Chapter 32
I fell asleep beside Cody and J.D., wearing nothing. When I woke up, the morning was long gone and the afternoon was just starting. Even better, my lovers were still there, tangled up with me in the best way. This was definitely something I could get used to.
They also needed as much sleep as they could get, so I snuck out of the bed, got dressed, and headed downstairs. In the kitchen, I could hear someone moving around. I rounded the corner to find Maria pulling something that smelled sweet and amazing out of the oven.
"Smells good," I said, scanning the counters for a coffee pot.
"Buenos dias, Tanner," she said, glancing back with a little smile.
"Uh, that's good morning, right?" I asked. "Sadly, I speak exactly no Spanish."
"Means about the same thing," she assured me, moving to open one of the upper cabinets. "Coffee?"
"Yeah," I breathed.
She pulled down a massive cup and moved to a Keurig at the side.
A switch was flipped, a pod was put in, and while that brewed, she sauntered over to the fridge to bring out a glass vial of cream.
After setting that beside a bowl of what had to be sugar, J.D.
's mom found a spoon and offered it over.
"Help yourself."
"I think you just did all the helping. Thank you." But I did accept the spoon. I also mixed up my coffee, feeling a bit spoiled. "J.D. and Cody are still sleeping. They probably need it too."
"Is he still hurting?" Maria asked as she made her way over to the small table at the side, then gestured for me to join her.
"He is," I said as I slid in across from her. "He hates to admit it, but Cody's got his number. She makes it clear that if he can do it, then she can too. That includes riding when she's not healed up. Considering she busted her elbow up the same weekend, well, he's been behaving for once."
"What do they have him on for the pain?" she asked.
"After surgery, he had some anti-inflammatories. Fancy Advil, basically. He had antibiotics, but no opiates."
Her eyes jumped up, meeting mine. "So you know?"
I rocked my head. "J.D. doesn't say much about it, but when he got hurt, he made it clear he didn't want opiates.
Cody and I have done everything to help with that.
He also has her as his emergency contact, you know.
That way, he has someone who can override him if he starts asking for them, or so I think. "
"Why not you?"
Which made me duck my head. "I think because J.D.
knows I'd cave. Seeing him hurting?" Blowing out a breath, I shook my head.
"I just wanted it to stop. Cody wanted to make sure he got better.
" Then I made a little noise. "It's also a lot easier to explain why he's letting some woman get so intertwined in his life. "
Maria leaned back and looked me over. "Is he protecting himself or you?"
"Me, I think."
"So what are you protecting?" she asked.
For a moment, I simply allowed my hands to warm on the side of the mug I was holding. The coffee inside it had a few bubbles on the top from being brewed, but they didn't have any answers for me. Still, they were safer than looking into a pair of dark brown eyes that matched my boyfriend's.
"I don't want them to lose everything," I explained. "Cody's publicly tangled up with me. J.D. has a reputation that earns him a lot of money. They're bull riders, ma'am - "
"Maria or Mama," she corrected.
I nodded, accepting that. "Ok, but my point is, this thing we're doing? It's not going to go over well in the Pbr. They say they don't care, but I already got suspended for just the rumor of being gay."
"Are you?"
"Bi," I said. "Well, pansexual, but that's my point.
I've basically lost my job because of who I sleep with in general.
Cody? She's spent her life working for this chance.
J.D.? He's at the top of his career. He's a household name, making enough money to secure the rest of his life.
I've already been all but kicked out, but I know why they're doing this.
To me, it makes more sense for me to cheer them on, you know?
Hell, maybe Cody should dump me and officially start dating J.D.
I can get a job, keep cheering them on, and - "
"Get left behind, hope they miss you, and sacrifice yourself for those two?" she broke in. "Make it easy for them to lie, pretending like you're long gone, no big deal, and not a part of their happiness?"
I could feel my face warming. "I dunno, maybe?"
"So what does the 'maybe not' option look like?" she asked.
The problem was I didn't have an answer. Not once had I considered anything else except how I was now in their way. "Um, I dunno."
"I do." She gave me a smile, and got up, making her way to the cabinet with the cups.
As she pulled down a glass for herself, she kept talking.
"It looks like helping my boy prove that being a 'man' doesn't mean being a liar.
It means standing up when everyone else thinks you're wrong, not good enough, or anything else.
It means fighting so José can finally admit who he really is, and that isn't going to be easy.
It will mean you get half the crap meant for him. "
I nodded, seeing where she was going with this. "True, but Maria, I'm already out."
"José doesn't think so."
I lifted my cup, taking a long sip while she poured herself some tea and came back.
When she was sitting again, I told her, "Your son thinks he can power through everything.
It's part of his charm, but also part of his problems, and he has enough that he doesn't need me.
" She opened her mouth, but I lifted a hand, begging her to let me finish.
"I also don't hate the idea of waiting for them.
I don't need to be the center of attention.
I'm happy as the sidekick, and it doesn't matter if that's turning their bulls or making them dinner, you know? "
"Ah..." She reached over to pat my hand in understanding. "So you found something that matters more than the competition?"
"Yeah," I said.
"But have they?"
I chuckled, a little impressed at how easily she accepted the three of us were a packaged deal.
"I honestly don't know. It's one of those things I wanted to talk about this week while we're resting.
You know, when they don't have reporters and bull riders and directors all setting them off, making them ready to fight all over again. "
"You," she said, moving her hand to pinch my chin and shake it slightly, "are a good one, Tanner. José is right, though. You don't think you're as wonderful as you really are. You think they're the stars and you're the extra, but he brags all about you."
"Yeah?"
She pursed her lips and nodded, looking a bit proud about it.
"Oh, he says you aren't intimidated by him at all.
He says you're crazy - but in that way that makes it a good thing.
You know how he is. And he always tells me about how you keep him safe, and how you protect Cody, and how you're the kind of man he wants to be. "
"Me?" Ok, that surprised me. "But J.D.'s like... I mean everyone wants to be him."
"And he wants to be you. He said something after his surgery.
He said everyone thinks she's the one who makes him stop being an asshole.
They all think she's got him..." And she gestured like cracking a whip, adding the little noise with it.
"But he says it's really you. Cody doesn't care if he's over the top.
She'll simply push him back down, but you?
You're strong in a way he's never seen, and he likes it more than always fighting. "
"I think it might be a case of wanting what we aren't," I decided. "Like the whole grass being greener thing."
"But what about her?" Maria asked, all but ignoring my comment. "How do you feel about him and Cody?"
And a smile took over. The sort I had no control over.
"I think she brings out something amazing in him.
Cody is this sweet girl - beautiful, too.
She's delicate and feminine, and stronger than anyone else I've ever met.
It's like he's hard on the outside and soft in the middle, but she's soft on the outside and hard in the middle.
I can't remember who said that, but it fits them so well.
He calls her his rookie, right? And yeah.
In so many ways, she's the perfect complement for him. "
"And?" she pressed.
"And somehow I'm the lucky man who gets to be with them both?" I shrugged, not quite sure what she wanted.
"But what they do is dangerous," she said.
"What you do is too, but different. You risk your body.
They risk everything. Their pride, their money, and their bodies.
Don't you think those two might need a good, strong, caring man around to open the bottles for their pills, tell the doctors what medication they can't have, and drive them around when they can't do it themselves? "
"That's what I've been doing."
"And will again," she said. "Bull riders get hurt. You're dating two of them, so that doubles the odds. Maybe think about not quitting before you have to? Think about fighting for them as hard as they're fighting for themselves?"
"I just don't want them to throw this away for me."
"Ah. But José will do that anyway. He'll just stop being careful if they already ran you off.
He'll go from protecting you to getting revenge for you.
That's the sort of man my boy grew up to be.
He's not an easy man, Tanner. We didn't get that choice when he was growing up.
José thought he had to step up, but he didn't have anyone around to show him how but those gangs. "
"Yeah," I said. "He mentioned a bit about that."
"But he got out of it and into this," she told me. "He still fights, but he fights for good things now. And you? I think you are a very good thing. I think you make my boy very happy, but he's worried about you. He thinks he's too much trouble and you'll get sick of the trouble."
"Of being with him?"
She nodded. "And being bi in a world where men don't do that. Of sharing your girl with him - or him with her. Of making something accidental into something that might end up as real."
"No, we're real."
"Not real until you can admit it," she countered.
Which was when I saw her point. "But what if I'm the reason he can't ride bulls anymore?"
"Then you two will keep being loud and make sure your girlfriend can. And if she can't, you three will keep being loud and do something else. But in almost thirty years, I have never seen my son like this."
"Like how?"
She made me wait while she took a drink.
"Happy, Tanner. Completely happy. He doesn't even care that he hurts.
He doesn't want one of those pills that messes him up so bad.
He wants you and her, and he wants to brag about it.
He wants to stop hiding it." Then she gave me a soft smile.
"José is ready to stop hiding, but he will never - ever - do anything to hurt you two.
That means you need to push him a little on this.
You need to let him know how far he can go. "
"Ah." I chuckled. "And that's what this talk was about, huh?"
"Maybe."
"Maria, I'm in love with those two enough that I'm ready to give it all up. The Pbr, I mean. That's why I'm not pushing, but I'll talk to them."
"And if they want to pick another fight?"
"Oh, I can fight," I assured her. "After all, I'm probably the only person crazier than J.D. in the entire Pbr."
"What about Cody?"
"She's as crazy as him. I'm more. A different kind of crazy, but mine's the sort that offers support. I really am ok with being the sidekick. I actually like it, but that means this isn't my fight. It's theirs, and I'm in for the long haul."
"Good," she told me, getting up again. "Now come help me cook some pancakes. Isabella gets home from school in a bit, and those two should be up by then. We have a family to feed, Tanner - and I think you've just become a part of it."