Chapter 71
When J.D. didn't show up in line with me, I started getting worried. Wes moved to my side to ask if everything was ok. I lied and said yes, but now I was starting to worry that maybe my guys were having a more serious talk than I'd expected.
I made it to the window to check in without seeing him, so I checked him in and drew his bull.
The woman behind the counter gave me a knowing smile, then made some comment about how I was a good friend to him.
Yeah, that meant she had the wrong impression about our relationship, but I was too distracted to worry about that.
When I reached the warm-up area, I set up in the same spot as yesterday, and started warming my rope. Around me, the other guys were laughing, looking more relaxed than usual, but I had a feeling that was just my paranoia.
Then Jake dropped his bag down on my other side. "Morning, Cody. Where's J.D.?"
"Yeah..." I said, turning to look behind me. "That's the problem. I'm not actually sure. He and Tanner were having a talk."
"Shit," Jake breathed.
And now he had my full attention. "Why? What's going on?"
He bent to pull out his own rope, and it took him a little too long to answer. "Yeah, so when I left this morning." He paused to look up with those dimples showing again. "Well, I wasn't sure if Tanner was pissed or not."
"He didn't sound pissed to me."
"Hope not," Jake said, standing so he could hang his rope before him. "Because I had a damned good night, Cody. I'm also not doing that again if those two aren't ok with it."
"No," I insisted. "They were laughing with me this morning. They said it was fine." And then I realized the rest of what Jake had said. "But we're good?"
And he gave up on his rope, turning to give me his full attention. "Yeah, Cody. Flirty friends, right?"
"Who may have spent the night together," I reminded him.
"Just some real big flirting," he assured me. "You know, the physical kind."
"And now you're saying it's never going to happen again?"
"Whoa, slow down there, cowgirl," he teased.
"What I said was that I'm not about to fuck up your good thing with them, or my friendships.
I also know saying something's ok is a lot different from experiencing it, hating it, and trying to change your mind.
So, all I'm saying is if Tanner decides he's not ok with the open thing you have going on, then I'm ok with us staying friends.
Just friends. Maybe flirty ones, but the verbal, not the physical kind. "
I noticed all the disclaimers he'd snuck into that. It was honestly a little impressive. "Which means that if he is ok with it, then it could happen again?"
"Fuck yeah," he said, reaching for his rope again. "I'm not an idiot!"
"Good," I said, turning to check behind me again. "So should I go check on them or something?"
"How long have they - " He stopped as J.D. and Ty stepped into view, making their way up the hall. "What the..."
Because J.D. looked a little rough around the edges.
The first thing my mind jumped to was the worst: that he and Tanner had thrown down!
But that was impossible, wasn't it? And yet, the sight of J.D.
looking rumpled and Ty carrying his shit?
It stunned me enough they had the chance to make it almost to us before my brain kicked in again.
"J.D.?" I begged.
"You draw for me, rookie?" he asked.
"Yeah..." But I caught his jaw, turning his face so I could see the red mark on the side. "What the fuck? I thought you two were just talking!"
"Austin," Ty said, dropping J.D.'s bag into place beside mine. "And Cody, he's riding. Just make sure he didn't get his brain rattled by that tire iron so much, he forgets to put on his helmet."
"Asshole," J.D. grumbled. "You were supposed to help me smooth this over, Ty."
"A fucking tire iron?" Jake snarled, moving to my side but looking at Ty. "What the fuck happened?"
And the pair shared a long, knowing look. "Austin and Derek found J.D. and Tanner alone," Ty explained. "They tried to hurt them hard enough they'd go away. Instead, J.D. turned Tanner loose."
"Sounds about right," Jake said. "This is why no one fucks with the bullfighters." Then he looked at J.D. "And Tanner's ok?"
"He'll live," J.D. replied. "He's also ok with last night."
Which made Ty lift a brow and look over at me. "Do I want to know?"
"You do not," I assured him.
He just thrust out his lower lip and nodded. "Ok. I'll pretend like I have no clue that Jake took you home and didn't make it back to his room until this morning. I will, however, say that when I asked him, his answer was just about the same."
"Which is why he was the one staying until the morning," J.D. pointed out.
Ty just lifted both hands in defeat and stepped back. "Heard loud and clear." But he was grinning at me. "But he's one of the good ones, Cody." Then he looked at Jake. "I'm gonna make sure the guys know about this shit. If you decide to help..."
"Can do," Jake assured him. "In a minute, though."
"Yep," Ty said before turning and walking away.
But I wasn't done with this. No, I wanted to know everything - starting with how J.D. was doing.
"So what happened?" I asked. "Are you ok? Serious, J.D. You're just barely healed!"
"And Mama's here," he reminded me. "Tanner busted up his hands a bit, but he convinced 'em to leave. My ribs are fine, too, baby."
Which let me breathe a sigh of relief. "And your head?"
He grimaced. "Yeah. Doc says I might have a little bit of a concussion, but it's borderline, so could go either way. He made me vape a bit, so I ain't gonna be riding real good. Hope you got me an easy bull."
"Middle of the pack," I assured him.
He nodded, "That'll do."
"And things are still ok from last night?" Jake asked.
J.D. lifted his hand to waggle a finger between us. "You two been worrying?"
"A bit," I admitted.
J.D. bobbed his head a few times as if thinking through how to answer that. "Well, Tanner's real sweet, right?"
"Very," I agreed.
"Cool's the word I'd use," Jake said.
"Yeah, but sweet guys?" J.D. continued. "They're the ones who don't know how fucking amazing they are. Cody, he's not pissed. He's worried he can't keep up, knows that's bullshit, and is trying not to make you feel bad for the bit that doesn't bother him at all."
"So what does bother him?" I asked.
"Me?" Jake asked.
"Nah," J.D. said, waving Jake down. "Cody, he's got that little voice tellin' him he ain't good enough.
He's tryin' to get it to shut up, but it's persistent, and he needed a real good excuse for why you wouldn't think Jake's better, replace him, and all those other stupid thoughts everyone gets. So I gave him one."
"Like that I wouldn't do that to him?" Jake offered.
"Naw, don't work that way," J.D. pointed out. "If she likes you more, then she does. Saying you won't do anything about it won't stop her from liking you more. But more's the wrong word."
"Different," I realized.
"Love ain't pie," J.D. agreed. "So he's good. He's just human. Ain't no different from shit you worried about, babe."
"Well, let me at least do my part to help," Jake said, moving around me so he could get to J.D.'s shit. "I'm sure you're hurting, so I can at least warm your rope."
"Mm, and keep your hands busy and off our girl, right?" J.D. taunted.
"Flirty friends," I said. "That's what I'm going with."
"And I'm damned proud of y-"
"J.D.!" The sound of Jaxon's voice cut him off.
"What?!" J.D. snapped, turning to where that had come from, just in time to see Jaxon and Kaleb hurrying over.
"The fuck?" Jaxon asked. "Ty said Austin jumped you?"
"For being a sick fuck," J.D. snarled.
But Jaxon lifted a hand. "I didn't - "
"What happened?" Kaleb asked, ignoring him. "You good, J.D.?"
"I'm good," J.D. promised. "Still riding."
Jaxon pushed out a sigh. "Yeah, so..." He looked at the rest of us. "Can I get a minute, y'all?"
"Nope," I said, crossing my arms and making it clear I wasn't moving.
Jake gestured to Kaleb. "Let's go over here for a second. I think Cody can take Jaxon out if he shoves his foot up his ass again. I'll fill you in."
Which made Jaxon drop his head to his chest. "Fuck." And he sighed again. "Look, I'm an asshole, ok? I also have never met anyone gay, J.D. I just..." He scrubbed at his face. "I don't know shit about it, ok? And I always heard it's like... I dunno, like prison rape and shit!"
"Nope," J.D. said.
"But Ty said something." He paused as the sound of music drifted into the warm-up area, making it clear the opening ceremony was starting up. Then he shook his head as if brushing that off and kept going. "He said it's no different from anal, you know? I mean, like with a girl."
"'Cept for the dick." And J.D. made that sound more belligerent than I thought possible.
Which made Jaxon shift awkwardly. "Right. But saying it's gross isn't the same as trying to beat the shit out of you!"
"Hurts just as bad," I pointed out.
For a moment, the kid bit his lips together and rocked his head in something almost like a yes.
After just a bit too long, he looked up at J.D.
"I'm sorry. I'm also not going to lie and say it's all cool and shit, but you are.
A cool guy, I mean. And you helped me out when you didn't have to, and you've never done shit to me, or been weird, and I know I'm saying too much, but I'm trying to make you understand. "
"Which part?" I asked, because J.D. was watching him with a hard, stone-cold look on his face. The kind that made me think he'd just shut everything down so he didn't end up showing the pain he was feeling.
"My church says it's a sin," Jaxon tried to explain. "My parents called it gross. My friends always said it was sick. People I know said it's a mental illness - "
"So is your damned ADHD," J.D. countered. "But I don't hate you because of it."
"And I don't hate you!" Jaxon insisted. "J.D.
, that's what I'm trying to say. Look, Cody ripped me a new one last night, and Ty tuned my ass in.
I... I thought some shit that's wrong. Kaleb told me some stuff, and I didn't know that.
Like, you're born with it? I… I thought it was some sick choice.
" And he stopped hard, wincing. "Fuck. That's not what I meant.
Like... I thought it was some attention-seeking shit.
Like, rebellion, or that kinda thing, you know? "
"It's not," J.D. said. "It also ain't wrong."
"Yeah," Jaxon said. "Most of all, I didn't mean to hurt you. Fuck, I just reacted, and I did it like a dumbass, ok? I shoulda given you the benefit of the doubt and asked first, but..."
"But we don't do that in the Pbr," I said.
Which made J.D. grunt and hang his own head. "Fuck. Naw, that's a good point. Hit first, right? It's what I taught both of y'all."
"Kinda, yeah," Jaxon admitted. "But that's the thing. I was being all defensive, and it was shit of me. Is there any way I can make it up to you?"
J.D. glanced over at me, then back to Jaxon. "Actually, yeah."
"Anything," Jaxon assured him.
"Well," J.D. said. "Seems Tanner and I just started shit, and we're both about to make sure we finish it. I don't want that to come back on Cody, so maybe you and Kaleb can hang with her? Keep her off the catwalk, and away from the chutes until it's her time to ride?"
"And who's watching you?" I asked.
He jerked his chin over to the side, where Jake was still talking to Kaleb. "Jake and Ty. He can pull for me, babe. You can pull for him, because I sure as shit can't today. You good with that, rookie?"
"I am," I decided.
"You good with that, bro?" J.D. asked Jaxon.
And the way the kid's face lit up at that one little term of friendship?
It was honestly impressive. It also made me realize he wasn't lying to get his ass out of shit.
He meant everything he'd just said today.
And maybe he didn't know anything about bisexuality, or being gay, or anything else, but he was acting like he was willing to have his mind changed. And that made me forgive him too.
"I got you, man," Jaxon promised. "I'm still sorry, though. Real sorry, J.D. I just didn't realize my words would hurt you like that. I..." He glanced away. "I didn't know we were that close of friends."
"Means I'm sorry too," J.D. told him. "I was too worried about being strong to realize I was pushing people away. Forgive and forget?" He held out his hand in a clear offer.
Jaxon took it, then stepped in to thump against J.D. back in one of those manly hugs. "Yeah, man. Make us proud out there."
"That's the plan," J.D. agreed.