CHAPTER 13
MUCH MORE THAN A FRIEND
Lidia
A few hours before the meeting at the café
I wake up before the alarm goes off with the heavy, sticky feeling of having slept but not rested at all.
The air inside the bungalow is warm, thick with salt and humidity; the ceiling fan spins endlessly, stirring the air in lazy circles, but it can’t untangle the tight knot that’s been lodged in my chest since last night.
I lie still for a few seconds, staring at the wooden beams and listening to the distant murmur of the sea.
These last few hours have been too chaotic, especially since I ran into Barbara and found out we were neighbors again.
“I wonder if she’s up yet?” I ask myself, and let out a sigh as I realize that, no matter how much I want to, I can’t stop thinking about her.
I cover my face with the sheets and focus on myself, on what I’m feeling.
My stomach is in knots, just like the first time I realized I wanted to lose myself in her mouth.
I can’t get her out of my head; her laughter is still vivid in my mind, that look of hers that can strip me bare and warm me like a blazing fire.
I shake my head hard, almost angrily, and let out a snort.
“No. Today I’m not going to start the day by letting myself get swept away by her. I’m not going to let myself do that.”
I sit up abruptly, plant my feet on the floor, and walk through the bungalow as if it were my own home.
Today I’m going to start the day with a very full stomach, drown myself in sweets, and remind myself why I’m here.
It’s a simple, basic, visceral plan, but I cling to it as if it were my own personal lifeline.
I get dressed on autopilot: I slip on my electric-blue bikini and cover up with a sheer linen robe that doesn’t make me feel exposed.
Miriam wanted us to go over some wedding planning details today, so I try to focus on that and on everything I’m going to eat once I get to the restaurant.
But life, as always, has a wicked sense of humor, and the moment I step through the main dining room door, I see her.
Barbara is carrying a tray with a breakfast that, by the way, seems complete to me, aside from the occasional chocolate treat we used to share together. I pretend not to see her, but I feel her gaze fixed on me the whole time.
For a brief moment, the noise in the dining room dies down and it’s just the two of us. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of having a conversation, nor do I want us to talk because I know sparks will fly the moment we open our mouths and let everything we’re thinking spill out.
“Good morning, Lid. I hope you had a good night,” she says in that voice that always creeps under my skin and caresses me until I tremble.
I hate it when she calls me that, when she uses that nickname only she ever dared to use and that’s loaded with so many memories.
Something ignites inside my chest, a spark threatening to turn into a fire.
But I clench my teeth. I can’t let her control everything, let her control me like this after all this time apart, so I walk over to the fruit display, grab an apple from the pile, and bolt out of there before she—or fate, or whoever’s pulling these strings—decides to speak to me again.
“Very mature, Lidia, very mature,” I mutter to myself as I start walking aimlessly along the sandy path. “Ignoring people. Kindergarten level.”
I take a big bite out of the apple. I walk along the edge of the bungalows, letting the sound of the sea blend with all the noise in my head, but it’s no use. She’s still there, lodged in every corner of my mind, in every inch of my skin that still remembers her touch.
“Lidia, honey!”
My father pulls me out of my thoughts just as I think I’m about to sink into them. His smile takes up his whole face, and though I want to catch his cheer, I can’t.
“How was your night?” he asks as soon as he lets go of the embrace. “Miriam sent me to let you know. Apparently, she organized a little outing. She didn’t want your first day on the island to be all about the wedding.”
“Thanks for letting me know, Dad,” I reply half-heartedly. “Anyway, you and I need to talk about something.”
My father furrows his brow and puts his hands on his hips.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?”
“What, what’s going on!?” I exclaim angrily. “When were you planning to tell me you invited Barbara to the wedding!? Huh!?”
Surprise clouds his eyes as a shy, innocent smile spreads across his lips.
“You’re right, I should’ve told you sooner, but… I didn’t know how to do it,” he confesses, sounding a bit flustered. “You know she’s like a daughter to me, and I wanted her to be there for such a special moment.”
“Well, that special moment for you has turned into a Pandora’s box for me,” I add, my heart pounding against my ribs. “She arrived last night. She’s at the restaurant having breakfast, in case you want to say hi. I’m going to take a walk on the beach.”
“But…”
And just when I think I’m going to drown in my own rage, my phone vibrates in the palm of my hand, and a video call from Alex saves me from continuing the conversation.
“We’ll talk later,” I tell my father, letting him go while I focus on answering the video call and putting on my best face.
“Good morning, walking disaster!” she exclaims as soon as she appears, with that huge smile that always takes over her whole face.
The image wobbles a little, and then Jota pokes his head in. Through the phone, his head looks huge, and his eyes shine with pure doggy happiness.
“Jotita!” I squeal, and for the first time all morning, I feel something warm and genuine wash over me.
“Look who’s here asking for cuddles,” Alex says, moving the camera closer to the dog. “He says he misses you so much…”
“I’m not surprised,” I reply, and a smile escapes me without permission. “I’m his mom, and I miss him too. Much more than I miss you, don’t doubt it.”
“Hey, excuse me, okay?” She pretends to be offended, putting a hand to her chest. “I’m a top-notch caregiver. I don’t think he’s ever been pampered this much in his life.”
“I just hope you’re letting him sleep, because once you get going… you don’t stop talking long enough to breathe.”
“Well, someone’s got to spice up his life, sweetheart.”
I laugh for real, one of those laughs that come naturally and loosen the knot in my stomach. Alex narrows her eyes, studying me.
“Okay…” she says slowly, changing her tone. “Seriously now. Are you okay? You look like you spent the night wrestling with your pillow.”
“There’s her radar, infallible as always.” I sigh, lean on the worn wooden railing nearby, and gaze at the horizon where the sea meets the sky.
“It’s just that…” I hesitate for a moment, but there’s no point hiding anything from her. “I ran into Barbara.”
“Damn.” She pauses for a long time and then blurts out, “That explains the look like you want to set the whole world on fire.”
“She’s staying in the bungalow next door,” I continue, ignoring her comment. “She came for the wedding and my dad didn’t even mention it to me. Can you believe it!?”
“I didn’t expect Pablo to turn into fate’s right hand. But he could’ve been a little smarter about it, I don’t know.”
“Exactly.” I take an angry bite out of the apple. “And as soon as I saw her… I don’t know, Alex. It’s like everything I buried came rushing back all at once. Everything. And I feel like… I don’t know… breathing fire like an angry dragon.”
A soft laugh escapes her.
“I love that image. It’s so you.”
“It’s not funny.”
“It is a little.”
“Alex…”
“Okay, okay,” she says, raising her hands in surrender, still smiling. “It’s not funny. But it’s normal, Lidia. You can’t expect to see her after all that and act like nothing happened, as if she were just some random stranger.”
“I know, but I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to.”
“I know,” she replies, and her voice softens, becoming more intimate.
“But feeling it isn’t wrong, and you don’t have to hide your discomfort either.
You can just let it exist… and that’s it.
You don’t have to do anything else. Just because Barbara is on the island doesn’t mean you have to put up with her.
You live your life, and let her live hers. ”
“That’s a lot of common sense for nine in the morning…”
“It’s my superpower.”
“I thought your superpower was talking a mile a minute.”
“That’s my secondary gift, the one I use to impress people.”
I laugh again, and as I do, I realize something I’ve been silencing for a long time.
Alex has always been much more than my best friend.
I’ve known it for a long time, but I’ve resisted facing it because putting a label on it makes it more real, and reality has always scared me.
I notice how she looks at me, how she affectionately strokes Jota’s head, how her eyes sparkle when she’s worried about me.
It’s always been easy for me to open up to her, to smile, to laugh, to feel comfortable…
and now, with the sea in front of me and her laughter on the other end of the line, that initial fear doesn’t seem so overwhelming.
“So,” she asks, pulling me out of my inner turmoil, “what are your plans for today?”
“I was supposed to help Miriam with a couple of things for the food stand,” I explain.
“But apparently, she’s changed her mind, and we’re going on an outing.
So I’ll go with them, and after lunch, I’ll take a long walk along the coast. The last time I was in the Maldives, I was on a different island—this one’s different…
and I feel like getting lost for a while. ”
“As long as you put on SPF 1,000 sunscreen and don’t come back looking like a red mullet, that’s perfect,” she jokes, bringing Jota back into the frame. “Right, sweetie? No human barbecues.”
“Oh, really?” I reply, raising an eyebrow in feigned surprise.
We stare at each other through the screen and smile.
“I wish I could be there with you right now…” she whispers then, almost as if it had slipped out.
I feel my heart racing, and suddenly, everything gets mixed up inside me: Barbara, these emotions I can’t control, what I feel for Alex and still don’t know how to handle, the fear that the past will come back and this wedding will turn into a disaster.
I swallow hard.
“Yeah…” I reply, because I can’t think of anything else to say.
The silence that follows isn’t awkward, but it is tense. I’m not ready to take it a step further, to confess to Alex that our friendship has shifted into something else and that, from this distance, she seems much more attractive to me than in person.
“Hey, I have to go,” I add, straightening up.
“Yeah, sure,” she replies, and I detect a slight hint of disappointment in her voice, though she’s trying to hide it. “Go on, take care.”
“We’ll talk in a few days, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Give Jota a big kiss from me.”
“I’ll give it to him right now. And you… take good care of yourself, okay?”
“You too.”
I hang up and stare at the black screen for a few seconds, where my blurry reflection stares back at me. I take a deep breath, then another. I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, straighten my shoulders, and start walking back toward the resort.
Today is really just beginning, and I won’t let Barbara, or my father, or fate make me feel like it can’t become the best thing that’s happened to me in years.