Chapter 5
Something had gone down while I'd been talking to Tanner. I didn't know what it was, but all the guys were just a little too quiet, and tense, and weird. I couldn't help but wonder if they'd heard Casey was dead. Or maybe they were just wondering?
Not that it mattered, because the rides had started up again.
Counting spots until I was up, I rubbed my right hand over my left elbow, making sure the tape on my arm was still holding.
Earlier today, Doc had told me I no longer needed to wear the brace.
He said I was healing nicely - better than he'd expected - but I knew most of it was because I didn't need to ride on that arm anymore.
I still needed the tape. My elbow was still weak enough I couldn't put enough tension on it to undo my rope otherwise, and tonight I wanted to make sure I could get out in a hurry if I had to.
But it was just warm enough back here to make me worried I'd sweat this mess off.
Anthony had done a good job wrapping me up, but slick skin wasn't the best surface for all this medical tape.
And yet, my arm really was doing a lot better. Not perfect, and I wasn't dumb enough to take any risks with it, but I didn't have to. I only needed to wave it in the air, letting the whole world see I was "Better" - at least according to my shirt.
My right arm said "Girls Do It" down the side.
Normally, that was my free hand, but ever since I'd pulled the tendon in my elbow, I'd been riding the other way.
I couldn't even say with my off-hand, because I was right-handed, although it had been a while since I'd used it like this.
Thankfully, it had come back quickly - since I didn't want to take any chances today.
But while I waited for the bulls to go, I felt like I couldn't quite focus.
I kept thinking about Casey. The guy had been one of Austin's friends, but not one of the worst. Derek and Austin had tried to beat the shit out of me in Cheyenne.
Eli had stalled me so someone could grease my rope back in Tulsa.
Someone else had greased it again in in Des Moines, but I couldn't be sure if Casey had been involved in any of that.
What I did know was he'd talked shit about me.
He'd taunted me, told me to go home, and made quite a few threats.
Nothing about him should make me feel like this.
Granted, I had a feeling it wasn't really about him.
This was about the mess we were in, the risks I knew I was taking, and how fucking helpless all of it made me feel.
"Your bull's coming in," Jake said as he moved to stand before me.
"About time," I said, leaning over to grab my gear.
But he clasped my shoulder, halting me. "Cody, are you good to ride?"
I nodded slowly, already tired of that question. "Why, because you think I'll break or something?"
The look he gave me called out my bullshit. "I do. I think I'll break too. I think we all just watched Casey break, and I'd rather not make a new Pbr record. Two deaths in one night?"
"So you know?"
He nodded weakly. "Yeah, rumors move fast back here. Chute attendants said that's what it looks like, but there's no confirmation."
"I heard they were doing CPR," I admitted. "I guess that's basically the same?"
"Yeah," he breathed, moving to lean beside me. "I mean, they'll keep up the 'life-saving attempts' until a doctor calls it in a hospital. Means they don't have to say anyone died on the dirt."
"A technicality," I grumbled.
"And one that could happen to you," he pointed out, bringing us back full circle. "Or me, or any of us. So are you in the right headspace to get on a bull, or do you want to scratch?"
I scoffed. "No, I'm fucking riding."
"Ok." And Jake stood back up. "Then I'm pulling for you. When it's my turn, you're pulling for me."
"I'm bailing before the awards," I warned him.
But that only made him duck his head to hide a chuckle. "Same. I think most of us are. You headed to the bar with us?"
"No," I said. "I want to get Tanner out of here before Mr. Merrill finds him."
Jake turned me toward the chute I'd be using, guiding me that way. "Ok, then I'll get someone else to pull."
"No, I can - "
But he cut me off. "Cody, getting Tanner out of here before that asshole sees him is more important than pulling my rope. I'm going to bet he's your ride, and that boy will not leave you alone in this mess. So please get him out of here so we have a chance of getting him back?"
"Ok," I relented just as Ty jogged up the catwalk, clearly counting chutes.
"Cody?" he called.
"Ty!"
That made him stop hard, looking over to see us. "Jake, you pulling for her?" When Jake nodded, Ty kept going. "Ok, Brazil is on the left side. I mean, our left. Tanner and J.D. are on the right. Cody, if anything goes wrong out there, you get to the closest wall and get over."
I was ready to say I had this. Habit had taught me bravado worked best to remind these guys I could actually do this, but the look on Ty's face? There was something that convinced me today was not the day to mouth off.
"I will," I said instead. "Thanks, Ty."
He slapped my shoulder just like he would with the guys, then headed off again. I turned to watch him go, realizing this was Ty's way of dealing with shit. He distracted himself. He tried to do something so he wouldn't have time to think about it.
Just like he had with me.
But before I could start to dwell on that, Jake pulled my rope from my shoulder and passed it to the chute attendant. "Get your helmet on, girl," he ordered.
And my glove. Yeah, I was a little more scattered than I wanted to be, but I couldn't back out. This entire event felt wrong, but riding was my only option, so I made sure my glove was taped on a little tighter than normal, double-checked the straps on my helmet, then looked over at my bull.
He was a little white thing. Cream, maybe? I wasn't sure, but nothing about him stood out. I also knew that didn't mean anything. He'd been ranked in the middle of the pack, so earlier I'd been convinced this ride was going to suck. Suddenly, I didn't feel as upset about it.
"You good?" Jake asked one more time.
"I got this," I promised, and he stepped over the chute to grab the tail of my rope on the other side. I watched as he tugged it into place, then moved to stand on the rails over the bull's back. This was happening. I was doing this.
It would be fine.
Glancing back, I checked to see how long I had until my ride, but Jake made a noise, making my head snap over to him instead. Pointedly, he tipped his head down at my bull, making it clear he didn't want me distracted.
"Don't want my rosin to cool off," I explained as I reached for the tail of the rope.
"I'm watching them," he promised. "You focus here, because I do not want either of your guys to cut off my balls. Hell, your boyfriend would probably stop there, but your bestie?" He shook his head, but the smile that curled one corner of his mouth proved he was trying to taunt me.
Rather than giving in, I began to run my gloved right hand over the end of my rope. Again, then again, I slid my hand down the fibers until warm rosin began to string out, proving it was nice and sticky. Then I turned my attention to the handle.
"Just this bull," I whispered to myself. "Just this ride."
"Hold up a sec?" Jake said, making me look up again.
This time, I realized my head was pretty much even with his crotch. When my eyes went there, Jake playfully tilted his hips like he was trying to hide from my inspection.
"Focus, girl!"
"Your dick keeps ending up in front of my face," I said, sticking my tongue out behind the grill of my helmet.
Then, from the distance, I heard, "Let's go, rookie!"
"Ride him like you own him!"
I ducked my head to laugh, but Jake told me, "And you're good to go. Warm that shit again."
So I did. The rhythm of it helped get me into the zone. I warmed my rope good, too. But when I went to wrap my hand into it, I made sure the tail was only folded in my fingers, not tucked between them. Tonight, I wanted to get off this bull more than stay on it.
"I'm good," I told Jake.
So he climbed back over to the safe side. Taking one more look behind me, back toward where I knew J.D. and Tanner would be sitting, I pulled in a long breath and let all the fear, anxiety, and weirdness flow out with my exhale.
Then I dropped, landing on the bull's back in a fluid motion. My legs locked in against his armpits. I could feel my spurs pushing against his sides, but before the animal could even react, I was nodding, letting the man at the gate know to open it.
The metallic clank always sounded the same. I knew it well, but so did the bull. Before the gate was even moving, the animal turned his head toward it, and the moment he saw an opening, the beast exploded.
Up. It was always up first. With my left hand flying high, I sank into the hollow the bull created in its back as it kicked out.
A song was playing, but I couldn't make it out and didn't have time to worry about it, because when this bull landed, it was hard.
I felt myself roll back onto my pockets for a second, but my right arm was strong enough to pull me back into position.
Then this big boy started showing off. His kicks got big and snapped out at the end. The rears were when he turned, making my ass slip a bit each time. Like he could feel it, the bull kept going, traveling across the arena in the process.
I knew the chutes were no longer beside us, but I couldn't quite tell which way we'd gone.
I had to keep my chin tucked, which meant all I could see was dirt.
Lots of dirt, but I was ok with it. I had this.
I was going to ride the hell out of this animal, so I added a little spur, aware I wouldn't get any points for it.
But that didn't matter. What I wanted was to stay in control.
I needed to be the one making decisions, because if I wanted to get out of this alive, I needed to ride this bull.
I wasn't a passenger, and I had no intention of turning into a quitter.
The Pbr had already fucked up bad tonight, so maybe, just maybe, I'd get a few points this time.
But when the lights began to play on the dirt around me, I knew my time was up. A tug at the end of the rope let me free, and another kick sent me flying. For just a moment, all I could see was the darkness above me, broken up by the bright spots of high-powered lights.
Then I hit the ground hard. Immediately, I rolled, trying to find the closest wall, but instead I found legs covered in long green shorts. The bullfighter went down as I found my feet, but I didn't stick around to check on him.
I simply ran.
Before me, I could hear men yelling frantically. That was enough to warn me this animal was on my tail, so I pushed my short little legs to move a bit faster. The moment I was close enough to the rails encircling this arena, I jumped.
Hands grabbed me. So many hands. My vest, arm, belt, leg, and more. I didn't even need to climb to get over because at least four men were pulling me up. The moment my body was over the railing, all of us toppled down onto the walkway on the other side.
"Oww," came from below me. I shifted, trying to see who I'd landed on, and the first thing my eyes recognized was green. Black came next. After that was a very broad chest with my hand pressing right in the center, and attached was Renato's face, grinning at me like I was an idiot.
"My woman watches these shows, you know," he joked.
So I smacked his chest and rolled off. "Pretty sure she'll just think you're a nice guy," I assured him.
Emilio was right there to offer me a hand up.
The moment I was on my feet, Dado leaned in to pop the snaps on my helmet.
I counted a few more guys, and I didn't know all of their names, but each one was patting me in congratulations, yet there was something off about it. Like the enthusiasm was missing.
"Yeah, they still hate you," Dado grumbled.
I turned to find him looking at the scoreboard. That told me enough, but I still had to see exactly how bad it was, so I yanked off my helmet and pushed between the Brazilian riders who'd just saved my ass. There, lit up in bright red, was my score on the main screen: 71.25.
"Fuck!" I snapped, turning away.
"You're fine, Cody," Renato said, clasping my shoulders to steer me back towards the chutes. "You're alive, you're not injured, and you rode for a full eight. Today, that's enough."
I paused, resisting the way he was driving me so I could look back. "But what about tomorrow?"
Emilio rambled off something in his native language that made Renato tilt his head toward him like the man had just made a good point.
"Tomorrow, you will wake up, show up, and ride again. Whether the judges like it or not, you'll be able to do that. Whether the fans, the management, or even the riders like it, you will still be here, and that's not something everyone can say."
My shoulders slumped as the truth of it hit me hard.
"Yeah," I breathed. "I mean, I know I should be thankful for that.
.." And I pulled in a deep breath, trying to figure out what this feeling was.
The one that wasn't grief or sadness, but still felt dark in a way I wasn't used to.
"It's still wrong," I mumbled to myself.
Renato still heard. "It is," he agreed. "And I'm pretty sure it's tearing the Pbr apart."