CHAPTER 3
THE DECISION
Barbara
London is a city that wakes up long before the light bathes the streets.
No matter the rain or the cold, it feels like a heart that never stops beating.
When I run along the paths of Hyde Park, I feel that energy filling me up, my senses tuning in within seconds, and my heart beating to the rhythm of everything around me.
I wasn’t one for exercising in the mornings; I was the type who stayed in bed enjoying the warmth of the sheets.
Or those sweet moments, filled with passion and love, that only happen when you’re in good company.
However, it was Ingrid who showed me the importance of routines, consistency, and self-control when you feel lost.
Ingrid runs beside me, setting a steady pace.
I, on the other hand, feel the heat building little by little under my sweatshirt, the rapid beat of my heart pounding in my temples, and that slight burning sensation in my leg muscles.
She shoots me a sidelong glance and a mischievous smile that lights up her face.
“You’re getting out of shape, honey.”
I huff heavily, but I can’t help giving it right back to her by breaking into a sprint, forcing her to keep up with me. Though I don’t last long.
“It’s just that you’re used to running like you’re training for the Olympics,” I add between gasps, coming to a sudden stop.
“That’s because I do,” she replies matter-of-factly, moving right up beside me and keeping up the jog. “Even though no one’s invited me yet.”
I look at her with resignation and shake my head in amusement before continuing on through the trees.
“You’re impossible, really.”
“But here you are, running with me every morning,” she adds, her voice light, almost playful. “And don’t tell me there’s anything better than this.”
“Of course there is, and don’t make me say it out loud,” I reply, and I hear a brief laugh escape her lips, a sound that blends perfectly with the rustling of the leaves as they lift off the ground with each of our strides.
We gradually slow our pace until we end up walking along one of the park’s main paths.
At this hour, Hyde Park is full of runners, cyclists, dog walkers, and people simply enjoying the sun breaking through the gray clouds before heading to work.
We stop in front of a small coffee stand where aromatic steam rises in spirals, making my mouth water.
“Two black coffees, please, nice and hot,” Ingrid asks with that distinct Swedish accent in her voice.
We sit down on a nearby bench. The wood still holds the cold and frost of the night, but the sun filtering through the tree branches warms the skin on our arms and legs in a pleasant, comforting way.
I take the first sip of coffee and close my eyes for a second, letting the strong, bitter flavor wash over me.
“I don’t know how they can drink more tea than coffee in this city,” I murmur before taking another sip. “This is the only thing keeping me going.”
Ingrid turns toward me on the bench and remarks with a crooked smile on her lips, “I thought it was pride.”
“That’s always the case,” I admit, letting out a soft laugh. “But coffee helps a lot.”
The silence that settles between us is comfortable and relaxed, the kind that only exists when you’re with someone you don’t need to fill every second with unnecessary words.
I look around and focus on a group of ducks gliding slowly across the lake, on two boys chasing a red ball through the grass while their mother tries, without much success, to keep them from straying too far from the path.
Everything seems calm and orderly, but deep in my heart, something has been spinning nonstop for several days.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do yet?”
The question drops, and I can’t help but let out a little snort of laughter.
“What a subtle way to bring up the subject…” I reply with a sigh, then take another sip of coffee to buy some time.
“It’s been a few days now, and you haven’t told me anything.”
“Two days exactly,” I clarify, and she watches me patiently. “But right now I have more important things to focus on. Work, for example.”
“Well, you should have given it some thought because that’s important too.”
I sigh deeply and lower my gaze to the paper cup I’m holding in my hands. The invitation is still exactly where I left it that day, on the living room table at home, without me having moved it an inch.
“The truth is, I don’t know what to do.”
Ingrid raises her eyebrows slightly.
“You do know,” she replies, leaning back against the bench so she can give me her full attention. “You just don’t know if it’s the right decision.”
I smile with that irony I can’t quite hide.
“It’s not that. It’s…”
She completely forgets about her coffee and starts lightly brushing my shoulder with her fingertips.
“What exactly is worrying you, Barbara?”
The question is direct, but her tone is so soft and warm that it invites me to be honest. Even though I’ve kept my true feelings to myself for a long time.
I could tell her about work, about training, about how tight the team’s schedule is.
I could come up with any practical, logical excuse.
But none of them would be the truth, because the truth has a name and a surname, and it still weighs on my heart.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to go, to be honest…”
“Why?”
I shrug slightly. I think of the Maldives, that place where my story with Lidia began and that is part of the memories of a story I myself shattered with every decision I made.
Ingrid tilts her head and looks at me intently.
“It’s Pablo’s wedding, and from what you told me the other night, it’s important to you. For years, he treated you as if you were truly part of the family. He never made you feel bad, not even after your divorce…”
I nod slowly, because it’s true. Pablo was always that stable, warm figure, someone who gave me the genuine love of a father.
“I know,” I murmur. “And that’s why I feel so weird. Because I can’t let him down.”
“Then you shouldn’t think about it so much,” she says casually, though her gaze has grown tender. “Go to that wedding and enjoy yourself.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is,” she replies confidently. “There are only three league games left. I can handle the team on my own without any problem.”
I frown, because I don’t like the idea of leaving her to handle everything.
“I don’t like leaving you with all the work right now.”
“Barbara…” she says with infinite patience. “Let me remind you that before you arrived, I was running the team all by myself. I think I’ll survive just fine for a few weeks without your constant company.”
“That doesn’t mean I have the right to just disappear whenever I feel like it,” I retort, feeling myself tense up. “I’m part of the team too—what will they think of me?”
“You’re not going to disappear,” she assures me with a calm, confident smile. “You’re going to a wedding in a beautiful place, with people who love you and will be happy to see you.”
“A wedding where Lidia will be there—someone I haven’t seen in two years and haven’t forgotten, no matter how much I force myself to pretend otherwise,” I think to myself.
The wind ripples the surface of the lake, creating small waves that reflect the sunlight. If I look back, I remember in vivid detail when I saw her arrive at the resort restaurant where I was staying that night. I fell head over heels for her instantly—a feeling that’s still etched in my soul.
I shake my head to push away those memories that are no longer part of my present and focus my attention on what is: London, Hyde Park, the hot coffee, and the woman I share every morning with.
Ingrid looks at me and adds affectionately, “Besides, you deserve a few days off. I’ve been watching you go over statistics until 1 a.m. for weeks now, and that’s not healthy.”
I let out a little chuckle.
“Since when do you recommend taking a break?”
“Ever since you got here and became obsessed with work and control,” she replies. “It’s one thing to like it, but what you’re doing is another.”
“Minor differences…” I say, downplaying the issue.
She shakes her head, still smiling.
“The team won’t have any objections, I assure you. I can sense it, and my intuition never fails me.”
I stay silent because I don’t like impulsive decisions.
I’ve always been the type to analyze everything before taking a step forward.
But I also know that if I start overthinking what it means to go back to the Maldives, I’ll probably never get on that plane.
And there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to miss Pablo’s wedding, that doesn’t want to completely close that door to the past.
“I’ll do one thing,” I say, sounding more determined. “I’ll talk to the club this very afternoon. And depending on what they tell me… I’ll do it. Without giving it another thought.”
“It’s a simple way to decide without really deciding, but at least it’s a step.”
I get up from the bench and stretch my legs, feeling my muscles relax after the effort. All around us, the park is still bustling with life. Ingrid gets up too and stands next to me, so close that I can catch the subtle scent of her shampoo mixed with the clean sweat from the run.
“Let’s go,” I say with a smile. “If we keep sitting here, you’ll end up convincing me to run another kilometer.”
Ingrid laughs softly and replies in that playful tone I love so much.
“Coward.”
“Realist,” I correct her, and we start walking again.
As we make our way through the trees, with the sun climbing higher and the breeze caressing our faces, I can’t help but feel that something important has been set in motion inside me.
I don’t know if I’ll end up boarding that plane to the Maldives or not.
The only thing I truly know is that whatever decision I make, Ingrid will be here, as will my job and everything I’ve achieved over the years.
And that certainty fills my heart with a peace you only feel when you know you’ve found calm in the midst of chaos.