CHAPTER 37
THE WELCOME PARTY
Barbara
The welcome party seems straight out of one of those dreams you keep tucked away in a corner of your heart for gray days—the kind you pull out only when life gets too heavy and you need to remember that happiness still exists.
All around me, the resort’s restaurant glows with an otherworldly light: garlands of golden lights, strung between the palm trees, sway gently and twinkle like little stars.
The centerpieces, laden with tropical flowers, fill the air with a sweet scent that clings to the skin, and the murmur of the sea drifts in from the shore, mingling with the music and the magic that hovers over us.
I’d love to say that all this calms me, but it’s impossible.
Inside me, there’s only a knot. One that’s been tightening around my throat since I opened my eyes this morning and that has spent hours—if not days—entangling itself in my ribs, robbing me of breath every time I think of Ingrid, every time I imagine her face when she sees me… when she sees me with Lidia.
I curse the moment Pablo decided to invite me to his wedding.
Although, I don’t know why I’m looking for someone else to blame when it’s clear that I’m the one to blame for everything that’s happening.
I shouldn’t be here. Not in this flowing sand-colored dress that Miriam insisted I wear, not with my lips painted the shade Lidia always liked, not with my heart racing for a woman whose life I’ve already ruined once.
But here I am. Lying with every smile I force, lying with every silence, lying even in the way I pretend to enjoy the music filling the room while I glance, for the tenth time in less than a minute, toward the restaurant entrance.
“If you keep turning your head like that, you’re going to get a stiff neck,” Miriam says, and her voice draws a nervous smile from me.
She’s sitting across from me, looking gorgeous in an off-white dress that highlights her tanned skin.
Next to her, Pablo is chatting animatedly with some friends who just arrived from Madrid, completely happy.
He has that broad smile of a man in love who has found, late but not too late, the peace he’d been searching for.
I look at them and feel a twinge pierce my chest. For them. For Lidia. For me. For everything that’s about to explode.
“I’m fine,” I lie, raising my glass of wine to my lips to buy a second of time.
Miriam watches me over the rim of her glass with that insight that, over the past few days, has put me between a rock and a hard place.
“Bárbara, sweetie… you can’t fool me. You look just like someone waiting for a surprise tax audit,” she replies, and her affectionate tone makes me feel even more exposed.
I let out a brief, nervous laugh, trying to cover it up.
“You’re so dramatic…”
“No. I’m observant,” she replies, and leaning in a little closer to me, she adds in a lower voice, “Does it have to do with Lidia?”
My heart skips a beat so suddenly that for a second I fear it will show on my face. Miriam has always been smart. Much smarter than she appears with that sweetness that lights up any room she walks into.
I lower my gaze to the table and my fingers fidget with the linen napkin, folding and unfolding it without realizing it.
“Everything that has to do with me lately… has to do with Lidia,” I confess in a low voice.
She smiles slowly, moved, as if she’d been waiting a long time for me to admit something like that.
“Maybe that’s just what you both needed,” she says, catching my attention. “For there to be no boundaries between you.”
I look up and lock eyes with her.
“I wish it were that simple, Miriam. I wish I could believe it.”
Miriam opens her mouth to reply, but just then the murmur of the restaurant changes. I don’t know if it’s because the sea breeze is moving the fabrics that are part of the decor or because my body recognizes her before my eyes find her.
Lidia is standing at the entrance, beneath the arch of flowers and lights.
When my eyes meet hers, the whole world blurs around her.
She’s wearing a summery strapless dress in a turquoise blue that seems to have been stolen from the color of this island’s water.
The fabric falls softly over her body, caressing her waist and hips with a natural elegance that takes my breath away.
Her hair is down, wavy from the humidity, and small earrings sparkle when she turns her head gracefully.
But that’s not what paralyzes me. Not the dress, nor the shine on her lips. Nor the olive hue her skin has taken on over the past few days. It’s her gaze and the way she smiles at me when she realizes I can’t stop looking at her.
“God. That smile…”
“Oh my God,” Miriam murmurs beside me, almost breathless. “Okay. Confirmed. You two are head over heels for each other.”
I can’t even answer her. Because Lidia is walking toward me, and with every step she takes, the sound of my heartbeat rises to a higher pitch.
When she reaches the table, Pablo immediately stands up to hug her with that fatherly affection he’s never hidden.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he exclaims, visibly proud.
“Dad, you’re going to make me believe it.” She laughs, and her voice pierces my skin until it settles in my heart.
Pablo kisses her forehead, Miriam takes her hand to tell her how beautiful she is, and while they surround her with family affection, I stand still. Watching her. Trying to etch this moment into my memory as if I knew it might be the last one where everything seems perfect.
I don’t know how many minutes pass until Lidia turns toward me and her smile softens, becoming more intimate. She draws closer to me, caresses my arm with the back of her hand, and whispers in my ear:
“Are you going to just stand there without saying a word?”
I force myself to take a deep breath and savor her scent. I stand up, and when I’m facing her, the rest of the world ceases to matter. I tune out the noise, the island, the world.
“I can’t promise you anything,” I say softly, almost whispering. “Seeing you like this should be forbidden, Lidia.”
She lets out a little laugh, the kind that has always made me feel like the world is a less hostile and more livable place.
“You’re such a drama queen, Barbara,” she replies in that playful tone I’ve missed so much.
“No. I’ve underestimated it,” I reply, and I lean in a little closer, just enough so that only she can hear me. “I really have underestimated it.”
Her cheeks flush with a faint blush. And that—seeing her blush for me—breaks me inside. Because I love her. Because I’ve never stopped. Because I’ve been a coward, and yet, here she is. Right in front of me. Giving me another chance without knowing the truth I still hold inside.
Lidia tilts her head curiously and asks softly:
“What are you thinking about?”
“That I’m going to lose you. That I’ve been an idiot. That if I could stop time, I’d do it right now if I knew I could stay here, with you, under these lights and with the sea in the background for an eternity,” but all I say is:
“That tonight you look like a goddess.”
She holds my gaze. And for a second, her playful smile fades, giving way to something deeper, more vulnerable, more ours.
“You too,” she whispers. “And it makes me nervous when you look at me like that, as if there were no one else on the whole island.”
I smile slowly, letting the emotion show in my eyes.
“It’s just that there’s nothing else but you.”
Lidia takes a step closer. Close enough for her citrus-scented perfume to envelop me and overwhelm all my senses.
“Are you sure?” she asks. “Because I get the feeling you’ve been on the moon for days, hiding something from me that you don’t want to share.”
The remark makes me tense. Because yes, I’ve been mulling everything over for too many days now. Because I can’t bear the weight I’m carrying anymore, and because I need to tell her everything all at once.
I look around. Pablo is distracted by some guests who’ve just arrived. Miriam is talking to a couple at the bar. The music is still playing, the sea is still breathing just a few meters away, and the night is still beautiful, almost unreal.
But I’m breaking inside and I can’t take it anymore.
“Come with me,” I say suddenly, holding out my hand.
Lidia frowns slightly.
“Now?”
I nod, feeling my pulse racing.
“Please.”
She asks no more. I take her by the hand and lead her out of the restaurant, toward the wooden walkway that leads to the private beach. The sound of the party fades behind us, muffled by the distance. Here, only the moon reflected in the water and the wood beneath our bare feet remain.
Lidia stops in front of me. The breeze gently ruffles her hair. Her eyes, in the moonlight, seem even clearer and deeper.
“You’re scaring me a little,” she says with a half-smile, though her voice sounds more serious. “You’ve been acting strange for several days, and now you drag me away from the party to bring me here as if you were going to propose or flee the country. Tell me what’s going on, Barbara.”
The irony makes me laugh sadly, the sound catching in my throat. Yes, I’d love to have a little boy to pour all my nerves into, but no… it’s much more complicated than that.
“You always manage to make me laugh, even when I shouldn’t.”
She comes closer. Her fingers brush against my hand, and that simple touch brings down everything I’ve been holding inside, turning me into what I really am: a woman in love, a liar incapable of telling the truth.
“Barbara…” Her voice softens. “What’s wrong?”
I look at her, and I really mean it. Just as I haven’t stopped looking at her since she reappeared in my life.
I see the woman I fell in love with on this very island years ago.
I see my ex-wife. I see the person with whom I learned what it meant to feel at home.
I see the woman I’ve hurt more than she deserved and who still has the power to make me feel alive, whole, real.
My throat fills with words I’ve been holding back for far too long, and in the end, I start with the easy part.
“Whatever happens in the coming days…” I begin, my voice breaking with emotion, “I need you to remember something important. Something that is true above all else.”
Lidia frowns, worried.
“I don’t like the sound of that. You’re making me nervous.”
“Let me speak, please. Just listen to me.”
She nods slowly, swallowing hard.
My pulse thumps in my temples like a drum.
“I’ve always loved you,” I say, and the words finally come pouring out.
“I loved you even when I was trying to convince myself otherwise. I was wrong about you. I was wrong to believe I could build a life without you. I was wrong to think that time would fix what I myself had broken. I was wrong to believe that my work would keep me busy enough not to think about you. Ever since I got here… ever since I saw you again… I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how much I run, how much I work, how much I try to distract myself with other things or other people.
There isn’t a single place in the world where I feel more like myself than with you, Lidia. With you, I feel at home.”
Emotion trembles on her lips. I see how she tries to hold back something rising from her chest. How she takes a deep breath so she doesn’t break down.
“Why are you telling me this now?” she asks, almost in a whisper, her voice trembling. “Why tonight of all nights?”
“Because I lied to you. Because I’m a coward. Because the world we’ve built these past few days could come crashing down in a matter of hours when Ingrid arrives. Because I’m afraid of losing you again,” I think.
But this time I don’t shy away from the truth. I cup her face in my hands and smile.
“Because I love you,” I tell her, feeling that I’m finally speaking the only pure truth I have left.
“Because I don’t want to lose you again.
Because this second chance, even if it’s complicated and we have to rebuild so many things, I want to fight for it with you.
I want to really try, without holding anything back. ”
Lidia’s eyes fill with tears that reflect the moonlight. And seeing her like this, fragile and brave at the same time, breaks my heart.
“You’re a mess, Barbara.”
I let out a small, stifled laugh, full of relief and fear at the same time.
“I know. I’m a complete mess.”
“You made me cry at my father’s pre-wedding party. I’m going to look like a raccoon. That should be a crime,” she adds, wiping a tear with the back of her hand.
“I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I’ll make up for every tear, every doubt, every night I made you spend alone.”
She slowly shakes her head, laughing through her tears, and then she strokes my cheek with that tenderness only she knows how to give, the kind that has always made me feel like I’m worth it.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen when we leave this island,” she says in a firmer voice. “I don’t know how we’re going to fix everything that broke us back then. I’m scared. So, so scared. But I also know one thing that’s stronger than all of that.”
I swallow, waiting.
“What?”
She stands on tiptoe and rests her forehead against mine. Our breaths mingle.
“That I love you too. That I’ve never stopped. And that if you’re serious this time… I’m not going to let you get away so easily. This time we’ll fight together, Barbara.”
Emotion overwhelms me and I kiss her. I do it slowly at first. As if I wanted to memorize the tremor of her lips, the way she sighs when she feels me, the heat that flows between us upon contact.
Then she wraps her arms around my neck and everything becomes deeper, more real, more ours.
We kiss with the moon as our witness, with the sea lapping at the shore and the party in the distance.
I don’t know how much time we have left, but I allow myself to believe there is still hope. Even though the fear is still there, throbbing deep inside. Even though the truth is still waiting for me like an approaching storm. Even though Ingrid’s arrival could shatter it all.
Tonight, at least tonight, Lidia is in my arms. And her mouth on mine reminds me of something I should never have forgotten: that there are loves that never end. They’re just waiting for the moment to awaken again.