear she agrees.
“Michael doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who would let just anyone around his kid. He seems too protective for that.”
“Yeah,” I murmur. “I think so too.”
“How was it?”
“Really nice. Katie is cool. I like her a lot.”
“Oh my God, this is so adorable.”
My phone beeps with a text. “That’s him now.”
“Of course it is. Is he sending you kissy emojis?”
“No.” Laughing, I read the text—and enjoy the warmth that washes through me. “He invited me and Carol over to dinner tonight. With him and Katie.”
I put the phone down, a little shook. “I’ve never been to his house before.”
“Another big step. He must really like you.”
My tummy churns with excitement and anxiety. “Yeah…”
Picking up my phone again, I call Carol, who is at the grocery store grabbing us some things for the week.
“Hey,” I say right when she answers. “Whatever you’re grabbing for dinner right now, pause. Michael invited us to have dinner with him and Katie.”
“That’s so sweet of him,” Carol coos. “But you’ll be so tired after work. I planned on having dinner ready so you can just sit on the couch and relax.”
“Oh. That’s nice of you.” I hesitate, not wanting to offend her. “I’m feeling good, though, and I’d like to go to their house. With you.”
She makes that popping sound with her lips that says she’s thinking hard. “O…kay. I suppose there’s no harm in saying yes, and then if you need to cancel, you?—”
“I won’t need to cancel. I’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see when the time comes. When are we going?”
“Dinner’s at seven thirty.” I grit my teeth. Why does it feel like she’s trying to sabotage the night?
“And you’ll be home before then? So that you can rest? I’ll come cover at the shop if you need me to.”
“I have the Chronic Pain Crafters meetup tonight, so I’ll just have time to come home and grab you.”
“Hannah—”
“I’ll be fine.” I rush through my words, not giving her a chance to argue.
“I just— Look, Hannah. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this.”
“What do you mean?” I step away from the counter, arms folded tight over my chest.
“I’m concerned you’re moving too fast with Michael.”
My jaw drops, the sting more than I expected. How can she say that? “What do you mean?”
“He has a child. Katie is wonderful—it’s not that I think there’s anything wrong with her or her father. They’re both great. I just want to make sure you take your time, that you don’t rush into something you’re not ready for.”
My face burns, and I stare out the window, vision blurring. “We’re just dating. It’s not like we’re getting married.”
“I know, but it’s different when there’s a child involved.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Because I really don’t think you can, not until you become a parent yourself. Are you ready to step into that role?”
“I…” I open and close my mouth, at a loss for words. Michael isn’t asking me to step in as Katie’s mother. We just started dating.
Though to be fair, the idea of doing that doesn’t scare me. I’ve always wanted kids, and Carol knows that. So what is this really about?
“You think I wouldn’t be a good parent because of the fibromyalgia.” I wipe away the tears that have started trickling down my cheeks.
“No, Hannah. I know you would be a great parent. I know from personal experience how exhausting parenting is, though.”
“So, what? I should just never do it? Because that’s the only option. Fibromyalgia isn’t going anywhere.” My voice is rising, and I hate it. Thank God it’s only Flick in the shop.
“No. Don’t twist my words.”
“Be more careful with your words,” I snap. “And if you don’t want to come to dinner tonight, don’t. No one is making you.”
The line becomes quiet, and in the silence, I feel the last of my good mood withering.
“I didn’t mean to insult you,” my aunt says quietly. “That was never my intention.”
“I know.” I sigh. “And I’m sorry. I overreacted.”
“I would love to join the three of you for dinner tonight.”
“Okay. I’ll see you at seven.” Feeling exhausted, I hang up.
“Everything okay?” Flick asks.
“Yeah. She’s worried about me.” Blinking back the rest of my tears, I rejoin her at the counter.
“What else is new?”
“It’s just a little harder to deal with when she’s not three thousand miles away.” I text Michael back, telling him we’ll be there at seven thirty and asking if I can bring anything.
It feels kind of weird that Michael has been to my house but I’ve never been to his, although I get it. His home is a space that he shares with Katie; bringing me there also means bringing me into her world.
Is it the success of our pizza dinner the other night that has spurred this invitation? And am I ready to step into Katie’s world?
And is my aunt right? Would being a part of Katie’s life be more than I can handle?
Even though I’m just the woman dating her father, I know being in a kid’s life to even the smallest degree comes with a great amount of responsibility. I’m up for the challenge, for sure. I just want to make sure I don’t screw it up.
It hurts that my aunt even suggested I could do that. Like I’m not taking my entry into Katie’s world seriously.
Carol is acting like she doesn’t even know me. Like I’ve just been skipping through life, making snap decisions, never considering the repercussions.
If she were to really stop and think, she would remember that’s the opposite of me. I never take action unless I know for sure that it’s the right thing to do.
“I need to cool down,” I huff to Flick.
She’s watching me with a wary look. “Yeah, I’ve never seen you this worked up after talking to her. Are you sure it’s a good idea to have her visit for this long?”
I don’t even know how to answer that, and I don’t have to.
The door opens, and in walks Jenny with a gray-haired woman. Heat climbs into my face. I don’t know why, but it’s embarrassing that Flick and I were just talking about her brother and niece, and I’m almost worried she somehow knows.
“Hi!” Jenny goes right for the skein she wants, grabs it, and brings it to the counter. “How’s it going? Hannah, Flick, this is my mother, Cynthia.”
My heart leaps into my throat. Michael’s mom?
I want to pat my hair and make sure it’s not the mess I suspect it is, but I stay frozen behind the counter. “H-hello.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Cynthia smiles at us both.
“You must be working some kind of magic,” Jenny says to me, shaking her head in delight. “Because Michael has been walking around with a shit-eating grin for days.”
I bite my lip. Oh. So, we’re doing this. Right in front of Cynthia.
But it seems that Jenny’s mom picks up on my discomfort. “Jenny, leave the poor girl alone. She doesn’t have to explain herself.”
I smile at her in gratitude, liking her already.
Over her shoulder, Devin, Maya, and Alexis enter the shop. Is it six already? How did the day go by so quickly?
“It was nice to meet you, Cynthia. I should go set up for my crafting group.”
Relieved that Flick is ringing Jenny up, I sidle out from behind the counter and hurry to the center of the room. “Hey, guys.”
“Hey.” Alexis’s mouth draws thin.
I freeze. “What’s wrong?”
Her gaze cuts to Maya, who looks pale and unsteady.
“Maya?” My breath catches. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Her smile is clearly forced. “I’m not feeling great, but I wanted to come anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Alexis asks. “It’s not too late to?—”
“Absolutely.” Taking a seat, Maya opens her bag and pulls out her knitting project.
“Bye, Hannah!” Jenny calls as she and her mom leave. I give them a quick wave before turning back to Maya—who seems determined not to meet my gaze.
“Hey.” Flick joins us in the circle. “What are we working on tonight?”
Devin pulls out the scarf she started the other day. “I want to finish this for the firefighter’s fundraiser.”
“Ooh, right. I have to finish my stuff for it too.”
The five of us settle in and get to work, the conversation turning to the Makers Market on the mainland next month. Although Maya isn’t exactly a chatty person, she talks less than usual, and twenty minutes into the night, her head is hanging.
I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing there’s little I can do. If Maya’s lupus is acting up but she still wants to go about her daily life, there’s nothing that I or any of us can say to convince her otherwise.
And so I hold back and don’t bring up her health, though that doesn’t stop me from regularly glancing at her to make sure she’s okay.
“When does the farmers market start?” Devin asks.
“April.” Flick holds up her finished hat and studies it with satisfaction. “And it goes through October.”
Maya fidgets in her chair, the bottom of her legging riding up and exposing an ankle so swollen I gasp. “Maya,” I say.
“Hmm?” She looks at me with a distant expression, her eyebrows pinched.
I put down my knitting. Screw biting my tongue. I’m not an expert in lupus, but I know that what’s happening right now can’t be good.
“Your ankle…” I swallow. “Let’s get you home.”
Alexis has also stopped what she’s doing to observe Maya’s ankle. “No, we need to get you to the hospital.”
My heart beats faster. Alexis and Maya have known each other for the longest of anyone in this group, so if anyone knows about Maya’s flares, it has to be Alexis. If she says Maya needs to be at the hospital, well then, we’re going to the hospital.
“I’m…fine,” Maya squeaks out.
Flick sighs. “Oh, sweetie, you could barely finish that sentence. I’ll pull my car around front.”
She jogs out of the building, and Devin, Alexis, and I help Maya to the door. She walks like a robot, shuffling along, and by the time we reach the front door, she’s stopped trying to convince us she’s all right.
Flick’s car idles at the curb, and Alexis and I hold on to Maya’s arms as she walks to it.
“How are you doing?” Alexis asks.
“I’m… I’m…” Maya’s head rolls to the side, her eyes shut, and she goes limp in our arms.
“Maya.” Alexis’s voice pitches. “Maya!”
But she won’t open her eyes, won’t give any indication that she’s even still in this world.