Chapter 3
I was leaning against the back of the catwalk, waiting for my chute to empty out and fill back up, when something hit hard enough I felt it under my feet. Immediately, the crowd reacted, making my head snap out to the arena.
That was Casey, and his ride was going bad fast. Between one buck and the next, he went from getting a re-ride for the bull fouling itself to the sort of wreck everyone dreaded.
The bull was moving, getting out of sight quickly, but the big screen across from me was playing it out in one hell of a closeup.
"Fuck," Gustavo breathed, pausing beside me. "He's hung."
"Hand and spur," Jake said, moving in from the other side to stop and stare.
I nodded, but couldn't look away from the screen.
Casey tilted. He went under the bull. I could see hooves landing all around him, but I knew that position often looked worse than it really was - except he didn't have the same help I'd gotten.
I couldn't see feet running around the bull. I didn't see fucking bullfighters!
Worse, Casey wasn't struggling anymore. I'd watched enough men get knocked out to know those ragdoll movements the body made. It flopped instead of ducking, which was how Casey looked now - and my guts were clenching hard.
Around me, all the other riders had stopped in their tracks. Everyone was looking either out onto the dirt or up at the big screen giving us a closeup. And while the crowd was moaning and groaning at the big wreck, it felt like every single rider held his breath.
This was bad. This was so bad, but the crowd was loving it. Those people also had no clue how dangerous this sport really was. No, they saw the medics and the saves. That was enough for them to believe there would always be a happy ending. There wasn't.
Yet just when I was sure it could only get worse, Tanner jumped the railing and ran right at the bull.
I stood straighter, knowing he shouldn't be out there.
I wanted to scream for him to stop, but knew better.
And while I couldn't hear him over everything else, I could imagine he was yelling orders.
He had to be, because the bullfighters suddenly figured their shit out.
The bull turned, Tanner jumped on its side, doing something, and Casey dropped. That should've been a good thing, but the man didn't move - and the bull did. Ducking its head, the beast wanted to get its pound of flesh, so turned to trample the fool who'd dared to crawl on this animal's back.
Collectively, the crowd groaned as feet hammered a man who wasn't even trying to dodge.
But Tanner? He slapped the edge of the bull's ear and got its attention.
The guy in green hurried to Casey's side, but the one in blue was now moving to give Tanner support.
White stopped, shifting from side to side like he couldn't decide which direction to go, but it didn't matter.
Tanner had this, and he wasn't giving up.
A tap to the bull's head was the last thing the beast needed.
Tanner had become the threat it had to deal with first. The bull turned, leaving the unconscious rider behind, and Tanner ran for the gate.
The outrider was moving in, swinging a rope to give the bull extra incentive.
Within a few seconds, it was all done. The bull gate clanged closed, my boyfriend was out of sight again, and medical professionals were swarming into the arena.
But Casey still wasn't moving.
For a little too long, the world around me hung as I looked for some movement from him. Any movement! Even his chest rising and falling would be enough, but I couldn't make it out, and from the stillness around me, I had a feeling I wasn't the only one worried.
In the years I'd been riding bulls, I'd seen some bad wrecks, but this?
It felt different. Worse, I was pretty sure.
The reactions - or lack of - from the men around me all but proved it.
Combined with Tanner jumping into the arena, my entire body was locked in place as my mind spun, trying to figure out how I was supposed to fix any of this!
"Cody."
I couldn't change anything that had just happened. I knew that, but damned if I didn't want to. Somehow, I had to protect Tanner. That was how we'd gotten together, after all, but I couldn't even think of what would erase him jumping the rail - never mind that Casey still wasn't moving.
Instead, Sports Medicine personnel hurried over from the gate at the side. Arena staff were dragging out blue panels I'd never seen before. Everyone was moving, and a hush had fallen over the entire stadium except for one soft, deep voice that came again.
"Cody!" This time, Ty's hissing made my head snap over. "Tanner's down there. Make sure he gets back to his seat before someone can fire him for good." And he gave me a nudge toward the stairs that led back to where we warmed up.
"Go," Jake said, proving Ty wasn't wrong this time.
I left Ty, Gustavo, and Jake all clustered together.
Weaving through dozens of cowboys locked in place, I watched the horror playing out on the dirt.
Having a mission should've made me feel better.
I had something to do now, but it only made my anxiety skyrocket.
Trying to both hurry and not run, I finally made it down into the alley that led back there, and all of my panic went straight to my feet.
I jogged, heading for where the bull gate split off to the cattle area on one side and the warm-up spot we liked to use.
My timing was perfect, because just as I reached that line of livestock panels, Tanner slipped through a gate.
The man closing it behind him slapped Tanner's arm in a friendly way, then my boyfriend turned - almost into my chest.
"Cody!" he gasped in surprise.
"Are you ok?" I begged, needing someone to be.
He gave me a weak little smile, but it looked more relieved than happy. "Yeah," he finally said. "Cody, I'm fine..."
I had to swallow before asking the next question. "And Casey?"
His body stilled. "That was Casey Davis?"
I nodded slowly. Casey had been giving me shit since I'd joined this insanity called the Pbr.
Austin was the worst, and Derek had helped him beat the shit out of me in Cheyenne, but Casey and Eli had joined in with the taunting and trash-talking.
I was pretty sure one or both had greased my rope a few times.
In other words, that man was not my friend.
"Shit," Tanner breathed. "Yeah, I didn't get the chance to see who, and I'd been talking to J.D., then things went bad and the alternates weren't doing shit."
"Tanner, they're the main team now," I reminded him.
"That's my point!" he snapped, but his anger wasn't at me. It was clearly just his frustration leaking out.
"Ok," I said, catching his hand. "But you have to get back up there before anyone sees you. I don't know what they'll do if they catch you back here. And, Tanner, if this is as bad as it looked…"
"Yeah," Tanner said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders to guide me towards the warm-up area. "J.D.'s probably losing his mind too."
But around us, people were moving a little too fast. I turned to see what was going on, and Tanner looked the other way. Gates started clanking, cattle were shifting in their temporary pens, and I swore I heard a motor. It was like a car or a truck, but different. Bigger.
Then someone rounded the corner, hurrying past. "Ambulance is backing in!" he called to the guys at the cattle gate.
From the side, I caught as someone said, "...Dead."
"They need to cancel the rest of the show," someone else said.
I looked at Tanner. "No…"
He pulled me out of the way as more and more people started moving - and fast. It was like the entire support staff had just been activated. In the distance, I could hear the announcer talking all low and calm, which was never a good thing.
"Hey," Tanner said, catching one of the people hurrying past. "What's the status on Casey?"
The guy gestured towards the men around the bull gate, then shifted closer.
"That guy you tried to help?" He shook his head.
"He's dead, Tanner. The bull stepped on him a few times before you jumped the fence.
They're doing CPR right now." Then he clasped Tanner's arm.
"Which proves you were needed down there, but if I was you, I'd stay the fuck out of Donald Merrill's sight tonight.
He's on a rant and wants this to go off without a hitch.
" And he pointed at the headset he was wearing.
I felt like someone had dropped me into ice. My body didn't want to work, and my brain was flying much too fast. Dead. I didn't even like this guy, but still, hearing that? I felt something, and whatever it was hit me hard.
But Tanner told the guy, "Appreciate the heads-up." Then he turned me away, guiding me toward the warm-up area again.
The guy went the other way, but there was a feeling growing in the air. It was made from the sound of hurried steps in empty halls and a lack of music. Not even the cattle were mooing. Considering these weekends were meant to be loud and wild, it all proved just how bad things had gotten.
And yet, with every step I felt like my blood was moving slower.
My ears were starting to ring as the reality set in: Casey was dead.
A rider had just lost his life in the arena.
It had been years since that had happened.
Four? More? I didn't know, but the last time had been before I'd considered going pro.
To me, it had been a blip on my radar, and easy to forget.
This was real.
This could've been me.
This was proof things really had gone to shit, and I didn't have a fucking clue how to deal with it.
"Cody?" Tanner begged once we were out of everyone's way. "I have to get back up there, but..." He turned me to face him. "Be careful, beautiful. Please don't take any risks?"
"Tanner, I have to ride. If they don't cancel the show, I need to be on a bull."
"I know," he promised. "I do, but just..." He paused to pull in a breath, reaching up to cradle my head, making me look up at him. "I will jump that rail again, and we both know that if I do, I'll never be allowed back in, so please be careful?"
I nodded enough for him to see, but not enough to shake his hand from my face. I didn't want to feel like this, and yet knowing Casey had been killed? It made my body feel jittery, like I wanted to run away, but also like I had nowhere to go.
"Just this bull," I whispered. "Just this ride - and no stupid risks. I'd rather get a no-score than an injury."
He let out a heavy breath and nodded. "Yeah. That makes me feel better. And don't let this shit rattle you. You've always ridden better than Casey. You know what you're doing."
But I was already rattled. I was freaking the fuck out, if I was honest, and trying my hardest to put on a brave face. We'd all bitched about the new bullfighters, but I'd never imagined it would get this bad! I'd assumed more broken bones and pulled joints.
I also knew he was right.
"I still have to ride," I said again, but softer this time. Weaker.
That made him shift a little closer, putting us chest to chest. His pretty hazel eyes held mine as he reached up with his free hand to slide his hat off his head. Then he bent closer, pausing with our mouths a hair apart.
"I will never try to talk you out of that.
Cody Lane, you belong on the back of a bull.
You make me fucking proud each time you go out.
So I'm not trying to talk you out of it.
" His eyes jumped from one of mine to the other.
"You got this, Cody. My problem is they don't, and I don't want you to pay for my mistakes. "
I lifted my chin just a bit more. "We're not mistakes, Tanner."
"Fuck no, you're not," he agreed, finally closing that last inch.
His mouth took mine hard and fast. I caught his shirt, pulling him even closer, and I kissed back as hard as he kissed me. It was frantic, maybe a little scared, but this was exactly what I needed. The feel of this man kissing me the way he kissed J.D.? It felt like a declaration of some kind.
"Find me when I'm done," I whispered as I pulled away. "I have a feeling we won't want to stick around for the awards."
"They'll say you couldn't take it," he countered.
"Let 'em."
He nodded once, then stepped back. "So I should tell J.D. you're fine to ride?"
"Tell him Casey was an asshole and an idiot," I decided.
Because it was true. It also avoided the real problem: a rider had just died out there. Yes, I was scared, but I'd been worried back in Boise too. This simply made it all a little more real. It also hadn't been me, and I would make damned sure it never was.
"Be safe," Tanner said, and we both turned our separate ways.
He was heading for the stands. I needed to get back up on the catwalk behind the chutes, but my feet begged me to dawdle.
The event would be on hold for a bit, but I wanted to see how they were going to handle this.
I wanted to be with the other riders. Most of all, I just wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
A man was dead, and I felt something about that.
I'd hated him, which made it complicated as fuck.
Worse, all of those feelings were spiraling in my mind, but J.D.
had taught me how to deal with this. With each step I took toward the cattle chutes, I shoved those emotions deep into my boots, pushing them down until I felt like I could be in control again.