Chapter 47
I'd found the nicest place I knew of. Considering I'd grown up in this town, I knew it a little too well, so this place was fuckin' fancy. When we walked in wearing our country chic, they may have batted an eye at us, but no one in the restaurant dared to say anything.
Instead, they got us to our table with a lot of "gentlemens" thrown around.
The first person to stop by asked for our wine choice.
Now, I hadn't expected that, but I wasn't a real fan of the shit.
When I asked for beer instead, Tanner agreed.
The person with the fancy menu seemed a little confused, but not in a bad way.
Instead, we got to pick from a list of locally brewed ales, beers, and such. I found something nice and dark. Tanner got one that was light and sweet, just like him. Then, we had a little pause to decide on our meal.
"You know," Tanner said as he opened his menu to look through the food options, "there aren't any prices."
"It's a date," I reminded him.
Which earned me one of those smiles that made me feel fucking stupid.
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't bother.
Instead, I read through and picked out something that sounded both good and new.
When the waiter - a different person from the beer guy - stopped to check on us, Tanner said he was ready.
I gestured to show he should order first.
"This one," Tanner said, pointing at the menu.
"Yes, sir," the waiter said, making a note. Then he went over the options for sides before turning to me. "And you?"
"Venison," I told him. "Haven't tried a lot of fancy food, but I wanna. So maybe help me get something good to go with it?"
"Rissoto," the waiter offered. "We also have a lovely potato dish that would complement the venison nicely."
"Sounds good," I agreed.
The man dipped his head. "Yes, sirs. And let me know if you two need anything else so I don't interrupt." The way he caught my eye made it clear he'd already figured out this was a date.
Ok, so he was getting a real fat tip. Not just because of that, but if he'd figured us out so fast, I had a feeling the service here was just as good as people said. Hopefully the food would match.
"So, you think Cody actually went out?" Tanner asked, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, because Jake will make sure of it," I told him. "I may have sent him a text when you were changing and told him she couldn't back out."
"Nice," Tanner said, pausing to sip his beer. "So how many people know about us now?"
All I could do was shrug. "Enough."
"Yeah," he mumbled.
"Is that a bad thing, babe?" I reached across the table to touch his wrist lightly. "You still good with this?"
"Yeah," he assured me, but the way his head was rocking around had a little bit of no in it as well. "Nervous, I guess?"
"No fucking shit," I agreed. "Figure this is gonna blow up big time when I say something."
"But you have to win Friday night to do that," he pointed out.
"Shit," I said around a laugh. "My only competition will be Cody."
"And she's been riding the last few weeks," Tanner countered. "You haven't."
"Maybe not," I agreed, "but the judges hate her. Friday, I'll be just fine. If we're riding, the Pbr will be so damned happy to have people in the seats, they won't think to give me shit, so I'll make nineties." I let him go to reach for my own beer. "It's Saturday when shit'll be bad."
"So you think it's going to get bad?" he asked.
"Yeah." Because I wouldn't lie to him about that. "I also think it's worth it."
"Why?" he pressed. "I mean, I know my reasons, but what is pushing you?"
"Well..." I didn't want to lie to him or skip over shit, but this talking shit wasn't as easy as people made it sound. "Tanner, I ain't young no more."
"You're not even thirty," he reminded me.
I waved him down. "Naw, I know that. What I mean is this shit didn't used to hurt. Yeah, I took the hits, and I got bucked off, run over, and all that. But a decade ago, I got up and kept going. You know, kinda like Cody. But it ain't that easy no more."
"No, it's not," he agreed.
"But I wanna do something before I'm done," I continued.
"See, all these records and shit? Most bulls in a row without a buck-off.
Most money earned. Highest scores. All that shit's gonna be topped by someone else one day.
I mean, that's how it's supposed to be, but I wanna make my mark on the Pbr. "
"How?"
So I gestured between us. "This. This is my mark, Tanner.
I was there when the first woman rode. I wanna make sure she ain't the last. And gay cowboys?
Bi, pan, or even ace ones? Yeah, that shouldn't be no big deal.
I wanna be the man who screamed out loud when they tried to make who I fuck into something.
I wanna push back until that's no big deal.
And no, maybe there won't be no one to remember I did it, but I will. "
He nodded slowly, taking that in. "So you think this weekend is it?"
"Hope not," I said. "Also won't be shocked if it is. You?"
He murmured and shrugged. "I dunno. Last weekend, I was fine with being done. The thought of retiring to be a nice little house boy for you two? I mean, I like that, but coming back? Everything that's happened the last few days? It's all reminded me why I love this so much."
"So you ain't ready to be done," I realized, nodding to show I accepted it. "But Tanner, this works out. I mean, Cody's not done either."
But that was when the waiter returned, carrying our plates.
The man smiled at me but set Tanner's meal down first. I was served second, but as he arranged things, I realized this guy's gestures were a little more effeminate than expected.
Nothing blatant, but yeah, that was why he'd figured out this was a date.
"Anything else I can get you two?" he asked.
"Not me," I assured him. "Babe?"
"I'm good too," Tanner said, giving me a look as the waiter sauntered off. "Showing off?"
"Maybe," I said. "I mean, that?" Using my fork, I gestured in the area of his body. "Babe, lavender is definitely your color, and that grey tie? Givin' me some real bad ideas."
"I'll tie you up with it later," he teased. "I mean, since Cody's sleeping in the other room."
"Was kinda a two-fold plan," I admitted.
"What was?"
"Cody using the other bed," I explained. "See, if she's sleeping alone, she might stay out later. She might drink too much, laugh too hard, and flirt a bit."
"She's not looking," Tanner reminded me.
"But she should be," I told him, trying my food.
"Ok, this is good." And then I was right back to my point.
"Tanner, Cody's been with us. Me, you, Ty, and that dick from her home town.
That's it. And I don't mean fucked. I mean been with.
Dated. That's a real short list, you know?
There wasn't a boy in elementary school, or someone in middle school.
It was the four of us in her whole entire life.
So how the fuck is she gonna be sure of what she wants if she ain't tried it? "
"So you want her to flirt?" he guessed.
"Yep," I said. "I wanna make sure our girl gets a real big taste of life. I wanna make sure she comes home to tell us about it. And fuck yeah, I'm gonna be jealous as shit. I'll also shove that shit down into my boots, ignore it until I'm on a bull, and then deal with it where she can't see."
"And?" he pressed.
"And what?" I asked.
Tanner chuckled at me. "J.D., what comes after that? Because so far, you're making a lot of sense. I mean, I want to think Cody's madly in love with me above all else, but she's also got you - which proves it's not just me. I'm ok with us, but the thought of her falling into bed with Ty?"
"Won't happen," I grumbled. "Well, not tonight, I mean. She hasn't forgiven him that much. Naw, it'll be Jackson."
"She says he's too young."
Oh-ho! Well, evidently Tanner had been testing the waters too. "And?" I asked.
He shrugged. "We were just talking about cowboys and what we like. Mostly because I felt weird asking her to help me get ready for a date."
"And she's gonna be the same way when someone catches her eye," I pointed out.
"But here's the thing, Tanner. Me and you?
Yeah, I'm good with that. Hell, I'm fucking good with just you two.
You're both all I wanted, but I wanna make sure our girl gets there on her own, not because some man tells her she's already there. "
"Which is a good point," he agreed.
"And I can love you when she's out finding herself," I said. "Shit, you make this whole thing real easy."
He glanced away, but his cheeks were brightening just a bit. Not enough to call a blush, but I knew him well enough to see the hint of it there.
"You know," he said softly, looking back at me with those pretty hazel eyes of his, "she said you used to scare her."
"Cody?"
He nodded. "Yeah. She knows she's smaller than us guys.
She knows she's weaker. She saw you lashing out behind the chutes on the stream, and she knew all about your reputation, but she still judged you on the man who stepped up.
She judged me on being the one who saw her. And I dunno, but that just feels…"
"Real," I supplied. "Naw, I get ya."
"But it's not the same for girls as us," he went on. "I thought you were hot. I figured you'd be a real asshole, but it was worth it for a fuck. I mean, you're not one, but I had to figure that out bit by bit."
"Same as her," I said.
Which made him pause like my words had slapped him upside the head. "Oh."
"And how many people you thrown in your bed, Tan?" I asked. "How many you date?"
"More than four," he admitted.
"Same," I agreed. "But see, here's the thing.
Me and you? We're gonna take care of her.
If someone tries to break her heart like Ty did?
We'll fuck him up - like you did with Ty.
" Then I speared another chunk of venison on my plate.
"And if you decide you wanna test the waters once this thing is out there, then Cody will help me fuck up anyone who breaks your heart. "
"And she'll help me do the same for you," he quickly assured me.
But I made a face and shook my head. "Nope.
I'm done, Tanner. I'm all good. I got every single thing I want.
My girl's figuring out who she is, and my boy is getting ready to scream it to the world.
I hurt more days than I don't, and I've broken all the fucking records the Pbr keeps.
I ain't got nothing left but one single thing. "
"What's that?"
I dipped my fork into the side dish, tasting the new food. It was good, but when I took another sip of beer to wash it down, Tanner was still watching me. Still waiting.
"Babe, I've been real wild and real crazy.
I've been bad for so long it's all anyone knows about me.
For once, I wanna try out being good. I wanna find myself too, but my way's gonna be a whole lot different.
I wanna be loyal. I wanna be understanding.
I wanna be the man you and she can turn to, and I wanna spoil the fuck outta you both. "
"Mm..." he said, mulling that over. "Yeah, when you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense.
And J.D., I'm done with casual. I'm tired of picking someone up with no intention of getting to know them.
I don't want that awkward dance of bullshit we do to get laid.
I want to be with someone who doesn't think I'm a fucking pussy because my ankle hurts, or my back. "
"Never will," I assured him.
"Nor will she," he said. "But I think you're right."
"About what?"
"Well, that she needs this thing to be open. I won't be looking, and it sounds like you aren't, but let's not tell her that, ok? Let's..."
"Be the friends she needs and the lovers she deserves?" I offered.
"Yeah, that," he agreed, taking another bite before talking around it. "And if you're intent on spoiling me, then we're having dessert too."
"And that," I told him, "is why I love you. Fuck, babe, but you get me as much as she does."
"No," he said. "Not quite, but I'm getting there. I think that's why the three of us just work."