CHAPTER 16
Theo
Johnathan cornered me just about as soon as I’d managed to drag myself downstairs, which was straight after I’d decided to go about things in the way Stryker had said- none of my business, not my problem, if it didn’t hinder his performance it was fine.
I cringed internally, preparing myself for an absolute nagging which I wasn’t sure if I was able to deal with this morning. I was going into sensory overload. Instead, he folded his arms and said “good morning, Theo,” quite pleasantly.
“Morning, Sir.” I replied, shifting edgily. He didn’t look angry. But…that could be misleading.
“Stryker’s showing signs of waking up.”
I perked up at the words. “Really?”
“You- I’m going to head over there. Would you like to come?”
“Yes.” I nodded eagerly. I needed to talk to Stryker. “That- that’d be great, thank you, sir.”
“Don’t worry about it. And Theo?” He added, handing me my boots. There was a twinkle in his eye. “Moderate the alcohol next time.”
I felt myself flush red.
“I…”
“Don’t sweat it.” The commander smirked, looking amused more than anything “come on. Don’t tell anyone where we’re going, yeah?”
“Sure.”
When I arrived at the healers’ base to find Stryker partly sitting up in bed, hugging his dad tightly, I felt a lot more at ease. He was awake. To me, that meant that he was better.
“It’s okay, Stryker. You’re alright.” The man was murmuring, rubbing his back. Armelle spotted us approaching and sent us both a trembling smile.
Johnathan clapped Stryker’s dad on the back and quietly sat down in the uncomfortable looking chair by his bedside, shooting the young prince a wink.
“Theo, right?” Armelle asked me quietly.
I nodded once.
“I figured I was rude the other day.” She murmured “I- I was worried.”
“It’s fine.” I replied “really, I get it. He was sick.”
She smiled again, turning her attention back to her brother. He looked shaken up, to say the least, and terribly pale.
“Dad.” Stryker sniffled “I- I could hear you. I could hear you all and I couldn’t do anything. Dad, I couldn’t-“
I’d never seen him so discomposed.
“We were really scared.” I breathed, stepping into his line of sight, “all of us, back at the base. We’ve been really on edge lately. You scared the shit out of us.”
“Sorry.” He whispered.
Stryker’s dad squeezed his shoulder “you’re gonna be on bed rest for a while. You’re gonna have to take it easy.”
“Figured.”
“Sepsis is a bitch. And you have it bad.”
“I know, dad.” Stryker shakily pushed himself further up, one hand still twisted into his dad’s shirt as if he were afraid that he’d disappear if he let him go, but gaze shifting to me again. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” He confessed.
I understood that. I nodded “Johnathan offered this morning so…I agreed.”
“Right.” He smiled at Johnathan, then turned back to me “you look troubled.”
I laughed. Actually laughed, which probably wasn’t suitable for this situation but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t really that easy to read, right?
“Some things happened.” I admitted with a small shrug “whilst you weren’t there.”
“Obviously.” He smirked. Slowly, he released his hold on his dad’s shirt “can I…can me and Theo talk for a moment?”
I could have kissed him for his perceptiveness.
His dad nodded slowly “not long though, okay? We need to talk too.”
“I know.” He nodded once “we won’t be long.”
He turned his full attention to me once the small room was empty “so? What’s up?”
I exhaled slowly, shakily, easing myself down onto the chair by his bedside that Johnathan had previously occupied. “Two things have happened.” I started carefully.
“Okay. Go on.”
“Firstly…I have this girl.” I lied through my teeth. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t feel comfortable telling the complete truth about this either.
His eyebrows raised with interest.
“And I think I fucked up? I…said some bad shit and h-she got pissed…or upset, I’m not sure, and we’ve been avoiding each other ever since and I don’t know what to do.”
This time, he laughed at me. I scowled. It was a serious situation! Catching my expression, he schooled his features into something more genuine “I think the solution is pretty straight forward, is all.” He said in a way of apologising for his outburst of giggles.
I stayed silent, waiting for him to reveal this ‘straight forward’ solution.
“Talk to her.” He advised, voice soft “apologise, explain. Whatever you said can’t have been unforgivable.”
Right. That was simple, only I wasn’t convinced he was willing to forgive me. He’d said he was done, right?
“Yeah.” I agreed with a hard swallow “I’ll try.” It was all I could do.
“What was the other thing?”
I sucked in a breath “Dean told me something.”
He seemed a little more alert “oh?”
“Yeah, he, uh…” I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was right talking about someone who wasn’t there. Then again, I wasn't planning on saying anything bad, I just needed help sorting out how I felt about the whole ordeal. Which felt hypocritical of me.
“I think he came out to me?”
Stryker looked surprised. He struggled to sit a little straighter; I bent forward to help him.
“He did?”
“Hm. I wouldn’t have…said anything, but he told me you knew and…”
“Did he tell you about George?”
“George?” I frowned, not recalling him mentioning anyone named George.
“Y’know, the…he didn’t, um…?” Stuck, Stryker blinked at me. I could tell that he didn’t know whether to keep talking or not.
“He told me that the head in the cupboard nightmare wasn’t a mission, but-“
“George.” He visibly relaxed upon realising that he hadn’t said anything he shouldn’t have said “I met him once. Lovely guy. Dean was in pieces about him.”
“It’s what happens.” I winced as I spoke “when they get found out.” They.
“Yeah.” Stryker mumbled “it’s…it sucks. It’s not their fault, y’know?
It’s not like they wake up one day and decided to like the same gender.
They shouldn’t be punished for it.” He paused “respectfully, Theo, but you seemed against all this-“ like the rest of the goddamn world -“so I don’t really understand why the doofus would have told you. No offence. Nothing against you, of course.” He hastily added “I’m just confused.”
I understood. I also didn’t feel anywhere near ready to share the real reason, so I settled for mumbling “none taken. I don't know why.” I paused “I wanted to understand if you had any strong opinions, is all.”
His brows furrowed “well…no? I don’t really care. I’m there for him if he needs me to be and that’s it.”
I nodded slowly.
“Do you?”
“I don’t know.” I admitted. Any ‘strong opinion’ was mainly linked to my own complications with Matt “I don’t really care that he is.” It was true, I really didn’t, “I mainly…I don't know, I just felt like I needed to tell you that he told me.”
“Fair enough.” Stryker breathed.
I ran my hand through my hair “you feeling any better?”
He pulled a face “it sucks. You found anything on the kids?”
“No.” I admitted quietly “Johnathan still hasn’t said anything and…we’ve found that they’re all being snatched from bars, but…”
“Have you spoken to the parents?”
“I think Jack’s working on it. Don’t…we’ve got it covered. Just get better.”
“Sure.” He smirked “now go talk to that girl.”
I wished it was a girl.
As soon as he saw me approaching him, Matthew practically darted away in the opposite direction.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” He muttered when I showed no signs of relenting my pursuit, quickening his pace in his hurry to get away from me.
“Matthew! Come on!” I shouted, heart beat accelerating. As if I weren’t nervous enough without him being difficult.
“It’s not a good time, Danes.” He shouted over his shoulder.
I grit my teeth and broke into a jog to catch up with him “I- please, I just wanted to- to apologise.”
He halted. He stood stock still, back to me.
When he turned round, he looked on the verge of tears.
With a shuddering breath he gestured for me to speak.
I swallowed hard, walking up to him, ducking my head.
“I’m sorry…for…what I said.” I apologised quietly, physically unable to meet Matthew’s tearful gaze.
I stared at my feet instead, shifting awkwardly “I was…I got scared and I was being a dick.”
Matthew scoffed quietly, and I allowed myself the smallest glimpse of the smile that had spread across his face before looking back down.
“A bit?”
“Yeah, a bit. Let’s not get too cocky.”
He huffed out a quiet laugh “s’alright.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.
“I just got scared.” I repeated.
“I know.” Matthew said gently, “I understand.”
“I don’t know…how to deal with this. With how I feel.”
“I get it.” He nodded “really, I…it’s okay. We’ll work something out.”
The doubt must have shown on my face, because he sighed, expression softening.
“Listen.” He murmured “just…is this okay?” He asked gently, pressing a hesitant kiss to my lips. I felt amusement flicker in my chest “we’ve been fucking ever since I got here and you’re asking if that’s okay?”
Matthew paused but stayed close. “Yeah.” He mumbled, kissing me again, once, sweetly. “I meant is it still okay?”
I huffed out a breath, tilting my head back to rest against the wall we’d stopped next to.
“I don’t know.” I admitted softly. There was something so intimate enclosed in that simple kiss. It made me yearn for him and want to push him away all at once. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to feel like this.
Uncertainty crossed Matthew’s face and he made to pull away, but I stopped him, fisting his shirt and swallowing hard “it’s not you.” I mumbled “I- I want you. I just don’t want…I don’t want you to be a boy.” I admitted, voice cracking.
“Nobody will find out.” He assured me, eyes burning with earnest.
“Stryker will.” I scoffed “he’ll clock us within three minutes.”
“He’s not a problem.”
“I know he’s not.” I forced myself to hold his gaze, trying to pick out the reason behind his forlorn expression “you okay?”
“Yeah.” Matthew replied quietly “why wouldn’t I be?”
“You said it wasn’t a good time.” I licked my dry lips, fidgeting with my hands “and you look like shit.”
He scoffed “way to boost a guy’s confidence.”
“I’m serious.” I insisted “you-“
“It’s my…my mum’s death anniversary.” Matthew croaked, cutting me off “and I…I should be there. At home. And I’m not.”
“Your mum’s…?” I hadn’t known that. There were a lot of things I didn’t know about Matthew.
“Dead. When I was thirteen.” He confirmed.
“I’m sorry” I offered.
“Yeah. Me too.” He shook his head “doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
“It was a long time ago.” He grit out, shooting me a glare that was a clear signal he didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn't a long time ago, though. It was only three years ago.
I huffed out a breath but nodded “alright.” Licking my lips, I murmured “I went to see Stryker today.”
“Oh?” His tone shifted, interest piqued “how is he?”
“Awake, but…y’know, he’s been better.”
“Yeah.” He huffed out a laugh that wasn’t quite a laugh but more a sound to fill the silence “sepsis isn’t great.”
“He wants us to spend Christmas at his. Me, you and Jack.” I met Matthew’s hazel orbs which were eyeing me with a burning intensity. Conflicting emotions shone through them.
“I…my family…”
“You won’t be able to go back to Zeltron.” I reminded him “we don’t get Christmas breaks. We need to stay close in case we get called in.”
“Right.” Matthew’s whole expression dropped, an aching sadness seeping through “yeah. I’ll be there, then.”
“Hey.” I pressed a kiss to his lips, not completely pulling away, allowing our noses to stay touching “your dad signed you up for this?”
“Hm.”
“Then he can’t be pissed at you for not spending Christmas there.”
Matthew’s eyes fluttered shut and he swallowed hard “I miss them, though.”
I hesitated at the confession “if it helps any, I…I do too.”
His brows furrowed in confusion “they live here. You could-“
“No.” I interrupted “I don’t mean…our relationship is strained. Me and my sister don’t talk, my mum has an addiction problem and my dad…I dunno. Things are weird with my dad.”
Before Matthew could formulate a response, I was waving him off “I don’t want to talk about it either, Matt.”
After a beat of silence, he nodded once “Okay.”
“Great.”